It was a dv??rgtjej that each walk it regnade got j??vligt evil in fi**to. so went she to the doctor, and told if his problems. the doctor checked around a little, but could not see something wrong at all. Next walk it regnade got she than a walk j??vligt evil, and rang the doctor. "Came down tomorrow to mottagningen so shall I see what I can do", said the doctor. When she went down next day could the doctor still not find something wrong, and she went home, dissatisfied. So a day began it rain, and she got so evil that she went down directly to the doctor and said that now receives you fan fix up it here. The doctor checked a little, "hmmm...hmmm..yoke..." late did he a little grejer there, a little here, until it ended that do evil. "oh, how did you?" asked she the doctor - "I klippte down 5 cm on each rubber boot!"
Fy fan, that's a good one!
Another point: this thread is supposed to be about obscure jokes, like the one above, the one Gary started the thread with, and LaserWolf's symphony-theme jokes (I had no idea that cellists were the stepchildren of the symphony!). With that, I give you my favorite joke from first grade:
Have you heard the one about the Aggie who drank so much Fresca he snowed in his pants?
I don't get it, but when I lived in Oklahoma we told aggie jokes. Here is an Okie joke:
Razorback: In Arkansas we have pine trees that grow clear to Heaven Others: All the way to heaven? Razorback: Miss by that much. Aggie: In Texas we have oil wells that gush all the way to heaven. Others: All the way to heaven? Razorback: Miss by that much. Sooner: In OK City a woman gave birth out her asshole. Others: Out her asshole?!??! Sooner: Missed by that much.
Q: What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky? A: Gretzky showers after three periods.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer is at the front door? A: The knock gets faster.
HAHAHAHAHA!!
Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven - one to change it and the other six to sing about how much better the old one was.
Q: What do pirates and trumpet players have in common? A: They are both murder on the high C's.
General Custer and his aide were in the fort. The aide said, "General, I don't like the sound of those drums." From over the hill a voice yelled, "He's not our regular drummer."
Bill: "Hey, Buddy. How late does the band play?" Buddy: "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
Q: What do you call a group of lesbians with guns? A: Militia Etheridge.
Q: If you drop an entertainment lawyer and a trombone off a building, what do you get? A: Applause.
Q: What's the inscription on a blues singer's tombstone? A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."
Q: How can you tell when a drummer is at the front door? A: The knock gets faster.
I heard this punchline as, "He knocks offbeat, and he doesn't know when to come in."
Q: How many guitarists does it take to play "Stairway to Heaven?" A: All of them, apparently.
Q: What's the difference between a bunch of genius midgets and a women's track team? A: One's a cunning bunch of runts.... (My 10th grade science teacher told our class that joke. Awesome.)
A physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician go hunting. They see a deer, the physicist shoots, and is 10 feet off to the right. The mathematician shoots, and is 10 feet off to the left. The statistician then yells "We hit it, we hit it!!"
Q: What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Ummmm....Not being fucking retarded!
Sorry I know that's very un PC and seriously harsh but... That shit cracks me up. (The delivery on the punchline is key, you have to have that perfect "No Duh" attitude)
two muffins are in an oven the first muffin turns to the second muffin and says, "whoa, its sure hot in here?" the second muffin turns to the first muffin and says "whoa, A talking muffin!"
Two functions, x^2 and e^x are walking down the street. Off in the distance they see a differential operator walking towards them. e^x turns to x^2 and tells him: "You better get out of here! If that operator differentiates you a few times you'll disappear, but he can differentiate me all he wants and I'll stay the same."
So x^2 runs off and e^x goes to greet the differential operator. "Hi, I'm e^x" he says. "What's your name?"
The operator looks at him with a demonic grin and says: "d/dy".
Two functions, x^2 and e^x are walking down the street. Off in the distance they see a differential operator walking towards them. e^x turns to x^2 and tells him: "You better get out of here! If that operator differentiates you a few times you'll disappear, but he can differentiate me all he wants and I'll stay the same."
So x^2 runs off and e^x goes to greet the differential operator. "Hi, I'm e^x" he says. "What's your name?"
The operator looks at him with a demonic grin and says: "d/dy".
- spidey
WAY over my head.
I'm still trying to figure out the ohio and oklahoma cats.
Two functions, x^2 and e^x are walking down the street. Off in the distance they see a differential operator walking towards them. e^x turns to x^2 and tells him: "You better get out of here! If that operator differentiates you a few times you'll disappear, but he can differentiate me all he wants and I'll stay the same."
So x^2 runs off and e^x goes to greet the differential operator. "Hi, I'm e^x" he says. "What's your name?"
The operator looks at him with a demonic grin and says: "d/dy".
Two functions, x^2 and e^x are walking down the street. Off in the distance they see a differential operator walking towards them. e^x turns to x^2 and tells him: "You better get out of here! If that operator differentiates you a few times you'll disappear, but he can differentiate me all he wants and I'll stay the same."
So x^2 runs off and e^x goes to greet the differential operator. "Hi, I'm e^x" he says. "What's your name?"
The operator looks at him with a demonic grin and says: "d/dy".
- spidey
oh shit! the demonic grin gave me the shivers.
speaking of calculus word play, someone showed me an integral once which could be read as a limerick, but i have to remember it...
Comments
I don't get it, but when I lived in Oklahoma we told aggie jokes. Here is an Okie joke:
Razorback: In Arkansas we have pine trees that grow clear to Heaven
Others: All the way to heaven?
Razorback: Miss by that much.
Aggie: In Texas we have oil wells that gush all the way to heaven.
Others: All the way to heaven?
Razorback: Miss by that much.
Sooner: In OK City a woman gave birth out her asshole.
Others: Out her asshole?!??!
Sooner: Missed by that much.
A: Gretzky showers after three periods.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer is at the front door?
A: The knock gets faster.
HAHAHAHAHA!!
Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven - one to change it and the other six to sing about how much better the old one was.
Q: What do pirates and trumpet players have in common?
A: They are both murder on the high C's.
General Custer and his aide were in the fort.
The aide said, "General, I don't like the sound of those drums."
From over the hill a voice yelled, "He's not our regular drummer."
Bill: "Hey, Buddy. How late does the band play?"
Buddy: "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
Q: What do you call a group of lesbians with guns?
A: Militia Etheridge.
Q: If you drop an entertainment lawyer and a trombone off a building, what do you get?
A: Applause.
Q: What's the inscription on a blues singer's tombstone?
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."
hahahahahahahahaa
you wanna go to the zoo this weekend?
I wouldve though, hellz.
Cool. While you're out there look for some Egyptian Lover 12s. I love that guy!
I flaked hard on Day and Ts*ga this weekend for palm springs. I feel like a dick, but damn, i need to see monkeys.
I heard this punchline as, "He knocks offbeat, and he doesn't know when to come in."
Q: How many guitarists does it take to play "Stairway to Heaven?"
A: All of them, apparently.
Q: What's the difference between a bunch of genius midgets and a women's track team?
A: One's a cunning bunch of runts....
(My 10th grade science teacher told our class that joke. Awesome.)
Q: How can you tell when a drummer is at the front door?
A: The knock gets faster.
HAHAHAHAHA!!
Q: What does the drummer say when you answer the door?
A: Dominoes!
Q: What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?
A: A drummer!
What did 0 say to 8?
"Nice belt."
Wakka wakka wakka!
Hey guys, wanna try one of my songs?
Drool
Jew.......ish?
What's the difference between Jill Dando and Daz?
Daz passed the doorstep challenge.
A: Ummmm....Not being fucking retarded!
Sorry I know that's very un PC and seriously harsh but...
That shit cracks me up.
(The delivery on the punchline is key, you have to have that perfect "No Duh"
attitude)
all male cats are from Oklahoma.
(it may take awhile to get this one)
She puts her stuff at the counter
milk....beep
2 cucumbers....beep
tampax....beep
honey garlic bbq sauce....beep
the cashier smoothly asks "You're single right?"
"How do you know?" the blushing women aswers
Its cuz you're fucking ugly!
Q: What is Million Dead Cops?
A: A good fucking start!
Q: What does a Finn call a banana?
A: A yellow bend.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!
- spidey
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who can count in binary and those who can't.
Two functions, x^2 and e^x are walking down the street. Off in the distance they see a differential operator walking towards them. e^x turns to x^2 and tells him: "You better get out of here! If that operator differentiates you a few times you'll disappear, but he can differentiate me all he wants and I'll stay the same."
So x^2 runs off and e^x goes to greet the differential operator. "Hi, I'm e^x" he says. "What's your name?"
The operator looks at him with a demonic grin and says: "d/dy".
- spidey
WAY over my head.
I'm still trying to figure out the ohio and oklahoma cats.
Hahaa.. hope you don't mind me stealing that one.
oh shit! the demonic grin gave me the shivers.
speaking of calculus word play, someone showed me an integral once which could be read as a limerick, but i have to remember it...
a classic:
why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 7 8 9!
Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?
Cos he's a CUNT!
Integral t squared dt
from 1 to the cube root of 3
Times the Cosine
of three Pi over 9
equals log of the cube root of e
??