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Wedding attire strut

DownstrokeDownstroke 81 Posts
edited May 2011 in Strut Central
I'm a long time lurker here, finally got the stones to post something. I've really enjoyed a lot of the discussions that go on here, and I especially appreciate the creative approach many on here apply to your contributions, which leads me to my dilemma.

I'm getting married in a few months time, (no problem about the getting married part, in fact it's long overdue), my issue is what the fux to wear. Basically i don't, repeat DON'T do suits! I've never worn one, and long ago vowed to go my entire natural life never having to. This was explained to my fiance long ago and she's cool with it, but she's gone out and bought her dress, and I don't want to turn up on the day looking like something the cat's dragged in.

Throughout my life, I've always resented the common perception that classic shirt/tie/jacket combo = sophistication, in fact on the few occasions I've had to put a tie on I've felt my brain is instantly staved of oxygen and I can't get that noose off quick enough. Years ago I worked in menswear, and hated having to wear a tie everyday, and I constantly refused the generous staff discounts to purchase a suit of my own. Nowadays I work in the creative industry and I've always been able to dress casually at work, and this being changed would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. The bottom line is I don't want to spend what is supposed to be one of the single most defining days of my life compromised by others expectations of me and spending the day feeling like an imposter in fancy dress.

I've got no problem donning some ironed slacks, polished shoes and a shirt, but every person who hears this intention raises their eyebrows like I was intending to break every taboo of civilised society. I can't believe I'm constantly bombarded with comments like, "you HAVE to wear a suit on your wedding day, that's how it is!" I can't believe, what with the infinite possibilities out there that in 2011, there are no other viable alternatives for bridegroom's attire unless you're planning on doing something really douchey like a Vulcan ceremony.

Please Strut, any pointers on how I can pull this off with dignity will be considered. Obviously I wan't my wife to be to be happy, but equally I know having to compromise on this issue will forever taint what is supposed to be happiest day of our lives, and neither of us want that.
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  Comments

  • Options
    Unknown
    Just let her make the call and rent a tux or something. It's one day, stop sweating nothing.
  • El PrezEl Prez NE Ohio 1,141 Posts
    Man wear a damn suit to your wedding.
  • CinisterCeeCinisterCee 863 Posts
    If you never wear a suit, then wearing one once on your wedding day would be super special.

  • FrankFrank 2,378 Posts
    You should know your wife, your family and your wife's family well enough to know what to do. I'd say the most important thing for this day should be to insure that your wife is happy (same goes for any other day...) and that the in-laws aren't offended. The fact that you come to a internet forum with this question seems a bit weird.

    I didn't wear a suit to my wedding. Nor did any of our guests. We've had a fantastic day with my wife's parents as the only relatives and a handful of close friends. A great and memorable day but very far from being a conventional wedding. Dress to the occasion. If this makes you feel uncomfortable than adjust the whole event so it's a non-suit affair. If this creates problems with the wife to be then don't get married, you're not ready yet.

    Now who are your favorite artists and what's some of your favorite records?
  • the_dLthe_dL 1,531 Posts
    just wear a nice shirt/blazer/chino's combo, no tie.
  • DownstrokeDownstroke 81 Posts
    Frank said:
    You should know your wife, your family and your wife's family well enough to know what to do. I'd say the most important thing for this day should be to insure that your wife is happy (same goes for any other day...) and that the in-laws aren't offended. The fact that you come to a internet forum with this question seems a bit weird.

    I didn't wear a suit to my wedding. Nor did any of our guests. We've had a fantastic day with my wife's parents as the only relatives and a handful of close friends. A great and memorable day but very far from being a conventional wedding. Dress to the occasion. If this makes you feel uncomfortable than adjust the whole event so it's a non-suit affair. If this creates problems with the wife to be then don't get married, you're not ready yet.

    Now who are your favorite artists and what's some of your favorite records?

    Luckily my wife to be is completely understanding and we've both agreed that this doesn't have to comply with any conventional expectations, the in-laws know me well enough to not take any offense either. I know it's a bit of a strange first post, but I've been looking for a reason to get on board here and this question seemed pertinent enough and I always enjoy this board's opinions.

    The reception should be a blast though, there's a real cross section of backgrounds of people coming and that will be fully embraced with the food etc, and I'm sorting out a DJ I can trust for the party. No doubt I'll spin a few as well.
  • FrankFrank 2,378 Posts
    Downstroke said:

    Luckily my wife to be is completely understanding and we've both agreed that this doesn't have to comply with any conventional expectations, the in-laws know me well enough to not take any offense either.

    Then you're golden. Just make sure the other guests are also aware of this so nobody goes out of their way (and out of pocket) to rent a tux or buy a suit just to end up feeling uncomfortable and overdressed. Wear something nice though, maybe take your wife to be on a shopping spree and get some stuff that will look great together.
  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    Its cool that u reject the conventional notions of sophistication, but what is your idea of a classy outfit for a special occasion.

    Shit would be weird if everyone did the regular wedding steez and u show up in a tuxedo t-shirt, dockers, and raybans.
  • Options
    Unknown
    Sometimes it appears that the nicer I dress the nicer I get treated.

    So, dress as nice as you can, and enjoy yourself.
  • SnappingSnapping 995 Posts
  • dwyhajlodwyhajlo 420 Posts
    Every dude should have one suit: wear it to weddings and wear it to funerals.
  • billbradleybillbradley You want BBQ sauce? Get the fuck out of my house. 2,911 Posts
    If you do end up going with a suit anyway, DO NOT rent a tux, buy a suit. It won't cost much more to buy and that will be your one suit you can wear to those special occasions.
  • dollar_bindollar_bin I heartily endorse this product and/or event 2,326 Posts
    The nice thing about a suit is that you don't have to think too hard about choosing what to wear, but if it makes you uncomfortable then you'll have to consider your own style. Perhaps you might want to check out non-Western wedding garments. I've been to a couple of Indian weddings and the groom's outfits look comfortable but also really fancy, plus you can avoid the dull white/grey/black conventions of Western formalwear.
  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts






  • faux_rillzfaux_rillz 14,343 Posts
    This is weak, dude--man up and wear a suit
  • faux_rillzfaux_rillz 14,343 Posts
    NomoreGarciaparra said:
    Just let her make the call and rent a tux or something.

    Do not do this.

    Ill-fitting rental tux = worst look ever
  • tripledoubletripledouble 7,636 Posts
    i used to hate dressing up. i got over it. suits are sharp. id say hang up your hang ups to make everyone in your family happy...have a bunch of drinks, lose the tie and cut the rug on the dance floor in the tshirt you have underneath. show your people that you can compromise and arent a stubborn pain in the ass
  • GrandfatherGrandfather 2,303 Posts
    Yo, what up with the dope combo of cargo shorts, a frisco jersey, batting gloves, and maybe some dunks
  • DelayDelay 4,530 Posts
    You can always get a unique suit. All kinds of fabrics and vintage styles out there. But what faux said is true... An ill-fitting suit is the worst.??

    Jcrew mens is kind of killing it right now for price/style
  • Big_ChanBig_Chan 5,088 Posts
    faux_rillz said:
    This is weak, dude--man up and wear a suit

    I'm sayin'! It is your WEDDING. You should go buy a nice suit then find a good tailor and get it altered to fit right. I suggest a Canali suit, shirt and tie with Gucci or Ferragamo shoes. Grow up and get it together.
  • Big_ChanBig_Chan 5,088 Posts
    dwyhajlo said:
    Every dude should have one suit: wear it to weddings and wear it to funerals.

    One suit? You need more than one suit. Black suit for funerals, charcoal gray or pin stripe for weddings, navy blue for job interviews, etc.... I have a whole closet full or suits, spot coats and slacks. Most men have no idea how to dress anymore.
  • LaserWolfLaserWolf Portland Oregon 11,517 Posts
    Your wedding is not "supposed to be one of the single most defining days of my life".
    How you live your life after you are married is what is important and that will define you.

    The wedding arrangements and reception are not about/for you.
    They really are not even about your wife.
    They are about your wife's mother. If she is cool not wearing a suit, then don't wear a suit.
    It should be noted on the invitations that suits are not required for men.

    But what to wear? A collarless silk shirt, and a scarf with a really sharp pair of pants.



    Great first post. Welcome.
  • HorseleechHorseleech 3,830 Posts
    You don't need a suit to look good.

    This is one of my favorite French designers:

  • faux_rillzfaux_rillz 14,343 Posts
    LaserWolf said:



    This dude does kill it in pretty much every public appearance, but I don't think most SoulStrutters could carry off his look. Dudes need to master the basics before attempting more advance Karzai-inspired styles.
  • PocketLintPocketLint 17 Posts
    I asked this sort of question at styleforum a few months back. Basically they unanimously agreed it's HER day. Wear what will make her happy.

    But I think every man should own at least one dark suit that fits well. So if you decide to go that route.... I scouring the styleforum I found that a bunch of people bought from a guy on eBay (style-wizard) who sells decent suits for $200-300. You can even negotiate another 10% off. I got a charcoal suit, a white shirt and tie from nordsfrom rack for under $50. When i look back Im glad I dressed appropriately for the occasion and now I have something to wear to other weddings and funerals.
  • Bon VivantBon Vivant The Eye of the Storm 2,018 Posts
    Djing at your own wedding is NAGL.
  • PocketLintPocketLint 17 Posts
    How about playlist? Precession, recession or reception music? It took me months to figure that one out.
  • SnappingSnapping 995 Posts
    dollar_bin said:
    Perhaps you might want to check out non-Western wedding garments.

    I was a groomsman at a wedding where I was asked to wear a barong (philipino shirt made of pineapple leaves). It was really comfortable, and with all of the groomsmen (and some guests) wearing them looked very formal and respectable.

  • JoeMojoJoeMojo 720 Posts
    I'm getting married next month. The venue is a horse ranch on the windward side of O`ahu, and it's going to be way too hot for a traditional suit. I opted for a linen Zegna shirt and trousers, taupe suede dress shoes, and a triple maile lei with puakenikeni. Shirt and trousers are getting tailored and I have some Dior Homme shades to match. You don't have to be traditional, but show some style on the big day.
  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    If u have to ask some brown sneaker wearin record collectors about what to wear to your fuckin wedding ceremony its a fuckin lost cause in the style department.
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