Deejaying for dumb bitches
DeeRock
1,836 Posts
I think the worst thing about deejaying is........Dumb Bitches!Okay, I know it sounds crass, but hear me out. In fact, let break it down like this. There are six types of dumb bitches that will approach/bother a deejay, each of which I will describe below. Please note that I don't use the term "bitches" lightly, nor do I use it to typically describe women. But I do use it to describe the bitches listed below.21st Birthday Bitch: This is pretty much self-explanitory. These, young, never-been-to-the-club before bitches believe that because, fucking wow, it's their 21st birthday, that we should a) make a big announcement to the whole room it's their birthday and b) play "the birthday song" for them (50 Cent "In The Club", not "Happy Birthday", although one day I'm going to just say fuck it and play "Happy Birthday" when they ask for "The Birthday song"). Go shorty, it's your birthday. No really, go. Just go, away. Far.Play My Song Now Bitch: Tonight I got in an argument with a Play-My-Song-Bitch, who thought the world - and my records - revolved around her. She would not leave me alone until I played Madonna. I slid in a reggaeton remix of "La Isle Bonita" for a verse and got out of it. She comes back 30 minutes and says "Why the FUCK would you say you would play my song if you aren't going to play it." After arguing with her for 10 minutes, I just said "Yo, I am sick of you", and called security on the rancid hag.Bachelorette Party Bitch: Similar to the "21st Birthday Bitch, in many ways. However what makes her different is that she has a crown on. Expects attention, and believes she has liscense for bad behavoir.Frowny Face Bitch: Usually asks you to stop everything and play her song, however when you say "no", she makes said "frowny face". My response is always the same. "Frowny faces don't work on me, sorry."Are You Going To Play Some Hip-Hop Bitch: God forbid we deejays stray the course a little bit and mix in something other than "My Humps". Anytime you play something that isn't commercial hip-hop, Are You Going To Play Some Hip-Hop Bitch approaches the booth with a look of complete frustration and stress on her face, and asks, well, her name says it all. Next time this happens, I'm going to say, "Yeah, bitch" and will play some Public Enemy.Hyper Dancing Bitch: Don't get me wrong, a deejay is supposed to make the crowd dance, but what happens when you are doing your job a little too well? Hyper Dancing Bitch will come up to the deejay booth and dance on you/at you. Usually high-on-shit, this type of hellion will have complete disregard for not only the deejay's personal space, but also the expensive electronic equipment that is powering the room (lights, turntables, mixer, laptop), and dances with complete disregard, flinging arms around, waving drinks in the air. She also expects you to be as excited as she is because "Golddigger" is on, even though you play it every single night. This happened to me tonight as well, and I had to actually leave the deejay booth to get away from this ridiculous hyena. She was like a bouncing rubber ball. In a very small room.Let me just add that I know the word "bitch" is pretty disrespectful to use in regards to a woman, but drastic times call for drastic measures. It's5:30 AM on a Saturday, which means, yes, I had to deal with each of these bitch archetypes this evening, and this was the only real way to get the frustration of my chest.At least the money is good.
Comments
this is a great word
I must say, your vocabulary game is on smash.
Dee, can I put this on my blog?
i'm going to start using this a lot... thanks
My thoughts exactly. I'll give proper credit and all that, of course.
I'll add...
Goldfish Memory Bitch: Repeatedly asks for the same songs even when I say 'sorry, don't have it' as if the record is going to magically appear.
Temper Tantrum Bitch: Take Frowny Face Bitch and
To counter, there are those angels that make it all worthwhile...
Sex Sells Angel: Those lovely 'I'll make out with you if you play my song' angels. Only classified as an angel if it's proposed in a classy way. (One time a girl pre-emptively made out with me after asking and I didn't have the track she requested. Quickly turned into Temper Tantrum Bitch)
You're Making My Night Angel: Those girls that are so happy to hear every song you play. Will come up to the booth and say 'you're awesome' every 3 tracks.
Infact, over here it is not. Small town djing sucks because you have to deal with all the abovementioned AND the money sucks too! One time I had a stupid bitch (like out of a group of 3 who all looked the same - blond, purse wearing stupid richchicks) and she came over and scratched the record and smiled at me. I wanted to punch her so bad, but I got my manners...
I feeel you there is the flipside.
Bring you a drink angel
Dance angels: group of girls that go wild on a track and rip the dancefloor bringing in more people
good request angels: can you play some funkadelic...whaaa!?!?!
OH HELL NO
There are MANY MORE words to be said on this subject. How about our favorite asshole dudes?
1) The Air Scratch Dude. Thinks it's really clever to come up to the DJ booth and make scratching motions with his hands while smiling like you and he now have something in common. Probably makes jerking off motions to the clerk when he's buying a porno mag.
2) The Foreign Dude. Tells - not asks - you to play some techno or trance in order to get the party started, even if the entire party is populated with the cast of a Dipset video. He especially likes to do this before 10:30pm when nobody's even had their first drink, to prove to you that a switch in musical genre will instantly heat up the dancefloor.
3) The Electronic Music Dude. See 2). Minus the accent.
4) The Classic Soul & Funk Dude. Ha - fooled you! He's never in the club - he's doing his 2am college radio shift.
I like em best when they hang around the booth all night, just long enough to make you THINK you're gonna get some but they magically disappear about 7 minutes before last call.
blue balls ain't the move.
Didn't someone here post a story of a hot girl requesting Trinikas - Remember Me? I'd pretty much lose consciousness if that ever happened to me. 'Wait... what happened? I blacked out'.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
NO! I hate these! And that damn "suck for a buck" shit on their shirts (is this just a rural midwest thing?)! Get outta here!
I loved when another bachelorette party would arrive and they would notice each other. Bad news, right there. One would always end up leaving with scowling bitchy hellionish faces.
Kinda sets up a whole Sharks vs. Jets thing, doesn't it?
Imagine the "Birthday Girl".... now take off three years. That's how it is in Canada. It's like babysitting.
tjames
Agreed except I'm a little confused about Strutiquette here:
Bitches + faggots = Soulstrut approved without a single eye-bat but n----- is not? I'd LOVE to hear someone explain that to me.
I'm not even getting at Dee Rock about this - shit, I could spend a week just listening to his digging/DJ stories but some of the politically correct double standards around here are rather questionable amongst the rest of you.
What about the big titty bitch who leans over for a request and skipps the tonearm across the whole friggen record because her titty is so big.
i play at clubs two to three times a week and, yeah, sometimes i get annoying requests, but mostly it's not that bad. (granted, requests for "In the Club" do get on my nerves, but i've only had one of those in the last 6 months.) even with the worst or most unrealistic requests, i can't imagine shitting on somebody just because they ask for something i don't wanna play-- it's bad for business.
"Good Taste" Angel always stays til the last song and then politely thanks you for rocking the house all night, shakes your hand, looks you in the eye and smiles. Good manners=Sexy.
Way to suck the fun out of a thread Wang...jeez...