TAKE THAT SHIT TO THE-BRITS.COM

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  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    I think, given the public school, "Soggy biscuit" backgrounds of the cabinet, that the behaviour is there in some of them. And I believe that anyone who could rock the boat sufficiently hard is prevented from even entering the marina, or is persuaded to keep their mouth firmly closed by any means necessary. They don't call it the Establishment for nowt.

    They shredded all the "Expenses" documents recently.

    I believe they tell us what we want to hear in order to get the vote, then do whatever is demanded by The City to keep the money flowing. It's been like this since we started doing well from rhaping sunny places for their loot.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    Whose idea was it to start a new FF week, mid-week? I did not get that email.

    Broke the bank and put Costa and Kun (saves me searching for that foreign U) in this week.

    WATCH THE WHEALS FALL OFF

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    Our boy George getting called out for being a druggy live in the house.



    Sry no embed, mobile.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    J i m s t e r said:
    Whose idea was it to start a new FF week, mid-week? I did not get that email.

    Broke the bank and put Costa and Kun (saves me searching for that foreign U) in this week.

    WATCH THE WHEALS FALL OFF

    Insert "Wheel falling off" gif here (soundtrack: ligaments ripping)

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    Nasri, doe.

    So...

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/11289403/Man-who-introduced-Scot-Young-and-Ring-of-Death-to-Russians-killed-in-helicopter-crash.html

    Scot Young: Tumbled, Jumped or Pushed?

    Chelsea this season, it would appear. OR ELSE.

  • DuderonomyDuderonomy Haut de la Garenne 7,793 Posts
    J i m s t e r said:


    Chelsea this season, it would appear. OR ELSE.

    LOL. Chelsea to appear in the pollonium poisoning movie?

  • DuderonomyDuderonomy Haut de la Garenne 7,793 Posts


    Sweet! First time I can remember that Arsenal haven't been drawn against favourites.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    FIX. FIX. FIX. FIX.

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    Ooh interesting, I'd forgotten about the CL. Some good draws, the top four must have the tv guys rubbing their hands together.

    It's pointless saying it now, but I had this weird dream like premonition that we'd get Monaco, but dismissed it. Shoulda put a bet on.


  • DuderonomyDuderonomy Haut de la Garenne 7,793 Posts

    That is good.


    b/w


    Retired.

  • skelskel You can't cheat karma 5,033 Posts
    Greatest player ever in England. I think.

    B/w

    Chinese takeaway in Plaistow:

    "A body of a dead lion was found in a restaurant's freezer during an inspection by environmental health officers, it was revealed in September.

    The animal's corpse was discovered stuffed next to food which was due to be served to unsuspecting customers.

    The restaurant's owner told health inspectors the lion was donated to him by a nearby zoo to feed to his pack of dogs."

    :walk_away_son:

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    For Arsenal he's been a bit like that one really beautiful girl you managed to date for a while in college and no other girl has quite managed to live up to since.

    Dude was just class.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    I thought that kebab meat was a bit...


    ...ROAR!

    b/w

    For a short time, my dad worked at Granox, a plant in Widnes that recycled the corpses of dead animals for gelatine, fats and other tasty morcels.

    They had a foreman who would routinely inspect the toilets on the night shift, to make sure none of the workforce were slacking off and doing crosswords or whatever it is folk do for an hour in the trap.

    The locks had long been kicked off the doors, which in their default hanging state, thankfully remained closed. He would look under the doors for the presence of boots in order to determine occupancy.

    One day a dead gorilla came in. The day shift managed to shoehorn it into one of the traps and put boots on it and a hard hat, so that all that could be seen of it were the boots under the door of the trap. They left it for the night shift to clock on.

    Appaently when the foreman had no response from the gorilla's trap, he assumed the occupant was asleep or ill and pushed the door open.

    I am told he had to be hospitalised with the shock.

    Those long Winter nights just flew by.

  • ppadilhappadilha 2,244 Posts
    hey Jimster tell us that story about the monkey that ran off with the man's testicles again, I love that one!

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    Ah yes.

    My uncle served in The Malayan Emergency operation. This was a story relayed to them about not tolerating the local monkeys when stationed in the jungle.

    Apparently bored squaddies often adopted them as de facto pets. All is good until you get on the wrong side of them.

    The monkeys had acquired a taste for tobacco, regardless of the format it came in. Gifted with a keen sense of smell, they were adept at seeking it out amongst the personal belongings left in the squad tents, no matter how well-hidden the tobacco was.

    So one night a squaddie is awoken by a disturbance in the tent. He puts on a torch and sees a monkey going through his kit bag, eating his cigarettes. Naturally, the squaddie would prefer that the monkey ceases and desists, so he jumps out of his hammock and shouts at the monkey, hands raised.

    At this point, I must add that, due to the intense and very un-British jungle heat, most of the blokes slept stark bollock naked.

    The monkey, cornered, became agitated, and made a break for it between the squaddies legs. On the way out, it tore his bollocks off in one swift move - a popular end-game amongst monkey-on-monkey conflicts.

    There are many lessons in this story, from "War - What Is It Good For?" to "F*ck, Tupperware [em]does [/em]have its uses after all". It's as multi-layered as a 15-year-old Fagen album.






  • ppadilhappadilha 2,244 Posts
    I wonder if "which would you rather lose, your cigarettes or your testicles?" is a common threat in that part of the world

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    Another lesson in there is "Smoking can seriously damage your health."

  • ppadilhappadilha 2,244 Posts
    the main takeaway for me is you shouldn't dingle your danglies in front of a monkey

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    Man goes to zoo. Is told that the gorilla will copy anything you do.
    Man walks up to bars.
    Gorilla approaches to close proximity .
    Man waves.
    Gorilla waves back.
    Man smiles.
    Gorilla smiles.
    Man jumps.
    Gorilla jumps.
    Man rubs itch on nose.
    Gorilla punches man through bars and he wakes up in hospital.
    It is explained to him that rubbing your nose is the ultimate gorilla insult.

    Man returns to zoo and approaches gorilla again.
    Man waves.
    Gorilla waves back.
    Man smiles.
    Gorilla smiles.
    Man pushes peeled banana through zipper and bites off end.




















    Gorilla rubs nose.

  • ppadilhappadilha 2,244 Posts
    the Rio zoo had a sole female gorilla who was their main attraction, until one day she became depressed and mopey. The zookeepers began debating:
    - I think she needs a mate to sleep with her.
    - But it's too expensive to fly a male gorilla over here!
    one of them gave it some thought, then said:
    - I know! My Portuguese neighbor is quite hairy and rough, maybe we can convince him to do it!
    So they call Manoel over and explain their situation, to which he replies:
    - Sleep with a gorilla! What will my wife think of this???
    - But Manoel, we're asking you to do it for $500!
    Manoel asks them if he can sleep on the offer, and the next day he calls them back:
    - Ok, I'll do it, but under three conditions.
    - Great! What are they?
    - First, no kissing.
    - Of course!
    - Second, no pictures or video.
    - Obviously!
    - And third, the $500...
    - What about it?










    - do I have to pay it all upfront or can we do half now and the other half afterwards?

  • DuderonomyDuderonomy Haut de la Garenne 7,793 Posts

    LOL x 3!
    You couldn't make the monkey story up. Honourable discharge, or officer's mess?

  • DuderonomyDuderonomy Haut de la Garenne 7,793 Posts
    I don't want the death penalty brought back (that would be too quick), but could we send the bastards to a CIA "black-site"?


    http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/dec/18/london-police-vip-child-sex-abuse-murder

    Scotland Yard officers have said they believe allegations that a ring of prominent politicians and members of the establishment abused and terrorised children as young as seven more than 30 years ago and went on to kill three young boys.

    Detectives appealed for victims and witnesses to come forward and identified a flat in Dolphin Square, London, near the Houses of Parliament, as a scene of some of the alleged abuse, as well as military premises and other locations across London and the home counties.

    So far one victim, known by the pseudonym Nick, has come forward to tell of a decade of abuse he suffered at the hands of people including senior politicians and members of Britain’s establishment, and of three homicides. Police as yet have no bodies, full names of those abused or killed, or exact locations where the killings took place.

    But the detective in charge of the investigation pointedly described Nick’s allegations as “true” and said Nick had been abused from 1975 to 1984, between the ages of seven and 16.

    Now in middle age, Nick has given partial names of other children who were abused, the Guardian understands, and has given names of “VIPs” alleged to be involved in the abuse. He is understood to have been scared of reprisals for telling detectives about the things powerful people did to him and other children.

    If the allegations are correct, it represents one of the worst scandals in modern British history and endangers already thin public trust in the politicians who govern the country.

    b/w

    http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/nov/28/tom-watson-interview-no-doubt-one-politician-abused-kids

  • magpaulmagpaul 1,314 Posts

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    such a cunt.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    I myself do not use the "C" word. I group it with the "P" word (that catch-all for all browner asians) and the "N" bomb.


  • DuderonomyDuderonomy Haut de la Garenne 7,793 Posts
    J i m s t e r said:
    I myself do not use the "C" word. I group it with the "P" word (that catch-all for all browner asians) and the "N" bomb.


    Here in Barcelona I was told that the "P" word isn't seen as offensive and was surprised when people would drop it into conversation about shops. Mmmmm, I thought. But then one day I saw a shop owned by a gentleman of such origin called P de Barcelona.
    Still don't use it myself, but have to assume if it has never had negative connotations here, it's no different than the "B" word.

  • "it's goh' feefer onni"

    [removed][removed]

  • ppadilhappadilha 2,244 Posts

  • DocMcCoyDocMcCoy "Go and laugh in your own country!" 5,917 Posts
    ppadilha said:

    To be fair, when I first moved to Berlin I was struck by how you could walk down any random street and very often you'd notice that no two houses looked alike. And there was so much open space too...

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