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What just happened to me at work

SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
edited May 2006 in Strut Central
So I went the the bathroom to go take a shit because the cleaning gets done every day at 10, so I knew that my bowl would be pristine and I would get to make the blue water brown.So I'm in there relaxing and shitting, when the fucking fire alarm goes off. I was like "oh no!" and tried to squeeze the rest out as fast as I could. I made pretty good time, but it was one of those 'endless wipes' type shits, where no matter how many times i wiped, it wasn't enough. the lights kept blinking and I kept wiping until finally I was through. I started to get a little nervous because I didn't want to be the last dude walking out of the building 5 minutes after everybody else and then have people ask where I was.I finally got done as somebody came in the bathroom. I though 'shit, they sent somebody to check the bathrooms'. I flushed and came out of the stall and it was my co-worker Bruce. I said "Is this a fire drill??" and he said "Ignore it, they were just testing the system."I was kind of releived, but also very upset that they had ruined a perfectly good dump.
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  Comments

  • FatbackFatback 6,746 Posts
    What were you reading?
  • nzshadownzshadow 5,518 Posts
    So I went the the bathroom to go take a shit because the cleaning gets done every day at 10, so I knew that my bowl would be pristine and I would get to make the blue water brown.

    you truly are a fucking god walking amongst plebs.

    Planning your dumps:
  • crossingscrossings 946 Posts
    sorry... but that was damn funny. gotta hate those "endless wipe" poops.
  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    What were you reading?


    I was mentally preparing today's soulstrut posts.
  • theory9theory9 1,128 Posts
    What were you reading?


    I was mentally preparing today's soulstrut posts.

  • FatbackFatback 6,746 Posts
    What were you reading?


    I was mentally preparing today's soulstrut posts.

    No wonder why you had the runz.
  • NiteKrawler45NiteKrawler45 1,062 Posts
    This thread is truely classic
  • OneSoulOneSoul 206 Posts
    gotta hate those "endless wipe" poops.

    we call that 'mud butt' where the hell does that poo keep coming from ??
  • parsecparsec 5,087 Posts
    make the blue water brown.

  • FatbackFatback 6,746 Posts
    make the blue water brown.


    I always enjoyed peeing and making it green.
  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
    see, this is the type of quality post that has been severely lacking as of late. that, and the fact that the board is on the fritz or something.

    yeah, so anyways, i hate the peanut butter shits. and nothing pisses me off more than having to wipe my ass numerous times. after the third wipe, if there's still the same volume of doodoo on the paper, thats when i check to see if the coast is clear, then i hobble over to the sink and do a lil macgyver buttwipe thingy. it usually involves a paper towel, some warm water, and if im feeling fancy a spritzing of liquid soap.
  • FatbackFatback 6,746 Posts
    see, this is the type of quality post that has been severely lacking as of late. that, and the fact that the board is on the fritz or something.

    yeah, so anyways, i hate the peanut butter shits. and nothing pisses me off more than having to wipe my ass numerous times. after the third wipe, if there's still the same volume of doodoo on the paper, thats when i check to see if the coast is clear, then i hobble over to the sink and do a lil macgyver buttwipe thingy. it usually involves a paper towel, some warm water, and if im feeling fancy a spritzing of liquid soap.

    I have a hard enough time sneaking the newspaper in there. I simply can't imagine getting busted washing my ass in the sink. And doesn't that industrial liquid office soap burn?
  • OneSoulOneSoul 206 Posts
  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
    see, this is the type of quality post that has been severely lacking as of late. that, and the fact that the board is on the fritz or something.

    yeah, so anyways, i hate the peanut butter shits. and nothing pisses me off more than having to wipe my ass numerous times. after the third wipe, if there's still the same volume of doodoo on the paper, thats when i check to see if the coast is clear, then i hobble over to the sink and do a lil macgyver buttwipe thingy. it usually involves a paper towel, some warm water, and if im feeling fancy a spritzing of liquid soap.

    I have a hard enough time sneaking the newspaper in there. I simply can't imagine getting busted washing my ass in the sink. And doesn't that industrial liquid office soap burn?

    it helps to have no shame. plus my office bathroom has double doors and the first door locks so i can always hear if someone's about to creep up on my sanctuary.

    the office soap doesnt burn. son, youre wiping your ass raw. be gentle as if youre washing a microgroove mono press. the warm water helps.
  • crossingscrossings 946 Posts
    this is why bidets rule!.. every bathroom had them when i was growing up in south america... shit is unheard of here in the states... don't you all want a clean ass?



    'cause when you're a guy, and you got a hairy ass......... well, i'll spare you guys the details.
  • drewnicedrewnice 5,465 Posts
    Who on here is man/woman enough to say they just plop down on a public toilet?












    I'M NOT. Gimme that seat guard and hook it up with another layer of TP, to give it that extra comfort. I don't care that my teacher in high school health class said you can't get diseases from it. There's no way I'm taking that chance.
  • drewnicedrewnice 5,465 Posts
    Does anyone have a urinal installed at their crib?
  • parsecparsec 5,087 Posts
    Does anyone have a urinal installed at their crib?



  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    Does anyone have a urinal installed at their crib?

    This would be awsome.
  • Big_ChanBig_Chan 5,088 Posts
    Ya'll fools are missing out! LOL!! Some of the toilets in Japan are NEXT LEVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Built in warm water bidets, heated seats, electronic control panels on the side of the toilet, automatic air freshener is released when you pull out more toilet paper from the roll. These toilets are standard in lots of restaurants and businesses. Wifey and I were eating dinner at a very nice sushi spot in Aoyama, Tokyo last summer and I went to use the bathroom. I walk into a SPOTLESS super nice bathroom with fresh flowers on the counter and real hand towels on the sink and all that. The lid on the toilet was closed and as I approach the toilet a motorized toilet lid automatically opens. CRAZY!
    Here is a pic of the controls on a public toilet in Japan...


  • FatbackFatback 6,746 Posts
    Ya'll fools are missing out! LOL!! Some of the toilets in Japan are NEXT LEVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Built in warm water bidets, heated seats, electronic control panels on the side of the toilet, automatic air freshener is released when you pull out more toilet paper from the roll. These toilets are standard in lots of restaurants and businesses. Wifey and I were eating dinner at a very nice sushi spot in Aoyama, Tokyo last summer and I went to use the bathroom. I walk into a SPOTLESS super nice bathroom with fresh flowers on the counter and real hand towels on the sink and all that. The lid on the toilet was closed and as I approach the toilet a motorized toilet lid automatically opens. CRAZY!
    Here is a pic of the controls on a public toilet in Japan...



    I'd like a t-shirt of that graphic on the "spray" button.
  • crossingscrossings 946 Posts
    see... now THAT'S what i'm talking about!!!

    it's the year 2006... THIS IS WHAT WE SHOULD BE SHITTING IN!!! who needs flying cars when your toilet can wash yer ass for you? toilet paper is THE DEVIL!!
  • canonicalcanonical 2,100 Posts

    yeah, so anyways, i hate the peanut butter shits. and nothing pisses me off more than having to wipe my ass numerous times. after the third wipe, if there's still the same volume of doodoo on the paper, thats when i check to see if the coast is clear, then i hobble over to the sink and do a lil macgyver buttwipe thingy. it usually involves a paper towel, some warm water, and if im feeling fancy a spritzing of liquid soap.
    I do this too man, classique technique.

    As for Japan, those washrooms are next level. The house I was staying had a three-man continuous unrinal.

    Oh, and anyone heard about that art-installation I think it was in Germany or Sweden. Basically, it was a washroom encased in 1-way glass in the middle of a very busy sidewalk. So you could see everyone outside but they couldn't see you. Could you take a shit in that environment?
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    Could you take a shit in that environment?

    No, I don't even like to shit when someone is in the next stall over.
  • crossingscrossings 946 Posts
    Basically, it was a washroom encased in 1-way glass in the middle of a very busy sidewalk. So you could see everyone outside but they couldn't see you. Could you take a shit in that environment?

  • OneSoulOneSoul 206 Posts
    Basically, it was a washroom encased in 1-way glass in the middle of a very busy sidewalk. So you could see everyone outside but they couldn't see you. Could you take a shit in that environment?


  • ariel_calmerariel_calmer 3,762 Posts
    Basically, it was a washroom encased in 1-way glass in the middle of a very busy sidewalk. So you could see everyone outside but they couldn't see you. Could you take a shit in that environment?



    I'd (s)hit that.
  • drewnicedrewnice 5,465 Posts
    Basically, it was a washroom encased in 1-way glass in the middle of a very busy sidewalk. So you could see everyone outside but they couldn't see you. Could you take a shit in that environment?



    I'd (s)hit that.

    Why do I get the feeling that David Blaine just planned his next stunt reading this thread?

  • Danno3000Danno3000 2,851 Posts

    yeah, so anyways, i hate the peanut butter shits. and nothing pisses me off more than having to wipe my ass numerous times. after the third wipe, if there's still the same volume of doodoo on the paper, thats when i check to see if the coast is clear, then i hobble over to the sink and do a lil macgyver buttwipe thingy. it usually involves a paper towel, some warm water, and if im feeling fancy a spritzing of liquid soap.
    I do this too man, classique technique.


    As for Japan, those washrooms are next level. The house I was staying had a three-man continuous unrinal.

    Oh, and anyone heard about that art-installation I think it was in Germany or Sweden. Basically, it was a washroom encased in 1-way glass in the middle of a very busy sidewalk. So you could see everyone outside but they couldn't see you. Could you take a shit in that environment?

    There used to be (or perhaos still is) a restaurant in Manhattan where the toilets were separated from the dining room by two-way mirrors. I remember sitting at the table with some friends freaking the hell out of our buddy in the washroom by making faces at her as if we could see in, which, of course, we couldn't. It was very funny but an odd gimmick for a restaurant.
  • bull_oxbull_ox 5,056 Posts
    There used to be (or perhaos still is) a restaurant in Manhattan where the toilets were separated from the dining room by two-way mirrors. I remember sitting at the table with some friends freaking the hell out of our buddy in the washroom by making faces at her as if we could see in, which, of course, we couldn't. It was very funny but an odd gimmick for a restaurant.

    NO FUCKING WAY

    I can't believe that would fly, especially in the US... nobody wants their eating and bathroom experiences to meet like that
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