while on the plane to miami, i had some serious heated gas goin on...the sbd kind. the hottest girl was sitting in the seat in front of me, so purposely i was taking a magazine and wafing it thru the air...to circulate better...i cleared my 4 of my boys out of the row we were in, im straight faced the whole time...so it looked as if one of them did it. yo this shit was rockin' the entire flight...poor girl. you could stab the air.
while in europe...amir (aka dumpman) is the champ of melting porcelin as well as decorating hotel rooms with luscious scents of meat. watch out.
my most memorable fart was when i was taking care of my two nephews, one being 4 years old and the other two year's old. i did not think it was gonna be too bad so i let out a silent one, the smell was god awful! the 4 year old called me nasty as he ran out of the room. the two year old woke up from his deep sleep and proceeds to cry.
Sween fucking owns this thread. "The Bandleader" has me sitting in my cubicle cracking the fuck up.
At any rate, my most memorable rip happened during my sophomore year of high school during a basketball game. In a time-out huddle, in fact. The coach is giving us some rah rah rah and diagramming some plays, and I let an SBD slip out, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal. Turns out, it carried with it the most potent stank I've ever created. Strong enough to completely overpower the stank of sweat and that stale gym odor. A couple seconds after I cut it, everybody on the team gets the classic fart-smelling : and the coach says, "Guys, take it easy, would ya?" We had to move the huddle about 20 feet away from ground zero.
On the subject of girls cutting loose, I have to admit that one of the raunchiest farts I've ever heard came courtesy of my older sister. We were back home visiting my mom for the holidays, and after dinner, my sister, out of the clear blue sky, turns to me and says something I didn't understand. I say, "What?" And as soon as I do, she lifts her leg and rips one that sounded like a 10-second whoopie cushion. I crack up laughing, tears streaming down my face. My sister defensively says, "I told you I had to toot!"
My of my good friends from way back has some serious gas issues. He was always had the nastiest smelling farts.
One night (back in high school) we were hanging out at a friends house and he taps me on the shoulder and I say "what" and turn my head to see what he wants - he'd pulled his pants down and his bare ass was less than an inch away from my face - as I'm breathing in he lets out the nastiest fart EVAR and I inhale it completely before I even could process what was going on. You couldn't have inhaled a fart more if you'd done a direct mouth to sphincter vacuum tunnel bong hit.
I literally got sick and felt like I was going to puke. My friends were laughing hysterically and thought it was the funniest thing ever. Later that night we were going to meet some girls but I still felt sick and stayed in. That fart ruined my night and is legendary among my friends to this day (over 12 years later).
when my dad was in grad school, another student presented a paper postulating that every air molecule in the earth's atmosphere had been farted at least once. so, in affect, everytime you breathe in, you are inhaling fart.
Farting in lifts always amuses me given the confined space .. one day several years back I dropped a real stinker in a lift I was in by myself, got out and went to go get something before coming back to the lifts to go elsewhere .. lo and behold the same lift arrives just then and the guy who sits next to me emerges with the most disgusted look on his face exclaiming that some foul bastard had stunk out the lift .. I acted all surprised and grossed out, without letting on that I was the one responsible ...
I have no memorable farts but I had a buddy that was a walking stink bomb. He drank a lot and always had gas. I think beer gave him gas. Being that he was an alcoholic didn't help. I had to kick him out of my car frequently.
many years ago, when finally the first proper and uncensored german translation of deSade's "120 days of Sodom" was released, it quickly became a habit for me and my best friend at the time to constantly quote the most offensive lines out of this great book. We were both working at the same club at the time and it gave us big pleasure to stand behind the bar, smile at customers and voice obscenities on a low volume that noone besides the two of us could hear.
Anyway, one day my friend comes to work looking visibly shook and when I asked him what had happened, he says: "I was in the sack with my girlfriend this afternoon and I thought I'd pull a joke when I said "fart in my face, bitch" and you know what, she turned around and... and she, she just did it..." I could tell how torn he was between feeling pleased by his girls submissiveness and honest disgust.
"fart in my face, bitch" and you know what, she turned around and... and she, she just did it..." I could tell how torn he was between feeling pleased by his girls submissiveness and by honest disgust.
I missed this particular ski trip but on the way back my mates made a fart bottle (an empty 2 litre bottle of juice to collect 10 guys farts) for the one poor lad who fell asleep. Once the fart bottle had its fill the lid was removed and placed under sleepers nose. He woke up puked and proceeded to attack anyone he could get his hands on. b, 21b, 21Nothing in the world beats a stealth dutch oven for comedy unless you are receiving.
Ok- so after reading the ghostbumps thread- thought i'd add on.....although i have a feeling i may have already told this one??b, 21b, 21In yr 12 i did a class called 'systems and technology' (really easy physics- we made circut boards...). There were only 5 or 6 of us, the rest all doodes, and we were out the back of the school in this tiny little workshop- perfect environment for "boys to be boys" without the ridicule of "girls".haha.b, 21So, one day we were all headed into the darkroom, our teacher (the school sports teacher with a love of tight trackies and legionaire hats) led us in there with the lights on. All of a sudden the lights are out, then comes this massive erruption followed by "ooooooops i think i stepped on a duck" and then the door slammed shut!! This was all incredibly disorientating: the light to dark, the sound, the smell, the real life use of a rodney dangerfield quote, not to mention the even more off-putting crazed laughter coming from our teacher on the other side of the door!! b, 21b, 21b, 21One of my older bro's was also a fan of this type of treatment....b, 21b, 21I remember being about 13 or 14, in the bathroom at night brushing my teeth, my bro was just leaving. If only i noticed the smirk on his face. The door then slams and i notice that the light that usually floods through the bottom of the door is disappearing, then the smell hits! not only did he fart and shut me in there but he was blocking up the only ventilation/escape route under the door!! I'm pretty sure i just started crying until he let me out!b, 21He also used to do this to me in cars....and lock the windows!! Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
You know you've hit the jackpot when your wife/husband/sig other gets mad at you for the fart. Not play mad - like "oh you!" but like, really f*cking tight with you because you just made at least one room of your happy home uninhabitable.
This is a great thread that should be carried on indefinitely.
My most memorable fart was in high school. I was in detention after school and of course in detention there is no talking. So we're sitting there in the regular school desks in rows (it was in a classroom). Of course, I feel the urge to fart. And I could tell it wasn't going to be good because I started getting that hot stanky fart feeling going on. So I let go - SBD all the way. I could smell it - I knew it was really, really bad, but I was hoping no one could figure out it was me.
Greatest thing though - it was so quiet, right, and the fart was so stinky... kid sitting behind me caught a whiff of it... and I could hear him sucking in air trying to hold his breath until the stench dissipated. And when I say sucking in air, I mean full-lungs-bloated-cheeks-no-more-room-for-oxygen-anywhere sucking in air. It took a few minutes to go away, so he had to do the quick exhale-quicker-inhale breath holding technique to refresh his oxygen supply.
I felt a slight twinge of sympathy, but he was a borderline douche so I didn't feel too bad about it.
Dunno if he knew it was me or not, nobody ever said anything to me.
You know you've hit the jackpot when your wife/husband/sig other gets mad at you for the fart. Not play mad - like "oh you!" but like, really f*cking tight with you because you just made at least one room of your happy home uninhabitable.
My wife's got nothing to say to me because she drops bombs like vietnam on the regular. I cut some bad ones from time to time, but I have a range. her farts are bananas. Crazy quiet and a godawful stench every time. I'm always walking into them like a booby trap. At least I "announce" the impending doom.
This is a great thread that should be carried on indefinitely.
This one I'll never forget. Only because I've never made a smell like that before or since. I was at a club in Canada waiting to go on before a show. The bol, Aser had just taken me to what he called "the best burger spot" in town. In reality it was a mom & pop spot that used bear meat or something cause that schitt did not sit well inside my stomach at ALL. Fast forward about an hour and I'm socializing by the bar with my drink, chatting it up when I feel my stomach start to do this crazy gurgle and drop like I'm about to shit my pants. Instead I let out the most horrid SBD in the history of Damien Beebe. It was so bad you could SEE it. Now, I thought I could play it off because I was in a crowd, but next thing I know I was standing completely alone in a hot cloud of what can only be described as fried diarrhea... and up walks my man to introduce me to his supermodel girlfriend. We talked for a few minutes and the smell just hung there like it had it's arm around me. You should have seen the look on that dimes face. That was an uncomfortable conversation.
Now, I thought I could play it off because I was in a crowd, but next thing I know I was standing completely alone in a hot cloud of what can only be described as fried diarrhea... and up walks my man to introduce me to his supermodel girlfriend. We talked for a few minutes and the smell just hung there like it had it's arm around me. You should have seen the look on that dimes face. That was an uncomfortable conversation.
You should have started walking as soon as you saw him. When you met, you could have been like "I'm heading back to the booth right now, walk with me" Then you seem important and shit like you don't have time to just be sitting around, although it's great to meet you. I'm sorry, what was your name? Simone? A pleasure.
Or, if you don't think you can pull that off, go screwface and walk them away. If they look puzzled as to why you're all walking, you can be like "It stinks over there. I think a rat died behind the bar or somethin'."
latest most memorable farting while doing squats at the gym farting while doing deadlifts at the gym farting on the treadmill at the gym
a while back, i was outside my house and my brother was doing some yardwork. He had trimmed some dead branches from a tree and was struggling to fit them in the garbage can, i offered some help. I stepped on a part of the branch and pulled on it to try and tear it in two. when i started pulling i let out a massive fart that was carried upwind to my wifey who was waiting for me to finish helping my brother.
You know you've hit the jackpot when your wife/husband/sig other gets mad at you for the fart. Not play mad - like "oh you!" but like, really f*cking tight with you because you just made at least one room of your happy home uninhabitable.
Ahhh shit, it's so true, though my girl knew from the start what she was getting into....I let a scorcher rip during our wedding vows.
On another memorable tip I once got sent to the principles office in grade school for farting too much in class....embarrassing yet exillirating.
I don't know if this counts because I was the victim, not the perpetrator -
In my bike messenger days in NYC I had a delivery to the top floor of the Chrysler building. As anyone who has been in a skyscraper knows the top floors are serviced by express elevators that bypass the lower floors.
As I pushed the button for the top floor I realized I had just stepped into a mobile septic tank courtesy of the previous occupant. I lunged for the door, but too late - I was trapped. On the slowest "express" elevator ever. I clutched the bandana from my head for a make shift gas mask, but no use. This fast-food chili burrito bomb would not be denied by mere cotton.
It took two whole minutes before the elevator reached the top floor and I almost passed out before the doors finally opened. Of course, two hot secretaries stepped into the elevator, only to suffer the same fate on the way down, no doubt cursing me (unjustly) the whole way.
Comments
the hottest girl was sitting in the seat in front of me, so purposely i was taking a magazine and wafing it thru the air...to circulate better...i cleared my 4 of my boys out of the row we were in, im straight faced the whole time...so it looked as if one of them did it. yo this shit was rockin' the entire flight...poor girl.
you could stab the air.
while in europe...amir (aka dumpman) is the champ of melting porcelin as well as decorating hotel rooms with luscious scents of meat. watch out.
i was reading The Boxcar Children or some shit. i let a loud ass smelly fart rip.
this was the same day as Davids first day in the school district. he was this kid who had moved from Florida.
easy target.
i immediately said "EWWWWWWW" and pointed at him.
he said "wha-wha-what...that wasnt me?!"
everyone laughed at him the rest of the year
in 2000 he killed himself
true story
peace,xavier
At any rate, my most memorable rip happened during my sophomore year of high school during a basketball game. In a time-out huddle, in fact. The coach is giving us some rah rah rah and diagramming some plays, and I let an SBD slip out, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal. Turns out, it carried with it the most potent stank I've ever created. Strong enough to completely overpower the stank of sweat and that stale gym odor. A couple seconds after I cut it, everybody on the team gets the classic fart-smelling
On the subject of girls cutting loose, I have to admit that one of the raunchiest farts I've ever heard came courtesy of my older sister. We were back home visiting my mom for the holidays, and after dinner, my sister, out of the clear blue sky, turns to me and says something I didn't understand. I say, "What?" And as soon as I do, she lifts her leg and rips one that sounded like a 10-second whoopie cushion. I crack up laughing, tears streaming down my face. My sister defensively says, "I told you I had to toot!"
One night (back in high school) we were hanging out at a friends house and he taps me on the shoulder and I say "what" and turn my head to see what he wants - he'd pulled his pants down and his bare ass was less than an inch away from my face - as I'm breathing in he lets out the nastiest fart EVAR and I inhale it completely before I even could process what was going on. You couldn't have inhaled a fart more if you'd done a direct mouth to sphincter vacuum tunnel bong hit.
I literally got sick and felt like I was going to puke. My friends were laughing hysterically and thought it was the funniest thing ever. Later that night we were going to meet some girls but I still felt sick and stayed in. That fart ruined my night and is legendary among my friends to this day (over 12 years later).
But hes really more of a turd than a fart, and he isnt that memorable.
but i will sniff under the covers if i let one go while sleeping.
A 808er Tater!
a bit of an obsession, yes.
we all have problems
Anyway, one day my friend comes to work looking visibly shook and when I asked him what had happened, he says: "I was in the sack with my girlfriend this afternoon and I thought I'd pull a joke when I said "fart in my face, bitch" and you know what, she turned around and... and she, she just did it..." I could tell how torn he was between feeling pleased by his girls submissiveness and honest disgust.
classic.
My most memorable fart was in high school. I was in detention after school and of course in detention there is no talking. So we're sitting there in the regular school desks in rows (it was in a classroom). Of course, I feel the urge to fart. And I could tell it wasn't going to be good because I started getting that hot stanky fart feeling going on. So I let go - SBD all the way. I could smell it - I knew it was really, really bad, but I was hoping no one could figure out it was me.
Greatest thing though - it was so quiet, right, and the fart was so stinky... kid sitting behind me caught a whiff of it... and I could hear him sucking in air trying to hold his breath until the stench dissipated. And when I say sucking in air, I mean full-lungs-bloated-cheeks-no-more-room-for-oxygen-anywhere sucking in air. It took a few minutes to go away, so he had to do the quick exhale-quicker-inhale breath holding technique to refresh his oxygen supply.
I felt a slight twinge of sympathy, but he was a borderline douche so I didn't feel too bad about it.
Dunno if he knew it was me or not, nobody ever said anything to me.
My wife's got nothing to say to me because she drops bombs like vietnam on the regular. I cut some bad ones from time to time, but I have a range. her farts are bananas. Crazy quiet and a godawful stench every time. I'm always walking into them like a booby trap. At least I "announce" the impending doom.
massive cosine.
Now, I thought I could play it off because I was in a crowd, but next thing I know I was standing completely alone in a hot cloud of what can only be described as fried diarrhea... and up walks my man to introduce me to his supermodel girlfriend. We talked for a few minutes and the smell just hung there like it had it's arm around me. You should have seen the look on that dimes face. That was an uncomfortable conversation.
You should have started walking as soon as you saw him. When you met, you could have been like "I'm heading back to the booth right now, walk with me" Then you seem important and shit like you don't have time to just be sitting around, although it's great to meet you. I'm sorry, what was your name? Simone? A pleasure.
Or, if you don't think you can pull that off, go screwface and walk them away. If they look puzzled as to why you're all walking, you can be like "It stinks over there. I think a rat died behind the bar or somethin'."
farting while doing squats at the gym
farting while doing deadlifts at the gym
farting on the treadmill at the gym
a while back, i was outside my house and my brother was doing some yardwork. He had trimmed some dead branches from a tree and was struggling to fit them in the garbage can, i offered some help.
I stepped on a part of the branch and pulled on it to try and tear it in two.
when i started pulling i let out a massive fart that was carried upwind to my wifey who was waiting for me to finish helping my brother.
they both started LOL'ing pretty seriously.
Ahhh shit, it's so true, though my girl knew from the start what she was getting into....I let a scorcher rip during our wedding vows.
On another memorable tip I once got sent to the principles office in grade school for farting too much in class....embarrassing yet exillirating.
In my bike messenger days in NYC I had a delivery to the top floor of the Chrysler building. As anyone who has been in a skyscraper knows the top floors are serviced by express elevators that bypass the lower floors.
As I pushed the button for the top floor I realized I had just stepped into a mobile septic tank courtesy of the previous occupant. I lunged for the door, but too late - I was trapped. On the slowest "express" elevator ever. I clutched the bandana from my head for a make shift gas mask, but no use. This fast-food chili burrito bomb would not be denied by mere cotton.
It took two whole minutes before the elevator reached the top floor and I almost passed out before the doors finally opened. Of course, two hot secretaries stepped into the elevator, only to suffer the same fate on the way down, no doubt cursing me (unjustly) the whole way.