Coping with a Break-up

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  • parsecparsec 5,087 Posts
    dub, jazz and hip hop

    Put them together and you get jazztronica[/b]!




  • yuichiyuichi Urban sprawl 11,330 Posts
    I'll check out those tunes when I get home from work. Already, I'm looking at the dude who typed up this post like a fanny. Time to man-up, I guess. I'm just going to have to stay away from any indie rock, folk, modal jazz and soul music for a while.
    I myself have often wondered whether soul music is really that helpful after a break up.

    This is hitting close to home. I pretty much can't listen to most of my favorite music for awhile (soul and loner folk stuff) Been mostly listening to dub, jazz and hip hop.

    I like to torture myself and listen to stuff like Beck "Guess i'm doing fine"...

    It's only you that I'm losing...

    and Saves the Day "Certain Tragedy":


    I could write you a song, send you a note, or empty out your
    trash

    and buy a bucket full of diamonds but

    even the most beautiful of all roses must someday crumble to
    dust

    and fade away.

    It's a certain tragedy.

    So it's on into the lonely nights and all the rest of it.

    The empty space between me and the sunken walls

    and feeling someone's hand around my neck

    choking away the life that i have left.

  • AserAser 2,351 Posts
    and toronto is a small town so that shit is way more complicated than just a few passing bodies. I have to avoid whole areas now, miss out on shows, and generally just retreat.

    NAGL dude, you can't let them win. They don't own the city, you just have to trudge on and get out there. Who cares if you run into her or her friends. Living a passive aggressive lifestyle takes a lot of energy out of you.

    I've been guilty of this in the past, but you'll eventually realize it's just a part of life. An end can also be interpreted as a new beginning....

  • slushslush 691 Posts
    to an extent i agree with you. but for now i can let go of parkdale. it aint never done nothing for me anyway.

  • a beautiful night meeting secretly and holding eachother at the harbourfront while your eyes unfocus on the blur of lights on the ground will only provide temporary relief. the next day you're just gonna be like "what the fuck was that"
    whoah.

  • a beautiful night meeting secretly and holding eachother at the harbourfront while your eyes unfocus on the blur of lights on the ground will only provide temporary relief. the next day you're just gonna be like "what the fuck was that"
    whoah.

    yeah that was pretty fuckin :next level: also that part about the 20 minute sandwich plus toast

    anyway Mole, Tea, Slush, Yuchi, and the massive, sounds like a lot of us our in the same boat. this thread title has been the summation of my summer, had been with her 4.5 years. It hasn't been the best summer but i have been using my spare time productively with positive and fulfilling results. I might recommend you try the same approach. case in point: i've been practicing like way more, and am kind of smoking right now on my axe. happy corollary is that girls find that attractive!

    what you're saying about music- definitely true, i haven't been able to listen to some of my favorite records. last time this happened to me back when, i took the 'torture' approach and listened to side 2 of After the Gold Rush on repeat. this time i guess i'm playing it safe, listening to some gospel and shit.

    stay up guys, let's a start a little support group or something (ayo?)

  • parsecparsec 5,087 Posts
    what up Carlos my #1 dude?! I need to call you soon my man.

    I wanna listen To Carla Thomas "comfort me" so bad but can't for awhile

  • parsecparsec 5,087 Posts
    Damn. Just reread this thread, PM me Slush.

  • hemolhemol 2,578 Posts
    A structuralist--or post-structuralist-- would say:

    The potentiality for emotion in any context is an absolute. The subjectification of emotion takes place when the self engages an emotional situation,and and the potentiality of those emotions creates a subjectivity for the self. Emotional potentiality does not change in a given situation, but its subjectification does; as happy as you are is as sad as you'll be.


    A taoist would say:

    All we do in life is dig holes; as deep the hole is that you dig, is how long it will take you to get out of it.


    It's all pretty quanitifable stuff when it comes to girls. splackin helps--so does shopping, eating, and sleeping alone. Or get a haircut.

    Please stop

    What - you are not enjoying the pearls
    of wisdom from the Jacques Lacan of Soul Strut??

    His posts are like fingernails scraping against the blackboard of my soul.


    It's cool, I can't help it. I'm in the midst of a lot of reading and writing (making real world moves), so if you don't like what I write here than just don't read it.

    Splackin is fuckin.

    And as for Lacan, I don't know much about psychoanalysis, but if anything that has to do with intellectualism just gets conflated into one category that's fine--put me next to Werner Herzog.

  • JoeMojoJoeMojo 720 Posts
    and toronto is a small town so that shit is way more complicated than just a few passing bodies. I have to avoid whole areas now, miss out on shows, and generally just retreat.

    Huh, just realize that it might be you creating this "us versus them" mentality. My girlfriend and I were seated next to my ex and her new dude at a restaurant last week.

    I was about ready to hustle, but my girl handled the situation so gracefully - totally unselfconscious and warm - that everyone was relieved and we ended up having a decent conversation.

    I do realize that it's kind of to post cute girlfriend stories in this thread...

  • puchitopuchito 374 Posts
    LEARN, GROW, AND PROGRESS.
    You'll get through it. That's what it's there for. It's about you in the end.

  • mr.brettmr.brett 678 Posts
    I heard this NPR music podcast about this guy singer/songwrite named Greg Laswell. His wife left him rather unexpectedly and he wrote an album to deal with his hardship. I'm not going through a breakup or anything right now, but I really like these songs... Don't know if you they're the right thing for you now, but I'll post them anyway.
    Sing, Theresa Says
    http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=534B609B095799F4
    Same As You
    http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=7E0B459F6F3E340B

    Best of luck




  • Just broke up with my lady friend of three-plus years. For a variety of reasons, I thought the relationship should end. Girl, however, is still awesome. After three years, I became really attached to her despite the shortcomings of our relationship (for one, she had two kids and was sorta of a slob).

    My question: How do you cope with this? Since I was the one who broke it off, I'm really questioning the decision even though I think, realistically, it was the best move for me and for her (I was too much of a distraction and wasn't ready to move in/take it to the next level).

    But this is some pretty tough stuff. I've felt sick the past two days and am not sleeping. I feel like I should go a booze-fueled benders and bang some rebound chicks, but I've already felt myself getting attached to this other girl who ain't even really that cool. So it's a pretty tender situation; I was misting up this morning listening to 'Til Tuesday for god sakes.

    Not really looking for advice here, just venting.
    dude, let's be truthfull. you have posted nothing in this venting that is any reason for the relationship to end. first of all you say she is awesome. she had kids at the beginning of the relationship. it was okay then? did she just start being a slob?
    sounds to me like you are just scared to take the relationship to the next level. you need to be honest and tell her that. sorry to have to call you out.
    peace, stein. . .

  • mylatencymylatency 10,475 Posts
    LEARN, GROW, AND PROGRESS.
    You'll get through it. That's what it's there for. It's about you in the end.


    amen
    this thread is pretty awesome
    splackin' and lacan
    get down

    meet some new chicas
    you'll be fine
    take it from me aka the "hermit"

    peace,
    M

  • DeeRockDeeRock 1,836 Posts
    I just read this post and I'm going through it right now myself! the funny thing is it seems like 90% of the people I know are going through it right now? End of summer? I don't know but I can tell you that I loved my girl, she did everything for me and was a dime piece. I cut her off Sunday morning and kicked her out of the house. I had to as I found out she did some foul shit behind my back. I found out on Saturday night and didn't go to sleep until monday at 1:30AM. Then realized a few hours ago that I have not eaten since sat. afternoon and here it is Tuesday morning! It hurts and its very painful but it has to be done and why be with someone if they obviously don't want to be with you or the relationship isn't 100% solid. My entire life when this happens the very first thing I do is go fuck another chick the very next day. While it really doesn't help in the long run it sure feels good and helps at the moment. I had a chick come over and stay with me sunday night. Best believe I felt good about myself. Although today i'm feeling a bit shitty and I'm heartbroken but it isn't like I haven't been through this before. So I just deal with it easier and know it's done and I gotta keep it moving. She did it to herself by making the decesions she did. So now she is homeless and the guy she cheated on me with got wind that she was with me (she didn't tell him) and he beat her ass and put her in the hospital. As fucked up as that is I can't feel bad for her because she made these decisions to act on these actions her own self. So time heals everything and now I have time on my side.

  • cHillercHiller 293 Posts
    I just read this post and I'm going through it right now myself! the funny thing is it seems like 90% of the people I know are going through it right now? End of summer? I don't know but I can tell you that I loved my girl, she did everything for me and was a dime piece. I cut her off Sunday morning and kicked her out of the house. I had to as I found out she did some foul shit behind my back. I found out on Saturday night and didn't go to sleep until monday at 1:30AM. Then realized a few hours ago that I have not eaten since sat. afternoon and here it is Tuesday morning! It hurts and its very painful but it has to be done and why be with someone if they obviously don't want to be with you or the relationship isn't 100% solid. My entire life when this happens the very first thing I do is go fuck another chick the very next day. While it really doesn't help in the long run it sure feels good and helps at the moment. I had a chick come over and stay with me sunday night. Best believe I felt good about myself. Although today i'm feeling a bit shitty and I'm heartbroken but it isn't like I haven't been through this before. So I just deal with it easier and know it's done and I gotta keep it moving. She did it to herself by making the decesions she did. So now she is homeless and the guy she cheated on me with got wind that she was with me (she didn't tell him) and he beat her ass and put her in the hospital. As fucked up as that is I can't feel bad for her because she made these decisions to act on these actions her own self. So time heals everything and now I have time on my side.

    hope you (and all the others) will be fine!

    when my ex broke up with me this really helped sometimes:



    bad thing is, she is my co-worker and is sitting about 2 meters away from me.
    best thing after a break up surely isn't working with her every day.
    But i just totally ignored here and while she's really pissed by now, i'm totally glad it went that way.

  • sconesscones 434 Posts
    yup, 2 months since me and my first love/relationship/whatev broke up - 2yrs together but knew eachother for 2 yrs before that

    losing a friend is much shittier than losing a fuck

    but its life


  • 1.

    Keep your heads up dudes. Ain't no shame in feeling shitty for a while. Time, although it probably doesnt seem that way right now, is your friend eventually.


    2.


    Mole, Tea, Slush, Yuchi, and the massive

    I'm starting a sitcom.

  • DeeRockDeeRock 1,836 Posts
    "losing a friend is much shittier than losing a fuck"


    Exactly that.

  • johmbolayajohmbolaya 4,472 Posts

    losing a friend is much shittier than losing a fuck


  • I dunno. Summer has been crazy. Last summer wasn't that much better either, though. Winter was horrible.

    I'm not getting married anymore. At least for a good minute and I'm probably going to lose my job. . . I couldn't let my someday fiance go, though.

    Condolences and best of luck.

  • jbarkerjbarker 71 Posts
    My girlfriend broke up with me then came out of the closet about 2 months ago.
    Today would have been our 3 year anniversary.

    I was completely fucked for about a month. I couldn't eat or sleep, I felt sick constantly, but couldn't actually be sick. I drank too much and smoked too much.

    After going through all the shit stuff, I've been hanging out with friends a lot more, buying a heap more records, and I've gotten back into music again after a few months away from it.
    Positive things like meeting new people have really helped.

    I haven't been going out to pick up, because I really wasn't interested in other girls when I was with her, so I have to change my mind state a bit in regards to that.

    My advice would be don't do anything you really don't want to do. I had tickets to Spankrock, but I gave them to a friend, then smoked a joint and listened to Nick Cave. Sure, it probably didn't do me much good, but at least it was what I wanted to do.

    You have to be able to see the funny side of things too, a friend and I saw a mutual friend down the street the other day, and the topic turned to my ex (she didn't know I was her ex though...) she said "I think it's great that H****** came out!". I could have got shitty, but I laughed at the fact that she knew so little about the situation and had no idea who she was talking to.
    On Saturday we had our last "State of the Union" style talk and decided we shouldn't see each other for a while. I went home, drank a six pack and listened to Alice Coltrane. I had to laugh a bit at that too.

    Keep your chin up though mate (and everyone else who's going through the same thing). You broke up for a reason and if you thought the girl was amazing, imagine how much better the girl you're going to marry will be.

    Oh, and choose who you talk to. I have friends who have just said "that's shit man", then others who have been fantastic and put things in perspective, made me see it from the exs view etc.

    Good luck everyone.

  • jbarkerjbarker 71 Posts
    Oh, and I've been singing "Get Outta My Life Woman" and "You're Gonna Miss Me" by the 13th Floor Elevators at work for the past few weeks.
    Says much about my mind state?

  • My girlfriend broke up with me then came out of the closet about 2 months ago.
    Today would have been our 3 year anniversary.

    I was completely fucked for about a month. I couldn't eat or sleep, I felt sick constantly, but couldn't actually be sick. I drank too much and smoked too much.

    After going through all the shit stuff, I've been hanging out with friends a lot more, buying a heap more records, and I've gotten back into music again after a few months away from it.
    Positive things like meeting new people have really helped.

    I haven't been going out to pick up, because I really wasn't interested in other girls when I was with her, so I have to change my mind state a bit in regards to that.

    My advice would be don't do anything you really don't want to do. I had tickets to Spankrock, but I gave them to a friend, then smoked a joint and listened to Nick Cave. Sure, it probably didn't do me much good, but at least it was what I wanted to do.

    You have to be able to see the funny side of things too, a friend and I saw a mutual friend down the street the other day, and the topic turned to my ex (she didn't know I was her ex though...) she said "I think it's great that H****** came out!". I could have got shitty, but I laughed at the fact that she knew so little about the situation and had no idea who she was talking to.
    On Saturday we had our last "State of the Union" style talk and decided we shouldn't see each other for a while. I went home, drank a six pack and listened to Alice Coltrane. I had to laugh a bit at that too.

    Keep your chin up though mate (and everyone else who's going through the same thing). You broke up for a reason and if you thought the girl was amazing, imagine how much better the girl you're going to marry will be.

    Oh, and choose who you talk to. I have friends who have just said "that's shit man", then others who have been fantastic and put things in perspective, made me see it from the exs view etc.

    Good luck everyone.

    i've been through this one as well. it's a bit more severe than a normal breakup!
    led zeppelin's "your time is gonna come" was my anthem for a good 3 months.
    i've said this before on soulstrut. the most important thing when dealing with a breakup is to keep your sense of humor razor sharp. keep laughin' by any means necessary.
    peace, stein. . .

  • sconesscones 434 Posts
    "losing a friend is much shittier than losing a fuck"


    Exactly that.

    but then again right now i dont want another friend, but i could sure handle a fuck

  • holmesholmes 3,532 Posts
    getting married
    Biggest fucking regret of my life.
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