The good ones stay friends. Even some the 'bad' ones.
I'd put Ms. Ex in that category. She'd call me often for the hell of it, even after the breakup. If she finds out I'm in the neighborhood, she'll invite me to stop by. Even gave me a few pep talks after I got laid off from my job a while back. So I can't totally write her off, but there is still a slight romantic undercurrent. Can't say whether it's both of us, or just me.
And I admit, I like the attention. As long as I don't take it too seriously, why not?
Although if I had a girl right now I wouldn't be thinking of her that often (I speak from experience).
The good ones stay friends. Even some the 'bad' ones.
I'd put Ms. Ex in that category. She'd call me often for the hell of it, even after the breakup. If she finds out I'm in the neighborhood, she'll invite me to stop by. Even gave me a few pep talks after I got laid off from my job a while back. So I can't totally write her off, but there is still a slight romantic undercurrent. Can't say whether it's both of us, or just me.
And I admit, I like the attention. As long as I don't take it too seriously, why not?
Although if I had a girl right now I wouldn't be thinking of her that often (I speak from experience).
I actually keep in touch with all my exes. I'm not really responsible for it, I feel as if they hadn't put in the effort it wouldn't have gone down like that. But for the most part, we're all chummy and speak every now and again.
I can totally understand the comment about it creating baggage for the next relationship -- that definitely holds some truth. However, I sort of feel like any girl that I want to commit myself shouldn't/won't care too much about my old gals. Girls that are mature enough to not really care is one of the main things that attracts me in the first place. Sure, it's a rare quality, but it does exist.
Although if I had a girl right now I wouldn't be thinking of her that often (I speak from experience).
Yep.
And I admit, I like the attention. As long as I don't take it too seriously, why not?
If it works as friends and that tension is fun and low-maintenance, then, yea, why not? My note of stay-away was meant for pursuing something deeper, because, from what you've written, the signs aren't healthy for a full-blown relationship.
Why couldnt you "have some fun" until the next Real thang comes around. Ur adults.
U know what the job is, just manage it differently.
Even she broke it off then, yall remained peeps. So why couldnt yall discuss a different arrangement? If ur interested of course.
Would if I could, but it takes two to tango, and she only does the touchy-feely to a POINT. I don't push her hand away (and she doesn't push away mine), but it's all on her, as far as us taking that route. Believe me, that has crossed my mind often.
IHowever, I sort of feel like any girl that I want to commit myself shouldn't/won't care too much about my old gals. Girls that are mature enough to not really care is one of the main things that attracts me in the first place. Sure, it's a rare quality, but it does exist.
YES. I agree with this wholeheartedly. My last lady was younger than me and could not be okay with the fact that I am cool with, admire and respect my exes. This frustrated me like crazy and it's a big reason why we didn't last.
It really does depend on the persons and personalities involved. In theory, I think both parties should be civil, but if two people broke up, chances are one or both parties probably don't like each other all that much. So, i don't really understand the notion that you must remain friends at the very least because the difference is people actually like their friends.
Although if I had a girl right now I wouldn't be thinking of her that often (I speak from experience).
Yep.
And I admit, I like the attention. As long as I don't take it too seriously, why not?
If it works as friends and that tension is fun and low-maintenance, then, yea, why not? My note of stay-away was meant for pursuing something deeper, because, from what you've written, the signs aren't healthy for a full-blown relationship.
Yeah, you right.
I've nothing against the fun, low-maintenance tension. But it's weird knowing that if some guy expresses interest for real - in my presence - I can't really do anything about it.
If this were three years ago and Alderman asked her, "whatcha doin' tonight?", I could have put my arms around her and that conversation would have been over and done with. But this time around, I had to rely on Ms. Ex's obliviousness to see me through that one. So I guess there's a slight "territorialism," as you sort of put it.
Funny...the day I met her, I later found out that her friend (who unfortunately witnessed it) was jealous to see her hit it off with me so well. But, I was more successful with her than he was; he was just some platonic friend hanging on, hoping she'd one day See The Light and start dating him.
If the Alderman had succeeded, or was a little more forward, that story would have come full circle, and I[/b] would have been the one on the outside then. Gives me cold chills thinking 'bout that. Payback is a dog, ain't it? (LOL)
An alderman is a member of a municipal assembly or council in many jurisdictions founded upon English law. The term may be titular, denoting a high-ranking member of a borough or county council, or denote a council member chosen by the elected members themselves rather than by popular vote.
An alderman is a member of a municipal assembly or council in many jurisdictions founded upon English law. The term may be titular, denoting a high-ranking member of a borough or county council, or denote a council member chosen by the elected members themselves rather than by popular vote.
They don't have those in Too Strong, Arizona?
Does that really warrant a painting of his photo though? I see my state senator at the local deli all the time, never felt the urge to take a photo of the man much less doodle a picture of him.
Funny...the day I met her, I later found out that her friend (who unfortunately witnessed it) was jealous to see her hit it off with me so well. But, I was more successful with her than he was; he was just some platonic friend hanging on, hoping she'd one day See The Light and start dating him.
If the Alderman had succeeded, or was a little more forward, that story would have come full circle, and I[/b] would have been the one on the outside then. Gives me cold chills thinking 'bout that. Payback is a dog, ain't it? (LOL)
Pickwick, you are already that dude on the outside. Women aren't like that, if they want you they make sure you know it unless they are flakes or really immature. She obviously enjoys attention from you and makes sure you give it to her. There are way too many good women out there that you could have a great time with to put more energy into this one who is taking advantage of your good nature. Dont be a sucker and let her use you like that.
Funny...the day I met her, I later found out that her friend (who unfortunately witnessed it) was jealous to see her hit it off with me so well. But, I was more successful with her than he was; he was just some platonic friend hanging on, hoping she'd one day See The Light and start dating him.
If the Alderman had succeeded, or was a little more forward, that story would have come full circle, and I[/b] would have been the one on the outside then. Gives me cold chills thinking 'bout that. Payback is a dog, ain't it? (LOL)
Pickwick, you are already that dude on the outside.
Oh, I know I am, and I'm cool with it. I was "the man on the inside" once; you can take the woman away from me, but you can't take away the experience. My point is, if the two of them were to hook up romantically, I wouldn't want to be there when it happened. I don't care what goes on between those two when I'm not around, but as long as no sparks fly in my presence, I'm cool.
At any rate, as of last night I was seriously considering trying to win her back out of sheer jealousy. You guys did a good job of talking me out of it. She and I will always be friends, I hope; even after the hard-on is gone, and you take romance out of it, she's still a good person. But like I was telling somebody else, it was nostalgia and being single that was clouding my better judgement. Thanks, Strutters.
Whenever a girl tells you something like "well, you being a guy, I figured you might pick up on these things." you should be aware that this very clearly translates to "son, I'm playing you like a fiddle".
I sort of was aware. Notice I didn't answer her directly when she said that.
what would you tell a friend in the same situation?
Probably the same thing everybody here is telling me...to stop dwelling on the past and find themselves a new lover?? It's easy to see things clearly when you're not smack dab in the middle of it.
(I started to say that I'd tell my friends to "put some bass in their voice" too, 'cept that would be scary if I were talking to a female...)
Still cockblock the hell out of any dude that steps to her when you are around her, that is your right as you were there first, just please don't help her move or anything like that.
Comments
I'd put Ms. Ex in that category. She'd call me often for the hell of it, even after the breakup. If she finds out I'm in the neighborhood, she'll invite me to stop by. Even gave me a few pep talks after I got laid off from my job a while back. So I can't totally write her off, but there is still a slight romantic undercurrent. Can't say whether it's both of us, or just me.
And I admit, I like the attention. As long as I don't take it too seriously, why not?
Although if I had a girl right now I wouldn't be thinking of her that often (I speak from experience).
put some bass in your voice = reattach your balls.
U know what the job is, just manage it differently.
Even she broke it off then, yall remained peeps. So why couldnt yall discuss a different arrangement? If ur interested of course.
I can totally understand the comment about it creating baggage for the next relationship -- that definitely holds some truth. However, I sort of feel like any girl that I want to commit myself shouldn't/won't care too much about my old gals. Girls that are mature enough to not really care is one of the main things that attracts me in the first place. Sure, it's a rare quality, but it does exist.
Yep.
If it works as friends and that tension is fun and low-maintenance, then, yea, why not?
My note of stay-away was meant for pursuing something deeper, because, from what you've written, the signs aren't healthy for a full-blown relationship.
then dont invest in a full-blown relationship.
I know what he meant - I've used that expression before, and thought it was funny as hell in this thread.
haha! I see some of that invaluable and elusive wisdom has rubbed off on you.
Would if I could, but it takes two to tango, and she only does the touchy-feely to a POINT. I don't push her hand away (and she doesn't push away mine), but it's all on her, as far as us taking that route. Believe me, that has crossed my mind often.
YES. I agree with this wholeheartedly. My last lady was younger than me and could not be okay with the fact that I am cool with, admire and respect my exes. This frustrated me like crazy and it's a big reason why we didn't last.
Yeah, you right.
I've nothing against the fun, low-maintenance tension. But it's weird knowing that if some guy expresses interest for real - in my presence - I can't really do anything about it.
If this were three years ago and Alderman asked her, "whatcha doin' tonight?", I could have put my arms around her and that conversation would have been over and done with. But this time around, I had to rely on Ms. Ex's obliviousness to see me through that one. So I guess there's a slight "territorialism," as you sort of put it.
Funny...the day I met her, I later found out that her friend (who unfortunately witnessed it) was jealous to see her hit it off with me so well. But, I was more successful with her than he was; he was just some platonic friend hanging on, hoping she'd one day See The Light and start dating him.
If the Alderman had succeeded, or was a little more forward, that story would have come full circle, and I[/b] would have been the one on the outside then. Gives me cold chills thinking 'bout that. Payback is a dog, ain't it? (LOL)
From Wikipedia:
They don't have those in Too Strong, Arizona?
Does that really warrant a painting of his photo though? I see my state senator at the local deli all the time, never felt the urge to take a photo of the man much less doodle a picture of him.
Pickwick, you are already that dude on the outside. Women aren't like that, if they want you they make sure you know it unless they are flakes or really immature. She obviously enjoys attention from you and makes sure you give it to her. There are way too many good women out there that you could have a great time with to put more energy into this one who is taking advantage of your good nature. Dont be a sucker and let her use you like that.
Sorry for the delay, took a lunch break...
Oh, I know I am, and I'm cool with it. I was "the man on the inside" once; you can take the woman away from me, but you can't take away the experience. My point is, if the two of them were to hook up romantically, I wouldn't want to be there when it happened. I don't care what goes on between those two when I'm not around, but as long as no sparks fly in my presence, I'm cool.
At any rate, as of last night I was seriously considering trying to win her back out of sheer jealousy. You guys did a good job of talking me out of it. She and I will always be friends, I hope; even after the hard-on is gone, and you take romance out of it, she's still a good person. But like I was telling somebody else, it was nostalgia and being single that was clouding my better judgement. Thanks, Strutters.
I sort of was aware. Notice I didn't answer her directly when she said that.
Probably the same thing everybody here is telling me...to stop dwelling on the past and find themselves a new lover?? It's easy to see things clearly when you're not smack dab in the middle of it.
(I started to say that I'd tell my friends to "put some bass in their voice" too, 'cept that would be scary if I were talking to a female...)