Ever feel like you don't(or don't want to) fit in?

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  • HarveyCanalHarveyCanal "a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
    Then again, a smart individual isn't going to give up game to a bunch of hissy-fitters who by rule aren't going to respond well to the information/opinion at hand.

    Everyone picks their battles. But too many bottle up their true selves to the point of extreme fakery.

  • ReynaldoReynaldo 6,054 Posts

  • Jonny_PaycheckJonny_Paycheck 17,825 Posts
    I find it odd that this thread is about not fitting in, yet almost the entire thread is filled with comments like "I feel exactly like you! Thank god we don't fit in. You know what, SCREW fitting in."

    I feel like Batmon said, many strutters actually "fit in" quite fine. That they don't fit in with their meathead coworkers, or ditzy ladyfriends, or what's perceived as "mainstream American culture" doesn't mean that they don't fit in. And some of these posts have a faint whif of condescension that I think is totally unwarranted. Some of those "regular folk" are just as weird/goofy/independent as you think you are. It's just different interests, is all.

    Herm, I've always thought you're a cool guy. Like, in the sense of a guy who is "cool". You're not a dork. I'm not saying your sentiment isn't valid, but I don't think I'd confuse you for a (lonely) loner just because you find yourself occasionally at odds with the culture around you.

    Also, plenty of folks here are just "different the same". That's not meant as a slight, but this "not fitting in" culture is just as marketed to as the ESPN Zone/Small talk/Gossip Girl/Happy Hour/Corporate-lifestyle-clannishness that I left behind at my old job at the suit-n-tie firm. Shit is a little different in the record world on the surface, but not in the underlying human relationships.

    I've never felt like I fit in most places... and I think of myself as being pretty socially awkward. It's been hard to overcome in a constant retail-social job. It's usually why I drink when I'm out with people. And why a lot of folks say they can't figure out if I'm listening/talking directly to them. Or that I seem aloof. I'm usually just off in my own thoughts, unwilling or unable to mix in. But then I'm sure people say the same thing I just said above, about me.

  • waxjunkywaxjunky 1,850 Posts
    I've been knowing a lot of people on SoulStrut going on a decade now (not in real life, just among the internets). I care about sports a lot less than I used to (I wanted to be sports writer in college), and I party a lot less than I used to.

    But I'm here to stand up for delicious, sustainably-raised, grass-fed, red meat.

  • DB_CooperDB_Cooper Manhatin' 7,823 Posts
    I've never felt like I fit in most places... and I think of myself as being pretty socially awkward. It's been hard to overcome in a constant retail-social job. It's usually why I drink when I'm out with people. And why a lot of folks say they can't figure out if I'm listening/talking directly to them. Or that I seem aloof. I'm usually just off in my own thoughts, unwilling or unable to mix in. But then I'm sure people say the same thing I just said above, about me.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    LEAVES PARTIES WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE


    Really, though, you struck me as quite affable.

  • hemolhemol 2,578 Posts
    Some people that don't "fit in": murderers, hermaphrodites.

    Two groups of people that society doesn't really know what to do with for very different reasons. For most people it's a matter of degrees: to what extent do you fit in/not fit in.

    I think that if you don't have an easy time at status quo conversation with folks that you don't have much in common with then you should try harder. Failing to make concessions on the grounds of perceived social superiority is really f*cking unhealthy. No man or woman is an island, but you sure as hell can wind up alone in life if you don't meet people halfway.

    There isn't really any room left for counterculture. Guy Debord game over'd this conversation with his book Society of the Spectacle.

    That being said, its definitely nice when you can see the mechanics that move people through life, and know that you're on some other shit. But, not everyone wants it/needs it tough in life. I guess 'no fitting in' is mostly a self imposed challenge (for most people).

  • tripledoubletripledouble 7,636 Posts
    Some people that don't "fit in": murderers, hermaphrodites.

    uhoh..double whammy for several strutters

  • DJ_EnkiDJ_Enki 6,471 Posts

    LEAVES PARTIES WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE

    You say that like it's a bad thing.

  • DB_CooperDB_Cooper Manhatin' 7,823 Posts

    LEAVES PARTIES WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE

    You say that like it's a bad thing.

    Nah. The Irish goodbye is pretty standard procedure for me too. I just have a funny mental image of Jonny booking it down the street one night. Raj's birthday-related.

  • 5096509685 page threads on sports

  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts

    Sellersville is deep in the Philly burbs... and the folks my age living around here basically never left and have their high school friends and that's it... not going to make any more. They are assholes.

    F*ck 'em.

    Hey Raj,

    Sellersville sounds a lot like Milwaukee, an insular, paper-people kind of place where everyone thinks a like and conforms. I'm glad we left. Herm, on the real, I too never fit in with (a) my family, (b) peer groups, (c) work colleagues. I was the weird, withdrawn type initially in my family because my mother was domineering and I'm independent. Also, I was a rather precocious child so I didn't fit in with other kids my age, who would rather play with Tonka trucks than read Reader's Digest. It took me years to embrace my weirdness which coincided just perfectly with a quantum leap in self-esteem. Finally, since I'm a b-boy who collects records, doesn't like primetime TV, Range Rovers and other status symbols, summer homes, etc., I don't fit in with my colleagues. I think the shit they focus on, for the most part, is UTTERLY TRIVIAL YUPPY BULLSHIT!!! The things they discuss as "concerns" are just plain laughable while I'm left rolling my eyes inside my mind (while maintaining an interested glare).

    Peace,

    Big Stacks from Kakalak

  • Jonny_PaycheckJonny_Paycheck 17,825 Posts
    So what this boils down to is the following:

    - dudes who don't like sports

    - dudes who live in cultural backwaters

    - dudes who are (somewhat) eccentric in their tastes

    - dudes who do not drink

    - dudes who prefer to read comics, or listen to records, or watch foreign films, than watch sitcoms

    Maybe it's because the only two places I've ever lived have been NYC and the Bay Area... but most of y'all just do not sound all that weird!

  • HarveyCanalHarveyCanal "a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
    I had a friend of 20+ years confront me a couple of weeks back. He was questioning some stuff I'd been doing related to women, but his point of attack became: "I don't know any more about you, bro. You think giants walked the earth and that dinosaurs could talk."


  • PrimeCutsLtdPrimeCutsLtd jersey fresh 2,632 Posts
    I can accept somebody that's different than me if they can do the same. I like diversity. Just because I'm not a nascar head doesn't mean that all nascar heads suck. I'd rather be in a room with all kind of different people then surrounded by a bunch of people just like me.

  • Birdman9Birdman9 5,417 Posts

    Getting along and being friendly is totally different than fitting in, in my opinion.

    I can get with this, but I would add that fitting in also a state of mind.

  • GrafwritahGrafwritah 4,184 Posts
    That's how Soulstrut makes me feel


    Seriously though I think most times it's a waste of time to do irrelevant things with stupid people. The only downside I see to it is the networking aspect of life; it's easier to, say, help find you a job when you're unemployed or do call on irrelevant stupid people when you need help moving furniture if you actually talk to them.

    Otherwise if you're content not wasting your time I wouldn't feel bad about it. Having the equivalent of 50,000 real life MySpace friends isn't what defines life.

  • tripledoubletripledouble 7,636 Posts
    I'd rather be in a room with all kind of different people then surrounded by a bunch of people just like me.



    somtime it can be hella fun buggin out around stuffy folks too.
    i was at a girls party recently at a bar. i just went cause an old girl from hischool was there and texted me. ok. it was a bunch of socialites and their boyfriends at an 8 dollar a drink bar. wack. i just started telling dirty jokes to all the girls and being a loud fool while all the herby accountant ass bmw driving buff 200 dollar shoe wearing boyfriends just sat against the wall texting their moms or something. afterwards this girl introduced me to her fiance who said "real life of the party" to his girl when i turned my back, real condescending.
    so corny. F*ck alla them. im gonna do my thing and entertain myself if i have to.

  • pickwick33pickwick33 8,946 Posts
    I love documentaries, actually. Just not into movies. Never seen Star Wars; people think that's messed up.


    And I don't really read fiction anymore, either. I'd rather read a textbook.

    Although I can dig a well-told story every now and then, I have stacks of old books and most of those are either autobios, histories or reference guides. And I derive as much pleasure from those as anyone else would from Ernest Hemingway.

    Not that I'm congratulating myself for being "different," just saying!

  • YOU GUYS ARE ALLLLLLLLLLLLL AWESOME!!!
    Wow, you're like soulstrut's kind mother

  • ElectrodeElectrode Los Angeles 2,888 Posts
    I think we all feel like that.

    As for me, I guess I have this odd mid-20s angst...

    I have no problems making acquaintances and being friendly with people from work, but I have no best buddies from high school (which I hated).

    I have a tendency to be depressed, but I can't stand whiners: "There are people being tortured on the other side of the planet and you live in suburbia. Suck it up, soldier."

    I don't play video games, follow the hottest television shows or care about celebrity gossip. On the other hand, I can't stand "non-conforming conformists": the type who make an effort to use long words whenever possible and floss their love of Mingus and French New Wave flicks to us lowly plebes.

    I'm a geek, but I can't stand the guy in my C programming class talking my ear off about how addicted he is to Warcraft and how he found the mystical wizard key or some crap like that, week in and week out.

    I don't think I'm the smartest person in the world nor am I a stick in the mud, but I'm amazed that an interesting (and attractive...I'm certainly not ugly) person like me can't seem to manage to at the very least score a date. Not that it's an obsessive priority for me or anything and I'm sure that in time it will come, but I feel like putting my fist through a wall when I meet so many DB's who seem to have no problems meeting women.

    That said, I wouldn't change my personality for anything in the world. Stuff just frustrates me sometimes.

  • PrimeCutsLtdPrimeCutsLtd jersey fresh 2,632 Posts
    I'd rather be in a room with all kind of different people then surrounded by a bunch of people just like me.



    somtime it can be hella fun buggin out around stuffy folks too.
    i was at a girls party recently at a bar. i just went cause an old girl from hischool was there and texted me. ok. it was a bunch of socialites and their boyfriends at an 8 dollar a drink bar. wack. i just started telling dirty jokes to all the girls and being a loud fool while all the herby accountant ass bmw driving buff 200 dollar shoe wearing boyfriends just sat against the wall texting their moms or something. afterwards this girl introduced me to her fiance who said "real life of the party" to his girl when i turned my back, real condescending.
    so corny. F*ck alla them. im gonna do my thing and entertain myself if i have to.

    yea that's what I'm talking about. Making the most of the situation. God forbid someone having fun at a bar.

  • DB_CooperDB_Cooper Manhatin' 7,823 Posts
    t I feel like putting my fist through a wall when I meet so many DB's who seem to have no problems meeting women.

    If it makes you feel any better, I spent the winter in a relationship that was a complete shitstorm mindf*ck of epic proportions, and I haven't even thought about dating for the last six weeks since it finally exploded.

  • Birdman9Birdman9 5,417 Posts
    t I feel like putting my fist through a wall when I meet so many DB's who seem to have no problems meeting women.

    If it makes you feel any better, I spent the winter in a relationship that was a complete shitstorm mindf*ck of epic proportions, and I haven't even thought about dating for the last six weeks since it finally exploded.

    Everyone should get one of these if only to put into context a rational and rewarding relationship the next time it comes along. Chalk it up to 'experiences you are glad you had but would just as soon forget'.

  • The_NonThe_Non 5,690 Posts

  • jamesjames chicago 1,863 Posts
    So what this boils down to is the following:
    A gang of folks with, as the saying goes, "curiously similar ways of being themselves."

    You know, I feel that a lot of this shit is yet another Life Issue that can be framed in terms of my mom's tendency to dis the driving of people with South Carolina plates even though she herself has South Carolina plates, her rationale being that she's different because she's not actually from South Carolina, while all these shitty drivers obviously are.

    By which I mean this: The idea that, among a group of people who are all engaged in the same activity--working in the same office, making small talk at the same party, whatever--the idea that you and you alone are capital-R Real, you alone are seeing through all the fake shit, while a very human and very understandable feeling/mechanism, is, for anyone past high-school age, a ridiculous thing to put any real stock in. Everybody feels this way sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm consistently surprised and disappointed at how many grown-ass folks will express it in full belief. ???I mean, yeah, I???m here, too, and I???m doing the same thing as all these people, but the difference is that they all love it???I, on the other hand, know that it???s bullshit. They really mean it???I am just acting.??? The presumption that you--the all-feeling you--possess anything close to a complete and real understanding of the background and intelligence and motivations of your co-workers, of those people at the bar there, of the people in line ahead of you, of anyone other than your damn self, is egotistical in the extreme, no matter how sad-sack your presentation. And to not just feel that way, but to take it far enough to seriously define one's self to any extent based on this presumption is just some shit unbefitting an adult. I would hope that a lot of what's going on in this thread is just venting, and is nothing that dudes would really take to the bank.

    Also, djdaze can catch it: The other day I had on some boat shoes with some cuffed jeans, and I was killing shit.

  • NateBizzoNateBizzo 2,328 Posts
    I leave parties without saying goodbye.

    In College people would say "You pulled a Nate" if you ever left a social event without notifying people of your impending departure.

  • faux_rillzfaux_rillz 14,343 Posts
    So what this boils down to is the following:
    A gang of folks with, as the saying goes, "curiously similar ways of being themselves."


    You know, I feel that a lot of this shit is yet another Life Issue that can be framed in terms of my mom's tendency to dis the driving of people with South Carolina plates even though she herself has South Carolina plates, her rationale being that she's different because she's not actually from South Carolina, while all these shitty drivers obviously are.

    By which I mean this: The idea that, among a group of people who are all engaged in the same activity--working in the same office, making small talk at the same party, whatever--the idea that you and you alone are capital-R Real, you alone are seeing through all the fake shit, while a very human and very understandable feeling/mechanism, is, for anyone past high-school age, a ridiculous thing to put any real stock in. Everybody feels this way sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm consistently surprised and disappointed at how many grown-ass folks will express it in full belief. ???I mean, yeah, I???m here, too, and I???m doing the same thing as all these people, but the difference is that they all love it???I, on the other hand, know that it???s bullshit. They really mean it???I am just acting.??? The presumption that you--the all-feeling you--possess anything close to a complete and real understanding of the background and intelligence and motivations of your co-workers, of those people at the bar there, of the people in line ahead of you, of anyone other than your damn self, is egotistical in the extreme, no matter how sad-sack your presentation. And to not just feel that way, but to take it far enough to seriously define one's self to any extent based on this presumption is just some shit unbefitting an adult. I would hope that a lot of what's going on in this thread is just venting, and is nothing that dudes would really take to the bank.

    Also, djdaze can catch it: The other day I had on some boat shoes with some cuffed jeans, and I was killing shit.

    Yeah, yeah: I see you little fake soulstrut dudes.

  • waxjunkywaxjunky 1,850 Posts
    I leave parties without saying goodbye.

    In College people would say "You pulled a Nate" if you ever left a social event without notifying people of your impending departure.

    This kind of behavior helps build the legend.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Johnson_(musician)

    "Robert was a very friendly person, even though he was sulky at times, you know. And I hung around Robert for quite a while. One evening he disappeared. He was kind of peculiar fellow. Robert'd be standing up playing some place, playing like nobody's business. At about that time it was a hustle with him as well as a pleasure. And money'd be coming from all directions. But Robert'd just pick up and walk off and leave you standing there playing. And you wouldn't see Robert no more maybe in two or three weeks.... So Robert and I, we began journeying off. I was just, matter of fact, tagging along."

  • Also, djdaze can catch it: The other day I had on some boat shoes with some cuffed jeans, and I was killing shit.

    Just admit that you have, at one point in your life, put dimes in penny loafers.

  • faux_rillzfaux_rillz 14,343 Posts
    Also, djdaze can catch it: The other day I had on some boat shoes with some cuffed jeans, and I was killing shit.

    Just admit that you have, at one point in your life, put dimes in penny loafers.

    I heard the boy puts dimes in Giuseppes...
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