Bob Bannister style review contest!
Salary_Diz
735 Posts
The challenge is this. Review this record in your best Bob Bannister/Rape Donkey style. RD is allowed to play as well, although I cant garuntee that he will win. 
My Entry:While the rest of you fags were getting your dicks sucked by DJ Shadow look-a-likes in the back of a beat up VW van in return for a slurp 45, real heads were rocking the Sayer. Any DJ knows that dropping "You make me feel like dancing" at a party is the Dancing Queen of '96 when Muriels Wedding was in heavy rotation at the crib and fat australian chicks erected my first boner, which has lasted to this day, thanks to a rare condition that I'd rather not talk about. Anyways, thanks to my neverending boner I have officially made it gay to like ABBA and hard as fuck (NY STYLE) to rock Sayer instead. If the white girls aren't feeling it and rush the booth to ask for the abba, you can say no, and blame the erectile misfortunes of a certain bob bannister. Like my perma-wood, Sayer will stand the test of time, despite the fact that primo sampled it, because real NY heads know that he is a cock gurgling sperm mouthwash having old bastard, despite what faggot nerd message board gerbil circus who swing from his nuts like a flying trapeze would say. I hate you all so much. So very very much. I would commit suicide, but the cruel sad loneliness of your pitiful lives without me is too much for even me to bear. P.S., Mom, if you are reading this, please come back home.OK... you go!p.s., no hate, just fun, of course.
My Entry:While the rest of you fags were getting your dicks sucked by DJ Shadow look-a-likes in the back of a beat up VW van in return for a slurp 45, real heads were rocking the Sayer. Any DJ knows that dropping "You make me feel like dancing" at a party is the Dancing Queen of '96 when Muriels Wedding was in heavy rotation at the crib and fat australian chicks erected my first boner, which has lasted to this day, thanks to a rare condition that I'd rather not talk about. Anyways, thanks to my neverending boner I have officially made it gay to like ABBA and hard as fuck (NY STYLE) to rock Sayer instead. If the white girls aren't feeling it and rush the booth to ask for the abba, you can say no, and blame the erectile misfortunes of a certain bob bannister. Like my perma-wood, Sayer will stand the test of time, despite the fact that primo sampled it, because real NY heads know that he is a cock gurgling sperm mouthwash having old bastard, despite what faggot nerd message board gerbil circus who swing from his nuts like a flying trapeze would say. I hate you all so much. So very very much. I would commit suicide, but the cruel sad loneliness of your pitiful lives without me is too much for even me to bear. P.S., Mom, if you are reading this, please come back home.OK... you go!p.s., no hate, just fun, of course.
Comments
am I sleeping?
BAN
Fuck that. Genius.
wussup. i was like, totally gonna review this record but like onofre was like totally having these killer breakers along the northern end and like it hasnt been this gnarly since like the last el nino, bro. but then there was like 20 of these boogie board posers that were like totally hogging the curl so me and my bro chad had to like totally confront these little oatcakes and i was all like "wussup?" and they were like "wussup?" and i was like "wussup?" and they were all like "wussup?" so i was like "naw bro, WUSSUP?" and they were like "killer". like, i totally showed them wussup. then my girl jasmine like totally rented gleaming the cube and hooked up the citrus squeeze from jamba, [wussup jasmine]. yeah so like, i totally had other things to do than listen to music. so, like, dont be like totally mad at me cuz i'll review it tonight after the OC. - Brad Bannister
WOAH. NEXT LEVEL.
You certainly seem to know what priapism means...
no, but where in the hell did you come from?!?!
adj.
Moderately warm; lukewarm.
Lacking in emotional warmth or enthusiasm; halfhearted: ???the tepid conservatism of the fifties??? (Irving Howe).
--------------------------
pri??a??pism ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr-pzm)
n.
Persistent, usually painful erection of the penis, especially as a consequence of disease and not related to sexual arousal.
WOW! AND I THOUGHT I WAS MAKING THAT UP!
I've been around! But to echo an oft-heard complaint these days, if SoulStrut was a person, it would be a good candidate for Ritalin...I can't keep up with all of the changes.
One of life's great truths: It's hard to realize the quality of something till it's gone. In its absence, you yearn and long for it to come back, really beat yourself up on some "how could I be so fuckin gotdamn blind to the truth?!". Like when I worked with this hot Mexican MILF and she'd blow me in the back of her minivan every single day after work. Workin it like a motherfuckin champ. I'd get all gully with that ass & threaten to call La Migra on her if she didn't swallow every last drop. Those were the best of times, tappin that fine ass bitch in her whip every day, the thrill of gettin caught by five-o makin it oh so tasty. Then, one day she called in sick and I was all fuckin sad & shit. This record is like that. Like when you realize that being a Knicks fan is a lot like falling in love with a prostitute. Not a good idea. Don't spin this shit unless you wanna feel real empty, blue-balled and sad. You lil bitch.
You know, if any of you Universal Robot Band / Cloud One rare-disco-"it was only released in promo" buying fags had an ounce of common sense you would put down the P&P discography and pick this up before your next attempt to "bring back that Loft feeling". While you're too busy masturbating to "left field disco" (seriously, who writes this shit?) real DJs are rocking crowds with the Sayer. Dropped at the right time, You Make Me Feel Like Dancing (1) can turn a party into utter madness. Even the slower songs are on some next-level shit - check Endless Flight (2) "I hope we make it - I hope we don't fall in the sea" - the fuck does that even mean? I have no idea. Now I realize the cover is on some gayer then Joe Bataan's Rap-O-Clap-O rainbow suspenders, but what the fuck, aren't you a disco DJ? Grow some (gay) balls. -Bob Bannister
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
I gotta say though, sooks was by far the closest to the real deal.....
I NEED MORE.
MUCH MORE.
Leo Sayer
This is some serious classic mix 4th of July weekend type shit right here. File it with your Sunshine Band, AWB, Meco, and later EW&F. This whole shit is completely fucking ridiculous with kids who have never heard Rod Stewart or Anita Ward buying up any record with a faggit on the cover and talking about what a ???great record this is to tippy toe and pop zits to.??? Stupid ass record digger fag trends don't dictate what classics are though, and ???You Make Me Feel Like Dancin??? is one of those joints that always works when you got a room of people old enough to remember 1976 or kids who have been to enough parties to recognize. These are the songs that are gonna set shit off, so leave your Eddie Bo and Mulatu bullshit on your bathroom floor as an ejaculate receptacle and pack the Sayer.
???Fat Fannister
Spooky...