one of my co-workers, while talking to her, revealed that she still produced milk in her boobs. her kid is prob over a year old. she then proceeded to take a breast out, and squeeze a nipple. sure enough....
Should've whipped out a shotglass and had a party.
I was out to dinner recently with an uncomfortably large group of friends and acquantainces, and a couple of young sub-5 children who didn't belong there especially considering they were out on their family's boat the entire day. The kids were going to be cranky, one of them already looked tired and it really wasn'ta good idea to have them there, even though they are very well behaved.
Anyway, a few minutes after we sit down the youngest (who is sitting directly across from me) starts grogging out and just puts his head down and goes to sleep. It was cute, the other two were quiet and we all had a nice dinner.
After we eat everyone is relaxing and ordering coffee when the young one (I'm sure he had a name, but it escapes me) starts to wake up. While he's stirring I'm having a conversation with his dad (who is sitting right next to him) about how fly my Tommy Bahama shirt is and where he can get them for cheap since his was wack and had stains on it. The dad, in mid-sentence, goes to lift up the young boy to put him on his lap when I notice the boy's pants are SOAKED. My first thought was "how the hell is he still wet from the boat?" then I realized he pissed himself while he was sleeping. As I was the first to notice, my natural duty was to blurt out "Yo the kid pissed his pants" to the dad.
The dad promptly went "Whoa, here yo go honey" and passed the drippy kid right across the table to his astonished wife, then while he was wiping down himself and the table he asked me "where's Nordstrom Rack again? Old Country Road? They got the good shit there?".
It all was pretty endearing, but I was stunned by how much piss this kid produced so I was temporarly speechless.
Sween your story left me speechless! And it reminded of a situation this past weekend.
We were hanging out at a house with several people. My friends' adorable 3-year-old daughter was there, too, chilling in the living room watching a Garfield DVD. I walked up to her and said, "Hey, whatcha watchin'?" She said (without looking at me), "A cat movie." I said, "Cool! You know, we have a cat--" and she cut me off and said, "I'd like to be alone. Could you leave?"
I was stunned; I just stood there for a second. I guess that was a second too long, though, because she added, "Please?"
I laughed out loud, walked away, and complimented her parents on how awesome their daughter is. I don't think she'll have any problems when it comes to shutting down lame teenage boys.
Yesterday a co-worker tells us... "when Im driving on the highway, all the time, people are tailgaiting me, flicking me off, yelling, and etc becuase they think I drive too slow. Why dont they just past me?". We later discover that homeboy is driving in the left lane! And we explain that you can only pass on the right. He then claims that he doesnt care, it is his right to be there, and that he wont move purely out of spite. At this point the whole office is in total disbelief and beside themselves in anger, because here we were, having a converstation with THAT guy. The same guy we have all encountered on the highway, and here he was telling us 'I dont care'.
...I'd really hate to know what ends up in his coffee over the next few weeks.
The dad promptly went "Whoa, here yo go honey" and passed the drippy kid right across the table to his astonished wife, then while he was wiping down himself and the table he asked me "where's Nordstrom Rack again? Old Country Road? They got the good shit there?".
I hope she passed the piss dripping little crumb snatcher right back to him, saying "no, no, here you go sweetums!
So, yesterday my office mate says-
her: How many days are in February?
me: 28
her: This calendar show 29!!!
me: Is it 2008? Must be a leap year.
her: What's that? (by the way - she's 27)
me: um, well, it actually takes a little longer than a year to go around the sun, so every four years we adjust. Get it?
her: (clearly looking puzzled) Um, yeah?
me: Don't you remember from school, kids born on Februaury 29th, when they were 16, they'd joke about how they were 4?
her: (laughing) No!!
silence as we work for a minute....
her: Dumb question!
me: No, no - go ahead.
her: I'm just wondering. I'm like thinking, is there maybe something wrong with people who are born on February 29? Like I'm thinking are they deformed or have problems or something?
me: Uh, no, no - it's just any other day. (thinking "jesus fucjing christ this moron went to college!!!)
-oh yeah, I work in a law firm. We bill the clients a lot. Even the moron sitting next to me. Now you know part of why retaining a lawyer costs so much, and you get so little...
her: I'm just wondering. I'm like thinking, is there maybe something wrong with people who are born on February 29? Like I'm thinking are they deformed or have problems or something?
her: I'm just wondering. I'm like thinking, is there maybe something wrong with people who are born on February 29? Like I'm thinking are they deformed or have problems or something?
an estranged family member whom i haven;t seen or spoken to in ages and who lives across an ocean contacted me out of the blue today to ask that i give him space.
Whilst in a sauna a month or so ago I had a converstaion with this middle aged lady who thought that desalination was a great idea "because it would help reduce the rising sea levels caused by global warming" ..
Comments
which reminds me.
Should've whipped out a shotglass and had a party.
I was out to dinner recently with an uncomfortably large group of friends and acquantainces, and a couple of young sub-5 children who didn't belong there especially considering they were out on their family's boat the entire day. The kids were going to be cranky, one of them already looked tired and it really wasn'ta good idea to have them there, even though they are very well behaved.
Anyway, a few minutes after we sit down the youngest (who is sitting directly across from me) starts grogging out and just puts his head down and goes to sleep. It was cute, the other two were quiet and we all had a nice dinner.
After we eat everyone is relaxing and ordering coffee when the young one (I'm sure he had a name, but it escapes me) starts to wake up. While he's stirring I'm having a conversation with his dad (who is sitting right next to him) about how fly my Tommy Bahama shirt is and where he can get them for cheap since his was wack and had stains on it. The dad, in mid-sentence, goes to lift up the young boy to put him on his lap when I notice the boy's pants are SOAKED. My first thought was "how the hell is he still wet from the boat?" then I realized he pissed himself while he was sleeping. As I was the first to notice, my natural duty was to blurt out "Yo the kid pissed his pants" to the dad.
The dad promptly went "Whoa, here yo go honey" and passed the drippy kid right across the table to his astonished wife, then while he was wiping down himself and the table he asked me "where's Nordstrom Rack again? Old Country Road? They got the good shit there?".
It all was pretty endearing, but I was stunned by how much piss this kid produced so I was temporarly speechless.
We were hanging out at a house with several people. My friends' adorable 3-year-old daughter was there, too, chilling in the living room watching a Garfield DVD. I walked up to her and said, "Hey, whatcha watchin'?" She said (without looking at me), "A cat movie." I said, "Cool! You know, we have a cat--" and she cut me off and said, "I'd like to be alone. Could you leave?"
I was stunned; I just stood there for a second. I guess that was a second too long, though, because she added, "Please?"
I laughed out loud, walked away, and complimented her parents on how awesome their daughter is. I don't think she'll have any problems when it comes to shutting down lame teenage boys.
I hope she passed the piss dripping little crumb snatcher right back to him, saying "no, no, here you go sweetums!
So, yesterday my office mate says-
her: How many days are in February?
me: 28
her: This calendar show 29!!!
me: Is it 2008? Must be a leap year.
her: What's that? (by the way - she's 27)
me: um, well, it actually takes a little longer than a year to go around the sun, so every four years we adjust. Get it?
her: (clearly looking puzzled) Um, yeah?
me: Don't you remember from school, kids born on Februaury 29th, when they were 16, they'd joke about how they were 4?
her: (laughing) No!!
silence as we work for a minute....
her: Dumb question!
me: No, no - go ahead.
her: I'm just wondering. I'm like thinking, is there maybe something wrong with people who are born on February 29? Like I'm thinking are they deformed or have problems or something?
me: Uh, no, no - it's just any other day. (thinking "jesus fucjing christ this moron went to college!!!)
-oh yeah, I work in a law firm. We bill the clients a lot. Even the moron sitting next to me. Now you know part of why retaining a lawyer costs so much, and you get so little...
This is hilarious.
It's a cursed day! ooooOOOOOooooohhh
Paging DjFerrari
Were you telling them about Soulstrut?
Naw, I was telling my teammates to stop whining and play D.
He would have, but there was no glass of water handy.