I'm a kind, genuine, charismatic dude who happens to have a fucked up, dark & twisted sense of humor. One day I was getting hot 'n heavy with a ladyfriend when she stopped to let me know that she was "under construction," meaning it was that time of the month.
In the most understanding, sincere voice and with the straightest face I said "It's okay, sweetheart, that's why God gave you an asshole."
She paused up all shocked and speechless, then busted out laughing.
I swear, if it wasn't for my charm I'd probably be a dead man.
It's funny this is all foreplay until NZShadow gets in here and wipes the floor with his jizz mop. I can't wait.
Hehe...
but really,
the absolute worst thing was this stalker-wench that grabbed me by the face, locked eyes and said in a creepy ass voice "i cant believe its you, i cant believe its really you"
she wound up stalking me for months, i ended up leaving the country anyway so as far as i know she is still throwing her tampons at my old window.
I took this girl home, who apparently had never had it given to her proper because the whold time she's on some "Oh my God this is so INTENSE," and so forth. I'm hittin the bottom for a while and then she breaks out,b, 21b, 21 "Tell Lisa to get that dress, it looks really good on her."b, 21b, 21I stop for a minute, "What did you just say?"b, 21b, 21"Nothing"b, 21b, 21"No, you definitely said something."b, 21b, 21Then she tells me, "I said tell Lisa..." and I was like okay, rolled over and went to sleep.
as the next man, i got punched in the face by the soon-to-be ex man while in bed. this was last summer.b, 21b, 21it wasn't in either of their beds, or apartments. whoa what a fun night...
b, 21Huh. weird. I don't want to get too nosy, but what was that said in reference to?
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font class="post"1b, 21b, 21Deud, I believe that a certain incident involving the whispering of choruses to Rawkus deadstock gold belongs in this thread. Not to mention the infamous "Manny is coming over incident".
One time my ex and I were getting hot-n-heavy and she suggested we role play.b, 21I'm cool with that so I said sure and asked if she had a scenario she would like to act out.b, 21She then said, with a straight face and full seriousness, "Ok, I'm P. Diddy and you're Farnsworth Bentley."b, 21I was a bit shocked but then LOL'ed Real hard as I gave it to her real nasty.
b, 21there was this girl in my life many years ago and she wanted me to "reciprocate". i used to not be too into that. so we were messing around while watching a movie and it became clear that it was time for me to "reciprocate". so i did, but i wasnt really into it. she noticed that i was still watching the movie instead of worshiping the pink temple so she twisted away and said something along the lines of "doesnt mean anything if you fake it." that was that. we said bye the next day and the relationship was over.
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font class="post"1b, 21b, 21Funny. I think I've ruined at least 2 relationships in a similar fashion.
b, 21not me, but one of best friends was having sex with girlfriend and while going doggy style yelled out "THIS AIN'T NO BANK ROBBERY" in his best Denzel voice.
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font class="post"1 b, 21img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/whoa.gif" alt="" 21
b, 21not me, but one of best friends was having sex with girlfriend and while going doggy style yelled out "THIS AIN'T NO BANK ROBBERY" in his best Denzel voice.
When I was 18 I broke up with this girl in a Boston Pizza restaurant. She said "lets go for a drive, we need to talk." So we drive around and eventually settle in the parking lot of an elementary school (it's about 8pm and a very wintery november).b, 21b, 21She explains to me that she must "experience" me before we break up (she was a virgin). I say "but I don't want to date you" but she insists.b, 21b, 21So we get to it, in the back of my Geo Metro in the parking lot of an elementary school during a wintery November. I'm 6'2" so I had to open a door and let my legs hang out. b, 21b, 21Mid-way through, everything is great and then I look behind me and notice an elderly couple walking their dog with the look of horror on their face as they witness my bare ass.b, 21b, 21I turn to tell the girl and notice that she's crying.b, 21b, 21Immediate droop.
That was also the same girl who years later demanded I have anal sex with her without a condom. This is after she became an erotic dancer and got enormous fake-fake breasts.
"tell me I sound white.... tell me I sound white.... hold it... hold it..... I'm about to take this shit to thebreaks.com.... CHICKEN AND GRAVYYYYYYYYYY"
Comments
In the most understanding, sincere voice and with the straightest face I said "It's okay, sweetheart, that's why God gave you an asshole."
She paused up all shocked and speechless, then busted out laughing.
I swear, if it wasn't for my charm I'd probably be a dead man.
Hehe...
but really,
the absolute worst thing was this stalker-wench that grabbed me by the face, locked eyes and said in a creepy ass voice "i cant believe its you, i cant believe its really you"
she wound up stalking me for months, i ended up leaving the country anyway so as far as i know she is still throwing her tampons at my old window.