Seriously, my dudes, you won't know why you get married until you actually get married.
I was the *most* "why can't we just live in perfect union unmarried" dude. Then I got married.
It's not the same.
Preach on, brotha!!! Also, to you nasty pervs lurking in to look at Esther's tits, why don't y'all "man up" and respond? I see all those cotdamn views and only 27 replies. Y'all nastay!!!
Honestly, it's a little hard to define, but there's substantial differences to how we relate to each other, the way we look at our lives intertwined now, and there's a (legal, moral) rock that grounds us when we tend to fly off the handle and wild for the night (F*ck being polite). Maybe that sounds corny.
We're in our first year. The relationship will grow, and change, as the years go by. And I'm excited by that. My folks divorced when I was 6, so I'm wary of the institution. But maybe that's the same reason I'm more convinced by it now.
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
when homewife gets older, upgrade[/b]
Yo Rey,
You see where that shit got Ed McMahon.
"While queens stand by you, and stick around Bitches suck you dry and push you down So it's my duty to address This vampiress, givin' the black man stress Recognize what's real and not material Or burn in hell, chasin' Polo and Guess, dumb bitches"
Wifey and I had our biggest AND best married blowout about a week ago, and we're still feeling the reverberations. But, just knowing I've got someone I can love, can disagree with, and hold tight every night and love (sans raincoat) is a feeling unlike any I've known. We respect both of each other's opinions, and gripes, and want to WORK to do better- and that, 'work,' word is the KEY. There is a commitment to it that means more.
Just wearing a ring- my first piece of jewelry- everyday is important to me. That symbol MEANS SOMETHING.
I love my GOOD BABE, and I've spent the last 7 years, 3 married years, with her, and I plan on another 80.
You know I was just talking with my wife and we agreed that one of the most fundamental changes in our relationship was the wedding itself - witnessing to our union in front of all of those people. Your best friends, your great aunts and grandmothers and one or two extended family who you barely know. We owe it to them to do right by each other. There was no legal or religious dimension to our wedding. It was just the fact of all those people there.
I don't know if I'm sounding corny or even making sense. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. But it's definitely different now.
I have the good-ish chick in my life right now, but I wanna give her the heave-ho. The good-ish chick has her own set of unique problems that piss me off and I'm not as attracted to her as my past adventures. I guess I'm a shallow muhfucka. AND drama's drama, no matter who you with.
You know I was just talking with my wife and we agreed that one of the most fundamental changes in our relationship was the wedding itself - witnessing to our union in front of all of those people. Your best friends, your great aunts and grandmothers and one or two extended family who you barely know. We owe it to them to do right by each other. There was no legal or religious dimension to our wedding. It was just the fact of all those people there.
I don't know if I'm sounding corny or even making sense. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. But it's definitely different now.
We did our, 'legal,' wedding on a beach in hawaii. It was cute, but sorta bullshit. In exchange, we got a piece of paper.
We did our REAL wedding in our town, in front of the assembled family and friends of our entire life. It meant more to me than anything I've ever done... to stand in front of my life, assembled to celebrate the love of my wife and my love, was a physically powerful experience.
One was a legal filing; the other was a sincerely spiritual union. The difference was, to quote Mark Twain, the difference between a lightning bug and lightning.
But going back to the original question... hot girls are fun. Cool chicks are fun too. At the end of the day you gotta decide what you are about.
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
You know I was just talking with my wife and we agreed that one of the most fundamental changes in our relationship was the wedding itself - witnessing to our union in front of all of those people. Your best friends, your great aunts and grandmothers and one or two extended family who you barely know. We owe it to them to do right by each other. There was no legal or religious dimension to our wedding. It was just the fact of all those people there.
I don't know if I'm sounding corny or even making sense. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. But it's definitely different now.
We did our, 'legal,' wedding on a beach in hawaii. It was cute, but sorta bullshit. In exchange, we got a piece of paper.
We did our REAL wedding in our town, in front of the assembled family and friends of our entire life. It meant more to me than anything I've ever done... to stand in front of my life, assembled to celebrate the love of my wife and my love, was a physically powerful experience.
One was a legal filing; the other was a sincerely spiritual union. The difference was, to quote Mark Twain, the difference between a lightning bug and lightning.
Hey,
Yes, marriage is all about making a spiritual commitment before God and your loved ones, professing your eternal devotion to your mate. There is something magical and special about doing it, but you can only know this if you're truly in love. It's something you feel and it's beyond mere reason; however, one should not take it lightly or tread into any relationship without your wits (e.g., "playing house" minus the legal standing). I've seen too many common-law unions go terribly wrong (e.g., fights over property, physical violence, abandonment, etc.) which explains my bias regarding such arrangements.
I'm sayin'! I've had 2 maybe 3 "great on paper" women in my life, meaning they were damn near perfect : career-minded, funny, sexy (to me), got along with my friends & family and were on a "traditional" cook-clean-wash tip that - and let me make this crystal clear - I am NOT looking for nor expecting (but I can't lie, I enjoyed the spoils!).
Problem is...I didn't LOVE them. I COULDN'T love them. I mean, I love them, but I didn't LOVE them, doyouknowwhatImean?
That's more me then them though. They're still great women and I still keep in touch with them, but yeah...maybe my heart's too picky stupid.
I got married at age 27. Wish that'd been 30, or a little later, but when I met her, it was all over. So, to me, it was the ultimate example of when she comes along, you'll know.
Also, to you nasty pervs lurking in to look at Esther's tits, why don't y'all "man up" and respond? I see all those cotdamn views and only 27 replies. Y'all nastay!!!
sorry, it was hard (paws) for me to scroll down to read this far down without the T&A eye-magnetizer rendering me weak. so hopefully this helps.
I'm sayin'! I've had 2 maybe 3 "great on paper" women in my life, meaning they were damn near perfect : career-minded, funny, sexy (to me), got along with my friends & family and were on a "traditional" cook-clean-wash tip that - and let me make this crystal clear - I am NOT looking for nor expecting (but I can't lie, I enjoyed the spoils!).
Problem is...I didn't LOVE them. I COULDN'T love them. I mean, I love them, but I didn't LOVE them, doyouknowwhatImean?
That's more me then them though. They're still great women and I still keep in touch with them, but yeah...maybe my heart's too picky.
Maybe I don't love her enough. Maybe I feel guilty like I should love her more and just don't cuz the physical ain't there like Hulkamania clothes tear off sex styles. Love vs. In Love I guess.
that ester baxter is mighty fine. but id have to go with good girl if was some permanent marriage type thing.
marriage...i dont know folks. im fairly relationship averse. but the real long relationship i had in my life was very right for a good long time. so i tend to think that its less about someone being inclined toward marriage or a relationship or perpetual field playing, its more of having unique needs/attractions that you have to have met. theres been ladies who i knew i could conceivably be all about (both trophy and good girl) but when that je-ne-say-kwa isnt there, its just not happening, sometimes for inexplicable reasons.
i assume jonny or stacks werent at points when they were like " i need wife now"...but they just found that right complementary piece. some folks do seem to force it (usually females, id have to say) To me, marriage seems close to laughable right now, but i could meet someone tomorrow who for some reasons would just make it make sense.
If your happily married isnt the "Good Girl" the "Trophy"?
The dichotomy of the "Hot/Trophy/Bad" Woman vs. the "Kinda Hot/Good Girl/Good" Woman is suspect IMO.
It's a cartoonish description of people.
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
I have the good-ish chick in my life right now
I'm sayin'! I've had 2 maybe 3 "great on paper" women in my life, meaning they were damn near perfect : career-minded, funny, sexy (to me), got along with my friends & family and were on a "traditional" cook-clean-wash tip that - and let me make this crystal clear - I am NOT looking for nor expecting (but I can't lie, I enjoyed the spoils!).
Problem is...I didn't LOVE them. I COULDN'T love them. I mean, I love them, but I didn't LOVE them, doyouknowwhatImean?
That's more me then them though. They're still great women and I still keep in touch with them, but yeah...maybe my heart's too picky stupid.
Hey Herm,
With that outlook, you could become the old pervy dude at the bar. I'm sure Bob (Packwood) would hang out with you.
I'm sayin'! I've had 2 maybe 3 "great on paper" women in my life, meaning they were damn near perfect : career-minded, funny, sexy (to me), got along with my friends & family and were on a "traditional" cook-clean-wash tip that - and let me make this crystal clear - I am NOT looking for nor expecting (but I can't lie, I enjoyed the spoils!).
Problem is...I didn't LOVE them. I COULDN'T love them. I mean, I love them, but I didn't LOVE them, doyouknowwhatImean?
That's more me then them though. They're still great women and I still keep in touch with them, but yeah...maybe my heart's too picky stupid.
Hey Herm,
With that outlook, you could become the old pervy dude at the bar. I'm sure Bob (Packwood) would hang out with you.
Hey Stacks,
Is marriage for everyone?
Should it be an aspiration for every human being?
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
i assume jonny or stacks werent at points when they were like " i need wife now"...but they just found that right complementary piece.
Hey Tripledouble,
You nailed my situation exactly. Actually, when I met my wife, I had every intention of f*cking her based upon mere physical attraction. So, my intentions were initially evil, being the nasty-guy batchelor I was at the time. Then, she spoke and I thought she was so articulate, intelligent, and intriguing that I had to get to know her. And gradually, over three years of dating, I feel in love with her and asked her to be my wife. She fulfills all my mental, spiritual, and spiritual needs. My wife is an amazing woman and I never envisioned meeting someone so phenomenal.
Having seen both sides of the fence I can categorically say that when marriages or de-facto realtionships go sour neither is fun. Each set of rules has it's negatives, being married doesn't really give you a whole lot more protection. I've lost a lot in a failed marriage & also gained a lot in failed unwed relationships. Both situations really depend on the sanity/tenacity of both warring sides. That said, I usually go for the good babe, nhardly ever the trophy piece. I married the good babe only to see it go terribly wrong, I'm with another good babe but I am definitely not gonna marry her. personal preferences.
nocomplaints over here. academic swamps and multitasking mayhem. sleeping too much.
man, i just love people. i love a high percentage of people who become friends of mine. i cant marry all of them though.so why limit myself?
agree with batmon too...hard to neatly categorize an individual as trophy or good. people change too...trophy might ge ugly and become awesome and the goodwife might become psycho.
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
I have the good-ish chick in my life right now
I'm sayin'! I've had 2 maybe 3 "great on paper" women in my life, meaning they were damn near perfect : career-minded, funny, sexy (to me), got along with my friends & family and were on a "traditional" cook-clean-wash tip that - and let me make this crystal clear - I am NOT looking for nor expecting (but I can't lie, I enjoyed the spoils!).
Problem is...I didn't LOVE them. I COULDN'T love them. I mean, I love them, but I didn't LOVE them, doyouknowwhatImean?
That's more me then them though. They're still great women and I still keep in touch with them, but yeah...maybe my heart's too picky stupid.
Hey Herm,
With that outlook, you could become the old pervy dude at the bar. I'm sure Bob (Packwood) would hang out with you.
Hey Stacks,
Is marriage for everyone?
Should it be an aspiration for every human being?
Hey Batmon,
No, I wouldn't say that at all. I was just teasing Herm. Some people, by their very nature, should NEVER get married. But, at a certain advanced age, I can imagine the single life becoming tiresome. Myself, as I said in my previous post, could never imagine getting married. Haven't you read my "wild tales" all of these years? Quite simply put, I fell in love with and married a wonderful woman.
If your happily married isnt the "Good Girl" the "Trophy"?
that's what i woulda thought!!
I wouldn't suspect any of you guys are marrying your laydee's just based on the fact that she is "good chick" and not the purely sexual being!! I'm guessing that she's a mixture of hot/sexy/blaptastic AND she's also totally awesome!!
But i do get the diff between both!! Although obviously every good chick is gonna be someONE's trophy and every trophy should be some ONE's good chick...
nocomplaints over here. academic swamps and multitasking mayhem. sleeping too much.
Yeah, that was a joke, hoLmes. (Facebook-related)
i know, but i figured i had to answer you eventually!
stacks, not being married doesnt necessarily mean alone in old age or viceversa. unfortunately, some folks die and leave their partners behind early in the game. my outlook is that im a community man...i want to surround myself with a strong, supportive community if friends and neighborhood. this reduces chances of being alone. if people live anonymous lives, divorced from the people around them, better chance they will end up with no support networks...whether they were married or not.
plus, my dad is 76 years old and many women (especially female friends of mine) find him attractive, so im banking on some of that genetics.
It's interesting to me that many men seem to think it's an either/or thing.
I would have to say, 9 out of 10 of the girls I hang out with regularly are super hot, 5 out of 10 are super smart, 8 out of 10 are not heartbreakers, and 10 out of 10 are insanely cool. They are all "good" and "hot". I think this dichotomy must be something men make up to feel better about the fact that many of them can't hold onto the great girls due to their own shortcomings, failures, and DRAMA. That's right, men can be dramatic superheadaches too...
It's interesting to me that many men seem to think it's an either/or thing.
I would have to say, 9 out of 10 of the girls I hang out with regularly are super hot, 5 out of 10 are super smart, 8 out of 10 are not heartbreakers, and 10 out of 10 are insanely cool. They are all "good" and "hot". I think this dichotomy must be something men make up to feel better about the fact that many of them can't hold onto the great girls due to their own shortcomings, failures, and DRAMA. That's right, men can be dramatic superheadaches too...
Comments
I SWEAR I WASN'T LOOKING AT HER TATA'S!!
Honestly, it's a little hard to define, but there's substantial differences to how we relate to each other, the way we look at our lives intertwined now, and there's a (legal, moral) rock that grounds us when we tend to fly off the handle and wild for the night (F*ck being polite). Maybe that sounds corny.
We're in our first year. The relationship will grow, and change, as the years go by. And I'm excited by that. My folks divorced when I was 6, so I'm wary of the institution. But maybe that's the same reason I'm more convinced by it now.
Yo Rey,
You see where that shit got Ed McMahon.
"While queens stand by you, and stick around
Bitches suck you dry and push you down
So it's my duty to address
This vampiress, givin' the black man stress
Recognize what's real and not material
Or burn in hell, chasin' Polo and Guess, dumb bitches"
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
Wifey and I had our biggest AND best married blowout about a week ago, and we're still feeling the reverberations. But, just knowing I've got someone I can love, can disagree with, and hold tight every night and love (sans raincoat) is a feeling unlike any I've known. We respect both of each other's opinions, and gripes, and want to WORK to do better- and that, 'work,' word is the KEY. There is a commitment to it that means more.
Just wearing a ring- my first piece of jewelry- everyday is important to me. That symbol MEANS SOMETHING.
I love my GOOD BABE, and I've spent the last 7 years, 3 married years, with her, and I plan on another 80.
I choose the Good Babe.
-gareth
7 here, then each was remarried and divorced again (not to each other, of course).
But I feel you. And I wish you two happiness 'til the end of the end.
I don't know if I'm sounding corny or even making sense. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. But it's definitely different now.
We did our, 'legal,' wedding on a beach in hawaii. It was cute, but sorta bullshit. In exchange, we got a piece of paper.
We did our REAL wedding in our town, in front of the assembled family and friends of our entire life. It meant more to me than anything I've ever done... to stand in front of my life, assembled to celebrate the love of my wife and my love, was a physically powerful experience.
One was a legal filing; the other was a sincerely spiritual union. The difference was, to quote Mark Twain, the difference between a lightning bug and lightning.
But going back to the original question... hot girls are fun. Cool chicks are fun too. At the end of the day you gotta decide what you are about.
Hey,
Yes, marriage is all about making a spiritual commitment before God and your loved ones, professing your eternal devotion to your mate. There is something magical and special about doing it, but you can only know this if you're truly in love. It's something you feel and it's beyond mere reason; however, one should not take it lightly or tread into any relationship without your wits (e.g., "playing house" minus the legal standing). I've seen too many common-law unions go terribly wrong (e.g., fights over property, physical violence, abandonment, etc.) which explains my bias regarding such arrangements.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
I'm sayin'! I've had 2 maybe 3 "great on paper" women in my life, meaning they were damn near perfect : career-minded, funny, sexy (to me), got along with my friends & family and were on a "traditional" cook-clean-wash tip that - and let me make this crystal clear - I am NOT looking for nor expecting (but I can't lie, I enjoyed the spoils!).
Problem is...I didn't LOVE them. I COULDN'T love them. I mean, I love them, but I didn't LOVE them, doyouknowwhatImean?
That's more me then them though. They're still great women and I still keep in touch with them, but yeah...maybe my heart's too
pickystupid.I got married at age 27. Wish that'd been 30, or a little later, but when I met her, it was all over. So, to me, it was the ultimate example of when she comes along, you'll know.
sorry, it was hard (paws) for me to scroll down to read this far down without the T&A eye-magnetizer rendering me weak. so hopefully this helps.
carry on.
Maybe I don't love her enough. Maybe I feel guilty like I should love her more and just don't cuz the physical ain't there like Hulkamania clothes tear off sex styles. Love vs. In Love I guess.
marriage...i dont know folks. im fairly relationship averse. but the real long relationship i had in my life was very right for a good long time. so i tend to think that its less about someone being inclined toward marriage or a relationship or perpetual field playing, its more of having unique needs/attractions that you have to have met. theres been ladies who i knew i could conceivably be all about (both trophy and good girl) but when that je-ne-say-kwa isnt there, its just not happening, sometimes for inexplicable reasons.
i assume jonny or stacks werent at points when they were like " i need wife now"...but they just found that right complementary piece. some folks do seem to force it (usually females, id have to say) To me, marriage seems close to laughable right now, but i could meet someone tomorrow who for some reasons would just make it make sense.
The dichotomy of the "Hot/Trophy/Bad" Woman vs. the "Kinda Hot/Good Girl/Good" Woman is suspect IMO.
It's a cartoonish description of people.
Hey Herm,
With that outlook, you could become the old pervy dude at the bar. I'm sure Bob (Packwood) would hang out with you.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
Hey Stacks,
Is marriage for everyone?
Should it be an aspiration for every human being?
Hey Tripledouble,
You nailed my situation exactly. Actually, when I met my wife, I had every intention of f*cking her based upon mere physical attraction. So, my intentions were initially evil, being the nasty-guy batchelor I was at the time. Then, she spoke and I thought she was so articulate, intelligent, and intriguing that I had to get to know her. And gradually, over three years of dating, I feel in love with her and asked her to be my wife. She fulfills all my mental, spiritual, and spiritual needs. My wife is an amazing woman and I never envisioned meeting someone so phenomenal.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
But it ain't my outlook, it's how I FEEL (or what I didn't feel which, in those cases, was the l-o-v-e).
If I end up the pervy dude, then all I can say is thank God for my
DJ QuikDoogie Howser stylez. [i]Had everybody thinkin' I was only 15...man, i just love people. i love a high percentage of people who become friends of mine. i cant marry all of them though.so why limit myself?
agree with batmon too...hard to neatly categorize an individual as trophy or good. people change too...trophy might ge ugly and become awesome and the goodwife might become psycho.
Hey Batmon,
No, I wouldn't say that at all. I was just teasing Herm. Some people, by their very nature, should NEVER get married. But, at a certain advanced age, I can imagine the single life becoming tiresome. Myself, as I said in my previous post, could never imagine getting married. Haven't you read my "wild tales" all of these years? Quite simply put, I fell in love with and married a wonderful woman.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
that's what i woulda thought!!
I wouldn't suspect any of you guys are marrying your laydee's just based on the fact that she is "good chick" and not the purely sexual being!! I'm guessing that she's a mixture of hot/sexy/blaptastic AND she's also totally awesome!!
But i do get the diff between both!! Although obviously every good chick is gonna be someONE's trophy and every trophy should be some ONE's good chick...
Yeah, that was a joke, hoLmes. (Facebook-related)
My sentiments EXACTLY.
stacks, not being married doesnt necessarily mean alone in old age or viceversa. unfortunately, some folks die and leave their partners behind early in the game. my outlook is that im a community man...i want to surround myself with a strong, supportive community if friends and neighborhood. this reduces chances of being alone. if people live anonymous lives, divorced from the people around them, better chance they will end up with no support networks...whether they were married or not.
plus, my dad is 76 years old and many women (especially female friends of mine) find him attractive, so im banking on some of that genetics.
I would have to say, 9 out of 10 of the girls I hang out with regularly are super hot, 5 out of 10 are super smart, 8 out of 10 are not heartbreakers, and 10 out of 10 are insanely cool. They are all "good" and "hot". I think this dichotomy must be something men make up to feel better about the fact that many of them can't hold onto the great girls due to their own shortcomings, failures, and DRAMA. That's right, men can be dramatic superheadaches too...