Serious Moral Dilemma
behemoth
2,189 Posts
My downstairs neighbors are gross. living in an apartment building and being in such close quarters affects everybody. these neighbors are beyond gross. I opened the fire escape window the other day to have a cigarette. their fire escape was full of trash. rotting food. dirty clothes. the next night I was out there and their kitchen lights were on. All I could see was the window sill. Covered in mold and I saw like 2 mice.
Being right underneath me I feel like I'm living above a garbage dump. and the chance of any bugs or mice getting into my place is a greater possibility.
Here's the problem. She has 2 kids. Younger ones. in a studio apartment. If I report it I'm afraid because their place is so filthy there's no way they won't take the kids away. atleast I feel that's what'll happen.
Is it worse for that to happen or worse for them living there?
I'm really at a loss for words on this one. Everyone I talk to says report them to management or 311. I dunno tho
thoughts??
Being right underneath me I feel like I'm living above a garbage dump. and the chance of any bugs or mice getting into my place is a greater possibility.
Here's the problem. She has 2 kids. Younger ones. in a studio apartment. If I report it I'm afraid because their place is so filthy there's no way they won't take the kids away. atleast I feel that's what'll happen.
Is it worse for that to happen or worse for them living there?
I'm really at a loss for words on this one. Everyone I talk to says report them to management or 311. I dunno tho
thoughts??
Comments
have you tried talking to her directly?
If I report anonymously it could be anyone you know?
The problem is do I do it or not? arghhhhh
should be a no brainer but I feel kinda fucked up.
Maybe make a call to social services with nothing to identify the people or place, describe the situation and see if living in a pigsty is actually grounds for removing children.
if you're such a shrinking violet that you can;t deal with her directly and you can;t live with potential consequences of reporting her to the super then simply move out.
Ya - I was going to say you should try talkig to her directly and let her know, as peacefully as possible, that if she doesn't clean things up, you're going to have to get the authorities involved. You can only go so far until you have to be sort of stern --- and with someone who's let things spiral so far out of control, it doesn't seem that being patient and super nice are going to work in your benefit.
well to add to this. i watched the other day as one of her kids put some garbage out there. like how hard is it to bring it to the garbage room down in the basement?
well i think the best option would be to go to the super. he has a better relationship with all the tenants and it would be less intrusive. he does work on the building. i am actually surprised he has never noticed it.
this way if she doesn't clean it up the next steps can be taken...
i don't know you and i don;t want to come off as judgemental but since you framed this as a moral dilemma i'd like to suggest the real dilemma you are having is that you are too embarrassed or shy or whatever to stand up for your rights and this has nothing at all really to do with her kids or whatever else...those are all merely convenient excuses for you to not do what you know you should and must do.
Without knowing her (or the super) I'd say it's 50/50 whether you go to her or the super first - I would use your judgment there. I mean, at her age, it's not like she doesn't know where the garbage should go. It sounds like her kids aren't getting much instruction, though.
I lived near a similar situation when I first moved to NYC, but not as close proximity.
i am not shy or embarassed. i am more concerned that it isn't my business at the moment. it isn't affecting anyone at the moment (will it in the future maybe?)
it's more of an eye sore than anything now and "wow these people are gross?"
the reason i am skeptical is cuz its like the equivalent of saying "can you clean your house?"
i am prying into someone's life and invading their privacy almost. it isn't a public issue at the moment but its a cause for concern. or maybe i am just a person who lived clean most of their life. it is kind of too close for comfort though.
i will speak to her tomorrow/ but i dont really see her cleaning up. she can't physically do it. and after interactions with her in the hallway she isn't the friendliest person.
she may or may not respond to your polite approach but at least you will be giving her the opportunity to rectify the situation so when you have to escalate this you don't feel one ounce of remorse or regret. you have cards to play and the first one is the polite neighbourly conversation...let us know how it goes
like I said, easier said than done.
haha
the Russian chick is married. her husband is in jail. she visits her. no good
You beat me to it, Non!
First of all, this isn't a "serious moral dilemma," especially if you don't think it has much to do with you. So don't fret!
If you want to avoid any neighborly conflict, then just leave an anonymous note to the manager stating the situation, though it may be easy to figure out it was you since you have a direct view of their trash mountain.
Secondly, it sounds as though you don't have much of relationship with these neighbors, so if you go and report the situation to the manager directly, it's not as if you'll be damaging a friendship. You can always just ask the manager to not say it was you. The worst that will happen is that they won't clean up their shit. If they're mad at you, the lady with the oxygen and the walker is not likely to jump you in the parking lot. The kids might, but they're probably too ashamed.
My last suggestion is to contact the A&E show "Hoarders" because these folks are hoarding trash and probably lots of other strange shit. Then they'll turn the tables and film you hoarding records.
for real tho, that kinda sucks.i would go up to her and try to soften it or twist it a little like you got a highly relevant reason that that balcony should be clean....not just, "its fuckin with the aesthetics of my smoke break." maybe, the smell is bugging me, im already having a roach/mouse problem, etc. Ask her if she can look out for you on this one...Then bake her some cookies or something if she does clean it up. if she's a bitch about it, go the super. it may not be good for your recording career to start off snitching...step to her once, give her a chance to make right. if she dont, torch it
F that
She already violated the social contract
She is about to have mice in your apartment
There is obviously something wrong with her
She is clearly going to be completely impervious to logical appeals
Dealing with her is a waste of time
Go straight to the super, the authorities, whatever
Please. Spare me.
This person is violating.
there is more than 1 way to skin a cat and how can you be so sure of your mental/psychological assessment of the neighbour lady? how can you be so sure of her reaction and how this is going to play out?
a violation of a social or other contract is not always immediate grounds to crank the damn volume to 11.
stop running around behind peoples backs. id want neighbors to step to me with any issues they had before calling cops/security/landlord/theirmomz. come yell at me first. if they had to call some authority person first, i would never think very highly of them. were not talking murder or madness, this is some shit that the lady might not realize is bothering anyone
In all honesty, Behemoth, report them to management. Most people will take the hint and clean up. And if you're worried about the kids being taken away, I'm sure that won't happen without a series of warnings. If the living situation is bad enough, the kids shouldn't be there, anyway.
LOL--quite likely
There are people out there who are paid to deal with pathological garbage hoarders--supers, city employees, etc. I'm not one of them and neither is behemoth, as far as I can tell.
Going directly to your neighbor about playing their music a little loud or partying a little late is one thing; this is something else.
can you explain how this is precisely so different from another nuisance such as loud music, partying, etc that might interfere with a neighbour's enjoyment of his living place?
It's a health risk.
It's a risk to every tenant in the building, because of pests and infestation.
It is almost certainly a violation of the lease terms.