Relationship Strut
incompletejigsaw
756 Posts
I've always found advice from the Strut not only humorous, but insightful and useful. That's probably because I can't afford to pay a professional to tell me what's gone wrong with me. But I know there are those of you who are married, with a man-or-woman friend, or just single and ready to mingle. But advice is sorely needed in this situation of mine. There's this female that I've known for about 4 years. We've been friends for about 2 years, but this past year we've grown extremely close in our friendship. We've actually gone out to public places together, which was a huge bonus for me, because most females before that played the "stay at home" technique on me. I had always been attracted to her physically, but spending time with her in a social setting made me fall for her personality and character. I've dropped subtle hints towards the fact that I would like to pursue something with her, but she has made it clear that we are best friends for now. That whole "for now" line always gets me. While I'm willing to play the friend role and play it as if I'm trying to get an Academy Award, I still every now and then tend to drop inklings of hints that I'm still interested in her as more than a friend. I've never out-right told her that "I'm in love with you," but I know that she knows that I hold that sentiment for her. It probably wouldn't hurt to tell her, but seeing as how her and I are in an in-betweenship right now, I don't want to do anything that might severely ruin my chance of getting in her pants. Um, I mean, her calling me her man. I know that most of you would say to move on and keep your eyes open, but if there was a timeline, how long should I have faith that she might be interested in a relationship before I abandon ship and pursue someone else?! And who else has experienced dealing with an in-betweenship before?!
Comments
Good night & God bless....
dont be yourself - its not working.
Seems like this has gone on long enough - if she's not ready now she never will be.
LOL.
Reynaldo is pretty much right.
Besides, if she's your buddy, she probably knows what I'm talking about and probably will look out for you in that situation. You know how it goes:
(a) good-looking girl across the room you're interested in
(b) your friend starts up a conversation with the Girl Across The Room
(c) you get in the conversation, and your friend gradually drops out
...so, being friend-zoned has it's advantages, if you know how to work it!
(but if she tries to set you up with her homely friend Ethel, run like hell!!! LOL)
If the job isnt payin what u prefer, get another job. Make the wack job pay more.
freinds for 2 years
CO-SIGN
Perhaps she'll come after you someday. But if you keep your hopes up she'll know it and you'll remain in the jar.
I think he DID tell her what she wanted, if she
So work that to your advantage and use her as a nonthreatening way to meet other women. It's springtime, man, you got your needs. We can't be platonic buddies with EVERYBODY...
It truly is a power move. I always thought it was a way for females to buy more time as they think of a more believable reason not to pursue anything further, but knowing her, she might actually entertain the idea. As for it going on long enough, I only hinted towards liking her a few weeks ago. And our friendship reignited but only for some time, so for her, it might be a case of "Where did this come from?!" As for another guy in the picture, I don't think there is, but I always act as if there is and it's a race for time.
Or, tell her you're discussing it with a bunch of strangers on a message board. That'll get her to give it up!
Straight-up, if she's not flirting (back), then you should consider that all those hints are actually off-putting and annoying to her. It puts her in an awkward position. Cool out and prepare yourself for just being friends. If more happens, consider yourself lucky and treat her right, but do not be banking on "for now". You're not in-between, you are nowhere. You don't need to "do" anything, you need to adjust how you're looking at the whole thing.
"known for about 4 years"
we're both right.
Trust me. My eyes are always open to new people. I've learned to never keep my hopes up and only hope for what is probable and possible. It's probable that her and I will only remain great friends. It's possible that she might dig me, just not as much as I her. So I've always kept my options open to save the disappointment of rejection.
By Kimberly Pruitt
June 9, 2009 | ISSUE 45?24
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I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once?would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just?you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/
If you're hell-bent on fucking this lady, this tack might work well.