Deejaying for dumb bitches

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  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
    jesus christ i must be the most unapproachable dj in the world. i think ive had one request that i remember. cher - if i could turn back time. i was so enamored with the request that i dont remember how i responded.

  • don't forget about the Can You Play Something I Can Dance To Bitch. she's always in the house somewhere.

  • sonofsamsonofsam 680 Posts
    Deejaying for dumb bitches


    might want to change this thread title before you get a cease and desist from the publishers of the "for dumb bitches" book series

  • jesus christ i must be the most unapproachable dj in the world. i think ive had one request that i remember. cher - if i could turn back time. i was so enamored with the request that i dont remember how i responded.

    you probably said it was cool and then talked shit about her after she left, but most likely she came back around and you smiled in her face again but once she was at a safe enough ditance you spouted off about how you told her off to anyone who would listen

  • DrWuDrWu 4,021 Posts
    great thread.

    Agreed except I'm a little confused about Strutiquette here:

    Bitches + faggots = Soulstrut approved without a single eye-bat but n----- is not? I'd LOVE to hear someone explain that to me.

    I'm not even getting at Dee Rock about this - shit, I could spend a week just listening to his digging/DJ stories but some of the politically correct double standards around here are rather questionable amongst the rest of you.

    Way to suck Wang in a thread ...jeez...[/b]

  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
    jesus christ i must be the most unapproachable dj in the world. i think ive had one request that i remember. cher - if i could turn back time. i was so enamored with the request that i dont remember how i responded.

    wait. i change my mind. i must be THEE MOST AWESOMEST DJ EVER[/b] as i am obviously satisfying all the dumb bitches 'in da club'.

  • sonofsamsonofsam 680 Posts
    Can You Play Something I Can Dance To Bitch

    i know her!

  • mannybolonemannybolone Los Angeles, CA 15,025 Posts
    am i the only DJ on here that doesn't mind requests?

    i play at clubs two to three times a week and, yeah, sometimes i get annoying requests, but mostly it's not that bad. (granted, requests for "In the Club" do get on my nerves, but i've only had one of those in the last 6 months.) even with the worst or most unrealistic requests, i can't imagine shitting on somebody just because they ask for something i don't wanna play-- it's bad for business.

    I don't mind requests personally but it all has to do how polite people are. The worst are the ones Dee Rock is pointing out - folks who think they're ENTITLED to demand you play what they want...like you're a human jukebox. I don't mind bad requests as long as the person asking doesn't get all fucking aggro about it. Alas, people making dumb requests tend to be the ones who get all aggro.

    Just to add: I can't stand women and men who decide to start LOOKING THROUGH MY CRATES without asking. Wackness squared.

  • DeeRockDeeRock 1,836 Posts
    don't forget about the Can You Play Something I Can Dance To Bitch. she's always in the house somewhere.

    Oh, yes. Which leads us to this!

    1. PLAY SOMETHING GOOD...SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO! The D.J. has to play for more than one person...so, what you may hate may be another's favorite song and EVERYTHING played here can be danced to one way or another.

    2.WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A BEAT? BE SERIOUS! We know of NO songs played in a club that don't have some sort of a beat!

    3. I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG, BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS... Please don't sing for the D.J.! They have to put up with smoke-filled rooms and dangerous decibel levels all night. Do them a favor and DON'T give them a rendition of your favorite song!

    4. EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT! Oh sure, you polled EVERYONE in the club and, as their spokesperson, you are requesting the song.

    5. I CAN GET LAID IF YOU PLAY IT! If you are GOOD ENOUGH, you can get laid to anything!! (also been known as "buy the album and get laid for a month!"). If you need ME to play you a song so that YOU can get laid, you've got problems. Besides, point your girl out to the DJ and I will play it for her after you get wasted and pass out.

    6. I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT! The only people who can get away with that statement write the D.J.'s paycheck! Plus more often than not, the dj has the next song already cued up and ready to go, and does not have time to find your song, get it on the decks, and get it cued up in time to be next.

    7. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA HEAR...WHAT DO YOU HAVE? It's a lot easier for you to go have another beer and figure out what you want to hear than it is for the D.J. to recite the name of EVERY record in the booth! Also don't ask for a songlist! I don't know of any club dj's that actually keep a printed liist with them! We keep it in our heads or sometimes in a database!

    8. HEY YO, NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS! It is not advisable to say this when the dance floor is packed (but, some people do anyway)! However, even if there is only ONE person on the floor, it STILL contradicts the statement. You're just being rude. Have an open mind about music.

    9. EVERYBODY WILL DANCE TO IT IF YOU PLAY IT! The D.J. won't...I guess that blows a hole in that theory! Plus half the time I hear this, no-one goes to the dancefloor except for the person that asked for it, and when they realize they're the only one that wanted to dance to it, they bail. If you ask the dj for a dance song and don't dance to it, expect the dj to ignore your requests the rest of the night. However, if we play your song and you dance and have a good time, even if no-one else does, we'll still take your next request seriously. We like to please, even if it's one person at a time.

    10. MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!! If your at a club or event that doesn't play any Rock, don't ask "you got any Rock"? Just go outside to your car and turn on the radio or go home and listen to YOUR old LPs.

    SOME EXTRA ASSORTED THINGS NOT TO SAY

    If you ask for a song and the D.J. says he just played it, DON'T SAY, "Well, I just got here." It makes absolutely no difference. None at all. If you want to be sure you hear your favorite song at the club, you better be there when the dj starts his/her set. We don't have a flashing red light in the booth that tells us that you're there and we can play your song now.

    DON'T SAY, "Is this the only kind of music you play?" If you go to a Chinese restuarant, you wouldn't ask for Italian food. Rock clubs play rock, alternative clubs play alternative, discos play disco, etc., etc., etc...

    If you ask for a song, BE SPECIFIC. DON'T SAY, "I wanna hear something, anything but this!" Try going to the bar and saying, "I wanna drink something, anything but this..." You can't complain if you're not SPECIFIC. HOWEVER, if you ARE specific and the D.J. says he doesn't have the song, DON'T SAY, "What?!! What do you mean you don't have it? What kind of d.j. are you? Why don't you get into the wonderful world of fast food! You obviously don't know what you're doing as a D.J.!"...
    We may reply with "I don't come to your job and SMACK the DICK out of your mouth when your working."
    THE DJ MAY SHOOT YOU!!! OR DROP KICK YOUR ASS MATRIX STYLE! Or just have you escorted out of the club. We can do that. Trust me. DO NOT BE AN ASS.

    Special Note
    A nightclub D.J. gets very little respect. They are expected to play everything for everybody. It is impossible to satisfy all to the people all of the time, yet club jocks are expected to do just that. If a radio jock tells his listeners a song is a hit, the majority of the people think it must be "because they said so on the radio." However, 80% of the time that same song was being played in a club long before the radio "DISCOVERED" the "NEW" song. So give the D.J. a break! The next time you request a song, stop and think before you speak. Remember a request is just that... a request!! It's not a guarantee your song will get played!! Ask once for your song and the DJ will try and play it. Keep asking and you're being a pain in the ass!Don't send all your friends to request the same song hoping to get it played. DJ's aren't that stupid!! They get dozens of requests in a night and there isn't enough time to play them all.

    If you have a cd that you want the dj to play, and the dj agrees to listen to it, they're ALREADY DOING YOU A FAVOR BY TAKING THE TIME TO DO SO. If they don't play it don't be pissed, they made a judgement call that the music wasn't the right type to be played. If you wanna hear only songs that you wanna hear, STAY AT HOME AND LISTEN TO YOUR CD'S.

    If you DJ or MC (or just say that you do) DONT ask me if you can "dj/mc for a little bit" AT MY GIG especially if I dont know you! If you wanna spin/mc at a club, talk to the owners and give them a mix tape! No one will take you serious without one. Of course unless you already have paying gigs (in which case you wouldnt be tryin to do it at my gig). They're paying us to play music and make announcements, not to host open mic night.

    My booth is not a "Coat Check" So don't come up in it asking me if I could watch your coat/purse. If that shit is to much for you to handle you should have left it in your Damn car!!!

    Also don't come up in the DJ booth and just hover around!!!! A DJ needs space to work.You don't see me coming into your work and standing over your computer, or looking over your shoulder while your trying to work. That would just be plain Fucking rude!!

    And if I do decide to let you hang around in the both, NEVER EVER set your BEER/Drink down around my VERY EXPENSIVE equipment!!!!! If that spills I'm out Thousands of Dollars!!!!! You don't see me and my girlfriend hanging out on the hood of your car. So PLEASE show me the same respect for something important to me.

    And above all and !!!Most Importantly!!!, if the DJ has one hand on the mixer, one hand on a turntable and is wearing headphones, DON'T BUG US unless you know us!!!!!!!

    Oh, I almost for got one more thing. Don't flash us any money for your request unless your "DONALD TRUMP"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It's a hard job being a DJ. Our work most of the time goes very much unapreciated. Think about it, we are the only people in the club who don't get a chance to actually just sit and hang out with our buddies. If we stop to take a break, the whole club and the music stops with us. We spend sometimes 6 to 8 hours in a booth, STANDING the whole time. We are lucky if we get a chance to find a second to take a bathroom break. Cause when we screw up and the music stops everyone starts yelling and complaining. "No one ever remembers when we are doing a good job, but screw up even once, and everyone notices"

  • BreakSelfBreakSelf 2,925 Posts
    great thread.

    Agreed except I'm a little confused about Strutiquette here:

    Bitches + faggots = Soulstrut approved without a single eye-bat but n----- is not? I'd LOVE to hear someone explain that to me.

    I'm not even getting at Dee Rock about this - shit, I could spend a week just listening to his digging/DJ stories but some of the politically correct double standards around here are rather questionable amongst the rest of you.

    Well, I wouldn't exactly say 'approved'. Although there's plenty of homophobia on the board, I rarely see the word 'faggot' tossed around. Not that I think it makes it any more acceptable, but I think 'bitch' I think has just worked its way into the American vernacular in a way that has made it more acceptable than the other two loathesome words.

    I would venture, though this is purely speculation, that part of the potence carried by the two former epithets is derived from their spelling. The intonations of those words sounds hard and intentional, whereas a word like 'bitch' witch its softer 'ch' is less forceful. Perhaps this is way so many people think it's okay to use the word 'fag', but flinch at using 'faggot'?

    Of course, this is all in addition to the incredible weight that history lends to words, the 'n' word in particular.

  • SoulOnIceSoulOnIce 13,027 Posts


    Just to add: I can't stand women and men who decide to start LOOKING THROUGH MY CRATES without asking. Wackness squared.


    Always a fine opportunity to show that the
    Ancient Art of Hand Slapping is definitely alive.
    There is no better look than the shocked & wounded
    puppy face of somebody who has just had their hand
    slapped like a troublesome toddler...

  • DrWuDrWu 4,021 Posts

    My booth is not a "Coat Check" So don't come up in it asking me if I could watch your coat/purse. If that shit is to much for you to handle you should have left it in your Damn car!!!


    You should print up tickets and charge like $5 to store their schawg. You'd make a mint.

    Marco is so on point about scratch it dood. I hate that guy. He must live with "yell 'Free Bird'" guy.

  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
    schawginthefogg?


    ps
    leave "play freebird" guy alone.

  • jdeezjdeez 638 Posts

  • soulmarcosasoulmarcosa 4,296 Posts
    Oh, I almost for got one more thing. Don't flash us any money for your request unless your "DONALD TRUMP"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    OBJECTION

    I say flash any money you want as long as I get the money being flashed.

  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
    jesus christ i must be the most unapproachable dj in the world. i think ive had one request that i remember. cher - if i could turn back time. i was so enamored with the request that i dont remember how i responded.

    you probably said it was cool and then talked shit about her after she left, but most likely she came back around and you smiled in her face again but once she was at a safe enough ditance you spouted off about how you told her off to anyone who would listen

    can i get a ruling? does the above statement qualify as a "frowny face bitch" or a "i dont know what i want...what do you have? bitch"?

  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    What about the begging bitch ass boyfriend? This is the dude gets sent up to ask for a song for his girl and wont leave because he knows if he goes back without getting it played she wont let him have his nuts back. That shit is just kind of sad, but they are always really persistent about it.

  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    DON'T SAY, "Is this the only kind of music you play?" If you go to a Chinese restuarant, you wouldn't ask for Italian food. Rock clubs play rock, alternative clubs play alternative, discos play disco, etc., etc., etc...

    HILARIOUS. I ran that analogy past a woman once, and she said "YES, I can get fried rice @ McDonalds!"

  • DORDOR Two Ron Toe 9,905 Posts
    DON'T SAY, "Is this the only kind of music you play?" If you go to a Chinese restuarant, you wouldn't ask for Italian food. Rock clubs play rock, alternative clubs play alternative, discos play disco, etc., etc., etc...

    HILARIOUS. I ran that analogy past a woman once, and she said "YES, I can get fried rice @ McDonalds!"

    You maybe could ask for something like Italian, since the Chinese pretty much invented pasta!


    Oh, and Batmon... Sorry to hear ur troubles... Everything sorted now???


    http://zanyvideos.com/content/view/1099/619/


  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    Oh, and Batmon... Sorry to hear ur troubles... Everything sorted now???

    http://zanyvideos.com/content/view/1099/619/




    Yeah, Alfred picked me up in BatCopter, so I got to work ontime.

  • FatbackFatback 6,746 Posts
    I'd like to add the fake cool bitch[/b]:

    This one will come up, patiently wait for you to not be mixing and then politely make a nice/cool request (i.e., could you play some west coast old school like Too $hort or Nate Dogg?)--i'm like, "What? Really? Hell yes!" Then, during the Too $hort song, she comes back up smiling-- "When are you going to put on my requests?"

  • nzshadownzshadow 5,526 Posts


    You been busy man...


  • keithvanhornkeithvanhorn 3,855 Posts
    here are a few i would add:

    - the hater dj who comes into the bar/club and before he even gets a drink, makes a beeline over to the booth. dude will eventually grab a seat as close to you as possible and everytime you make a transition, scratch, etc, you can see him critiquing you to his uninterested friend.

    - the hater underground rap dude who comes over and asks for Necro, then makes an when you say its not that kinda party.

    - the hater you-aren't-up-on-this-yet dude who comes over and asks for whatever has just hit the mixtape circuit, but has yet to get mainstream play. when you say you don't have that yet, dude will act like he is at a pizza shop and you just told him you ran out of cheese.

  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts

    LOL,

    That's my reaction to "GOT BIGGIE?"

  • nzshadownzshadow 5,526 Posts
    LOL,

    That's my reaction to "GOT BIGGIE?"




  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    LOL,

    That's my reaction to "GOT BIGGIE?"





  • nzshadownzshadow 5,526 Posts




  • DORDOR Two Ron Toe 9,905 Posts

    Batman, plz don't hurt'em![/b]

  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts

    Batman, plz don't hurt'em![/b]

    Dude has a chuck noris book in his hand. lol
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