My advice for the day...
HarveyCanal
"a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
Don't get divorced...which in this day and age might as well translate directly to don't get married. But wait a minute, I loved being married. It was so great at times, got a beautiful daughter out of it...and really, how unmotivated my life could have been up to this point without it? But damn, I tell you...I really can't believe how negative something once loving can actually get. There seems to be no stoops too low. It's enough to make you truly hate someone, no lie. But wait a minute, how can I hate who even right this second I consider to be the second most important person on the entire planet? I hope that I don't really hate said person...I just seem to hate every single thing that person is now doing. Talk about a flip-flop, I'm really not accustomed to things even being able to go from so hot to so cold. I mean, how does one build it up just to obliterate it in full? This shit frankly does not compute for me. Yes, I know I've got lots more bucking up to do. I know I need to keep it on the level for my daughter. But really, what control do I even have right now in this shit...none whatsoever. I can be the nicest person anywhere and someone is still going to sabotage even the dramatically-reduced times we are in contact...every gotdamn time. I already gave up my house, gave up all sorts of time with my daughter, gave up all of my plans for the future...what more do you want? I'd be happy to run away overseas, or even to Houston for that matter...but with a bigger responsibility, I can't. I'm stuck dealing with the most depressing bullshit ever every frickin day. So yeah, point being avoid this situation like the plague. Let me suffer for all of you so that you won't ever have to. This shit is the pits. Oh yeah, Happy Mardi Gras! 
Comments
post divorce texts about Z-Ro.
Will you please tell her? Because she sure doesn't want to hear it from me.
In all fairness, it was actually a gradual change over the past couple of years, but add it up and it's Jeckyl & Hyde for sure.
When I first told someone in her family what was going on, the first thing he cited was all of that education she has gotten. Her new best friend is at least a part-time lesbian too.
Hopefully, I can soon get to where all of this crazy shit going on in her world is like listening to a radio that isn't turned up all that much while I'm working and not quite actually hearing what songs are being played apart from a distant sound.
That's my goal for the next month and beyond.
And yeah, me and my daughter are straight, always.
She sounds like a real Asshole By Nature! =P
Could have left it right at that.
I even recognize that I make things worse by telling her she's a horrible person for going back on her word and giving up on our family. But whatever, that's the truest shit going.
I do hope things settle down so we can become some sort of friendly friends someday. We actually met at lunchtime today to touch base with the place that's hosting our record fair tomorrow...and sure enough we ran into a common friend (who apparently hasn't heard about our split), who twice mentioned how we should visit her and her husband in Nicaragua as they are about to go spend a year down there. I'm standing there thinking damn, there's another cool thing that's being pissed away by this senseless darkness.
I dunno, I'm hardly innocent in all of this. But I, especially considering all of the motions I have made over the years to make things better, just never thought it would come to this.
Seriously, husbands out there...don't let this happen to you. That's kinda weird for me to say, because I really thought I had done everything in my power to keep this from happening. But apparently instead of focusing on being a good dad and supportive husband, I was supposed to be playing some sort of game of hard-to-get instead.
So yeah, in the end the advice very likely becomes...
But anyway, weaving Z-Ro into your divorce story was pretty wild, dude!
Now, she's married to some pot smoking hippie who sells weed for a living. She takes care of his 3 kids, became a pothead herself, dreadlocks and all while living out of a mobile home.
Man, I feel what you're going through.
But then I had to say how the next day I called him up and said never-f*ckin-mind, she's not my wife anymore.
Dude, that is terrible.
stay strong y'all
I mean, not really what I truly feel...but what am I supposed to do in relation to a wife/best friend that has found 14,000 reasons to hate me?
Good luck with this mess.....come here and vent all the bad stuff and don't let it get in the way of your relationship with your daughter. Not getting married is an option for sure, but if you do get married, go into it knowing it's a job...a hard job.....something that requires more effort than just about anything anyone will ever do besides raising a child. And both parties have to work at it....if only one does, no matter how hard they try, it won't work if your partner isn't up to the task.
This June 10th will be my 30th anniversary....I've known my wife since the third grade.....we both got all our wild shit out of the way as teens so neither of us think we missed out on anything by getting married. I know I'm lucky but I also know I worked my ass off to make this work...as did my wife. Too many folks hit a bump in the road and want to bail rather than smooth the road out.
Keep your head up dude and take the high road for the sake of your child...the example you set will help her not repeat her Mother's mistakes.
Rich
Here here.
And congrats on 30 years, Rich.
Serious
Although I'm only 5 years deep, I'm certainly in the "marriage is great" camp, but it's not for everybody, and lord knows things and people change.
Good luck with this, Harvey, and ditto to everything Rock said.
Ultimately you and your seed will be better off without a toxic relationship holding you down.
Keep your head up.
Lord please...
I gotta say your daughter is really lucky to have a dad that wants to play a major role in her life, so many kids don't have that luxury. Thanks for being a good guy! This will be tough for her too so it will be good to have both of you there for her.
Yeah, I've heard of some people who negotiate tooth and nail for that level of contribution (which I think might be different up in Canada) only to later almost entirely abandon their responsibilities.