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does your girl let you dj?

keithvanhornkeithvanhorn 3,855 Posts
edited August 2007 in Strut Central
i've been djing every fri and sat nite for years before i met my girl. we just got engaged and she is putting the hammer down. sat nites are out or she's out. we could use the extra loot but i gotta choose her over djing. i feel old now. anyone else have to make this choice?
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  • street_muzikstreet_muzik 3,919 Posts
    I met my girl in the club I used to DJ at. I think it kinda bothers her that I haven't been playing lately.
  • keithvanhornkeithvanhorn 3,855 Posts
    wife swap?
  • The_NonThe_Non 5,691 Posts
    As a joke, I was trying to find a picture of that author Sheherazade that used to be on Donahue talking about men giving their women a good open handed slap in the mouth every once in awhile to keep a relationship strong. Anyone remember her? I couldn't find a pic. Joke failure.
  • yuichiyuichi Urban sprawl 11,331 Posts
    I neither DJ nor have a gf = No action.
  • Hotsauce84Hotsauce84 8,450 Posts
    As a joke, I was trying to find a picture of that author Sheherazade that used to be on Donahue talking about men giving their women a good open handed slap in the mouth every once in awhile to keep a relationship strong. Anyone remember her? I couldn't find a pic. Joke failure.

    So THAT'S who Chino XL was talking about!

    [i]Should I just slap her like Sheherazade told me to?
  • HairyBelafonteHairyBelafonte 1,202 Posts
    I neither DJ nor have a gf = No action.

    is this suprising to anyone?
  • street_muzikstreet_muzik 3,919 Posts
    wife swap?

    Send pictures.
  • KineticKinetic 3,739 Posts
    i've been djing every fri and sat nite for years before i met my girl. we just got engaged and she is putting the hammer down. sat nites are out or she's out. we could use the extra loot but i gotta choose her over djing. i feel old now.

    anyone else have to make this choice?




    Dude.

    This is the very situation that was imagined when the gramlen was first conceived.




    So... with that being said:












  • ReynaldoReynaldo 6,054 Posts
    we just got engaged and she is putting the hammer down. sat nites are out or she's out.
    She's just bluffing/testing you--to see who has the bigger hammer.
  • DelayDelay 4,530 Posts
    This was a major point of contention between me and my ex. If they arent secure enough to let you work it's usually a bad sign. just sayin.
  • mannybolonemannybolone Los Angeles, CA 15,025 Posts
    This was a major point of contention between me and my ex. If they arent secure enough to let you work it's usually a bad sign. just sayin.

    Cosiggle.
    I can get why someone wouldnt be nuts about having a partner who's never around weekend nights but it's not like she didnt realize this going in. Ultimatums are a terrible look, especially if we're talking about something like djing vs say, a heroin habit. Sorry to say but this doesn't bode well for the future.
  • TREWTREW 2,037 Posts
    Sorry to say but this doesn't bode well for the future.

    especially if it's bringing more loot into the relationship. seems kinda weird that she's not thinking about that aspect of her ultimatum.
  • Birdman9Birdman9 5,417 Posts
    My wife gets me wedding gigs, only to have the people balk at $500. Them's the breaks I guess.

    I think any woman with a man that WANTS to make money and work needs to let him do his thing. Cuz there's a lot of dudes out there who don't do shit.
  • crossingscrossings 946 Posts
    dude.. not to sound like an asshole here, but having to ask questions that begin with "does your girl let you..." is NAGL. is this a common practice in your relationship?... is there anything that you ask her not to do that she's been doing since you met her??

    for now i would suggest asking her for your balls back, re-attaching them, and then putting some serious thought into what you would rather be doing on YOUR saturday nights.
  • KineticKinetic 3,739 Posts

    for now i would suggest asking her for your balls back, re-attaching them, and then putting some serious thought into what you would rather be doing on YOUR saturday nights.



    I TELL my girl what i'm doing - Real headZ don't ask the deal
  • DongerDonger 854 Posts
    I think the woman you are about to marry is making it clear that she would like to spend some time with her man on the weekends, but she is definitely going about it the wrong way. It's a relationship, there needs to be compromise. If neither of you can compromise, then you will both have some serious problems in the future. That being said, you also need to make it clear that ultimatums are not a good look, and you won't stand for that shit.

    I DJ every other Saturday night, because I actually like spending time with my fiance on some Saturday nights outside of work. Why don't you consider spinning every other Saturday, or maybe 3 Saturdays a month? You and another DJ friend can come up with some arrangement. ie: you give him a Saturday a month, and you take that Thursday gig of his that week or whatever if you need the money.

    She needs to know you are not buckling under her pressure, but you are doing this because you actually do (hopefully) want to spend the occassional Saturday night out with her outside of your DJ gig environment. Now if you don't want to spend time with her on some weekend nights, then you've got much bigger problems in the relationship!
  • akoako https://soundcloud.com/a-ko 3,413 Posts
    my girlfriend begs me to DJ more often but apparently must not realize i need to practice, and dont have the equipment.
  • eliseelise 3,252 Posts
    i agree with what everyone has said in this thread. Once I opened it I thought...no one should have to ever deal with this .

    Life's too short to be told what you should and should not do. Sayin, If you had a great opportunity to dj in (insert your favorite city/club) and she said no and felt no guilt about it, then you know what you should do...WHATEVER YOU DAMN WANT!!

    I never understood why people would do this to themselves...and I admit, some of us ladies can be a bit crazy, but there is actually a good percentage of us that are not so bad

    If my significant other wanted to go and live his life to the fullest for a while or whatever, I would never hold him back. Thats real love.
  • Birdman9Birdman9 5,417 Posts

    Life's too short to be told what you should and should not do.

    That being said, a lot of being married boils down to just that, only about who's turn it is to do dishes or whatever other stupid shit people argue about. When it comes to the bigger deals, it should be undertood.
  • KineticKinetic 3,739 Posts
    yeah, well said elise! It's good to know some sisters understand!

    Yeah man, I totally don't understand that kinda thing. I mean, I've known guys that are kinda round their girl's little finger in many ways, but I hever never, ever been in that kind of relationship and don't fully understand how that kind of thing can come about.

    My rap group got a gig inter-state and I just arranged the whole thing and just told my fiance about it after the fact. She knows and understands how important music related activities are to me, and why the hell would she be with me if she didn't know and love that about me? I mean, we still communicate about times and weekends and stuff, and I don't gig on a weekly basis most of the time, but she knows if I get offered a paid DJ gig, i take it.
  • keithvanhornkeithvanhorn 3,855 Posts

    I can get why someone wouldnt be nuts about having a partner who's never around weekend nights but it's not like she didnt realize this going in.

    this is the only valid point i've seen in this entire thread. when we met, i had the same dj schedule, so my argument has been (up until yesterday), that "you knew the deal when we met".

    but...i think you guys are all wrong and she is right. relationships are a two-way street. she knows the money i would be making would go to both of us (and its not money we need to eat, both of us have full time jobs), but she'd rather spend more time together. i can't argue with that. plus, its basically a compromise in that i'm only giving up one night.

    so let me get this straight though--- the soulstrut consensus is that if a guy/girl wants to dj on the weekends, the spouse should accept it and just chill at the house on fri/sat watching murder she wrote reruns?
  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
  • sabadabadasabadabada 5,966 Posts
    you better do what she says, man.[/b]
  • bassiebassie 11,710 Posts
    this is the only valid point i've seen in this entire thread. when we met, i had the same dj schedule, so my argument has been (up until yesterday), that "you knew the deal when we met".

    but...i think you guys are all wrong and she is right. relationships are a two-way street. she knows the money i would be making would go to both of us (and its not money we need to eat, both of us have full time jobs), but she'd rather spend more time together. i can't argue with that. plus, its basically a compromise in that i'm only giving up one night.

    so let me get this straight though--- the soulstrut consensus is that if a guy/girl wants to dj on the weekends, the spouse should accept it and just chill at the house on fri/sat watching murder she wrote reruns?[/b]

    Not neccessarily, s/he can go out and do her/his own thing, too. Why sit at home and steep in the fact that the other half is not around?

    There's no stock answer to this, it all depends on the couple, their priorities, and the amount of independence they have and want within the relationship.
  • CosmoCosmo 9,768 Posts
    Dude, it's nothing to give up Saturdays for your wife-to-be. You're going to be MARRIED for crying out loud. Trust me, it's the right move to do so.
  • mannybolonemannybolone Los Angeles, CA 15,025 Posts
    Dude, it's nothing to give up Saturdays for your wife-to-be. You're going to be MARRIED for crying out loud. Trust me, it's the right move to do so.

    I think the issue here isn't the request, it's the way it was made. Any question that gets phrased "it's either me or [fill in the blank]" just doesn't bode well for the future.
  • CosmoCosmo 9,768 Posts
    Dude, it's nothing to give up Saturdays for your wife-to-be. You're going to be MARRIED for crying out loud. Trust me, it's the right move to do so.

    I think the issue here isn't the request, it's the way it was made. Any question that gets phrased "it's either me or [fill in the blank]" just doesn't bode well for the future.

    Yeah I hear that, but if she's being honest then you can't fault her for that.
  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    Dude, it's nothing to give up Saturdays for your wife-to-be. You're going to be MARRIED for crying out loud. Trust me, it's the right move to do so.

    I think the issue here isn't the request, it's the way it was made. Any question that gets phrased "it's either me or [fill in the blank]" just doesn't bode well for the future.

    Yeah I hear that, but if she's being honest then you can't fault her for that.

    Honesty coupled w/ Tact would probably be more succesfull.
  • edpowersedpowers 4,437 Posts
    she'd rather spend more time together. i can't argue with that.

    Spending time together is overrated
  • keithvanhornkeithvanhorn 3,855 Posts

    I think the issue here isn't the request, it's the way it was made. Any question that gets phrased "it's either me or [fill in the blank]" just doesn't bode well for the future.

    there are two sides to that. you could also point that finger at me and say - if you knew this was an issue for so long, how could you be selfish enough to let it get to the point where she had no choice but to make an ultimatum.
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