What just happened to me at work

13»

  Comments


  • faux_rillzfaux_rillz 14,343 Posts


    This is the type of thing I could picture Crink hanging in his living room.

  • we need a jah rule graemlin saying 'merde'

  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    a quick note to let you all know that I just found my office's bathroom flooded, and my shoe made contact with the water on the floor, which was clearly contaminated. This has never happened before. It must be the work of a terd of gigantic proportions. I can't stress how much this is. I'm sad and feelin' dirty.

  • Young_PhonicsYoung_Phonics 8,039 Posts
    so glad the boss is out today.

  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    so glad the boss is out today.

    you're saying you are not self-motivated to do your job?

  • Young_PhonicsYoung_Phonics 8,039 Posts
    so glad the boss is out today.

    you're saying you are not self-motivated to do your job?

    A BAD LOOK BIGGER THAN THAT TURD I DROPPED AFTER AN ENCHILADA PLATE WITH BEANS AND RICE

  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    The key to developing a winning emotional mindset is to change how we think about motivation.

    True motivation comes from deep inside ourselves. When it comes from the core of our being, we are fully involved in setting goals and achieving them.

    taken from http://www.proactive-coach.com/motivational/work.htm

    I always search this kind of stuff and after a proper translation, I do an intra-company spamming. I receive a wide range of insults. Shit is funny.

  • pcmrpcmr 5,591 Posts



    WTF is that pink bucket? I don't want to know.

    Not that I am ass-hurt pony (zing)

    but these are quite common all over africa. the tub is with water to wash


    when you gotta go you gotta go

    talking about scatiliscious experiences..these types of bathrooms create a unique aiming challenge situation to entertain you. Depending on length and consistence (little turds ...swish!....massive trunks take the big dip) its fun time every try!

  • jjfad027jjfad027 1,594 Posts
    so the first thing I do when I get in the shower is to turn my back to the stream of water, bend over, and spread my ass-cheeks!

    That's right - I let the shower water and gravity cleanse my asshole, bitches!


    BE CAREFULL I nearly enamized myself like that once. Watch yer PSI

  • nzshadownzshadow 5,518 Posts



    WTF is that pink bucket? I don't want to know.

    Not that I am ass-hurt pony (zing)

    but these are quite common all over africa. the tub is with water to wash


    when you gotta go you gotta go

    talking about scatiliscious experiences..these types of bathrooms create a unique aiming challenge situation to entertain you. Depending on length and consistence (little turns ...swish!....massive trunks take the big dip) its fun time every try!

    so im waiting for my overnight coach in Thailand (Koh Chang) and i get that creeping feeling, you know: the one when your stomach just does a backflip and lets you know that you have just under a minute to drop trou and prepare for the onslaught, so its like 4am and all the other smelly fucking backpackers are playing cards, smoking, swapping bullshit stories and I just make a mad dash for one of these lovely hole in the ground toilets, I manage to get my pants down before Satan himself claws his way out of my rectum. Only then, when I am basking in my post shit glow do I take a closer look at my surroundings???

    The hole is literally crawling with cockroaches, hell crawling doesn???t do it justice, that fucking hole was pulsating. The bucket was filled with what looked like vomit and there was a small hose lying in dried diahorrea., in my frantic scramble to get the fuck outta there I slipped on the footpad and landed with my elbow down the cockroach infested slimey shithole, I then flailed around in backpacker shit and cockroaches like a kid on a slip???n???slide. Not one of my proudest moments???
    Im not exactly being quiet by this stage, so upon my return to the waiting area I had, to put it mildly: a captive audience??? I wish I had had a camera, because the looks on the faces of the horrified masses was almost worth what I went through??? almost.

    I ended up jumping in the sea and washing off but I still had a whole section of the bus to myself on the 12 hour journey.

    Thanks for posting the picture, you brought back a memory I have been trying to suppress for years.

  • piedpiperpiedpiper 1,279 Posts



    WTF is that pink bucket? I don't want to know.

    Not that I am ass-hurt pony (zing)

    but these are quite common all over africa. the tub is with water to wash


    when you gotta go you gotta go

    talking about scatiliscious experiences..these types of bathrooms create a unique aiming challenge situation to entertain you. Depending on length and consistence (little turds ...swish!....massive trunks take the big dip) its fun time every try!

    correct! quite common in South-Asia as well and often
    however, here??s a clean example and detailed instructions for proper use









  • drewnicedrewnice 5,465 Posts
    So what, you're supposed to walk around with a wet ass for the rest of the day?

  • piedpiperpiedpiper 1,279 Posts
    So what, you're supposed to walk around with a wet ass for the rest of the day?

    not a big deal if it??s warm and you wear a lungi ( kind of skirt) only.

    but I agree: somehow

  • spexxxspexxx 37 Posts
    This thread is,was and always will be...dat' shit.

  • PrimeCutsLtdPrimeCutsLtd jersey fresh 2,632 Posts
    a quick note to let you all know that I just found my office's bathroom flooded, and my shoe made contact with the water on the floor, which was clearly contaminated. This has never happened before. It must be the work of a terd of gigantic proportions. I can't stress how much this is. I'm sad and feelin' dirty.

    Must of been a trophy shit. (above 12 inches)
    as for getting poo water on your shoe...don't be such a pussy. We've all been there. Now the indian shitter with the nasty bucket for ass splashing...That's just Nasty!!! You need one of those machines that blow air on your ass so you can dry up. Good stuff fellows keep it up.

  • DJ_EnkiDJ_Enki 6,471 Posts
    Could you take a shit in that environment?

    No, I don't even like to shit when someone is in the next stall over.

    Word the fuck up. I know I ain't the only dude around here who does a visual sweep to make sure the adjoining stall--or better yet, the entire bathroom--is empty before taking the browns to the super bowl. I've turned and walked out of a bathroom many times when I see feet in one of the stalls.

  • piedpiperpiedpiper 1,279 Posts
    Could you take a shit in that environment?

    No, I don't even like to shit when someone is in the next stall over.

    Word the fuck up. I know I ain't the only dude around here who does a visual sweep to make sure the adjoining stall--or better yet, the entire bathroom--is empty before taking the browns to the super bowl. I've turned and walked out of a bathroom many times when I see feet in one of the stalls.

    Well and that??s why the world outside Japan also needs the sound princess ("otohime" - the usual sound is flushing, but without wasting water)

    ,
    because if you have the habit mentioned above (some light kind of Paruresis) it may be helpful if you have the great possibility to produce background noise to feel more relaxed while getting the job done even if somebody else also tries hard in the next stall...

  • LazerLazer 796 Posts
    I kind of feel like I shouldn't share this incredible invention idea I have with the SS community, but here goes. So we all like peeing outside, right? And we like to pee on a nice big ol' tree when we pee outside, right? Well I propose a urinal that is made from some terra cota like material and is curved toward you and textured like a tree trunk. Just like cuttin' a whiz in the wilderness. But no worry of a lewd and lascivious ticket.

  • Young_PhonicsYoung_Phonics 8,039 Posts
    Could you take a shit in that environment?

    No, I don't even like to shit when someone is in the next stall over.

    Word the fuck up. I know I ain't the only dude around here who does a visual sweep to make sure the adjoining stall--or better yet, the entire bathroom--is empty before taking the browns to the super bowl. I've turned and walked out of a bathroom many times when I see feet in one of the stalls.


    ya need to relax and live a little.

    P.S.

    Cool Chris just hipped me to that "taking the browns to the super bowl". I was in hysterics.

  • DJ_EnkiDJ_Enki 6,471 Posts
    Could you take a shit in that environment?

    No, I don't even like to shit when someone is in the next stall over.

    Word the fuck up. I know I ain't the only dude around here who does a visual sweep to make sure the adjoining stall--or better yet, the entire bathroom--is empty before taking the browns to the super bowl. I've turned and walked out of a bathroom many times when I see feet in one of the stalls.


    ya need to relax and live a little.

    P.S.

    Cool Chris just hipped me to that "taking the browns to the super bowl". I was in hysterics.

    I don't know what it is, I just don't like taking a dump when somebody's in the next stall. Well, I don't like going into the stall; if I'm already in the act, and then somebody comes and uses the stall next to mine, that's not as bad. I have no idea why this is.

    While we're hovering around the subject, what's the judgement on reaction to bathroom noises? I mean, I know the general rule is if you hear plops, farts, etc. you pretend you heard nothing. But what if some dude in the stall rips a barnburner of a fart--one so loud you could swear it shattered the toilet bowl with its sheer sonic force. Is it OK to laugh at that?

    PS: My favorite alternate to 'taking the browns to the super bowl" is "graduating dook university."

  • verb606verb606 2,518 Posts
    what's the judgement on reaction to bathroom noises?


    i wholeheartedly subscribe to the "no conversation in the bathroom whatsoever" school of thought. I frown on talking to someone while you are both using the urinal, as well. Thus, i advocate a "muffled-reaction" policy in regard to farts of epic proportions. If you react out loud, the sound provider might either take that as license to either take issue with you, or start a joking, "whoa, something must have crawled up in me..." conversation with you. either one is most times I'm too appalled by the smell to manage a snicker of any sort.

  • puchitopuchito 374 Posts
    Ya'll fools are missing out! LOL!! Some of the toilets in Japan are NEXT LEVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Built in warm water bidets, heated seats, electronic control panels on the side of the toilet, automatic air freshener is released when you pull out more toilet paper from the roll. These toilets are standard in lots of restaurants and businesses. Wifey and I were eating dinner at a very nice sushi spot in Aoyama, Tokyo last summer and I went to use the bathroom. I walk into a SPOTLESS super nice bathroom with fresh flowers on the counter and real hand towels on the sink and all that. The lid on the toilet was closed and as I approach the toilet a motorized toilet lid automatically opens. CRAZY!
    Here is a pic of the controls on a public toilet in Japan...




    Uh, in case people don't know yet, Japan is by far the most sophisticated and advance nation in the world.

  • i'm feeling the poop stories. wI have a serious question though, is everybody eating right? I don't have the most healthy diet but I have found that better eating leads to better pooping.

  • hemolhemol 2,578 Posts



    WTF is that pink bucket? I don't want to know.

    Not that I am ass-hurt pony (zing)

    but these are quite common all over africa. the tub is with water to wash


    when you gotta go you gotta go

    talking about scatiliscious experiences..these types of bathrooms create a unique aiming challenge situation to entertain you. Depending on length and consistence (little turds ...swish!....massive trunks take the big dip) its fun time every try!

    I was India last summer. I didn't shit for the first two days in anticipation of wiping my ass with my hand, but that wasn't too hard to get over. The mosquitoes rising up from the shit water and sucking the blood from my ass and crotch were by far the most disturbing part--on so many levels.

  • kennykenny 1,024 Posts
    i'm feeling the poop stories. wI have a serious question though, is everybody eating right? I don't have the most healthy diet but I have found that better eating leads to better pooping.

    Yea I think it does.

    Not necessary diet, but you just need to regularly balance your vegetables to clean out your intestines, cuz sometimes the grease and shit from all your fatty or heavy food hides in there and those are what makes you unhealthy and ill.

  • ZachDZachD 318 Posts
    Ya'll fools are missing out! LOL!! Some of the toilets in Japan are NEXT LEVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Built in warm water bidets, heated seats, electronic control panels on the side of the toilet, automatic air freshener is released when you pull out more toilet paper from the roll. These toilets are standard in lots of restaurants and businesses. Wifey and I were eating dinner at a very nice sushi spot in Aoyama, Tokyo last summer and I went to use the bathroom. I walk into a SPOTLESS super nice bathroom with fresh flowers on the counter and real hand towels on the sink and all that. The lid on the toilet was closed and as I approach the toilet a motorized toilet lid automatically opens. CRAZY!
    Here is a pic of the controls on a public toilet in Japan...



    I thought about going in to business as a Japanese toilet importer. Once you have gotten up on a cold night and sat on those warm seats.. you never want to go back. You could fall right back asleep there on the crapper.

  • BreakSelfBreakSelf 2,925 Posts

    This is far, FAR above average in some parts of Asia.

    None of the following boasted anything remotely resembling porcelain. We are talking dirt, or at most concrete.

    *Bathrooms I have used*[/b]

    Bus station bathroom several hours outside of Lhasa...at night. All I had for light was my headlamp, and I immediately turned it off once I was situated to avoid accurately appraising my surroundings.

    Public restroom in a small-town bar in west Kham that had literally a quarter inch of urine on the floor. I was drunk and had my hiking boots on. Fuck it.

    Manigango's only public restroom. Where does the toilet start and the floor end??

    Eventually your standards are lowered to the point that it takes a truly repulsive bathroom to turn you away. For example...

    *Bathrooms I have walked away from*[/b]

    Public restroom just outside of Gandze prefecture. Walked in. Walked right back out. And I only had to piss!

    Bus station restroom en route to Xining. This one I wouldn't even go near. Keep in mind that this was on my THIRD trip through, Kham, so when I say that it was an abomination, it was a fucking abomination. Two desperate students in my group attempted it. One turned back midway b/c he couldn't stop dry-heaving (he would later follow my advice and piss into a Nalgene bottle on the bus). The second student survived the journey but stepped squarely in shit on the way out after being startled by a couple of rats.

  • jaymackjaymack 5,199 Posts
    who would revive this thread???
    of all the threads in the world.

  • be gentle as if youre washing a microgroove mono press. the warm water helps.


    spoken like a true genius.


    i prefer the cottonelle adult asswipes. no burn, just pure satisfaction.


  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    So we all like peeing outside, right? And we like to pee on a nice big ol' tree when we pee outside, right? Well I propose a urinal that is made from some terra cota like material and is curved toward you and textured like a tree trunk. Just like cuttin' a whiz in the wilderness. But no worry of a lewd and lascivious ticket.

    Well, to answer the two questions, no. But this reminds of a customized urinal that used to be in a quite strange club here in BA. It was kinda like a sculpture of a woman's head with her mouth open. You get the idea. Class.
Sign In or Register to comment.