TAKE THAT SHIT TO THE-BRITS.COM

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  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,947 Posts
    Okem said:

    You can tell when a bird is lava when just looking at a gif of her with clothes on makes you feel guilty and check for the boss before you clock it.

    I don't want to google "Now" images of her.

  • that .gif ends too soon, surely?

    off topic, i know, but anyone know the best place for brazilian records in the uk?

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    If he doesn't reply, drop Mario a pm, he's the resident fiend when it comes to Brazilian raers. (he doesn't visit this thread much, as he doesn't like all the soccerball talk.)

  • neil_something said:
    off topic, i know, but anyone know the best place for brazilian records in the uk?

    From me! ;-P what style(s) are you looking for? They're not turning up much in London stores anymore from what I've seen (I can't speak confidently for other stores around the country though). Guys like Cliffy, Joe Davis, Ritchie @ spitalfields still have some, drop me a PM if you want to chat about it.

  • pcmrpcmr 5,591 Posts
    so much for braga putting up a fight

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts

  • JuniorJunior 4,853 Posts
    Okem said:

    Dear god that's quite hypnotic.

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    It was the best thing he did all evening.

  • I hope this is not too serious for this thread, but I'm translating some material into (British) English for a doctoral thesis (not mine), and some of it is written in a very heavy dialect. Rather than make a mess of it myself, I thought I'd ask you gentlemen if you were willing to help me out. I have written the parts in standard English so your job would be to mangle the spelling and spice up the vocabulary a bit. It shouldn't be too difficult or time-consuming-- the word count is a bit less than 500.

    There are two dialects going on here as far as I can tell, but since this is more for effect than anything truly scientific, I suppose one REAL dialect would do-- so the farther you grew up from London the better I suppose.

    Please PM me if this is something you think you might able to do.

  • JuniorJunior 4,853 Posts
    I'll have you know that Estuary English is as valid as any other dialect on this isle. Innit.

    However, if you're looking for a more Northern approach we have a fair few of them in here too.

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    I 'ope this ain't too serious for this fread, but I???m translatin' some material into (British) English for a doctoral thesis (not mine), right, and some of it is written in a right 'eavy dialect. Ravver than make a mess of it meself, right, I fought I???d ask yer gentlemen if yer were willin' ter help me out. I 'ave written the bloomin' parts in standard English so yor Uncle Bob would be ter mangle the spellin' and spice up the bloody vocabulary a bit. It shouldn???t be too difficult or time-consumin'???the word count is a bit less than 500. There are two dialects gahn on 'ere as far as I can tell, but since this is more for effect than anyfink truly scientific, I spose one REAL dialect would do???so the bloomin' farffer yer grew up from London the better I spose. Please PM me if this is sumfink yer fink yer might able ter do.

    http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

  • Junior said:
    I'll have you know that Estuary English is as valid as any other dialect on this isle. Innit.

    Oh, no question. I knew I'd step on some toes when I wrote "REAL dialect," haha. But the dialects in question are rather 'country'.

    Okem, that's pretty funny. There's always next time...

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    Well you should've just said that in the first place. smh.

    Ah 'ope dis is not tooa serious for dis thread, bur i???m translatin um material intoa (british) english for eur doctoral thesis (not mine), 'n um o' it is written i' eur reeight 'eavy accen'tli'. ratha than mek eur gabble o' it missen, ah thowt i???d ax theur gentlemen if theur wor willin ta 'elp uz art. ah av written t' parts i' standard english sa thy job 'ood be ta mangle t' spellin 'n sweets up t' vocabulary eur bit. it shouldn???t be tooa difficult or time-consuming???the wut count is eur bit less than 500. theear are twoa dialects gonneur on 'eear as far as ah can tell, bur sin dis is mooar for effect than owt truly scientific, ah suppose 'un real accen'tli' 'ood do???soa t' fartha theur grew up fra london village t' betta ah suppose. please pm uz if dis is summa' theur think theur meight able ta doa.


    http://www.whoohoo.co.uk/yorkshire-translator.asp

  • funniest read so far today: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/sep/17/blackburn-sam-allardyce-inter-real

    ""I'm not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter or Real Madrid," Allardyce said. "It wouldn't be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time. Give me Manchester United or Chelsea and I would do the same, it wouldn't be a problem."

  • neil_something said:
    funniest read so far today: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/sep/17/blackburn-sam-allardyce-inter-real

    ""I'm not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter or Real Madrid," Allardyce said. "It wouldn't be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time. Give me Manchester United or Chelsea and I would do the same, it wouldn't be a problem."

    I'm sure the amount of offers coming in from those clubs(who have changed managers often recently) is a clue,Sam.
    Is he referring to the quality players he would have at his disposal??
    He was booted too soon at Newcastle but was far from setting the world alight in a role considered a step up for him at the time.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,947 Posts
    Was this when he was out on the lash with Ricky Hatton?

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    The Allardyce piece reads like one long plea that he's still relevant. After a career of achieving practically nothing, I think he's beginning to loose it. I mean, have you read his twitter? http://twitter.com/TheBig_Sam

  • JuniorJunior 4,853 Posts


    I'm sure some wise soul on here made a prediction about this fella before the season started.

  • DocMcCoyDocMcCoy "Go and laugh in your own country!" 5,917 Posts
    Even I had to take my hat off to him yesterday. Nani, on the other hand, is a massive cunt, and I wasn't the least bit surprised to see Ferguson validating his antics on at least one occasion. We got what we deserved, which was nothing. Meireles was alright.

    Anyway, from the It's Funny Because It's True files...

  • magpaulmagpaul 1,314 Posts
    1. Misanthropy
    2. London(or Brighton)
    3. The Guardian
    4. Chris Morris and Armando Iannucci
    5. Borough Market and Waitrose
    6. La France HENRYYY
    7. The Irony Factor
    8. Lomography
    9. ATP and Meltdown
    10. Films about homoerotic friendships PAUSE
    11. Having a favourite non-celebrity
    12. Writing
    13. Shoreditch
    14. Hampstead Heath
    15. Moustaches
    16. Twin Peaks
    17. Thinking they could be Mark Kermode WANKER
    18. Idealising the 60???s
    19. Krautrock
    20. Mocking the comments on the Daily Mail website
    21. Loving to hate Will Self WHO CARES
    22. Jobs in the media
    23. Birdwatching
    24. Regional accents
    25. Knitting and crochet
    26. Tweed
    27. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
    28. Puns
    29. Literary festivals
    30. Murder mystery parties
    31. Busking
    32. Not understanding economics
    33. Oxfam charity shops OVERPRICED CLIFF RICHARD
    34. Threatening to quit Facebook
    35. Board games
    36. Not taking the Tube
    37. Dizzee Rascal
    38. The countryside
    39. Real ale
    40. Surreal comedy
    41. Referring to people by their initials
    42. Wimbledon
    43. Good sportsmanship FERGIE IS GOD
    44. Meta-humour
    45. Terry Wogan???s Eurovision commentary
    46. Angel, Islington
    47. The Smiths
    48. Mixing highbrow and lowbrow references
    49. Being able to pronounce ???Ramadan???
    50. The idea of moving to New York City

  • JuniorJunior 4,853 Posts
    I can't lie, I've been to a Murder Mystery Party before.

  • JuniorJunior 4,853 Posts
    Also, no argument about Nani being a cunt here. As long as it's working in our favour though he gets a pass from me. Dear god I was convinced we'd blown it again yesterday, has to be the worst defensive start to the season in a long time for us. Shipping goals all over the place. I'm wondering how long Hodgson will be given at Anfield.

    On the plus side Chelski finally have some actual opposition in their next few games so shoudl be a better indication of just how lethal they are this season.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,947 Posts
    Wow I am not a typical white brit. Fancy that.

    Berbatov sans hairband reminded me of this feller...





    2nd goal no frontin' on doe.

  • DocMcCoyDocMcCoy "Go and laugh in your own country!" 5,917 Posts
    Speaking of cunts, if the BBC are coming under more pressure to save money, they could make a far worse start than by sacking Alan Shearer. If there's a more wilfully ignorant, professionally negligent cretin being paid for his opinion anywhere on British television, I'd like to know who it is. Speaking about Hatem Ben Arfa on this week's MOTD, Shearer said, "He's come from nowhere, and nobody knows much about him". That's the French international Hatem Ben Arfa, who's won five league titles with two different clubs in France and would probably be playing in the Champions League for his sixth successive season if he hadn't been loaned out to the Spurs of the North. As opposed, that is, to some other, hitherto unknown Hatem Ben Arfa who doesn't have a lengthy, detailed Wikipedia entry that Shearer's own fucking kids could have looked up for him if their dad's too fucking idle to use the internet himself. Seriously, how does he keep his job? And with an attitude to research like that, how did anyone ever take him seriously as a possible Newcastle manager? Imagine getting paid for knowing fuck-all - I mean, where can I get a job like that? I know fuck-all about loads of stuff.


  • I think somehow they thought "England star striker Lineker came good for us, Shearer must do the same"

    Cue someone even more monotone in Michael Owen once he hangs up his boots...


    Try living in California where Warren Barton has somehow installed himself as Fox Soccer Channels resident "expert".

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    The 'Full List of Stuff White Brits Like' is a fail imo. If you're going to be such a hacky hack, you could at least put a UK spin on it, like; 'Stuff Northern Monkeys Like' or 'Stuff Soft Southern Pansies Like'.



    Also. Where is Dud Dudley Dooderson?

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,947 Posts
    BITD I found this one funnier:

    http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/letters.html

    Not a great advert for the hi-telligents of dem shank dem, doe.

    b/w

    Bird is kind of hawt.

  • skelskel You can't cheat karma 5,033 Posts
    Yeah, Shearer is a boring and non-committal cunt. Not as bad as Chris Waddle, mind.

    Pelanty! Pelanty!

    Teh lulz.

    Alan Hansen of late has been a forlorn husk of the pundit he used to be.

    "These lot are saying, right, you score three, we'll score four. And the other lot are saying, what we have we hold. And the indecision is final."

    What bilge.

    And indeed Moke, whither Duder?

  • JuniorJunior 4,853 Posts
    The sight of Shearer The Saviour leading his team to relegation was one of the most beautiful images the Premiership has served up in many a year. Made me feel warm on the inside.

    When was the last time L*o was on here? The new search function makes it impossible to tell these things.

  • nzshadownzshadow 5,518 Posts
    stuffwhitebritslove has potential, i dug the Terry Wogan???s Eurovision commentary one.
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