I Would Kick Her/Him Out of Bed for Liking ______

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  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    I was once involved with these two girls a pretty much the same time. They both turned out to be nothing serious. One was a pretty chill black chick who would quite happily listen to anything from Bjork to oldies or contemporary reggae or soul. The other a slightly neurotic white girl who had surprisingly good taste in music.
    In the UK, because of property prices, it's common for young people to live in a shared house of 5 or more people. So when living in shitty student accommodation with paper thin walls it was kinda essential to provide a little background noise. Though with certain house mates, if they had particular go to cd, this doesn't so much serve as a distraction, but become a signal that some getting is about to be on. There's also the collateral damage, as previously loved musical works can be sullied by association. I can't say I've tried listening to it lately but Baduizm will be forever tainted by one former housemate. "On & On" indeed.

    Being a connoisseur, or more pertinently a music nerd, obviously a mixtape of suitable songs needed to be made. This was just prior to mp3s and the magic of playlists and shuffle, but I had a minidisk so putting together several hours worth of music of varying mood was achievable.

    So I was fooling around with these two girls, to be clear whilst they were unaware of each other they were both happy with the very casual nature of the relationship (I do not wear plaid / not a Mac rel.). What very nearly got me in trouble was not calling one by the others name or some other corny hollywood cliche, it was playing the wrong songs from this minidisk. The black girl, given the right mood, would quite happily put on some smooth romantic ish and get cozy. But one day I made the mistake of unthinkingly just pressing play when the other girl was over and as soon as she hears the opening bars of some forgotten late 90s rnb crooner, she all but bolts from the door.

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    This is how i imagine it went down for certain strutters who spent the 00s trying to impress the ladies with their rap skills

  • bassiebassie 11,710 Posts
    Okem said:


    Being a connoisseur, or more pertinently a music nerd, obviously a mixtape of suitable songs needed to be made.

    Are you the Stutteur who made the love songs mix with the multi-coloured handwritten artists and titles for the cover?

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    bassie said:
    Okem said:


    Being a connoisseur, or more pertinently a music nerd, obviously a mixtape of suitable songs needed to be made.

    Are you the Stutteur who made the love songs mix with the multi-coloured handwritten artists and titles for the cover?
    I might be..

    That cover was a homage to Mike Westbrook's 'Love Songs' on Deram.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,954 Posts
    skel said:
    Three Sundays ago I met up with two disabled bisexual Indian girls who wanted a 3sm (multiple sclerosis forum hookup-R)
    So one is oralising the bellend, other has my left nut in her gob and I am taking iPhone snaps at their behest.
    All the while, a gay porn flick is playing on their beat-up Hitachi laptop. Midway thru, alpha-girl decides we must be accompanied by her favourite track of the day. Porn flick off, random Maroon 5 track on.
    Instant boner softening style.
    The crushing irony is that MS takes away the sensitivity but not the function, so we're playing this out and not feeling a single fucking thing, and there was no happy ending.
    That is all.

    You had me at two disabled bisexual Indian girls.

  • nzshadownzshadow 5,518 Posts
    J i m s t e r said:


    You had me at two disabled bisexual Indian girls.

    Oh yes. But let's not let this perfectly crafted piece of poetry escape without applause:

    So one is oralising the bellend, other has my left nut in her gob and I am taking iPhone snaps at their behest.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,954 Posts
    I bet he's not even got MS.

    The cnut.

  • HarveyCanalHarveyCanal "a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
    Herm strictly gets down to Murs whispering in his ear.

  • I cannot stand Robin Trower. 1970s bloozerock just doesn't get it for me.

    Yet and still, my then-girlfriend put his CD on while we were alone.

    She was looking good and I was hornier than the Tijuana Brass. This was no time to play "music critic." I just kept on doing my biz and didn't miss a stroke...

    **********************

    Once, at some party, I was in a makeout session with some girl I'd been eyeing.

    She did admit that her favorite artists were Justin Timberlake and Stevie Nicks. Did that stop me from putting my tongue down her throat? Hell no.

    The_Non said:
    Additional things I couldn't get with, but have yet to experience:
    -Clown posters/memorabilia in the action room

    I was once dealing on a lady who admitted she had a full-on doll collection in her bedroom.

    Thank God nothing ever happened between us. I dodged a bullet there...

  • Fred_GarvinFred_Garvin The land of wind and ghosts 337 Posts
    HarveyCanal said:
    I would fuck to Rush Limbaugh rapping his grocery list over a beat made from howler monkeys being chopped into pieces by Yoko Ono screams, who gives a fuck?
    I think you may have just invented a new kind of audio weapon. Blast that nonstop and you could send any opposing army into the hills with their hands over their bleeding ears.

  • skel said:
    Three Sundays ago I met up with two disabled bisexual Indian girls who wanted a 3sm (multiple sclerosis forum hookup-R)
    So one is oralising the bellend, other has my left nut in her gob and I am taking iPhone snaps at their behest.
    All the while, a gay porn flick is playing on their beat-up Hitachi laptop. Midway thru, alpha-girl decides we must be accompanied by her favourite track of the day. Porn flick off, random Maroon 5 track on.
    Instant boner softening style.
    The crushing irony is that MS takes away the sensitivity but not the function, so we're playing this out and not feeling a single fucking thing, and there was no happy ending.
    That is all.


  • About to knock boots with this girl. Room is dark, things are getting lively. Go to grab a jimmy hat and I look up and she's got a beret on and this weird little pencil moustache. Freaked me out. Then she growls "wrap it up...I'll take it." She must have been planning that moment for a long time.

  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    Controller_7 said:
    About to knock boots with this girl. Room is dark, things are getting lively. Go to grab a jimmy hat and I look up and she's got a beret on and this weird little pencil moustache. Freaked me out. Then she growls "wrap it up...I'll take it." She must have been planning that moment for a long time.

    Hahahaha.......now your lyin'!

  • I am, but it popped in my head while reading this thread and I had to post it. I wish it were true.

    Wrap it up...


  • Controller_7 said:
    she's got a beret on and this weird little pencil moustache

    Halloween party?

  • Controller_7 said:
    About to knock boots with this girl. Room is dark, things are getting lively. Go to grab a jimmy hat and I look up and she's got a beret on and this weird little pencil moustache. Freaked me out. Then she growls "wrap it up...I'll take it." She must have been planning that moment for a long time.

    i have the weirdest boner right now.

  • HarveyCanalHarveyCanal "a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
    /END THRAED

  • Controller_7 said:
    About to knock boots with this girl. Room is dark, things are getting lively. Go to grab a jimmy hat and I look up and she's got a beret on and this weird little pencil moustache. Freaked me out. Then she growls "wrap it up...I'll take it." She must have been planning that moment for a long time.

    GOLDEN! Top marks.

    Feel free to expand your faux Fab T-Birds exploits tales by adding in some "butt-rockin'" references.

  • HarveyCanal said:
    I would fuck to Rush Limbaugh rapping his grocery list over a beat made from howler monkeys being chopped into pieces by Yoko Ono screams, who gives a fuck?

    Someone make this happen, now I wanna hear this.

  • dayday 9,611 Posts
    doisn said:
    i??d enough and put on Hotsauce in teh dickhole by d-styles & q-bert .

    I was gonna say smashing to the Benny Hill theme would be the worst, but that might take the cake.


    This thread delivers.

  • SIRUSSIRUS 2,554 Posts


    i am now in the mood.

  • bassiebassie 11,710 Posts
    skel said:
    I am taking iPhone snaps at their behest.


    Hello?

    Do I need to draw you guys a map?

  • bassiebassie 11,710 Posts
    Remember the Counting Crows back piece? Welcome to The Morning After Nightmare: 2012
    One can only hope dude is gay or enjoys a good pegging so the date can avoid an 8am spooning scare.





    As my spring chicken days are well over, I would have a very hard time taking a man my age who is an Aubs fan seriously. It may not be fair or reasonable, but it is.

  • UB40. It would make me leave very quickly.

  • Surprised no one has mentioned chapped lips.

    No one likes chapped lips.

  • dayday 9,611 Posts
    *edit - deleted

  • DuderonomyDuderonomy Haut de la Garenne 7,789 Posts
    J i m s t e r said:
    I bet he's not even got MS.

    The cnut.

    Hahaaha, I started reading this thread and was just going to say that "Zoe" had a lucky escape - music snobbery putting you off?

    Then I read Skel's poast I'm getting Fight Club vibes.

  • leonleon 883 Posts
    I keep reading this thread's title as ' I Would Kick Herm Out Of Bed For Liking___

    So there's that.

  • leon said:
    I keep reading this thread's title as ' I Would Kick Herm Out Of Bed For Liking___

    So there's that.

    I keep reading the 'show me your guitars' thread as 'show me your genitals'.... and my girlfriend keeps walking in on me trying to get the right angle.

  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    leon said:
    I Would Kick Herm Out Of Bed For Liking__________.

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