Workplace/Office Pet Peeves 2.0

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  • white_teawhite_tea 3,262 Posts
    hogginthefogg said:
    People who say "I'd like to see that flushed out" in meetings.

    Fleshed out. As in "you start with a bare-bones idea--a skeleton, if you will--and flesh it out."

    I actually kinda like that one. Most mixed metaphors are best fleshed down the toilet.

    I have always been real sensitive to any eating sounds. So it seems fitting -- even brutally ironic to wifey -- that the dude who sits directly across from me who, in fact, I have to look at everyday eats like a damn animal. Talking about:

    --Chewing everything with his mouth open
    --Gnashing his teeth practically to get at errant food particles
    --Smacking his lips whenever he drinks from his can of Coke
    --Making a fancy, foamy cappachino beverage to go with his cookies
    --Chasing his daily oatmeal with a Quaker Oats granola bar
    --Having a big bowl of pasta about 45 minutes after that
    --Later putting a long string of string cheese in his mouth and slowly reeling it home

    I've seriously debated telling the dude that he wouldn't have to constantly eat at his desk if he wasn't always carb-bangin'. The dude spends, at the very least, half of his time eating at his desk, yet, takes an hour-long break like clockwork. He has yogurt in the afternoon and licks the same plastic spoon in a manner that might be sexual if it wasn't so disgustingly thorough. His wife works here and he'll chew like that in front of her, too. I imagine she stays quiet because dude is so orally motivated.

  • RAJ said:
    we stock Coke Zero in the fridge instead of Pepsi Max.

    W.
    T.
    F.


  • rayray 77 Posts
    "Please advise."

    ...an absolutely redundant and worthless phrase. You sent me an email asking for help and explaining your problem. I already assume that you want me to advise you on how to correct it. It doesn't make you appear 'professional'. It makes you appear 'like an idiot'.


    ...even worse:

    "Please advice."

  • RAJRAJ tenacious local 7,720 Posts
    ray said:
    "Please advise."

    ...an absolutely redundant and worthless phrase. You sent me an email asking for help and explaining your problem. I already assume that you want me to advise you on how to correct it. It doesn't make you appear 'professional'. It makes you appear 'like an idiot'.


    ...even worse:

    "Please advice."

    Even worse: Angry emails with the signature "Kind regards,"

  • gravelheadwrapgravelheadwrap corn 948 Posts
    I work with a woman who is constantly on the phone with family and making personal calls. She complains that she can never get her work done. She ends up not getting her work done by deadline and everyone is stuck helping her finish. This is on a weekly basis.

    She answers the phone in 4 different tones of voice depending on who is calling. I am about to lose it. Either she sounds super depressed or really happy. WTF. STOP NOW.

    She has arranged her computer tower so that no one can see what she's looking at on there, but we can all see it. You are not that smart. This is way obvious what you are doing.

    Don't make your work problems everyone's problems. Don't make your personal problems everyone's problems. NO.

    Quit talking to yourself after we have a conversation in hopes I will change my mind or will begin feeling sorry for you.

    Other issues:
    You are overweight w/ diabetes, have numerous health problems, complaining about your health daily, go to the doctor and get medicine, the doctor tells you to eat better, you go to McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's on a rotating basis and sometimes switch it up with Arby's or Sonic.

    Quit trying to create drama out of nothing.

    Why do you have to get asshurt over $.12 that you were "overcharged" b/c the fast food place left out your 3 packets of mayo, call them, demand total refund and slam the phone when done?

    Quit telling me go see a local cover band because they rock so hard and the lead singer is a really neat person. OKAY REALLY?

    Quit arguing with your boyfriend over every little damn thing. He is totally welcome to do whatever he wants with the hosta in the backyard of the house that he owns. It didn't even sound like a bad idea.

  • RAJRAJ tenacious local 7,720 Posts
    gravelheadwrap said:

    Quit telling me go see a local cover band because they rock so hard and the lead singer is a really neat person. OKAY REALLY?


  • Directors that know the problems and who the people are causing the problems but don't have the balls to deal with it.

    Bosses who sit on the fence - you have an opinion, voice it.

  • dollar_bindollar_bin I heartily endorse this product and/or event 2,323 Posts
    white_tea said:
    hogginthefogg said:
    People who say "I'd like to see that flushed out" in meetings.

    Fleshed out. As in "you start with a bare-bones idea--a skeleton, if you will--and flesh it out."

    I actually kinda like that one. Most mixed metaphors are best fleshed down the toilet.


    I worked at a company and the VP of technology worked in mixed metaphors the way other artists might work in oils or clay (apologies to Jean Shepherd). To this day, I still credit him when I say something is the gravy on the cake. After a good quarter, he told an all-hands meeting to give themselves the clap. I wish I could remember more, but it's been a long time.

  • rayray 77 Posts
    People that have "Thanks," in their signature line are also idiots. It's unnerving to get an email after I've fixed something for someone that reads:

    Thanks!

    Thanks,

    Some Idiot
    My Company
    My Phone Number
    etc, etc, etc...

  • rayray 77 Posts
    ...also people with quotations in their signature. I hate them.

    "Be the change you want to see..."

    Fuck you.

  • ray said:
    ...also people with quotations in their signature. I hate them.

    "Be the change you want to see..."

    Fuck you.


    I had two idiot bosses in a row who were hardcore devotees of business/motivational crap. The first one was one of those clowns who had to have 10 bright, new idea every week, all of which were garbage but made him look busy and 'forward thinking'.
    The second guy was incapable of saying no to anyone making insane requests of the department and had an autographed copy of one of Jack Welch's books in a display case in his office.

    Naturally they both ended up getting promoted.

  • BrianBrian 7,618 Posts
    oh man i feel gravelheadwrap 100% on all that shit and on top of that, i gotta wait on this person to finish their shit before i have stuff to do. i used to get pissed off about it but now i just make it blatant that i am not doing any work and refuse to expend extra energy getting shit done if it's because of that person. as a result of this shift in strategy, i am much more relaxed at work and that person looks ten times worse.

  • Options
    I hate when A*ex, the guy who occupies the locker next to mine, is constantly asking me things like "does this look infected" or "how'd I get this scratch on my leg" or "could you hold this?" or just straight out shrieking as he tries to get me to look at his perplexingly huge, happily dangling penis. He's like a zoo animal waiting to be fed. And when I do occasionally placate him with a simple, "Nice cock Al@x", he always asks to see mine. Not a bad guy though.

  • Sween said:
    I hate when A*ex, the guy who occupies the locker next to mine, is constantly asking me things like "does this look infected" or "how'd I get this scratch on my leg" or "could you hold this?" or just straight out shrieking as he tries to get me to look at his perplexingly huge, happily dangling penis. He's like a zoo animal waiting to be fed. And when I do occasionally placate him with a simple, "Nice cock Al@x", he always asks to see mine. Not a bad guy though.

    LOL 4 DAYS

  • I recommend you all have a few beers, watch Office Space & laugh your ass off this weekend.....Milton Waddams sits opposite me in work, seriously, I'm waiting for the day he burns the place down

  • El PrezEl Prez NE Ohio 1,141 Posts
    gravelheadwrap said:
    I work with a woman who is constantly on the phone with family and making personal calls. She complains that she can never get her work done. She ends up not getting her work done by deadline and everyone is stuck helping her finish. This is on a weekly basis.

    She answers the phone in 4 different tones of voice depending on who is calling. I am about to lose it. Either she sounds super depressed or really happy. WTF. STOP NOW.

    She has arranged her computer tower so that no one can see what she's looking at on there, but we can all see it. You are not that smart. This is way obvious what you are doing.

    Don't make your work problems everyone's problems. Don't make your personal problems everyone's problems. NO.

    Quit talking to yourself after we have a conversation in hopes I will change my mind or will begin feeling sorry for you.

    Other issues:
    You are overweight w/ diabetes, have numerous health problems, complaining about your health daily, go to the doctor and get medicine, the doctor tells you to eat better, you go to McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's on a rotating basis and sometimes switch it up with Arby's or Sonic.

    Quit trying to create drama out of nothing.

    Why do you have to get asshurt over $.12 that you were "overcharged" b/c the fast food place left out your 3 packets of mayo, call them, demand total refund and slam the phone when done?

    Quit telling me go see a local cover band because they rock so hard and the lead singer is a really neat person. OKAY REALLY?

    Quit arguing with your boyfriend over every little damn thing. He is totally welcome to do whatever he wants with the hosta in the backyard of the house that he owns. It didn't even sound like a bad idea.

    Minus the last paragraph I work with the same person. She makes me sick to my stomach.

  • PATXPATX 2,820 Posts
    One memorable co-worker experience was this dude sat on the next desk who was having a conversation with his mum which suddenly turned into him screaming MOM IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU EVER AGAIN! [click]... returns to his work. I stare intently at my screen. I thought about telling him to not do that in the office but I figured he was going to be leaving soon anyway.

    I just saw this guy at the post office yesterday. He was in the middle of getting really indignant that his un-taped-shut, wrongly addressed box was not fit for mailing. He was huffing and puffing, telling the Chinese employee he could not understand a word she was saying, accusing them of not giving him that tape right there (it was not packing tape) and generally turning around to everyone else in there trying to get a mutual eye roll going. I had to look away every time and hope he didn't recognize me.

    Anyway, I thought it was hilarious. Dude is a first class prick. And generally one of those people who visits a post office once in their lifetime, totally unprepared, and proceeds to declare it the worst post office in the history of the world. (LOL, they should try the Williamsburg one next time)

  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    Where do all the fuckin' pens go?

    I could order a box of blue and or black pens and a small staff of 5 people make them disappear within a month. WTF?

    I use green ink and no one fucks with my stash.

  • DORDOR Two Ron Toe 9,862 Posts
    Someone left this on my desk and the director came to talk to me and did not look amused.


  • pcmrpcmr 5,591 Posts
    the pen thing is nuts
    i work with 8 people we bought 2 25 count boxes of bic
    3 weeks later gone and you have to look through drawers or ask

  • RAJRAJ tenacious local 7,720 Posts
    Coworkers wasting printer ink on cookie recipes

  • eliseelise 3,252 Posts
    pcmr said:
    the pen thing is nuts
    i work with 8 people we bought 2 25 count boxes of bic
    3 weeks later gone and you have to look through drawers or ask

    Ladies purses. Seriously. They probably don't even know it's in there.

  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    I dont care if u use my computer, but could you collapse your email page when your done.
    I dont wanna see who your gonna date this evening or what vegetarian dish u plan on making for dinner.

    Get a fuckin Iphone if you need access to your mail all day.

  • AlmondAlmond 1,427 Posts
    People who exhibit classic hoarder behavior in their cubes, and dirty, cluttered cubes in general. I mean, it doesn't affect me, I just feel sorry for you. I have to feign slight messiness just so people know my cube is occupied. And overly decorated cubes. Do you really need that chandelier and area rug? If there's a fire or quake, don't expect anyone to rescue you from the flammable rubble of paperwork dating back to Gov. Brown's first term, photos of your cats and stale potpourri. And people who collect empty soda cans and bottles at their desk when the recycling bin is right there. This isn't your freshman year dorm; you don't need to display how many Rockstars you downed this week to look cool.

  • AlmondAlmond 1,427 Posts
    The person who knocked over one of the Hello Kitty figurines in my little display, even though it took me weeks to notice.
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