Ever feel like you don't(or don't want to) fit in?
Hotsauce84
8,450 Posts
TherapyStrut!First off, I am NOT feeling depressed or on some sadboy emo sh*t. On the contrary, I'm pretty darn happy these days due to...well, just due to some goodness.Anyways, I guess I've felt like an outsider for quite a while, but lately it's been more noticeable as I've started breaking down the different groups I'm around.Co-workers think I'm weird for many reasons: I don't drink, I keep my personal life kinda quiet (they're on the whole "why aren't you married?" tip), I don't give a damn who did what on American Idol or any of those other Becky TV faux-dramas, I don't know who said what on whatever morning show they listen to on the way to work, I don't follow/watch/care much for sports..basically, I'm not "normal" to them.Fam: They all love me and the most they've ever questioned me is "why do you need so many shoes?" (Dad), but I don't feel like I fit in. During family gatherings, my uncles and cousins are all watching golf or football or playing video games (which I also don't care for), drinking beer and smoking cigars while my aunts are cooking & cleaning. I usually just sit there counting minutes or playing with the kids.Club: I'm cool when it's a slow night. Usually I'll bounce around and visit with everybody (I used to find a purdy lady to flirt big-time with, but I'm chillin' lately), but when it's busy, I'm soooper withdrawn. Luckily I'm DJin' the height of the night (12a-2a) so I've been able to hide my anti-socialness behind the tables. Regardless, at the end of the night I'm outside shaking hands and thanking people, but that's more courtesy than socializing.Even after the club ends, the staff and my DJ partner get faded and tell stories from the last time they got faded and I just get my money, pack up and bounce. Someone once told me that my non-drinking was "socially crippling." But to me, their drinking is a social crutch, doyouknowwhatImean? I'm 100% comfy with my main hoLmeses.The other day I was watching the U Of A game with some co-workers (we all left work early and headed to a sports bar). Now I have a LOT of hometown pride so I ride for our teams, but I don't necessarily sit and watch the whole game and memorize stats and fill out brackets. (Coworkers: "What's wrong with you?!") Of course the bar was packed and dudes were cheering and yelling and cursing at the screen and I was like "really?" I know it really is THAT serious to dudes, but I just never understood that culture so I feel like such an outsider. And I realize it's an escape for people, just as the internet and Hip Hop and Disneyland is for me, but still...I can't help but feel left out.Some of the dudes there were dudes I went to high school with. I used to get clowned a lot for wearing airbrushed gear, shaving lines in my head, putting rhinestones in my Starter cap...a year later these pretty boy Mexican fools were doing the SAME thing with a serious late pass. Now they're in their mid 30's, wearing Ed Hardy and chasing their kids around the bar, looking every bit of 34 while I'm sittin' here passing for 22...I guess I won this round!Anyways, just some thangs been weighing on my mind. I like Soulstrut for this reason, I can post here with some silliness or with some heavy sh*t and feel better after doing it. Outcasted and claimin' true...Herm
Comments
I remember going to eat dinner with my girl the other day in downtown LA. I noticed a bunch of well-dressed asian folk eating at nice restaurants. I don't know why it exactly bugs me, and I do realize the irony of ourselves being an asian couple, but it just bugged me.
Make good money at desk job
eat at Pinkberry
Drive Beamer
eat at hip asian restaurant
discuss the newest trends
wear slick clothing to the mall and back
take pics of beautiful places with
beautiful people on vacations.
show to people on facebook
talk about how you will construct your life
in much the same way as the others around you.
repeat
I guess I'm kind of cynical too, but it's all good.
I have come to the realization that trying to fit in, or questioning why i don't fit in with a bunch of people i have nothing in common with is an exercise in utter futility.
And so i find myself on an internet message board writing a response to some guy i have never met yet have more in common with than most of the people that i will come into contact with this week.
The masses are the masses: be proud you don't conform to some preconceived notion of normality, focus on what makes you happy and hold your head high.
I'm exactly the same, I don't drink (maybe the occasional one every so often) I hate dancing (I just can't do it) and when it gets busy in a club I get withdrawn. The thing is I'm sociable outside of these places but I used to hide behind the turntables spinning away to avoid having to be stuck in the position of having to get wasted and dance.
You're not the only one!
Pretty much described me as well........ A lot DJs and people I know are like this. I just moved recently and I remember when I set the date and told my girl she told me I was tripping because that was "Superbowl" sunday!!! Lol........ Like I gave a crap. The only sport I have ever been into is boxing. I'm on the net a whole hell of a lot. Always been way ahead of the game on gear, music, etc. To the point that people think I'm weird and two to three years later the same people are wearing what I was etc. Idiots....... When me and my lady go to visit her friends and their boyfriends are there I have absolutely nothing to talk to them about. I don't drink. I don't smoke. So all the guys are drinking beer, smoking and talking about sports. I'm just not interested. So I just sit there. Funny thing is my mom stopped over the other day and asked why the hell would I have so many records and shoes?! Lol........ Last night at the club when I was not deejaying I sat by myself board to death in the corner until it was time to get on. Three years ago I used to get faded when I would dj. I never made a decision to stop drinking but just did and I like it. I realized how many dumb things I did being drunk all the time. I'm sure I will drink from time to time at some point but honestly it's just wack. So we are in the same boat homeslice. But I think a lot of stutters are and that's why we are here. A big group of complete record/shoe nerds!!! because at the end of the day that's what I am. I've also figured out thats why so many ladies at the club actually talk to me is the fact that I'm NOT talking to them and sweating them like 99% of the dudes there.
peace
Being in a group and having other people depend on me and depending on other people... always seemed like a situation worth avoiding.
I was doing regular work from construction to kitchen jobs the first 8 years of my adult life and it sucked. I've never been unemployed for even a week but I've switched jobs at least once a year. Colleagues always drove me mad. I always tried to not get to know anybody and I always felt I needed to get out as soon as people were treating me like someone they know and not like the anonymous guy working next to them.
So glad I left the world of day jobs behind me some 15 years ago.
Herm this shit made my day. Lotta real talk in here..
sounds just like me
To echo what Supreme said, you're like a lot of djs I know (myself included). A lot of us use djing as our form of social interaction because that's how we feel most comfortable relating to other people.
I don't really look at those types of folks as the lowest common denominator. If what makes you happy is the same thing that makes the majority of people happy, good for you. If what you enjoy isn't popular or you tend to go against the grain that is great too. It takes all kinds. As long as you are not faining interest in something you hate just to please other people don't worry about it.
I'm not really one to hang out in big groups or go to bars. Most nights I prefer to hang out at home with my wife or with a few close friends, but that is what makes me happy. To each their own.
I have trust issues and it's hard for me to make friends right off the bat, but have always been able to link up with folks on here and feel like I have been best of friends for years.
I can't stand living where I live.
Sellersville is deep in the Philly burbs... and the folks my age living around here basically never left and have their high school friends and that's it... not going to make any more. They are assholes.
i fall under the suburban dad category around here. I HATE MLB Baseball, I don't own a Rider mower, I don't hunt, I don't golf, I don't watch primetime TV, and I drink "funny yuppy beer."
I am constantly amazed when I visit friends and family in places like Denver, Tucson, Seattle, etc. The people are nice and welcoming (maybe because a lot of them are transplants) but still, I'm a stranger in a strange world.
F*ck 'em.
Wife /kids/jobs/Sopranos/Car/EveryonelovesRaymond/Daily Show/TheOffice/ 401KHavin'/EarthToneclothing/ StockMarket/ RollingStonearticlereadin/Honeymoonplanin'/Mayoeatin/Obamavotin/Housebiddin'/Facebookpagehavin/Ipodfillin/ Recordpreservin'/ EttaJamesshouldbesinginattheInauguration/Hard Shoes
/Football&Baseballstatscheckin'/ BoringBrownAledrankin/ what should I get my girlfriend for Valentines Day/Cats.
Just Sayin. Who here really isnt in the Matrix.
Most DJ's/Record Cats are quite Conservative. Even if we participate in a culture that is "off the grid" to a degree, most of the dudes I know in the game arent livin lives that are Crazy Alternative. Even it might appear that we are concerned w/ music that "regular" folks dont care about anymore, I find that record dudes are like Librarians.
Ya'll might perceive yourselves as "Not Fitting In", but from what ive witnessed here on SS, most of us are quite Str8.
I dont wanna turn this into a "Off The Grid" contest.
But, who is on some real FREAK shit up in here?
Herm - u my dood, but to hang w/ Sports dudes and then complain about feelin "outside" is suspect. U give them ur time yet u feel isolated? Dont hang w/ them so if theyre wack. No hatt.
I think this appeals to folks with low self-esteem.
Having a couple of true to the bone friends is what it???s all about.
As far as family goes the old saying ???You can pick your friends but you can???t pick your family??? is how to approach this issue.
My family was always the get drunk, get loud, party and dance until the neighbors complain type of folks.
As a result I would go play records behind closed doors to not feel embarrassed by their drunken foolishness.
And now when I drink I always stay pretty low key which has to be a result of seeing too much ???Party Hearty Dad??? moves.
To help reconcile feeling ???left out??? try doing this sometime???
Go to the local Mall when it???s crowded, stand there and just look around at the folks there and think to yourself ???How many of these folks would I probably enjoy spending time with????
If the answer is very few, if any, you???re about as normal as they come.
Be yourself???if others accept you great, if they think you???re ???different??? even better???..because if you weren???t ???different??? you???d just be one of those folks in the Mall that you would have no desire to hang with.
My co-workers/acquaintances are always saying things like ???You hang out with weird folks??????or??????You live a strange life??? and my answer is always???
That???s because ???normal??? people like you are boring as hell.
Except Keithvanhorn.
Nah, even he's alright, I guess.
This topic made me think about how co-workers can become to pre-occupied with what it is you do when you're at home or how you live. I deal with this type of thing at my job. People look at me like I'm strange because I work out, don't drink or eat a lot of red meat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYlAwvz8uwc
Yall need to get out more if you think that you're a freakazoid. I spend my life bouncing between punks, students, anarchists, college professors, teenagers, young professionals, musicians, community activists and graffiti artists. Half of them make me feel like a deviant, half of them make me feel like a square. I try not to pay much mind to either feeling and be proud of doin me as much as possible.
So far as the mainstream American lifestyle: I realized that wasn't for me when I was 13 or so. Haven't looked back since. Good riddance.
It's not really about what you don't like that everyone else does like. It's about what you do like that others have yet to be put up on...basically what you are bringing to the table apart from just your ever-nodding meathead.
If we aren't original, we are nothing.