Hey You, Get Off My Friggin' Lawn
Rockadelic
Out Digging 13,993 Posts
You will all get old and cranky one day.....feel free to prematurely add on.
To the 20 something year old dude in the record store yesterday: Do you really have a lengthy story to tell about every friggin record you pick out of the racks and is your girlfriend really impressed that you know Elvis Costello's real name even though you can't pronounce it worth a damn? Let me know when you go condom shopping, I want to listen in.
To the person at the drive-thru window: If you are ordering meals for all 20 of your co-workers please park and drag your ass inside the building to place your order. If this food is all for you I know why you can't drag your ass anydamnwhere.
To the folks who make the show Whale Wars: So you think that parachuting onto a ship and stopping some Japanese dude from making a living and feeding his family by keeping him from killing a whale is impressive? How about parachuting into Chicago and stopping 20 murders from happening every damn weekend, THAT would impress me.
To the 50 something year old woman who insists on dressing like a teen-ager: The only thing you and Lindsay Lohan have in common is you'll both be dead within 10 years.
To the 20 something year old dude in the record store yesterday: Do you really have a lengthy story to tell about every friggin record you pick out of the racks and is your girlfriend really impressed that you know Elvis Costello's real name even though you can't pronounce it worth a damn? Let me know when you go condom shopping, I want to listen in.
To the person at the drive-thru window: If you are ordering meals for all 20 of your co-workers please park and drag your ass inside the building to place your order. If this food is all for you I know why you can't drag your ass anydamnwhere.
To the folks who make the show Whale Wars: So you think that parachuting onto a ship and stopping some Japanese dude from making a living and feeding his family by keeping him from killing a whale is impressive? How about parachuting into Chicago and stopping 20 murders from happening every damn weekend, THAT would impress me.
To the 50 something year old woman who insists on dressing like a teen-ager: The only thing you and Lindsay Lohan have in common is you'll both be dead within 10 years.
Comments
sumthin else thats gets me is when i see really hot chicks trying to wear heels that they cant sport at all....knobby knee knocking type shit....lol
Saw this happen a while back. Some guy is talking loud, verbally annotating every damn album he sees, even going out of his way to retell the legend of Question Mark and how he seriously believes he's from outer space or something. Can't tell whether he was trying to get into the girl's pants or not - there was another guy in the conversation - but his act was getting mighty old.
I heard it works. With varying results.
i'll take these dudes over the group of 10 cool kids who are making a point of having their inane conversation near the record section of the store despite the fact that they are blocking the aisles and have no plans to actually look at the records. congratulations on standing near the records. i hear that they are really "in" right now. maybe that girl from the punk show will see you.
Learn how to bag some groceries already. Bag similar items like cold stuff together. I send it all down the conveyor belt together to make it easy for you. And quit squishing my bread.
Effective leglength can be halved in these things...walking like a kid with his pants around his ankles. I saw a dude yesterday who was so deep into this style that his waddle was tearing apart the insides of his slip-on Vans, due to the extreme duckfootedness his tightsaggin necessitated.
:grin:
Those people fucking suck. And they have terrible, terrible taste in music.
I can see this guy being the bane of your transplanted New Yorker existence.
me: looking at a rack mount for some gear you have a 8 and a 12 space rack, i cant find the height on these can you tell me?
ass: oh really we sell those....huh you have a model number?
me: nope sorry man i dont....but all i really need to know is the height as i wanna pick up tonight, i found it via the search under rackmounts on like the 3rd page....
ass: sorry i cant seem to find it, what was it again....
me: a rackmount, i'll tell you what even though i am at work i am going to walk back to my office and call you back...ok?
ass: sure!
5 minutes later....
me: hey just me calling back i have the models of both rackmounts...IRK-12 and RK-3
ass: oh yeah here we go, oh!......the height isnt listed here sorry we dont have that info...
me wtf i told you that when i called, i figured that if you sold them you could at least tell me the height of said items as i wanna pick up in like 1 hr
ass, yeah i dont have a measuring tape, do you?
me: huh what....
ass: do you have a measuring tape
me: dude i am at work do you think people just randomly carry measuring tapes around with them, um not a construction worker...
ass: yeah we could just take one out of the box and measure it if you did...
me: you know what man, thanks for your time i guess your missing out on a sale, mind you not a huge one, but i did just sink $1000 there a week ago on a new rackmount amp and would love to buy a rack to put it in...have a great night
ass: oh wait we have a...
me: click!
idiot! maybe me expecting people that work at these places to know about the things they sell is my epic phail here...either or the guy was a douche
Rich, what happened to the East of Undergrounds? how much?
Here are some of my old man pet peeves:
1. Hey lady, will you move your ass out of the the middle of the grocery aisle so I can get to the products I want to pick up. Why are you so oblivious to all that is going on around you? If I were a shiesty cat, I'd wack you over the head and vick your purse. Stupid!!!
2. Yo pops, will you please pick a lane to drive in, either left or right? I'd like to pass your slow-driving ass, but you are blocking the entire side of the road. Perhaps, there should be a mandatory "stop driving" age.
3.
4. Meathead, I wish you'd stop grunting loud like you're taking a shit while you're lifting weights. Also, why don't you stop letting the weights "clank" like an idiot? I'm not impressed since you have terrible form, and you'll probably tear a muscle since you're trying to lift too much weight. Oh yeah, and move the fuck out of the way so I can get to the other universal machine to work my triceps. You can't use all of the machines at once. Don't start none, won't be none, muthafucka!
5. Yo man, why don't you look up from texting on your cellphone while you're crossing the street? You're lucky I'm a defensive driver, or I would've hit your dumb ass. What you're texting about isn't that cotdamn important to lose your life over it. Are you crazy? Why do you think grimy cats rob dumb co-eds like you down on College Avenue? Because you're fucking oblivious to your surroundings, thus making your stupid ass an easy mark. You're not in your suburban utopia anymore. Shit can and will happen over in New Brunswick if you're caught slippin'.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
FUSK YOU!!!
Hey idiot trying to get on the highway via the entrance ramp. You see that damn sign that says YIELD that means that YOU are to merge into oncoming traffic. It is not a stop sign for people already on the highway....
Hey idiot didn't you see that bright ass sign that said "Left lane closed ahead"? NO I will not let your dumb ass over in front of me after you rode in the left lane until you were sitting right in front of that bright ass " Left lane closed sign". You saw the sign a mile back just like I did.
Hey you damn hipster why do you have to stand in front of the new arrival bin for 1 whole damn hour? If reading that record cover is that serious take that shit to a listening booth and read till your hearts content..either you know the record or you don't...get the hell out of the way.
uhh... what was so douchy about that exactly? that was like the most helpful L&M guy in history. id be glad if i were u
Here are some I forgot to mention on the New Jersey driver tip:
6. Hey grandma (slow driver vernacular; I know, it's awful), in Driver's Ed, I learned that you're supposed to accelerate to the speed of the traffic when attempting to merge onto the highway. How can you or the 20 cars behind your slow-moving ass get on the freeway if we're only going 30 miles per hour? Where did you learn to drive, Sears's Driver's Ed school? :real_headz: (I'm showing my age on this one).
7. Hey dumbass, the left lane on a 4-lane road is designated for PASSING, not driving slow ass hell ad infinatum. Move over to the right lane, so that I can pass your slow-driving ass. I have places to go and things to do, and I'd like to arrive at my destination before the millenium ends.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
Oh man, this bruns my ass daily....
I recently drove 300 kilometres under lights and sirens to a wild fire at an average speed of 220 kph. I must have come up on 100 cars that either refused to move or didn't see me until I was on thier ass flashing and blipping. I seriously don't get it. I was taught from a young age to pass and get the fusk out of the way, I have my bad habits but I know when someone is coming up on me.
Reads like.........
"A school bus travels from Veldhoven to Roosendaal. There are 4 children in the bus. And each child has 4 backpacks with him. There are 4 dogs sitting in each backpack. And every dog has 4 puppies with her. All these dogs have 4 legs, with 4 toes at each leg.
What is the total number of toes in the bus?"
I have a good one for that - make sure you have at least one loud-ass metal track on your phone, so you can sit next to them and start blasting that.
99% of the other cases except for the traffic shit - just tell people to step off in a stern but reasonable manner, usually works.
Telling people to step-off is the real old man steez.
I can tell right away if they don't know what they are doing. If this is the case I ask them to step aside and I do it myself. That said, when there is no bagger, able-bodied adults need to step-up and bag that shit. I say this to the 24 year old guy who stands there for 20 minutes watching the 80 year old cashier bags his food. Helping her out won't make your dick fall off you Muppet.