You need to establish your space now or you'll regret it later.....There is no way in hell she's going to walk away over this.... she's basically grabbing your nuts to see what kinda man you are so she can establish how far she can push your ass after you get married..... stand your ground and do what YOU want to do....When you have kids it's a different story ...but if it's just you and her, tell her to get a life .....The only way i've managed to stay with the same chick all these years is because we both know how important it is to allow each other some goddamn freedom and personal time.....I wish she would tell me i need to sit at home, up under her ass when i could be gettin paid doing what i love....that's some selfish ass controlling ass bullshit
Dude, it's nothing to give up Saturdays for your wife-to-be. You're going to be MARRIED for crying out loud. Trust me, it's the right move to do so.
I think the issue here isn't the request, it's the way it was made. Any question that gets phrased "it's either me or [fill in the blank]" just doesn't bode well for the future.
Yeah I hear that, but if she's being honest then you can't fault her for that.
Honesty coupled w/ Tact would probably be more succesfull.
she'd rather spend more time together. i can't argue with that.
Spending time together is overrated
lol - I have to agree with this to a point. The idea of two becoming one is romantic and all, but I think two remaining two is important to keep a relationship vital and progressing. If you have experiences, etc. as individuals, you have more to contribute to the relationship. Granted, it's easier to maintain if you live together, because you already have that time and space.
Your wife will be happier when you are happy doing what you love, even if it causes her some temporary stress.
It sounds like you're resigning yourself to something and that's good for NEITHER of you. Make sure that you are standing up for doing you and keeping yourself happy. You sitting at home, spending "quality" time, thinking in your head how you could be out spinning and getting paid... trust me that pot will boil over in no time.
Now if you could give or take the gig... then fuck it
If you spend your Saturday nights at the club DJ'ing and your girl is sitting around at home all pissed off, this is not a good look and certainly a warning sign if she's letting you know she's not happy. Especially if you're thinking of gettin hitched. Look after your woman, dude. Shit is more important than spinnin rekkids at the club and if money's the issue, get another hustle goin. I'm just sayin... marriage material doesn't come around all that often, money comes and goes like the tide.
but...i think you guys are all wrong and she is right.
Then why are you on Soulstrut asking for relationship advice?
i didn't ask for advice. the decision was made and the residency canceled before i posted. i was/am just curious to see how people have dealt with this and/or how people would hypothetically deal with it.
If she's not sitting around at home, it's even MORE important for you to take heed. Time and place for everything, man.
LOL - yea OK!
You know women - you let them out of the house, and next thing you know they're whoring around town, getting down with the next man, stripping on tables for tips and doing lines off a some porn star's 10-inch cock.
Best to keep a good eye on 'em!
Anyone ever give your girl one of those anklets that they use for house arrest? It'll set off an alarm if they leave the area. WORD TO THE WISE
If she's not sitting around at home, it's even MORE important for you to take heed. Time and place for everything, man.
LOL - yea OK!
You know women - you let them out of the house, and next thing you know they're whoring around town, getting down with the next man, stripping on tables for tips and doing lines off a some porn star's 10-inch cock.
Best to keep a good eye on 'em!
Anyone ever give your girl one of those anklets that they use for house arrest? It'll set off an alarm if they leave the area. WORD TO THE WISE
Yeah, yeah man, we all know you're SO together...
All I'm sayin is....If you think it's more important to play superstar dj every Sat night at the club and neglect your girl, then go for yours. BUT, if the chick is telling you straight up she's not happy with it, then take heed or be prepared for your relationship to suffer and deteriorate over time. Ulimatums are not a good look though.. definitely with you guys on that. Compromise is the key. Don't ever let your woman think she can call the shots and vice versa.
If she's not sitting around at home, it's even MORE important for you to take heed. Time and place for everything, man.
LOL - yea OK!
You know women - you let them out of the house, and next thing you know they're whoring around town, getting down with the next man, stripping on tables for tips and doing lines off a some porn star's 10-inch cock.
Best to keep a good eye on 'em!
Anyone ever give your girl one of those anklets that they use for house arrest? It'll set off an alarm if they leave the area. WORD TO THE WISE
Yeah, yeah man, we all know you're SO together...
All I'm sayin is....If you think it's more important to play superstar dj every Sat night at the club and neglect your girl, then go for yours. BUT, if the chick is telling you straight up she's not happy with it, then take heed or be prepared for your relationship to suffer and deteriorate over time. Ulimatums are not a good look though.. definitely with you guys on that. Compromise is the key. Don't ever let your woman think she can call the shots and vice versa.
My shit is together, no question. I wouldn't do anything without my fiance's support but she does have her own life. She has been encouraging me to work hard, take gigs, and so on for YEARS. I have her back the same way. My happiness/her happiness = our happiness, and that's how it should be.
I don't think having a weekly residency is "neglectful". There are always other times or ways to make it up.
but...i think you guys are all wrong and she is right.
Then why are you on Soulstrut asking for relationship advice?
i didn't ask for advice. the decision was made and the residency canceled before i posted. i was/am just curious to see how people have dealt with this and/or how people would hypothetically deal with it.
Saying - I hope things work out for the two of you but it's just a bad precedent to set. Hopefully, you won't be resentful and she won't feel like she can drop ultimatums on you for the rest of your marriage.
That whole, "maybe I was being selfish" part was bizarre dude unless you knew this was an issue the whole time through (in which case, you neglected to leave that part in the original query and that would have changed, I think, people's perspective on things).
If she's not sitting around at home, it's even MORE important for you to take heed. Time and place for everything, man.
LOL - yea OK!
You know women - you let them out of the house, and next thing you know they're whoring around town, getting down with the next man, stripping on tables for tips and doing lines off a some porn star's 10-inch cock.
Best to keep a good eye on 'em!
Anyone ever give your girl one of those anklets that they use for house arrest? It'll set off an alarm if they leave the area. WORD TO THE WISE
Yeah, yeah man, we all know you're SO together...
All I'm sayin is....If you think it's more important to play superstar dj every Sat night at the club and neglect your girl, then go for yours. BUT, if the chick is telling you straight up she's not happy with it, then take heed or be prepared for your relationship to suffer and deteriorate over time. Ulimatums are not a good look though.. definitely with you guys on that. Compromise is the key. Don't ever let your woman think she can call the shots and vice versa.
My shit is together, no question. I wouldn't do anything without my fiance's support but she does have her own life. She has been encouraging me to work hard, take gigs, and so on for YEARS. I have her back the same way. My happiness/her happiness = our happiness, and that's how it should be.
I don't think having a weekly residency is "neglectful". There are always other times or ways to make it up.
Then again, nobody gives a fuck what I think.
I completely agree with you, man but c'mon... Dj'ing has a very social aspect to it that constitutes it being very different than pulling a night shift at a regular job. I used to get digits from chicks who approached the booth all the time when I did my thing. A club full of dancing, semi drunk chicks on a Saturday night? Maybe this is where homie's girl has a point, no? Just sayin...
We still don't care what you think... that hasn't changed...
That whole, "maybe I was being selfish" part was bizarre dude unless you knew this was an issue the whole time through (in which case, you neglected to leave that part in the original query and that would have changed, I think, people's perspective on things).
of course i knew it was an issue the whole time. if you are in a relationship, weekend nights are obviously an important time, unless both people are forced to work due to financial reasons.
the difference is that when i was not engaged, i could always say, this is an opportunity to make money doing something i like, 'nuff said. she couldn't argue with that. now that my money is her money and vica versa, she should be able to say, its not about the money. i'm cool without it. then it just becomes an issue of - do i wanna be an assh*le and a pig and insist on, not only djing, but taking up BOTH of her "free nights".
i think iron monkey might be the only person getting it right now.
That whole, "maybe I was being selfish" part was bizarre dude unless you knew this was an issue the whole time through (in which case, you neglected to leave that part in the original query and that would have changed, I think, people's perspective on things).
of course i knew it was an issue the whole time. if you are in a relationship, weekend nights are obviously an important time, unless both people are forced to work due to financial reasons.
the difference is that when i was not engaged, i could always say, this is an opportunity to make money doing something i like, 'nuff said. she couldn't argue with that. now that my money is her money and vica versa, she should be able to say, its not about the money. i'm cool without it. then it just becomes an issue of - do i wanna be an assh*le and a pig and insist on, not only djing, but taking up BOTH of her "free nights".
i think iron monkey might be the only person getting it right now.
So what are you looking for here? Perspective? Advice? Sympathy? Sorry man but I'm not the only person wholly unclear on why you posted this up to begin with. Sounds to me you just want people to tell you, "you made the right call," which really translate into, "you're a good person/spouse/whatever."
Comments
WTF ?!?!?!! jeeeeeezzzus christ dude
"My X used to ...."
And a willingness to compromise.
lol - I have to agree with this to a point. The idea of two becoming one is romantic and all, but I think two remaining two is important to keep a relationship vital and progressing. If you have experiences, etc. as individuals, you have more to contribute to the relationship. Granted, it's easier to maintain if you live together, because you already have that time and space.
This is often better in theory than in practice.
This turns into "I was there the entire night and you completely ignored me."
"I was WORKING!"
girls don't have friends past age 22 or so.
It sounds like you're resigning yourself to something and that's good for NEITHER of you. Make sure that you are standing up for doing you and keeping yourself happy. You sitting at home, spending "quality" time, thinking in your head how you could be out spinning and getting paid... trust me that pot will boil over in no time.
Now if you could give or take the gig... then fuck it
= resentment
It's all about balance and compromise. She should be more understanding though.
[/2 cents]
If you spend your Saturday nights at the club DJ'ing and your girl is sitting around at home all pissed off, this is not a good look and certainly a warning sign if she's letting you know she's not happy. Especially if you're thinking of gettin hitched. Look after your woman, dude. Shit is more important than spinnin rekkids at the club and if money's the issue, get another hustle goin. I'm just sayin... marriage material doesn't come around all that often, money comes and goes like the tide.
Girls don't have friends or leave the house unaccompanied after 22, duh
Then why are you on Soulstrut asking for relationship advice?
If she's not sitting around at home, it's even MORE important for you to take heed. Time and place for everything, man.
LOL - yea OK!
i didn't ask for advice. the decision was made and the residency canceled before i posted. i was/am just curious to see how people have dealt with this and/or how people would hypothetically deal with it.
hmmmmmmm, seems like this is why the girl is salty. No friends but you? and please to not generalize based on your obviously troubled experience.
You know women - you let them out of the house, and next thing you know they're whoring around town, getting down with the next man, stripping on tables for tips and doing lines off a some porn star's 10-inch cock.
Best to keep a good eye on 'em!
Anyone ever give your girl one of those anklets that they use for house arrest? It'll set off an alarm if they leave the area. WORD TO THE WISE
I don't know what it's like up in "Canada," but down here, the dishes don't do themselves.
keith or his girl?
Yeah, yeah man, we all know you're SO together...
All I'm sayin is....If you think it's more important to play superstar dj every Sat night at the club and neglect your girl, then go for yours. BUT, if the chick is telling you straight up she's not happy with it, then take heed or be prepared for your relationship to suffer and deteriorate over time. Ulimatums are not a good look though.. definitely with you guys on that. Compromise is the key. Don't ever let your woman think she can call the shots and vice versa.
My shit is together, no question. I wouldn't do anything without my fiance's support but she does have her own life. She has been encouraging me to work hard, take gigs, and so on for YEARS. I have her back the same way. My happiness/her happiness = our happiness, and that's how it should be.
I don't think having a weekly residency is "neglectful". There are always other times or ways to make it up.
Then again, nobody gives a fuck what I think.
Saying - I hope things work out for the two of you but it's just a bad precedent to set. Hopefully, you won't be resentful and she won't feel like she can drop ultimatums on you for the rest of your marriage.
That whole, "maybe I was being selfish" part was bizarre dude unless you knew this was an issue the whole time through (in which case, you neglected to leave that part in the original query and that would have changed, I think, people's perspective on things).
I completely agree with you, man but c'mon... Dj'ing has a very social aspect to it that constitutes it being very different than pulling a night shift at a regular job. I used to get digits from chicks who approached the booth all the time when I did my thing. A club full of dancing, semi drunk chicks on a Saturday night? Maybe this is where homie's girl has a point, no? Just sayin...
We still don't care what you think... that hasn't changed...
of course i knew it was an issue the whole time. if you are in a relationship, weekend nights are obviously an important time, unless both people are forced to work due to financial reasons.
the difference is that when i was not engaged, i could always say, this is an opportunity to make money doing something i like, 'nuff said. she couldn't argue with that. now that my money is her money and vica versa, she should be able to say, its not about the money. i'm cool without it. then it just becomes an issue of - do i wanna be an assh*le and a pig and insist on, not only djing, but taking up BOTH of her "free nights".
i think iron monkey might be the only person getting it right now.
So what are you looking for here? Perspective? Advice? Sympathy? Sorry man but I'm not the only person wholly unclear on why you posted this up to begin with. Sounds to me you just want people to tell you, "you made the right call," which really translate into, "you're a good person/spouse/whatever."