Teenager Work Ethic development?
batmon
27,574 Posts
Ive mentioned my teenage neighbor before.
Dude stopped going to school, sleeps all day and plays XBox all night.
He's a good kid and is too soft to gravitate towards the criminal element to get in any real trouble.
I suggested to his mother and new boyfriend that i would give him some chores to do around my apt so he can make some pocket cash and develop some work ethic.
Hes been ringing my bell to see what the deal is but i havent thought it through yet. I thought maybe paying him to sweep and mop. Or swiffer my floors or some shit.
So then his mom called cause i wasnt answering my door. The kid is into getting some money.
BUT im like why cant YOU the mother set up an allowance for cleaning your own fuckin house. My evil kicked in.
I want to help, but id like to present the right package so he gains more than just pocket change without some grandiose plan.
Ive thought about making him clean my floors and read a book.....and then ill pay him. Like a work/learn type shit.
My old school is like fuck that get your GED and get a little jobby job or set him up with some chores and build from there.
Its a damn shame that id have to dangle money for him to be interested, so im wondering how do i flip that shit to HIS advantage.
Any suggestions for an 18 year old.
Dude stopped going to school, sleeps all day and plays XBox all night.
He's a good kid and is too soft to gravitate towards the criminal element to get in any real trouble.
I suggested to his mother and new boyfriend that i would give him some chores to do around my apt so he can make some pocket cash and develop some work ethic.
Hes been ringing my bell to see what the deal is but i havent thought it through yet. I thought maybe paying him to sweep and mop. Or swiffer my floors or some shit.
So then his mom called cause i wasnt answering my door. The kid is into getting some money.
BUT im like why cant YOU the mother set up an allowance for cleaning your own fuckin house. My evil kicked in.
I want to help, but id like to present the right package so he gains more than just pocket change without some grandiose plan.
Ive thought about making him clean my floors and read a book.....and then ill pay him. Like a work/learn type shit.
My old school is like fuck that get your GED and get a little jobby job or set him up with some chores and build from there.
Its a damn shame that id have to dangle money for him to be interested, so im wondering how do i flip that shit to HIS advantage.
Any suggestions for an 18 year old.
Comments
Why not just let him clean for a day, and maybe engage him in conversation and see where his interests lie? maybe he has some other problems that you might not be aware of, depression, self esteem etc?
After you have that initial encounter, and if you still wanna play mr miyagi you can figure out how to incorporate his interests into showing him how that can pan out into a career.
the dickhead in me wants to say a certain percentage of people are bound to fail at our system, just as some will succeed. dropping out of school is 100% the parents fault if they are still around. his foundation probably sucks at home and they aren't going to push him to do much. and with that being said, i've been trying to do the same with my cousin.
And a one-off twenty for dusting your apt isn't going to have a Damascus moment in it.
The most tangible thing you can do for an aimless young man without a role model is to step in those shoes.
Build a 90 day plan.
Weekly small targets, simple, achievable, with a do-by date.
Week one: open a bank account. Make an honest balance sheet. Make a list of stuff in his life that can be turned into cash. Make a to-the-cent account of every expense on a daily basis.
Week two: research those saleable items. Where to sell them. How much. Plan a sale date.
Analyse the bad habits. Make a reduction target for two weeks later. Monitor progress daily.
Week three: identify interests. Look for a related exhibition, display, gallery, whatever. Book a date to visit.
Week four: first bank statement - tick it back.
And so on.
Careers and shit are the result of inner motivation, generally. For those lacking, a structure that demonstrates progress can provide that pint of work ethic.
I have helped put a few people on a happier trajectory in the last few months with the 90 day plan thing.
Alarm bell. Probably the problem is him. Especially if he's live-in and has decided to set some rules of his own.
Talk to the kid about murdering the boyfriend and dumping the body just to see how he reacts. That will tell you a lot. If he's horrified, he'll probably stop knocking on your door.
of course moms at fault. his ass should still be in school and she should have got rid of that xbox a while ago. if you really want to do a little something, get him out the house to play basketball or something physical on a regular basis. exercise can build self esteem and get mental juices flowing.
regarding money, rather than pay him to do some meaningless shit, hook him up with someone who can give him entry level but non meaningless work. even if he's volunteering for someone and you gotta offer a little cash. feeling helpful and part of a workplace can do wonders, even on a voluntary basis. can you bring him into your job once a week?
its great that you're concerned for the kid, but be careful of doing some token effort. talk to his mom and offer some ideas, you need her in on this too. put that xbox on ebay
It might teach him that the sooner he gets busy with his own agenda, the less he will have to hang around old people doing dumb shit.
Batmon, show him yer comics.
I suggested the idea to the mother. It wasnt a concrete idea.
This is why im treading lightly.
The mother is all types of soft and that why dude is in this rut.
He pawned the XBox years ago and she bought him another one.
Ive already told the new boyfriend who works in construction to get the dude a laborer gig. Or just fetching coffee at some site.
When i was 17 a had a gig doin inventory in the middle of winter.
I asked my boss already if the kid could come to my job and he said nah. And that was two years ago.
For exercise, his buddy who on his way to college in the Fall, has him enrolled at the local gym working out and stuff. Which he likes.
The "meaningless" work thang is questionable to me. Is cleaning your home meaningless? Not everyone has a job that has that ladder.
Isnt work Work? U gotta crawl before you walk right.
I didnt get an allownace from my parents just because im their son. I had to clean the damn house every weekend and do dishes during the week , and keep my room clean. And wash my ass!
i trust dude in my apt. He grew up across the hall and is scared enuff of me that he wouldnt jack my shit. plus he has no need for CDs,Vinyl,Batman action figures, Cookbooks and Barbies.
If i lived in a house would it be meaningless to have the kid next door mow my lawn for some change or would i have to enroll dude in some program so he could establish a career?
Cool Trip Dub.
sounds like youve offered support. that kids needs to take up a martial art, go into job corps, americorps or the military. does he have any interests besides videogames? is he literate? would he agree to volunteering somewhere?
do you know why he dropped out of school?
theres no shame in cleaning house or sweeping floors. it seemed like you couldnt think of what he could actually do, so i was guessing that whatever you came up with wouldnt actually be that necessary. when i ran a job training program, chores, cleaning and washing dishes were essential to site upkeep as well as work habits. but i never made up menial tasks just to keep people busy.
Aside from this being a great idea, the real value is taking the time with him and showing that he is worth the time and energy. It's hard to feel motivated if one doesn't believe in oneself (sorry for the 1970s guidance counselor talk). I agree that the new boyfriend probably isn't helping in the joy for life department.
It wouldn't be fair and possibly detract more than add to his life if he's treated as a pet project that gets dropped when there's no more interest. imo You need to know what you can offer and are willing to put into it before you get involved in his life, even if not in a huge way.
yeah that came across my mind.
Sweeeeeeeeeen!
Yeah in not trying to devote all my time into this. I was thinking small just to get the juices flowing and then some other program or larger project will get him really going. Whether is enrolling in a GED program or doin inventory at some store or something.
Im not looking for some magical spell to turn this kid into a CEO in ten years. Thats not what im asking or my responsibility.
Simply understanding you dont work you dont eat is the base level i was suggesting. No social guru stuff. Thats for the parents or professionals.
I have a buddy that works for a non profit helping out the community or someshit like that. Ill give her a call.
doesn't give a schitt, they are good people, really are, dude will not get a job though, I did that schitt when I was 18 but I had a fuckin' job, my rents' would had kicked my ass if I didn't.
Its up to the parents/guardian to step-in on these situations, but when they are lazy and getting high themselves, it isn't going to happen.
I think its great your thinkin' of kid. Hope something good comes out of it.
This where Big Brother and Big Sister non-profit programs comes into play. We have those around here.
The problem isnt the boyfriend. The kid was already doin this shit before he entered the picture.
He copped the kid a new bed and has upgraded the apt big time.
He and i discussed trying to get him a low level job in construction, but he feels the kid is too lazy or will just give up once the work gets too hard.
I say try it and see, but i dont think he wants to risk seeing the kid fuck up after hes pulled strings to get him a gig. Sounds kinda wack but im not in the game to judge harshly. i think he said they would at least want someone with a diploma.
In terms of rules, the new boyfriend hasnt set up anything. He hasnt come in and try to Fake Dad the kid. They did get. into it over how he was talkin to his mom. Shes cultivated a brat and would mouth off at her when he didnt get his way. The boyfriend put his foot down on that behavior.
So there isnt that atmosphere anymore.
The murdering shit is silly.
We talk basketball. He likes Wrestling....watching it.
After that there isnt much. With little. to no education he has no info to fuel any imagination.
No friiends to expose him to shit. Doesnt care about Hip Hop.
Back when he was in school he did have a grilfriend but thats long gone.
His aunt was over last week and she thinks he needs therapy to see why hes not motivated.
I think once he starts getting paper he will see that he continues to do so. By working harder and getting the info needed to get more.
im the last one to be able to talk on this but if he's liking the gym, construction work can't be that far of a stretch, can it?
a) he's a psychopath
or
b) he's clinically depressed
or
c) he's just got self esteem issues.
I wouldn't take anything New Boyfriend says at face value since he clearly has very low expectations set. Low expectations is what kids at that age are destined to live up/down to.
If Aunt has her way, he'll be popping pills in no time.
Anyway, the kid needs PASSION. Where's that TED video?
How old are you?
Plus there's this recent story about COLLEGE graduates:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/1-2-graduates-jobless-underemployed-140300522.html
He needs tough love. No girls want a broke dude living with their mama. He doesn't have enough education to work CONSTRUCTION. Ask him what he wants out of life and tell him what he needs to get there. Additionally, tell him where not getting off his ass could lead him (pathetic life, depression, the streets, jail, etc.) Give him some stark black and white assessments person to person if you really care on some "what you need to do to get where you wanna go," or at least "maintain your lazy lifestyle w/out your mama's help."
Would you recommend a restaurant that you yourself would never eat at?
Putting your name behind someone who turns out to be a bag of shit is a very big deal in the trades. If someone new fucks up, one of the first questions asked is how he or she got there in the first place. It's the same thing at any type of employment on any level of the spectrum where it might help to know people. No one recommends someone or brings someone in who isn't sure if they want to be there. I don't know if your neighbor is union or not, but in the construction unions if you're new and don't want to work, you're out. If you say no to some overtime, goodbye we'll find someone else who wants to work. So if this kid isn't really motivated to do anything, your neighbor probably knows he isn't going to last and is saving himself some embarrasment.
When I was 17 I dropped out of high school and was smoking weed all day. I ended up going to Job Corps and finishing school. Wasn't the best, but they pay you, give you gear, food and a place to live, plus some structure. Might not be a bad idea to look into.
Yeah....Thats what he said.
Ive already did the mean Batmon steez......
"just go to jail now, why waste time".
No money no pussy
All your friends are leavin for college while yo ass is jerkin off.
His mother doesnt have it in her to stop babyin the cat. Shes on that Poppi shit.
I warned her years ago and now she has a greon ass 18 year old waiting for her to bring home dinne at 9pm when his ass could be microwavin something or cooking his own damn meals. And having the house cleaned by the time she got home.