There is oodles of literature out there that explain both. I got my mind around it once I looked at it as not being about emotional love, but about a purpose-driven partnership (to procreate, run a household/land/etc., maintain status, etc.).
Related: We did an exercise with grade 10 students at my volunteer gig earlier this year and one of the questions was ???Is it more important to marry someone you are in love with or someone you think will be a good parent.???
Overwhelmingly, the students went with the latter. I was floored.
???You can learn to love them.???
There is oodles of literature out there that explain both. I got my mind around it once I looked at it as not being about emotional love, but about a purpose-driven partnership (to procreate, run a household/land/etc., maintain status, etc.).
Related: We did an exercise with grade 10 students at my volunteer gig earlier this year and one of the questions was ???Is it more important to marry someone you are in love with or someone you think will be a good parent.???
Overwhelmingly, the students went with the latter. I was floored.
???You can learn to love them.???
Luckily, not many 10th graders get married.
b/w
I wouldn't let someone else choose my business partner either.
What would be my problem? I'm straight, as comfortable and well-adjusted as I've been in years...which has allowed me to see how koo-koo for magic shackles others around me have become. And I'm talking all ages here, not just those of us who are now turning gray.
Golf clap to you.
Enjoy your endless days on e-harmony and worrying about venereal disease. Also... once you reach a certain age range, you'll be dealing with either bat-shit crazy divorcees or bat shit crazy single women. Or you'll be the creepy old dude at the club.
:nagl:
HarveyCanal"a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
RAJ said:
HarveyCanal said:
What would be my problem? I'm straight, as comfortable and well-adjusted as I've been in years...which has allowed me to see how koo-koo for magic shackles others around me have become. And I'm talking all ages here, not just those of us who are now turning gray.
Golf clap to you.
Enjoy your endless days on e-harmony and worrying about venereal disease. Also... once you reach a certain age range, you'll be dealing with either bat-shit crazy divorcees or bat shit crazy single women. Or you'll be the creepy old dude at the club.
:nagl:
Dude, can't hear anything you are saying over all of this personal liberation being fully enjoyed over here.
What would be my problem? I'm straight, as comfortable and well-adjusted as I've been in years...which has allowed me to see how koo-koo for magic shackles others around me have become. And I'm talking all ages here, not just those of us who are now turning gray.
Golf clap to you.
Enjoy your endless days on e-harmony and worrying about venereal disease. Also... once you reach a certain age range, you'll be dealing with either bat-shit crazy divorcees or bat shit crazy single women. Or you'll be the creepy old dude at the club.
:nagl:
Dude, can't hear anything you are saying over all of this personal liberation being fully enjoyed over here.
child support = not fully liberated
HarveyCanal"a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
RAJ said:
HarveyCanal said:
RAJ said:
HarveyCanal said:
What would be my problem? I'm straight, as comfortable and well-adjusted as I've been in years...which has allowed me to see how koo-koo for magic shackles others around me have become. And I'm talking all ages here, not just those of us who are now turning gray.
Golf clap to you.
Enjoy your endless days on e-harmony and worrying about venereal disease. Also... once you reach a certain age range, you'll be dealing with either bat-shit crazy divorcees or bat shit crazy single women. Or you'll be the creepy old dude at the club.
:nagl:
Dude, can't hear anything you are saying over all of this personal liberation being fully enjoyed over here.
It amazes me how a kind, congratulatory post has turned
Into an personal opinion festival in less than 2 pages. Who asked anyone their opinion about anything? Why do certain people always manage to make things self referencial?
This is exactly why I didn't want my personal biz posted on soulstrut, but I appreciate the love, Cosmo.
im also recently out of a serious long-termer, but my jury is still out on which i prefer. went to a clurb last weekend and had almost forgotten what i was supposed to do there. the other pain in the ass is remembering how the hell to revert back to cooking for one..... my portions have been an erroneous blend peaks and valleys.
that being said im quite happily going to two weddings this weekend and i couldn't be happier for both couples. they found their match, and that's badass. i couldn't quite say im ENVIOUS, but im definitely pumped for all who take that leap.
It amazes me how a kind, congratulatory post has turned
Into an personal opinion festival in less than 2 pages. Who asked anyone their opinion about anything? Why do certain people always manage to make things self referencial?
This is exactly why I didn't want my personal biz posted on soulstrut, but I appreciate the love, Cosmo.
Congrats Mike!
Who were we congratulating?
Why do people's opinions offend you?
Go check your last 50 posts and see how many are "self-referencial".
im also recently out of a serious long-termer, but my jury is still out on which i prefer. went to a clurb last weekend and had almost forgotten what i was supposed to do there. the other pain in the ass is remembering how the hell to revert back to cooking for one..... my portions have been an erroneous blend peaks and valleys.
that being said im quite happily going to two weddings this weekend and i couldn't be happier for both couples. they found their match, and that's badass. i couldn't quite say im ENVIOUS, but im definitely pumped for all who take that leap.
cue different strokes theme song.
Me, too ??? 13years.
I could write a short story about the adjustment, especially as I have never lived by myself til now. My adult life has been living with roommates and then my ex. Even the cats are gone. I did get to a point where I was not sure if I was thinking or talking out loud with my voice being the only thing I was hearing.
Portions are going OK ??? I just can???t believe how many dishes there are to do all the time. I feel like all I do is wash dishes!
I agree, some of the best parties I've been to were weddings. Especially the ones where some biddy didn't turn to me/us and say "So when is it going to be your turn?" /"Why aren't you married yet?"/"What are you waiting for?"/"You know, it gets harder as you get older."
the aunts and uncles thought it was hilarious to poke me and say "you're next.... yoooouuuu're neeeext" at all the weddings until i started to do it back to them at funerals.
It amazes me how a kind, congratulatory post has turned
Into an personal opinion festival in less than 2 pages. Who asked anyone their opinion about anything? Why do certain people always manage to make things self referencial?
This is exactly why I didn't want my personal biz posted on soulstrut, but I appreciate the love, Cosmo.
Go check your last 50 posts and see how many are "self-referencial".
I know you like to get all devils advocate rock, but you really need to have a seat. I was mainly referring to Harvey.
HarveyCanal"a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
Tom, this is like the 3rd time now that you've tried to scold me for...posting personal opinions that are derived from my actual life on the internet??? Are you also mad that people piss in toilets?
Tom, this is like the 3rd time now that you've tried to scold me for...posting personal opinions that are derived from my actual life on the internet??? Are you also mad that people piss in toilets?
b/w
Congrats on your wedding.
I'm not trying to scold you on anything other than taking something positive and managing to not only make it about you, but make it negative and argumentative. Nobody said, "what are your feelings about marriage?"
And... You are completely entitled to those, and feel free to share, but don't shit in the middle of the party, bro. It gets old as fuck.
I'm more guilty than Harvey as all I can offer here are my life experiences and my opinions.
Honestly, I'd love to congratulate two strutters on their marriage if I knew who they were.
This thread(and the last one about the same topic) was pretty weird to begin with.... Strutters got married but I can't tell you who they are and their weddings were amazing but I can't tell you why or else it might divulge who got married.
Congrats to the mystery strutters.
HarveyCanal"a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
Possum Tom said:
HarveyCanal said:
Tom, this is like the 3rd time now that you've tried to scold me for...posting personal opinions that are derived from my actual life on the internet??? Are you also mad that people piss in toilets?
b/w
Congrats on your wedding.
I'm not trying to scold you on anything other than taking something positive and managing to not only make it about you, but make it negative and argumentative. Nobody said, "what are your feelings about marriage?"
And... You are completely entitled to those, and feel free to share, but don't shit in the middle of the party, bro. It gets old as fuck.
Wild sarcasm is filling my brain right now, but I'll just leave it at...whatever you say, dude.
I may not agree with the concept, but arranged marriages make sense to me as far as practicality goes - it is definitely a different approach to marriage and the purpose it serves.
But I was talking about weddings, not marriages. A few of my guy friends here have gotten married in the past couple of years, and their weddings have ranged from small under $30K affairs to one that spent about as much on the tables alone and has a Taschen-quality book as the album. No matter how lavish or modest, the pressure to achieve a look and incorporate elements that seem totally arbitrary and magazine/TV-delegated is nuts to me.
Both of my daughters have a standing offer from me of p$1,000 to elope.
$30K is a downpayment on a house, not gonna spend that to entertain a bunch of people for a few hours that I otherwise wouldn't invite to my home.
I understand why you think this is silly...because it is.
I'd love to hear the practicality and sanity of having someone else choose who you'll spend your life with.
Most modern arranged marriages aren't truly "arranged," but rather "assisted." Most caring parents wouldn't stick their kid with a stranger knowing he/she isn't comfortable with it. My parents had an arranged marriage, saw each other once at some meeting between the families that my dad was informed of only the day before. They could have said yay or nay, but since talks were already underway, they just both said yes. They were married two months later. They have nothing in common and I've never seen them hug or kiss. And in traditional families like ours, that's absolutely normal. The question of a marriage not working out isn't even considered since the concept of divorce is so taboo. If my parents were instructed to go to dinner and a movie in a society that frowned upon extra-familial male to female relationships before making their decisions, they would have thought that was nuts.
Like Bassie said, it's about practicality. At one point, marriage was nothing more than a business transaction between two families or villages. However, the lack of passion amidst the practicality would be a red flag for many couples today. My parents have had to grapple with the fact their own kids will not subscribe to the ideologies from a society we never grew up in. Individual vs group mentality. While American culture is founded on the ideals of individualism and happiness, many Asian/South Asian cultures emphasize the well-being of the group or family before that of the individual.
It sounds foreign because it is, but we've got to keep our minds open.
That said, I am too afraid to say anything about my friends getting married as it leads to the inevitable "you're next" comment. I'm so not ready. I'd make a shitty wife at this point in time.
Tom, this is like the 3rd time now that you've tried to scold me for...posting personal opinions that are derived from my actual life on the internet??? Are you also mad that people piss in toilets?
b/w
Congrats on your wedding.
I'm not trying to scold you on anything other than taking something positive and managing to not only make it about you, but make it negative and argumentative. Nobody said, "what are your feelings about marriage?"
And... You are completely entitled to those, and feel free to share, but don't shit in the middle of the party, bro. It gets old as fuck.
Wild sarcasm is filling my brain right now, but I'll just leave it at...whatever you say, dude.
Go back and read the thread from jump... You can actually see your skeksy ass drain the essence of gelfling out of the thread's carcass. You're like the kid that throws up on a rollercoaster except it's intentional.
Part of me thought, man just leave it be... Let that dude wallow...but not this time.
HarveyCanal"a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
Possum Tom said:
HarveyCanal said:
Possum Tom said:
HarveyCanal said:
Tom, this is like the 3rd time now that you've tried to scold me for...posting personal opinions that are derived from my actual life on the internet??? Are you also mad that people piss in toilets?
b/w
Congrats on your wedding.
I'm not trying to scold you on anything other than taking something positive and managing to not only make it about you, but make it negative and argumentative. Nobody said, "what are your feelings about marriage?"
And... You are completely entitled to those, and feel free to share, but don't shit in the middle of the party, bro. It gets old as fuck.
Wild sarcasm is filling my brain right now, but I'll just leave it at...whatever you say, dude.
Go back and read the thread from jump... You can actually see your skeksy ass drain the essence of gelfling out of the thread's carcass. You're like the kid that throws up on a rollercoaster except it's intentional.
Part of me thought, man just leave it be... Let that dude wallow...but not this time.
What are you talking about? You are treating this like I signed your actual wedding album in terd ink. But no, dude, this thread isn't your actual wedding album, is it? Plus, "let that dude wallow"??? I merely said that I've recently noticed an inordinate amount of people over-eager to get hooked-up/married. Doesn't really have anything to do with me. I go places and regularly see dudes adamently cuffing their women like they're expecting the boogeyman to swoop in and ride off with them in a winged chariot. I just had to tell a friend the other night to try talking to me about something other than the next set of pussy lips he's perpetually chasing. I did mention that my current perspective obviously has something to do with me being recently single, but I'm still wondering why so many people are acting like there's such a dire need to be attached, as if they think the rapture is going to happen tomorrow and they don't want to get caught alone. I don't know why you are so bothered by such talk in an anonymous-by-design wedding thread. But there you go.
This thread got incredibly lame incredibly quickly.
Cosmo DJed my wedding this past weekend and it was perfect. It was a one of a kind food and music-filled celebration with friends and family. My parents were dancing to Prince. My new niece just said It was the best wedding she's ever been to. My wife's family learned about Hava Nagila. I have two weeks worth of pulled pork leftover in my fridge. I'm ecstatic to be spending the rest of my life with the most outstanding woman I know. I don't know what the fuck the rest of y'all are talkin about.
This thread got incredibly lame incredibly quickly.
Cosmo DJed my wedding this past weekend and it was perfect. It was a one of a kind food and music-filled celebration with friends and family. My parents were dancing to Prince. My new niece just said It was the best wedding she's ever been to. My wife's family learned about Hava Nagila. I have two weeks worth of pulled pork leftover in my fridge. I'm ecstatic to be spending the rest of my life with the most outstanding woman I know. I don't know what the fuck the rest of y'all are talkin about.
(Side note: It'd be cool if we could tag people on here like we can on Facebook. Not to turn this into that, it's just that it be nice to alert another Strutter to a post within a thread. Too many posters and threads these days to browse 'em all.)
i think that's a terrible idea. i'm glad you can't tag people in threads out of respect for their privacy, especially since this thread got really weird.
HarveyCanal"a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
Not to make it worse, but why are y'all acting like shook babies? Just keep congratulating your dudes like trained robots and all will work itself out.
Comments
Related: We did an exercise with grade 10 students at my volunteer gig earlier this year and one of the questions was ???Is it more important to marry someone you are in love with or someone you think will be a good parent.???
Overwhelmingly, the students went with the latter. I was floored.
???You can learn to love them.???
Luckily, not many 10th graders get married.
b/w
I wouldn't let someone else choose my business partner either.
Golf clap to you.
Enjoy your endless days on e-harmony and worrying about venereal disease. Also... once you reach a certain age range, you'll be dealing with either bat-shit crazy divorcees or bat shit crazy single women. Or you'll be the creepy old dude at the club.
:nagl:
Dude, can't hear anything you are saying over all of this personal liberation being fully enjoyed over here.
child support = not fully liberated
child support = no sweat, glad to do it.
you sound recently wed.
Into an personal opinion festival in less than 2 pages. Who asked anyone their opinion about anything? Why do certain people always manage to make things self referencial?
This is exactly why I didn't want my personal biz posted on soulstrut, but I appreciate the love, Cosmo.
Congrats Mike!
that being said im quite happily going to two weddings this weekend and i couldn't be happier for both couples. they found their match, and that's badass. i couldn't quite say im ENVIOUS, but im definitely pumped for all who take that leap.
cue different strokes theme song.
i plan on tucking into roughly a great lake's worth of bombay sapphire this weekend.
Who were we congratulating?
Why do people's opinions offend you?
Go check your last 50 posts and see how many are "self-referencial".
Me, too ??? 13years.
I could write a short story about the adjustment, especially as I have never lived by myself til now. My adult life has been living with roommates and then my ex. Even the cats are gone. I did get to a point where I was not sure if I was thinking or talking out loud with my voice being the only thing I was hearing.
Portions are going OK ??? I just can???t believe how many dishes there are to do all the time. I feel like all I do is wash dishes!
I agree, some of the best parties I've been to were weddings. Especially the ones where some biddy didn't turn to me/us and say "So when is it going to be your turn?" /"Why aren't you married yet?"/"What are you waiting for?"/"You know, it gets harder as you get older."
Into an personal opinion festival in less than 2 pages. Who asked anyone their opinion about anything? Why do certain people always manage to make things self referencial?
This is exactly why I didn't want my personal biz posted on soulstrut, but I appreciate the love, Cosmo.
Congrats Mike!
b/w
Congrats on your wedding.
And... You are completely entitled to those, and feel free to share, but don't shit in the middle of the party, bro. It gets old as fuck.
Honestly, I'd love to congratulate two strutters on their marriage if I knew who they were.
This thread(and the last one about the same topic) was pretty weird to begin with.... Strutters got married but I can't tell you who they are and their weddings were amazing but I can't tell you why or else it might divulge who got married.
Congrats to the mystery strutters.
Wild sarcasm is filling my brain right now, but I'll just leave it at...whatever you say, dude.
Most modern arranged marriages aren't truly "arranged," but rather "assisted." Most caring parents wouldn't stick their kid with a stranger knowing he/she isn't comfortable with it. My parents had an arranged marriage, saw each other once at some meeting between the families that my dad was informed of only the day before. They could have said yay or nay, but since talks were already underway, they just both said yes. They were married two months later. They have nothing in common and I've never seen them hug or kiss. And in traditional families like ours, that's absolutely normal. The question of a marriage not working out isn't even considered since the concept of divorce is so taboo. If my parents were instructed to go to dinner and a movie in a society that frowned upon extra-familial male to female relationships before making their decisions, they would have thought that was nuts.
Like Bassie said, it's about practicality. At one point, marriage was nothing more than a business transaction between two families or villages. However, the lack of passion amidst the practicality would be a red flag for many couples today. My parents have had to grapple with the fact their own kids will not subscribe to the ideologies from a society we never grew up in. Individual vs group mentality. While American culture is founded on the ideals of individualism and happiness, many Asian/South Asian cultures emphasize the well-being of the group or family before that of the individual.
It sounds foreign because it is, but we've got to keep our minds open.
That said, I am too afraid to say anything about my friends getting married as it leads to the inevitable "you're next" comment. I'm so not ready. I'd make a shitty wife at this point in time.
Part of me thought, man just leave it be... Let that dude wallow...but not this time.
What are you talking about? You are treating this like I signed your actual wedding album in terd ink. But no, dude, this thread isn't your actual wedding album, is it? Plus, "let that dude wallow"??? I merely said that I've recently noticed an inordinate amount of people over-eager to get hooked-up/married. Doesn't really have anything to do with me. I go places and regularly see dudes adamently cuffing their women like they're expecting the boogeyman to swoop in and ride off with them in a winged chariot. I just had to tell a friend the other night to try talking to me about something other than the next set of pussy lips he's perpetually chasing. I did mention that my current perspective obviously has something to do with me being recently single, but I'm still wondering why so many people are acting like there's such a dire need to be attached, as if they think the rapture is going to happen tomorrow and they don't want to get caught alone. I don't know why you are so bothered by such talk in an anonymous-by-design wedding thread. But there you go.
Cosmo DJed my wedding this past weekend and it was perfect. It was a one of a kind food and music-filled celebration with friends and family. My parents were dancing to Prince. My new niece just said It was the best wedding she's ever been to. My wife's family learned about Hava Nagila. I have two weeks worth of pulled pork leftover in my fridge. I'm ecstatic to be spending the rest of my life with the most outstanding woman I know. I don't know what the fuck the rest of y'all are talkin about.
congrats Mike!
congrats Tom!
i think that's a terrible idea. i'm glad you can't tag people in threads out of respect for their privacy, especially since this thread got really weird.