Body Hair Issues (Dingleberry Related)

Phill_MostPhill_Most 4,594 Posts
edited August 2005 in Off Topic (NRR)
Who here has excessive body hair problems? All my overly hirsute mofo's stand up. I'm not real REAL bad with it, but I am a pretty hairy dude. I have a patch of hair on the small of my back that truly disgusts my wife. She's always offering to shave it off for me.I kinda felt for dude in that "40 Year Old Virgin" flick... waxing is out of the question for me, though. Did any of y'all hairy folls ever get like tired of your chest hair and decide to shave it off, then realize "oh shit... my chest is now clean as a baby's ass, but the rest of me is still all beast-like!!!" Then you have to end up shaving your whole damn body unless you don't mind looking like a centaur every time you get naked in front of your woman. And then when it starts to grow back... oh, the itching!!!And then there's the whole "dingleberry" problem, which I guess only occurs with those who have excessive bootyhole hair (I don't need to explain what dingleberries are to anybody, do I?). I suppose you can take care of the situation by trimming those hairs, but what kind of a muthafucka is gonna put those damn clippers between their ass cheeks to get the job done? I will do anything for love, but I won't do that. SPEAK ON THIS SHIT, HAIRY BATCHES!!!
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  • DjArcadianDjArcadian 3,630 Posts




  • hcrinkhcrink 8,729 Posts
    This is why I voted for "bathing music".

  • gloomgloom 2,765 Posts
    i used to know a dude back in high school, and he had the fucking hairiest back id ever seen in my life, it was to the point where he couldnt get girls because everyone knew how hairy he was...finally dude got the idea and got that laser hair removal. me, another friend, and the hairy dude smoked an ounce to ourselves right before he went in so he wouldnt feel the pain, and he came out clean as a whistle, and has been pimpin ever since...

  • emyndemynd 830 Posts
    Ever think your dingle-berry problem might have something to do with your anal fissures problem? Trim those hairs dude.

    -e

  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts


    And then there's the whole "dingleberry" problem, which I guess only occurs with those who have excessive bootyhole hair (I don't need to explain what dingleberries are to anybody, do I?). I suppose you can take care of the situation by trimming those hairs, but what kind of a muthafucka is gonna put those damn clippers between their ass cheeks to get the job done? I will do anything for love, but I won't do that.


    Allright, I will break it down.

    Im a hairy dude. NOt so much on my head cause im balding. Chest hair i got a quite a bit, no back hair though. Below the waist is a different story.

    I already trim the mane of pubic hair for 2 reasons: 1: comfort, feels soo much better man. 2: MAKES THE COCK LOOK BIGGER! I am just a touch bigger than average size already (not much, just a touch mnd you). But trim that shit and the cock looks enormous.

    Since i shaved that shit I felt better, next up trimming that ass hair. Why do this you ask. Well, sometimes I get that dingleberry problem. I wipe till I think it is gone or taken care of. 99% of the time, lo and behold, my ass is itching and uncomforable 20 minutes later. Damn. That shit was sneaky. Really hiding in them hairs. If im at home I can hit it with a washcloth and some warm water, problem sovled. Not at work or if im running to a meeting.Sitting in a meeting with the director of a hospital using his chair to itch my ass. FUck that.

    I took the clippers to it mang.Not fun. But gets the job done. HOwever, there is one problem.

    FARTING. My usual "silent farts" are harder to keep silent. Them farts SQUEEK! and Sneak out when I think I have them under control. That extra hair is good to muffle the sound. That is only for the first couple days, then you adjust.

  • mmmm...dingleberries


    yeah, i get em. and its funny cuz im asian and for the most part my peoples are pretty hairless. i mean, we're not known to be some hairy mufukers like italians or armenians or something. i have a ridiculous tuft of hair on my chest. it's like 8 long ass stringy joints and i look like a cancer patient or something. same with my man beard. its all patchwork and shit and doesnt fully grow in and i get long wirey shits growing out my cheeks. and my hairline is receding but something tells me youre gonna make a thread about this too? unless your meds kick in.

    but yeah, i miss not working with kids cuz the small ones always keep your physical in check. like when sally is all like "mr. shig, you got hairs coming out your nose" then i know its time to get up in my head with some scissors. luckily im surrounded by the fashion conscious [ie, my gay peeps] and was informed yesterday that "girl, you need to trim your nose hair".

  • jjfad027jjfad027 1,594 Posts

    NO SCISSORS BELOW THE BELT.

  • ayoayo 44 Posts
    i am hairy as fuck too. im not a metrosexual at all, but i really dont like hair on my back so every month to 6 weeks i go down the block and have this russian woman wax it off. since i have sensitive skin i will usually break out a week after this gets done but i almost would rather have bumps there than hair. everywhere else except my arms i trim with a beard trimmer. i do it as often as how much action i am getting at the time is. dry spells = hardley ever. its raining broads = 2 to 3x a week. most girls dont mind it as shaving everywhere is kinda i also dont like wearing button downs or collar shirts and having don king coming out at the top of the shirt. it sucks but just be happy your not this guy:

  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts
    its amazing how people let the serious issues slide/

  • drewnicedrewnice 5,465 Posts
    FUCK - there is no way I'm getting work done today.



    Way too much to read and talk about.



    I have that lower back patch of hair, too. I take electric clippers to that once a month or so and it solves the problem. Same with the butthole hairs. It's a rough job, but you'll have butt wipes so clean you'll thank yourself for sucking it up trimming them.



    Side note: My old roomate used to trim his facial hair with the same clippers.



    HEY - HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT HE'S WAS USING MY SHIT W/O ASKING FIRST??!!



    That's what you get, S*an.

  • I have a private press by this group/person called Minimax. The LP is called Sok it ya one more time. It is by a hirusute group. Truly bugged out shit. not as funky as one might be led to think by the title. not sure if they were really hirusute or not but thats what the liner notes say. i will have to get some pics set up.

  • dayday 9,612 Posts

    NO SCISSORS BELOW THE BELT.

    Oh yeah, who's the dude that cut his balls in the shower?


  • DjArcadianDjArcadian 3,630 Posts
    FUCK - there is no way I'm getting work done today.
    Way too much to read and talk about.

    Word. I've hardly had any work to do in my office for the last two or three weeks. Slow season over here. Not much to do so I'm on Soulstrut like 8 hours a day. actually been thinking of finding another job that pays better.

  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts
    how, umm are they hairy?

  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    All my latinos w/ MASSIVE amounts of body hair stand up!

    Let me put it like this...My hair (dreads) is connected to my neck hair which connects to my back hair which connects to my upper ass hair...and so on and so on. When I grow my beard out i look like a ewok. I let my wife nair me down one time, but that shit grew back like a fucking jungle. So fuck it I just go all natural now. After I shower I blow dry my back son.

  • spcspc 532 Posts
    best post ever!!!!!!!!

  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    Man, I trim but never the ass!

    Think about how big that shit will be when you're old.

    Old skin with a bunny ball tail at the back.

    No thank you!

  • mandrewmandrew 2,720 Posts

    I have that lower back patch of hair, too. I take electric clippers to that once a month or so and it solves the problem. Same with the butthole hairs.

    electric clipper to the butthole?!




  • RaystarRaystar 1,106 Posts
    Yo I was gonna stay quiet on this one but you know me... for some reason yesterday as soon as I woke up... I had a wild urge to get the clippers out and take care of business... I think it was because wifey grabbed that thing and acted like she was in a hot dog eating contest and wouldn't stop until the mustard flew... YOWSAH!... anyway it was too much and I had to cut the pubs... I figure its a treat for her too... I know when she does it, I get all Gene Simmons on that. It just feels cleaner and neater... I did throw the blade a little too low once and pinched my sack... NOT A GOOD LOOK








  • DeeRockDeeRock 1,836 Posts
    NAIR, just don't leave it on too long or it burns the skin! Lol.

  • RaystarRaystar 1,106 Posts
    NAIR, just don't leave it on too long or it burns the skin! Lol.

    Is this what girls in porn use?

  • It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ass cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling.

    Eventually I would have to do two things:

    Either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements."How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

    I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel.

    Slowly, my twin cheeks and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless mounds of a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know.

    I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two ass cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class.Eventually, thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit-molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch.

    God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: It will be like this until the hair grows back.

    Weeks Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair: Ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

    As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out he window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

    Friends- Don't shave your ass-hair!

  • Phill_MostPhill_Most 4,594 Posts
    It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ass cheeks.

    unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling.

    reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear

    why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements.

    between-ravine

    The sweat was accumulating in my crack

    mingling with the microscopic shit-molecules lingering around my brown starfish.

    When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch.

    my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads.

    As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face

    I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.





    Friends- Don't shave your ass-hair!


  • cascas 1,484 Posts
    these are like a fresh shower exclusively for your booty hole. you may giggle like a school girl, but they work miracles and you never have to worry about butt brumbs again my friend.


  • Phill_MostPhill_Most 4,594 Posts
    these are like a fresh shower exclusively for your booty hole. you may giggle like a school girl, but they work miracles and you never have to worry about butt brumbs again my friend.


    YESSSSSSS!!!! These, and Tucks, are an asshole's best friend.

    When I remodel the main bathroom at my crib I'm thinking about getting one of those bowls with that water that sprays your ass when you take a dump... I forget what they call those things. So fresh and so clean, it's important for people with hairy arses.

  • dingleberries..haha
    I call them cling-on's (klingons)

  • cascas 1,484 Posts
    ...they work miracles and you never have to worry about butt brumbs again

    i meant butt crumbs. i'm not even too sure what a butt brumb would be. sounds like those dirty sanchez/rusty trombone things.

    you guys heard about the gas mask? place balls on the eyes and fart in the mouth.

    just some man shit. no intent to offend anyone.

  • Danno3000Danno3000 2,838 Posts
    me, another friend, and the hairy dude smoked an ounce to ourselves

    Dude, if i smoked a quarter I wouldn't be seriously into other planes of there. I mean, whoah, that's a lot of pot to burn in one sitting. I can just imagine my crying lungs.

  • When I remodel the main bathroom at my crib I'm thinking about getting one of those bowls with that water that sprays your ass when you take a dump... I forget what they call those things.

    It's called a bidet (pronounced "bee-day")

    They're great. Makes every dump an "angel" dump (no poop on the tissue!)

  • dont take a shit in the bidet dude!
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