Can anyone explain Nardwuar the Human Serviette?

2»

  Comments


  • foefoe turo de la peira 189 Posts
    pimp c was the second artist death that hurt me, after dilla, because i was invested in their art and i still wanted to see where it would go. my dad died of cancer when i was 13 so i might sound cynical about it. 

    during this quarantine i got reminded that my babysitter got killed by a polar bear. i was browsing reddit and some pundit made some lame point about how this norwegian girl named nina would not like agree that polar bears dont kill or something. i don't know. but it triggered a memory of my mom telling me my babysitter got killed by a polar bear. at the time i remember feeling nonplussed, i was still dealing with my dads death and it just felt unreal. we're city kids, how can a polar bear kill you? my life was still my borough and it didn't feel good. norway was still on the way to getting rich and we were on the bottom.
    anyway. i start searching for people who got killed by polar bears in svalbard and find out only six has died since 1971. In 1995 Nina Jeanette Olaussen got killed by a Polar bear. She was with a friend when it happen, her friend survived. several years later she wrote down what happened. i found what she wrote online.. tragic. i called my mom and asked her if that was my babysitter. it was. she was a great woman and a source of happines. it affected me more than i thought it would. for some reason i always thought her death was something i made up. i feel vindicated, but in a bad way.

    today i told my flatmate i am concerned about his coke habit. 
    Electrodeketanppadilha

  • ketanketan Warmly booming riffs 2,815 Posts
    foe said:
    i was not soon done :/

    It’s totally fine!


  • dizzybulldizzybull Eerie Dicks 290 Posts
    foe said:
    pimp c was the second artist death that hurt me, after dilla, because i was invested in their art and i still wanted to see where it would go. my dad died of cancer when i was 13 so i might sound cynical about it. 

    during this quarantine i got reminded that my babysitter got killed by a polar bear. i was browsing reddit and some pundit made some lame point about how this norwegian girl named nina would not like agree that polar bears dont kill or something. i don't know. but it triggered a memory of my mom telling me my babysitter got killed by a polar bear. at the time i remember feeling nonplussed, i was still dealing with my dads death and it just felt unreal. we're city kids, how can a polar bear kill you? my life was still my borough and it didn't feel good. norway was still on the way to getting rich and we were on the bottom.
    anyway. i start searching for people who got killed by polar bears in svalbard and find out only six has died since 1971. In 1995 Nina Jeanette Olaussen got killed by a Polar bear. She was with a friend when it happen, her friend survived. several years later she wrote down what happened. i found what she wrote online.. tragic. i called my mom and asked her if that was my babysitter. it was. she was a great woman and a source of happines. it affected me more than i thought it would. for some reason i always thought her death was something i made up. i feel vindicated, but in a bad way.

    today i told my flatmate i am concerned about his coke habit. 

    Please do shrooms again and type more soon. That shit was genius. 

    klezmer electro-thug beats

  • I love that all the bruiser wolf, pimp C/UGK and suga free talk made it into the fucking nardwuar thread of all things. Make sure you got yor phone with you next time you go to the moon foe.

    anyway do norwegians just go to svalbard to hang? isn't that really fucking remote? what city babysitter type is going to svalbard on a pleasure trip?

  • JimsterJimster Let go me ting, duppy, let go me hand 6,506 Posts
    A friend of mine went to Svalbard for the Northern Lights.  There are signs around warning you about Polar Bear activity and I believe rifles are compulsory for venturing outside in certain areas.

    "Svalbard is the size of the whole of the U.K. And southern Irland and has a human population of 2000 and 4000+ polar bears.
    It's illegal to go past this sign (leaving the town of longyearbyen), without a firearm, Hence the gun. Not to be used to shoot the bear unless it's absolutely life threatening as they take a polar bears death as seriously as a murder.
    In any case they warned me that if I did shoot a polar bear, there is a massive chance I'd just make it more angry, and since they can run over 28mph and weight similar to a horse...."



    I do hope the bear was not killed as a result.  As they say, "That tiger didn't go crazy, it went tiger."

    b/w

    "<samsim> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
    <samsim> and got mauled
    <samsim> and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage
    <samsim> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
    <samsim> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in."

    dizzybullDuderonomy

  • dizzybulldizzybull Eerie Dicks 290 Posts
    “You smoke pole, bitch, I smoke polar bears. 
    I’m Nordic, you’re no-dick, my Norse dick is like a horse dick”
    -me, when my Norwegian Battle Rap mixtape drops 

    ps. Tentatively titled “Norway? Yers wayyyyy!”

  • JimsterJimster Let go me ting, duppy, let go me hand 6,506 Posts
    Are those horns on your helmet, or are you just pleased to see me?

  • foefoe turo de la peira 189 Posts
    Jimster said:
    I do hope the bear was not killed as a result.  As they say, "That tiger didn't go crazy, it went tiger."

     it did get killed. i found a picture of it dead. i think it's standard procedure. hat sign under the polar bear sign says something like "counts for the whole of svalbard"

    so yeah, it's not normal to go to svalbard at all, it's very exotic, she's probably the only norwegian i've met. apparently it's very lucrative for icelandic fishers to go to svalbard or greenland to sell hash, those are the only other ones i've meet or talked to who's been there. she went there because one of her friends where doing research there, or something connected to the university. she went there with a friend and they woke up the day after they arrived and decided to take a walk, their resident friend had to work. they wanted to climb the nearest plateau. very norwegian. 

    i've never even seen a polar bear, the closest i've been is riding on a fake polar bear that is the symbol of the northmost town in norway. my mom is from an island right outside of it. what i did see was orcas. they are awesome. the 24 hours sun in the in the summer felt weirder than the 24 hours without sun in the winter. the sun would just never go down, it just stopped and went up again. the winters still had daylight, it just came from under the horizon. they did get more than 2 meters of snow tho. we only got 2 meters of snow when the snowplows collected the snow on vacant spots. we had this king of the hill game on them. everyone tries to stay on top and everyone tries to stop everyone else from being on top. total chaos. surprisingly no damages.

    i am wrong about where bun b started threatening pimp c, it was riding dirty, and it's prolly their best album. the thing is i'm a rap rat and the production on dirty money was grating on my ears at first, but their flows just fucked my head in. 

    "my Norse dick is like a horse dick" I'm definitely stealing that. if that only worked in spanish as well.

    those shrooms didn't fuck my stomach up like a lot of others did so i might get some more of it. then i might type some more.


  • dizzybulldizzybull Eerie Dicks 290 Posts
    I have seen polar bears, right here at the 'world famous San Diego Zoo' (as seen in such movies as 'anchorman', and that's probably all).  Anyways, what I learned about Polar Bears is that they seem to enjoy the weather here, and that their fur isn't white.  Each hair is actually clear, but it looks white for the same reason that clouds look white - something about the way the light is diffracted or refracted or something.  So clouds are made of water droplets (also clear) and look white and polar bears are made of polar bear hair which is clear and they look white.  Polar Bears may or may not turn pink at sunset. This i do not know.

    Changing gears slightly, to the zebra.  On the bus tour around the zoo they used to say "most people think that zebras are white with black stripes, but in fact they are black with white stripes". The first time I thought it was funny because zebras are the barcode of the animal world, they are just black and white stripes, one defines the other, end of story.  They seem equally black and white to me*. By the second or third time I had had ENOUGH and I stopped them and said "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? THEY ARE EQUALLY BLACK AND WHITE. WHAT YOU ARE SAYING DOES NOT MAKE SENSE TO ME."  And what it means is that if you shaved a zebra they would be black.  Like their skin is black or something.  I still call bullshit on the entire thing because white people can have black hair and black people can have white hair and nobody cares but if you had white and black striped hair does it really matter what color your skin is underneath?  I wouldn't be like "actually i'm white with black stripes, not the other way around like my black friend here".  I know the zoo people have a script but Jesus... surely the interesting fact here is that somebody shaved a zebra to see what was under all that fur.

    Animal facts - I read in a book that "all fish eat other fish" which i'm not so sure about because once you get to the smallest fish, what are they eating?  And also... is that what those fish flakes are made of that people use in aquariums?

    Finally- there are only two mammals that can't swim.  Giraffes and Apes.  An elephant can swim but an Ape can't.  The Giraffe thing makes sense because their necks are so long and rivers aren't that deep so they never had to learn.  But the disturbing part is that we somehow came to know this as a fact.  Think about how it came to be.  Think about them throwing all those animals overboard and then they got to the giraffe and they are like "Ah, fuck mate, I think this one isn't coming up" (I'm positive they were British for some reason). But just because one giraffe can't swim doesn't mean they all can't, so they HAD to try it again.  How guilty did they feel throwing the next one overboard after the first one sank?  And then they were like "fuck this, let's move on to Apes". How do you even throw an Ape overboard?

    They had some sort of tortoise and turtle expo at Balboa Park years ago so naturally I was all in (I was there with my kid anyways). I asked one of the ladies what the difference between a tortoise and turtle is and she said turtles can swim.  So I said "if you teach a tortoise to swim does it become a turtle?" And let's be honest, that is a hilarious question, especially to normal people like us.  This lady didn't even answer. She just looked away. 

    At the Long Beach aquarium the lady there said "we call them sea stars instead of star fish because they aren't actually fish" and I said "sea horses aren't horses so why don't you change their name?" which again, come on... that's hilarious but also a good point, right? But they don't like it. I say it every time i get a chance to now, which is basically the one time i year i get to go to Sea World for free.


    *A joke i like to make about pandas and zebras is that when color movies were finally introduced people finally could see what animals really looked in all of their colorful glory, but then it came to pandas and zebras and people must have been like "aw, what? that's it?" I can't stress how funny this is to me and how un-funny this is to everybody else.

  • JimsterJimster Let go me ting, duppy, let go me hand 6,506 Posts
    I like G*ry for this.  He's asking the important questions others fear to confront.

    I always ponder the Prince "Doves Cry" line, "Animals strike curious poses." - Does this mean the animals themselves are feeling curious, observing an ocean of violets in bloom, and their curiosity is reflected in their posture?  Chin-stroking and such?

    OR... are they like, doing all distorted poses like a cross between Twister and half-send Vogueing, which, let's face it, would indeed be curious to the external observer?

    I hope it's both.

    I would deffo ask Prince this if I'd seen him.

    Shame I was too busy hoying a giraffe into the Marianna Trench.

    "Get your head above that, fucker."

  • dizzybulldizzybull Eerie Dicks 290 Posts
    Ha. Our favorite Korean restaurant was attached to a sushi place where they had an aquarium full of fish you could order and eat. When the kids were young I would announce “who wants to go to little Sea World?” And we would go look at the aquarium. Pretty soon the just started asking in those loud kid voices “can we see little sea world now??” And then we would look at this fish. Eventually they got rid of the aquarium and little sea world was closed. 

  • JimsterJimster Let go me ting, duppy, let go me hand 6,506 Posts
    I feel for the fish AND the staffer who has to catch the specific fish indicated by the customer. 

    "Are you SURE that was my fish?  I dunno... no, they don't all look the same TO ME."

    Better to remove the whole "Transparency" process and leave the mystery of where fish comes from to the kitchen.

    I mean, taking the cow field out of the middle of every McDonalds was a stroke of genius.


    dizzybull

  • I hate to break the flow of conversation here but I can only imagine the polar bear "as seriously as a murder" investigations must be so fucking dope. I want to write a movie about the polar bear murder squad in svalbard. A bear found dead, killed by a high powered rifle, but nobody is stepping up for it. The head is missing. Is it an exotic animal smuggler/poacher? Tourist? The town is small, someone knows something. And add in the Icelandic sailors smuggling hash into Longyearbyen... you've got a vice element too.
    Why are those fuckers so into serial killers when they've got Fargo up to 11 in real life up there?

  • dizzybulldizzybull Eerie Dicks 290 Posts
    When you are at the North Pole your latitude is 90 degrees north. But your longitude is “all of them”. Or none. Any direction you face is south. You face south, and then turn around 180 degrees and still be facing south. 

    I think it was Steven Hawking who said that since time and space are two sides of the same coin that asking what was before the Big Bang is like asking what is north of the North Pole. The question itself doesn’t make sense. At the time it blew my mind, and still does. 

    It’s like a zen Koan. “What becomes of my fist when I open my hand?”

  • JimsterJimster Let go me ting, duppy, let go me hand 6,506 Posts
    I hate to break the flow of conversation here but I can only imagine the polar bear "as seriously as a murder" investigations must be so fucking dope. I want to write a movie about the polar bear murder squad in svalbard. A bear found dead, killed by a high powered rifle, but nobody is stepping up for it. The head is missing. Is it an exotic animal smuggler/poacher? Tourist? The town is small, someone knows something. And add in the Icelandic sailors smuggling hash into Longyearbyen... you've got a vice element too.
    Why are those fuckers so into serial killers when they've got Fargo up to 11 in real life up there?

    Would watch.

    Revenge for this? 
    https://www.channel4.com/news/polar-bear-attack-hero-had-bears-teeth-in-skull.

    Re: the above actual event - Call me old-fashioned, but it does seem an escapade too far.  No way I or my kids would entertain doing that.  I would not wish that kind of action on anyone, but... When people with money, accustomed to doing what the f*ck they usually want and rendered fearless by knowing simply throwing coin at the situation usually works, discover there does come a time when reality... uh.. bites?



Sign In or Register to comment.