Embarrassing sex moments (NRR)
Guzzo
8,611 Posts
Because I'm still waiting for Faux_Rills to drop the promised "Who on Soulstrut do you think is a virgin" thread I've decided to start this potential gem up, you all know you've had them so lets talk on it. I'll kick it off:not me (although I kind of wish it was), a friend of mine in a long term relationship told me that he was kind of bored going through the same old same old with his girl in bed, because it was so boringly repetitive he decided to add some movie dialogue to his boot knocking. His girl had no idea that he was going to all of sudden spit out some movie dialogue and never saw it coming. The apparent highlight of which was him quoting Denzel just before orgasm...He said his girlfriend straight froze when he blurted out mid-sex "THIS AIN'T NO BANK ROBBERY".His girl denied him for the next couple days after that.ADD ON
Comments
this dood made a thread on some forum whom his girl didnt and had no real interest in posting on (music forum and she didnt like the music) about how he thinks about his girlfriends best friend when they have the sex.
she read it and broke up with him
ha ha
..oh wait......
that was me
Wa Wa Wee Wa!
Borat graemlin
After downing a bottle of Jack and numerous beers, I was so amped and I couldn't seem to get very drunk. I also felt really nauseous from all the stimulants and had puked once while taking shots. So I called this girl I was seeing at the time and we meet at my house for a late night romp. In the middle of business my stomach was in soo much pain I jumped out of the saddle, ran to the bathroom and puked.
I proceded to brush my teeth, return to bed, explain that it was some pills I took earlier, and finish business. I felt bad but she kinda laughed it off. She was pretty hot too so it honestly wasn't caused by her looks.
I was dating a girl who was a little coy when it came to sex, we were both niave and young and relatively inexperienced. One night after drinking a lot we proceeded to have sex but foolishly skipped the foreplay. After doing the do I pulled out to find my bellend covered in blood.
At first I thought I had damaged the poor girl but it turned out that our lack of foreplay and my obvious inability to turn her on had meant a dry and rough time down there for my gentle giant and she had ripped my foreskin.
Taking this all in while drunk was easy and we subsequently went to sleep. The next two weeks or so pissing was a little bit painful to say the least but I healed as all things do in time and also learnt a valuable lesson about the art of love.
Around a month later I was in my room when my mum came in and insisted I change the sheets (like I mentioned, I was a young 'un then), realising there may be bloody evidence on the sheets I quickly whipped them off, stashed them and headed downstairs only to hear my mum calling me from my room.
I went back up to ask what the matter was only to see her pointing at my mattress and asking what the mark was. There, on my mattress, was the bloody imprint of my swollen member from when I'd pulled out. It was like some Turin shroud steez right down to the veiny details.
I passed it off as spilt drink/food and I think my mum was happy to accept that story but deep down inside we both knew that I had left my special mark. I got a new mattress a month later.
needless to say, we are still friends.
that's freakin hilarious!
I've had a couple funny things go down (no pun). On NYE a few years back I had a wonderful drunken hook-up with a girl who I'd been putting it on for a minute. Thing is, we got back to my place and she was real eager. TOO eager. Started hobbin the knob with viciousness- it didn't feel bad exactly (no teeth or nothing) but she was doing the vacuum cleaner technique and really sucking. Partly drunk, partly enjoying it, I let her continue for longer than I should have. Woke up, looked down, swear to god my piece was black and blue! the whole package was hickey bruised!
Another time, back in high school I spent a lil stint at a boarding school with separate boys and girls dorms. Doods were definitely NOT allowed on the girls floor and vice versa. well, directly post-coitus with my then lady friend, my teacher barged right into the room without knocking. There was a brief moment of akwardness where girlie stuck her head under the blanket, I looked up guiltily at my teach who started rambling about something, and then he realized there were 4 feet sticking out the bottom of the blanket! My and the girl were both suspended and I had to meet her parents that way! Somehow we stayed together for a solid year after that and her conservative-ass parents still grew to love me. Not a good introduction though.
We got bored about doing it in the car, bedroom, bathroom, etc. So we decided to go on a walk one night and ended up at a park.
We found ourselves on top of a picnic table and the heat was oooon! I was half naked and he wasn't in his pants. Leave the rest to your imagination. I start saying dirty thangs and we heard a cough underneath us, and a cracklin bag.
I look over and it was a bum lookin up at me underneath the picnic table! With a 40 or whatever in his bag. It was fucking scary ass shit, but Im sure he loved it!
He seemed amused, but we left quickly.
I still can't look at that park the same. I still look under picnic tables on the regular.
He kind of looked like this:
"Did she something about daddy??!"[/b]
Caught a random nose bleed once while on top of a girl and the shit dripped out and went in homegirl's eye.
It was pretty much a wrap.
I thought this was an hysterical story and always asked for more details, but my friend was always unwilling to divulge more than these bare facts. Thinking about it still makes me snicker.
insert->thru--->done. didn't even finish the thrust.
Somewhere in Southwestern Ohio, there is a girl who says Gareth is not very good in bed. I cannot refute her comments. she gave me a button that says, ' i HEART my mother,' which i still have.
1. Lost my virginity in a Walgreens bathroom with my first girlfriend.
2. Had my roommate walk in on me with a girl.
3. Had sex in my office this Valentine's day.
Probably most embarrassing was when I was dating this girl a few years ago. I always get up early and I'm usually dog tired by 11PM. She was the opposite wanting to stay up until 3AM. She'd always want it when I could barely keep my eyes open. I swear once I couldn't get it up as a result, rolled over and fell immediately asleep. Relationship didn't last long afterwards.
That sounds wildly embarassing.
so. you took that promotion, huh?
my friend came up to me the following day and was like "i saw l***ie earlier today! i asked her if she made out with you before or after you puked up all that nighttrain. she said 'AFTER!!!'"
the hat was pulled down very low over a sheepish pair of eyes for a few days.
what's worse is that there's a handful of embarassing sequels with the same girl, but i will stop here.
is that sex?
she was cool with it, but i'm not sure if i can look at you the same anymore..
- spidey
hahaha im sure that was the case while we were still together! in any event, havent seen her in 15 years.
edit! haha i thought you said "...i'm not sure if she could look at you"!
she says "what the fuck? you asshole"
and i figure what the fuck, and piss on her.
embarrasing because i had to dump the mattress and was caught by the cops and fined for illegally dumping trash.
Who would've thought that nzshadow would have the best 'Embarrassing sex moments' story..