confessions.

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  • dammsdamms 704 Posts
    up until an unavowable age I thought babies were shat

    now gimme my damn prize

  • Walked to the small local shopping centre with my friends after school one day.
    Saw two dogs of the same breed arse to arse stuck together outside the Grocers and being a dog lover got all upset at the poor "siamese Twin dogs" and their tough lives.
    Went into another shop with my friend and when we came out a huge penny dropped as to what had been going on when I saw one of the dogs curled back licking his doggy stick on the pavement.
    I felt really stupid when I realized what had happened but glad I never voiced my concerns to my friends who would have clowned me for years after..

  • jjfad027jjfad027 1,594 Posts
    When I was 4 or 5 I put dog poop in my mouth because I was told it was chocolate

    At the same age I noticed that ants were larger up in the mountains. I assumed that one could take small city ants up into the mountains and they would grown bigger along the way.

    I thought Dr John was black for years

    I fart on BART

  • pickwick33pickwick33 8,946 Posts
    when I was a kid and hearing "you sexy thing" by Hot Chocolate for the first time, i thought the guy was singing "I believe in knuckles" instead of "i believe in miracles"

  • i only took $50 instead of $100 from you because when you weren't looking on the 15th hole, i foot wedged my ball into shorter grass in the rough.

  • As a kid I thought Metallica's for whom the bell tolls was really "oh Novelto!" like it was about some Greek god or something I didn't know.


    Also, at some point in my life someone told me that the pit in a banana, the little butt end, was bat poop. Like bats hang in banana trees and pollenate them or something. I was in high school when I first put some real thought to it and was just like "that's impossible."

  • DB_CooperDB_Cooper Manhatin' 7,823 Posts
    My fiance regularly tells me I remind her of Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation.

    I'm not mad though. I like Ron Swanson.


  • [whisper] confesssssionssssssssss [/whisper]

  • sticky_dojahsticky_dojah New York City. 2,136 Posts
    james said:


    But yeah, I always thought "Deep Cover" was "Tonight's the night like Betty White / and I'm chillin'", and I'm still incapable of hearing "Move On Up" as anything other than "Take nothing less / than the second-best" (which makes no fucking sense) or hearing the first line of "September" as anything other than "Do you remember / when it was like September?" (which I like a lot better than the real line, actually

    .


    Exactly the same with me here. Absurd.

    Cadeux, a fellow strutter from Munich always thought that Biggie said: "Puttin' 5 carrots in my baby girl ear". He's a Chef, so it is kinda understandable... (whatup S***)

  • JRootJRoot 861 Posts
    james said:
    A few years ago during a visit, my mom presented me with a pair of sandals. Now, I would bite my grandmother before I'd ever wear a pair of fucking sandals (no offense to my man JRoot, who I know gets down like that--it's a lifestyle choice, I understand) . . .

    None taken. But my grandmother is dead on both sides, so don't go biting her either when you find your feet laced with papers, etc.

    I once got heckled by a homeless dude in church while giving a sermon on youth sunday that referenced both Malcolm X and MLK (I think Youth Sunday was on Malcolm X's birthday or something). The scripture passage had to do with the transfiguration and going to the mountaintop, so I was talking about how we are all trying to get to the mountaintop, but we are beset by iniquities and all that worldly ish that just drags us down and keeps us from getting there. Then the homeless dude gets up and asks, "Does the speaker claim to be innocent of all these?" I got so frazzled that I repeated almost every single sentence after that. I later learned that the church authorities told the homeless dude that he wasn't welcome at our church anymore, which really bummed me out. Even if it did mess up my sermon, it's not very christian to throw him out. God doesn't care as much about my sermon as he does about the homeless dude's soul. And frankly, neither did I. So I guess I'm confessing that a) I was a boy preacher and b) I accidentally got a homeless dude kicked out of church.

    I'd confess about the mandals, but james has already outed me on that front. Every good sinner knows that confessing the stuff everyone already knows about is much easier than confessing the really dark and secret stuff.

  • edith headedith head 5,106 Posts
    Big Chan is like the only person here that doesn't make me cringe when typing LOL
    I think because he seems like the kind of good-natured dude who is actually laughing at loud when typing that.

  • Hotsauce84Hotsauce84 8,450 Posts
    edith head said:
    Big Chan is like the only person here that doesn't make me cringe when typing LOL
    I think because he seems like the kind of good-natured dude who is actually laughing at loud when typing that.

    "LOL!!! AWWW D GOT JOKES!! YOU A FOOL FOR THAT ONE!!! LOL!!!"

  • jamesjames chicago 1,863 Posts
    edith head said:
    Big Chan is like the only person here that doesn't make me cringe when typing LOL
    I think because he seems like the kind of good-natured dude who is actually laughing at loud when typing that.
    Once or twice a year, I still find occassion to use the phrase "fucked-up like Peter O'Toole." Props to Big Chan.

  • Mr_Lee_PHDMr_Lee_PHD 2,042 Posts
    When I was a kid:

    I thought that Just Good Friends by Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder was just Michael Jackson, and he was putting on a stupid voice in the second verse.

    In REM's The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite, I thought the chorus went: "Only In Jamaica, Only In Jamaicaaaaa"

    In the chorus of Nirvana's Spank Thru, I thought it went: "I been looking for Daaaaaave Grohl..."

  • sticky_dojah said:

    Cadeux, a fellow strutter from Munich always thought that Biggie said: "Puttin' 5 carrots in my baby girl ear".

    for years i misheard the Get Money lyric as "Tattoo on TV, saying B.I.G", visualizing him lying back on a couch a little faded watching reruns of Fantasy Island, when all of a sudden tiny ass Herv?? Villechaize broke the fourth wall and namechecked him.

    i also misheard Phife's contribution to Buggin' Out as ""I float like gravity/ never had a cavity / got more rhymes than Tawana's got family". playful as Tribe could be, this rape joke sat in stark relief to much of their positivity.. took me a couple years to untangle that one.

  • DelayDelay 4,530 Posts
    in 8th grade, i could never figure out what flav was saying on "don't believe the hype" . my friends and i would say "fatizwhatabe, ya dingy!" and through out high school we kept calling each other "ya dingy"

    turns out, using the magical internets, he was saying "it's fake. that's what it be. ya dig me?"

  • [whisper] confesssssionssssssssss [/whisper]

    I don't like Prince.

    [whisper] confesssssionssssssssss [/whisper]

  • i can't tell lennon from mccartney or trugoy from posdnous.

    peace, stein. . .

  • DrWuDrWu 4,021 Posts

  • Dolo76Dolo76 64 Posts
    This month, I bought my first record off of eBay, been avoiding like a mug, but you cant avoid some of the steals that can be made. Still prefer live diggin, but ebay has its place.

  • Hotsauce84Hotsauce84 8,450 Posts
    Not sure what age I was when I figured out I was wrong, but for the longest time I thought all cats were female and all dogs were male. To this day, I automatically refer to cats as "she" and dogs as "he."

    I also thought the world was actually black and white in the olden days, but I'm pretty sure I mentioned this years ago on here in a similar thread 'cause I remember someone posting a YouTube link for a movie trailer that had a similar premise. I think there was a "big bang" situation of sorts where the world was colorized (in the movie).

  • Herm said:
    Not sure what age I was when I figured out I was wrong, but for the longest time I thought all cats were female and all dogs were male. To this day, I automatically refer to cats as "she" and dogs as "he."

    This still seems right to me. Even though I know better.

  • bassiebassie 11,710 Posts
    I thought sisters and brothers grew up and got married. I asked one of my parents' friends about his wife being his sister and was corrected immediately.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,885 Posts

  • djannadjanna 1,543 Posts
    I hate Audio Two

    When Innercity Griots came out, I asked my friend, "What's a six tray?"

  • JibsJibs 12 Posts
    parallax said:
    As a kid...

    "Dirty deeds, done dirt-cheap" = "Dirty knees, THUN-DER CHIEF!"

    Hahah...

    Kindly,
    parallax

    When Metallica's Black album came out I was 11 years old, an older friend had a dub of it and was kind enough to dub a copy for me. He wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed but he was always up on new music and to me that was the best thing ever. One day we were listening to the album playing super mario bros 3 and the song Sad But True came on, he nudged me on the shoulder and told me this was his favorite track on the album, when the chrous came on he started singing along "You know its Zed Patrol". He didn't bother to write down the tracklist when he dubbed his copy and me being younger and less up on game i went along with it. It wasn't until a few months later when i got an original copy for my birthday that i figured out the song wasn't called zed patrol and was actually called sad but true. To this day whenever i hear that song i still change the chorus to zed patrol.

  • yo, i BEEN watching 'real housewives of vancouver'......

    sometimes you've gotta hit rock bottom to head towards the top.

  • i cannot help myself but dance when i hear this song.



    we were walking past a storefront that wasn't quite ironically playing this out with the volume at 11 today in chinatown. it was sunny as fuck, i had my girl and my dog with me, i couldn't help but stop and do some "off the wall"-era MJ shoulder jives and snaps.


    easily the gayest thing about me.

  • usernameusername 71 Posts
    djanna said:
    I hate Audio Two

    When Innercity Griots came out, I asked my friend, "What's a six tray?"

    how could you hate the song Top Billin'?!

    on the mistaken music lyric tip, a friend thought the Public Enemy lyric "death row, what a brother know" was

    Jethro, what a buffalo!!!

  • Hotsauce84Hotsauce84 8,450 Posts
    I know this isn't what the thread is about, but I like to sing along to The Hues Corporation "So I'd like to know when...you got panocha!"
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