My situation is the opposite of "get a clue, she's not interested in you."
I first saw my girl as she biked around my part of town. I thought she was very cute and I wanted to get to know her. I had just moved back to town, so I asked some folks I knew if they knew who she was. I found out who she was, but left it at that. I then saw her at one of my DJ nights a few times. On one occasion I introduced myself (I already knew her name but didnt let her know that)...it was a strange encounter, nothing bad happened, just nothing happened...just blank stares after name exchanges. A friend of hers gave me her email so I decided to drop her a line. We exchanged a few emails and she was always vague if she wanted to go out and finally she gave me the "Im really busy with school, I dont the time for this right now, blah, blah..." I would still see her biking around town, and my appreciation for her cuteness did not diminish. I wrote her a couple more emails with no response. A little while later I asked a mutual friend about her and the friend told me "don't bother". I couldnt stop thinking about her, however. I decided to give it one more shot and she then moved me into the "creepy"(her words to me) category and asked me to stop contacting her. So I stopped (after being insulted as fuck, I had never, ever been called "creepy"). A few more months pass by. She shows up to one of my DJ nights and is still there at the end of the night. I am pretending to ignore her, but of course I notice she is there. She comes up and says hi as I am breaking down the gear. We start chatting. Next thing we are still chatting at 5AM, a really good conversation. I decided what the fuck, so I asked her out again. She said yes. That was 4 and half years ago...we have been livng together for 3 and half years. We got a dog and have made major appliance purchases, so I think it is pretty serious. If I had followed the advice of most folks on this board, I wouldnt have the happy life I have now. So there.
godddaaam dude! awesome perseverence stalk one stalk on! for real, ive known various guys who wont let it rest. eventually the ladies seem to cave in and capitulate.
keep hope alive! never say die
almond, youre going to have to pull out all stops to counteract the hounddogs...call them creepy,raise your voice at him when other people are around, ask them if they really get enjoyment out of sexual harassment and also get off on the legal repercussions, etc
My wife still has a ex (bad break-up) that tires to maintain contact and went as far invite her to his wedding.
Some folks will not get the message but I will say from personal experience if you try to be "nice" you dilute said message and the chances of the above happening increase.
I am not saying that there are not some crazy muthers out there that would take you literally branding them with an "Ex" on their forehead as playing hard to get. You just can't reason with stupid.
If you want to maintain "we are still friends" status it gets even more tricky and really depends on the guy.
Be firm, be direct on your intent. Do not soften your message by being "nice" its just not worth it.
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
Fuck is wrong with you people?
Big Stacks has spoken.
Hey NZ,
Hook Up's experience is an example of using the exception to prove the rule; however, odds are a woman who says she doesn't want to be bothered, um, really doesn't want to be bothered. They're often just too nice to say it direct enough to penetrate the literal and direct male psyche. Plus, if you have any modicum of self-esteem and confidence, why would you keep pursuing someone who blows you off? Personally, I wouldn't waste the time and didn't when I was "free and single." Like buses, another one would come along in 15 minutes. Plus, appearing to want her more than she wants you could make for rather unequal power dynamics in a relationship. You get respect when you're willing to step.
My situation is the opposite of "get a clue, she's not interested in you."
I first saw my girl as she biked around my part of town. I thought she was very cute and I wanted to get to know her. I had just moved back to town, so I asked some folks I knew if they knew who she was. I found out who she was, but left it at that. I then saw her at one of my DJ nights a few times. On one occasion I introduced myself (I already knew her name but didnt let her know that)...it was a strange encounter, nothing bad happened, just nothing happened...just blank stares after name exchanges. A friend of hers gave me her email so I decided to drop her a line. We exchanged a few emails and she was always vague if she wanted to go out and finally she gave me the "Im really busy with school, I dont the time for this right now, blah, blah..." I would still see her biking around town, and my appreciation for her cuteness did not diminish. I wrote her a couple more emails with no response. A little while later I asked a mutual friend about her and the friend told me "don't bother". I couldnt stop thinking about her, however. I decided to give it one more shot and she then moved me into the "creepy"(her words to me) category and asked me to stop contacting her. So I stopped (after being insulted as fuck, I had never, ever been called "creepy"). A few more months pass by. She shows up to one of my DJ nights and is still there at the end of the night. I am pretending to ignore her, but of course I notice she is there. She comes up and says hi as I am breaking down the gear. We start chatting. Next thing we are still chatting at 5AM, a really good conversation. I decided what the fuck, so I asked her out again. She said yes. That was 4 and half years ago...we have been livng together for 3 and half years. We got a dog and have made major appliance purchases, so I think it is pretty serious. If I had followed the advice of most folks on this board, I wouldnt have the happy life I have now. So there.
this isn't actually a great example of the perseverance theory IMO. she was direct in saying no (i.e. calling you creepy) and it sounds like you stopped--instead of just continuing to keep going. it sounds like nothing would've ended up happening if SHE hadn't initiated contact again...
awesome that it all worked out in the end for you though. congrats, it sounds like a great situation.
Comments
2nd guy is prob still heartbroken from when you dated before.
almond why dont you and jigsaw hook-up?
who comes to this place for social advice? why?
I first saw my girl as she biked around my part of town. I thought she was very cute and I wanted to get to know her. I had just moved back to town, so I asked some folks I knew if they knew who she was. I found out who she was, but left it at that. I then saw her at one of my DJ nights a few times. On one occasion I introduced myself (I already knew her name but didnt let her know that)...it was a strange encounter, nothing bad happened, just nothing happened...just blank stares after name exchanges. A friend of hers gave me her email so I decided to drop her a line. We exchanged a few emails and she was always vague if she wanted to go out and finally she gave me the "Im really busy with school, I dont the time for this right now, blah, blah..." I would still see her biking around town, and my appreciation for her cuteness did not diminish. I wrote her a couple more emails with no response. A little while later I asked a mutual friend about her and the friend told me "don't bother". I couldnt stop thinking about her, however. I decided to give it one more shot and she then moved me into the "creepy"(her words to me) category and asked me to stop contacting her. So I stopped (after being insulted as fuck, I had never, ever been called "creepy"). A few more months pass by. She shows up to one of my DJ nights and is still there at the end of the night. I am pretending to ignore her, but of course I notice she is there. She comes up and says hi as I am breaking down the gear. We start chatting. Next thing we are still chatting at 5AM, a really good conversation. I decided what the fuck, so I asked her out again. She said yes. That was 4 and half years ago...we have been livng together for 3 and half years. We got a dog and have made major appliance purchases, so I think it is pretty serious. If I had followed the advice of most folks on this board, I wouldnt have the happy life I have now. So there.
Big Stacks has spoken.
stalk one stalk on!
for real, ive known various guys who wont let it rest. eventually the ladies seem to cave in and capitulate.
keep hope alive!
never say die
almond, youre going to have to pull out all stops to counteract the hounddogs...call them creepy,raise your voice at him when other people are around, ask them if they really get enjoyment out of sexual harassment and also get off on the legal repercussions, etc
Spare the rod, spoil the break up.
My wife still has a ex (bad break-up) that tires to maintain contact and went as far invite her to his wedding.
Some folks will not get the message but I will say from personal experience if you try to be "nice" you dilute said message and the chances of the above happening increase.
I am not saying that there are not some crazy muthers out there that would take you literally branding them with an "Ex" on their forehead as playing hard to get. You just can't reason with stupid.
If you want to maintain "we are still friends" status it gets even more tricky and really depends on the guy.
Be firm, be direct on your intent. Do not soften your message by being "nice" its just not worth it.
Hey NZ,
Hook Up's experience is an example of using the exception to prove the rule; however, odds are a woman who says she doesn't want to be bothered, um, really doesn't want to be bothered. They're often just too nice to say it direct enough to penetrate the literal and direct male psyche. Plus, if you have any modicum of self-esteem and confidence, why would you keep pursuing someone who blows you off? Personally, I wouldn't waste the time and didn't when I was "free and single." Like buses, another one would come along in 15 minutes.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
this isn't actually a great example of the perseverance theory IMO. she was direct in saying no (i.e. calling you creepy) and it sounds like you stopped--instead of just continuing to keep going. it sounds like nothing would've ended up happening if SHE hadn't initiated contact again...
awesome that it all worked out in the end for you though. congrats, it sounds like a great situation.