After 15 years together and 9 years of marriage, we've now been separated for 3 months. And despite looking high and low, I'm not seeing anyone out there who isn't already attached to someone who even compares. I know 3 months is nothing, but in a town this vibrant you would think I would at least have a healthy list of candidates...but not really.
As someone who has firsthand experience with this I am sorry to hear this, but I can tell you that things will get better. It happened again for me when I least expected it & I had become at peace with the fact I was single.
It may be because I'm single and somewhat bitter (I shouldn't be, but I have never "officially" had a girlfriend in my entire life. Although I'm sure that's not saying much), but the whole idea of a "trophy" seems odd. Based on hearing this phrase - outside of this thread - often, it sounds like some sort of status symbol thing.
When you know, you know... when she comes along, you'll know.
do all y'all happily married dudes agree with this?
Yeah, i was interested in this too!!
But deep down i guess there is an element of the hopeless romantic/idealist in me cos i can without a doubt say that the moment i met my guy, i knew he would be a really serious element in my life. And it wasn't the whole, from the moment i saw him purely lust type thing (sorry r**) but seriously after about 1min of talking i knew i was hit real bad!! Still can't quite explain it to this day.....hahaha, but it is almost 5yrs later...
Anyway- clearly that ish isn't the same with everyone. Do people usually recognise that sort of moment as fleeting and end up with down the line with someone more reliable, comfortable, dependable.....real life/life long qualities?? Or are you still with/did you marry/still married to that person who made you feel those "sparks" in the 1st place??
Weddings are (or should be) far less about the couple than about the assembled people.
I go both ways on this. I can't stand solipsistic weddings but I also don't like when couples spend so much time trying to meet the needs of the "assembled people" (read: their families), that they don't seem to be enjoying their own event.
It seems sad and limited to think there is an either or. I don't see women like this at all, shoved into 2 categories. I wouldn't want to be lumped in to one of 2 limited categories either as a dude. Women once you are with them you realize they have so many aspects to who they are that defy categorization. Trust is the most important part of her character if you are getting married, and that trust has a huge scope, you trust that she has your life in her hands, you trust she can handle challenging circumstances, like being there when a there's a death or when you go through a bout of depression and she pushes you to talk to someone. Sometimes I need my wife to give me her opinion on someone or something because she is so much more perceptive as a woman and sees thing I would not. She has to be emotionally perceptive. My wife is gorgeous and a great mother, works her ass off and is still fun and kind and has so much energy. Sure my ego is fed that she's hot, but it's also fed even more deeply that she handles everything with such grace and love and ease.
And you are NOT ready for marriage until you feel you can take care of a woman emotionally and otherwise. At one time I cared about being with a lot of different women, seeing and feeling everything. And I still love women and could probably fall in love with a lot of them. But when I was ready to be married I was also ready to make my wife feel loved and safe and secure and supported in every way emotionally. If you feel like bouncing when those needs come up you aren't ready for marriage.
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then hittin divorce court to pay child support to your baby's mother"
Yeah, i was interested in this too!!
But deep down i guess there is an element of the hopeless romantic/idealist in me cos i can without a doubt say that the moment i met my guy, i knew he would be a really serious element in my life. And it wasn't the whole, from the moment i saw him purely lust type thing (sorry r**) but seriously after about 1min of talking i knew i was hit real bad!! Still can't quite explain it to this day.....hahaha, but it is almost 5yrs later...
Anyway- clearly that ish isn't the same with everyone. Do people usually recognise that sort of moment as fleeting and end up with down the line with someone more reliable, comfortable, dependable.....real life/life long qualities?? Or are you still with/did you marry/still married to that person who made you feel those "sparks" in the 1st place??
I go both ways on this. I can't stand solipsistic weddings but I also don't like when couples spend so much time trying to meet the needs of the "assembled people" (read: their families), that they don't seem to be enjoying their own event.
I wouldn't want to be lumped in to one of 2 limited categories either as a dude.
Women once you are with them you realize they have so many aspects to who they are that defy categorization. Trust is the most important part of her character if you are getting married, and that trust has a huge scope, you trust that she has your life in her hands, you trust she can handle challenging circumstances, like being there when a there's a death or when you go through a bout of depression and she pushes you to talk to someone. Sometimes I need my wife to give me her opinion on someone or something because she is so much more perceptive as a woman and sees thing I would not. She has to be emotionally perceptive.
My wife is gorgeous and a great mother, works her ass off and is still fun and kind and has so much energy.
Sure my ego is fed that she's hot, but it's also fed even more deeply that she handles everything with such grace and love and ease.
And you are NOT ready for marriage until you feel you can take care of a woman emotionally and otherwise. At one time I cared about being with a lot of different women, seeing and feeling everything. And I still love women and could probably fall in love with a lot of them. But when I was ready to be married I was also ready to make my wife feel loved and safe and secure and supported in every way emotionally. If you feel like bouncing when those needs come up you aren't ready for marriage.