Vitiman and Archaic

anthonypearsonanthonypearson 2,442 Posts
edited February 2016 in Off Topic (NRR)
Archaic: you scurr me dude!An essay on Eddie Van Halen by Vitiman:" Eddie Van Halen shreds because his hammer-on tecnique is superior in contrast to Randy Rhodes and the guy from Stryper. He employes the HV7-X3 model pickup on his Kramer and it provides a superior sustain and feedback ratio in accordance with Guitar Player magazines " apex of axe " qualification scale. His tremelo bar is cast in solid bronze so his reverberation ratio is paramount to any other comparable guitarist. His solo on the second track on Diver Down is a fine example of " Hammer-on Shred " otherwise known as the " Masters of Metal Factor "... Sustain ratio combined with fretboard action ration equals a overdrive density factor of overall shred. Combined with these factors he can play more notes in a solo than any of his contemporaries and proved this a the Guitar Center showcase last fall. All of these factors combined make him the best axe player out there "My response:Eddie Val Halen sucks because shred is dead dude, David Lee Roth is a Jew Vaudevilian boner, I don't like Alex Van Halen's bushy eyebrows and Michael Anthony's e-string thumpage is unimpressive.Have an exciting day on soulstrut and my best to all of you.Anthony
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  • ArchaicArchaic 633 Posts
    If you are placing yourself on the wrong side of the battle for humanity, then you should be scared.

  • Archaic: you scurr me dude!



    An essay on Eddie Van Halen by Vitiman:



    " Eddie Van Halen shreds because his hammer-on tecnique is superior in contrast to Randy Rhodes and the guy from Stryper. He employes the HV7-X3 model pickup on his Kramer and it provides a superior sustain and feedback ratio in accordance with Guitar Player magazines " apex of axe " qualification scale. His tremelo bar is cast in solid bronze so his reverberation ratio is paramount to any other comparable guitarist. His solo on the second track on Diver Down is a fine example of " Hammer-on Shred " otherwise known as the " Masters of Metal Factor "... Sustain ratio combined with fretboard action ration equals a overdrive density factor of overall shred. Combined with these factors he can play more notes in a solo than any of his contemporaries and proved this a the Guitar Center showcase last fall. All of these factors combined make him the best axe player out there "



    My response:



    Eddie Val Halen sucks because shred is dead dude, David Lee Roth is a Jew Vaudevilian boner, I don't like Alex Van Halen's bushy eyebrows and Michael Anthony's e-string thumpage is unimpressive.



    Have an exciting day on soulstrut and my best to all of you.



    Anthony






    Too Funny and so true! I saw them on the jump tour when I was in the 5th grade and I wish I could have back the ten minutes of my life that were wasted listing to Michael Anthony's bass solo.

  • If you are placing yourself on the wrong side of the battle for humanity, then you should be scared.

    i don't understand what you mean ( what else is new ). nothing personal dude.

  • The_Hook_UpThe_Hook_Up 8,182 Posts
    lets get back on topic...Eddie Van Halen, although he created a lot of technique that ended up being used for evil evil purposes, he is still one of the greatest rock guitarists ever, he re-wrote the book. When I saw he was so low in the "greatest guitarists"list in Rolling Stone and jagg-offs like Jack White were rated about 60 places ahead of him, I was pissed. The goddamn mopey-pants, unfun rock soldiers are in control. Shit, find me a more inventive guitarist in 1978, and I dont give a shit about any bearded jazz dipshit I havent heard and I am missing out on...I am sure his album is not going to move me like "Unchained" turned up to 11.

    oh yeah, Bush..nazi...evil empire ,all that shit..back to your metaphors...

  • i saw val halen at the forum in 1983. it was hot. that's all.

  • dsandersdsanders 495 Posts
    I respectfully disagree....well not about Michael Anthony...but about fast twiddly guitar playing. Beautiful, thought-provoking essay, Vitamin.


  • this is a FAN-TAS-TIC post. lets get some responses here!

  • DJPrestigeDJPrestige 1,710 Posts
    van halen was my first concert....philadelphia spectrum...1984 tour..i wish i still had the damn ticket stub

  • CosmoCosmo 9,767 Posts
    David Lee Roth is a Jew Vaudevilian boner

    I hope this isn't a poor attempt at outing Diamond Dave as a Zionist Puppet.

    In all seriousness, DLR is one of rock's best vocalists ever.

  • soulmarcosasoulmarcosa 4,296 Posts
    David Lee Roth is a Jew Vaudevilian boner

    I hope this isn't a poor attempt at outing Diamond Dave as a Zionist Puppet.

    In all seriousness, DLR is one of rock's best vocalists ever.

    For real. DLR was the soul & fun of Van Halen.

    When Hagar came in, it was like the Fonz left the building and the school bully was now calling the shots.

    Damn that Jew Vaudevillian boner made my day.


  • van halen was my first concert....philadelphia spectrum...1984 tour..i wish i still had the damn ticket stub

    I wish I still had the 3/4 sleeve concert shirt that had that dude holding a hammer behind his back and some kind of robotic eagle on the front. I was kicking that shit the next day at school hard.

  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    David Lee Roth is a Jew Vaudevilian boner

    I hope this isn't a poor attempt at outing Diamond Dave as a Zionist Puppet.

    In all seriousness, DLR is one of rock's best vocalists ever.

    For real. DLR was the soul & fun of Van Halen.

    When Hagar came in, it was like the Fonz left the building and the school bully was now calling the shots.

    Damn that Jew Vaudevillian boner made my day.

    anyone in their late 20's/early 30's is lying if they say that they've always hated van halen. back when 1984 came out, it was some war of the worlds shit.

  • faux_rillzfaux_rillz 14,343 Posts
    David Lee Roth is a Jew Vaudevilian boner

    I hope this isn't a poor attempt at outing Diamond Dave as a Zionist Puppet.

    In all seriousness, DLR is one of rock's best vocalists ever.

    For real. DLR was the soul & fun of Van Halen.

    When Hagar came in, it was like the Fonz left the building and the school bully was now calling the shots.

    Damn that Jew Vaudevillian boner made my day.


    Terry_Clubbup has repeatedly recommended the DLR autobiography to me, talking about "He's so dynamic!"...

  • CosmoCosmo 9,767 Posts
    Motherfuck Van Hagar that's my word.

    Diamond Dave played Philly several years ago. Dude must be in his 80s and he still had throngs of ladies clawing their way to see dude backstage.

  • Big_ChanBig_Chan 5,088 Posts


    In all seriousness, DLR is one of rock's best vocalists ever.

    CO-SIGN. All ya'll folls need to read Diamond Dave's autobiography. This book is COMEDY.........


  • soulmarcosasoulmarcosa 4,296 Posts
    Diamond Dave played Philly several years ago. Dude must be in his 80s

    Cut his teeth in the borscht belt



    "WELCOME TO (cough hack) DAVE TV! I'VE GOT (wheeze) KARAAAZMA!"

  • bull_oxbull_ox 5,056 Posts
    Terry_Clubbup has repeatedly recommended the DLR autobiography to me, talking about "He's so dynamic!"...

    Its a fun read!

  • BigSpliffBigSpliff 3,266 Posts
    anyone in their late 20's/early 30's is lying if they say that they've always hated van halen. back when 1984 came out, it was some war of the worlds shit.

    See this is where my notions of goodness and things being right with the world go down the toilet.... people who talk raer and then admit to liking utter garbage like it's some suburban white dude badge of honor. Nearly as bad as the folks on here who floss raer and then play utter garbage at their DJ nights. No integrity.

    Van Halen = not here, come on for real.





    ...Watch this thread go 9 pages. Fucking hipsters.


  • hogginthefogghogginthefogg 6,098 Posts


    In all seriousness, DLR is one of rock's best vocalists ever.

    CO-SIGN. All ya'll folls need to read Diamond Dave's autobiography. This book is COMEDY.........



    I love that book. He dictated the whole thing into tape recorders and then had it typed up; the initial draft was 1200 pages. It was eventually edited down to 350.

    It's exactly what you'd expect from Diamond Dave: a rambling, desultory, rollicking narrative that goes from one thought to the next without...well, without much thought. And it's awesome.

    Diamond Dave is also responsible for one of my favorite quotes:


    "I'm an optimist. When I go fishing, I take a Nikon and a frying pan."

  • The_Hook_UpThe_Hook_Up 8,182 Posts
    Terry_Clubbup has repeatedly recommended the DLR autobiography to me, talking about "He's so dynamic!"...

    Its a fun read!

    agreed, like it said above, "Pure Comedy"...so fuckin funny...and you can read it in an afternoon...funny fuckin dude

  • FatbackFatback 6,746 Posts
    Woo! Where'd you get that shit?

    Oh, yeah

    I like....

    I like the little way the line runs up the back of the stockings

    I've always liked those kind of high heels, too, ya know I...

    No, no, no, no don't take 'em off. Don't take...leave 'em on

    Yeah, that's it...a little more to the right.



    Yeah, we???re runnin??? a little bit hot tonight.

    I can barely see the road from the heat comin??? off of it.

    Ah, you reach down, between my legs,

    Ease the seat back.

  • bull_oxbull_ox 5,056 Posts
    See this is where my notions of goodness and things being right with the world go down the toilet.... people who talk raer and then admit to liking utter garbage like it's some suburban white dude badge of honor. Nearly as bad as the folks on here who floss raer and then play utter garbage at their DJ nights. No integrity.

    Van Halen = not here, come on for real.

    They were one of the best bands of the past thirty years, period

    Deal with it dude

  • soulmarcosasoulmarcosa 4,296 Posts
    See this is where my notions of goodness and things being right with the world go down the toilet.... people who talk raer and then admit to liking utter garbage like it's some suburban white dude badge of honor. Nearly as bad as the folks on here who floss raer and then play utter garbage at their DJ nights. No integrity.

    Van Halen = not here, come on for real.

    PRIVATE MIND GARDEN INTERVENTION, STAT!

  • FatbackFatback 6,746 Posts
    anyone in their late 20's/early 30's is lying if they say that they've always hated van halen. back when 1984 came out, it was some war of the worlds shit.



    See this is where my notions of goodness and things being right with the world go down the toilet.... people who talk raer and then admit to liking utter garbage like it's some suburban white dude badge of honor. Nearly as bad as the folks on here who floss raer and then play utter garbage at their DJ nights. No integrity.



    Van Halen = not here, come on for real.











    ...Watch this thread go 9 pages. Fucking hipsters.






    why don't we just step outside now? i'll set you right with my Jack Daniels bottle shaped numbchucks [sic].

  • The_Hook_UpThe_Hook_Up 8,182 Posts
    anyone in their late 20's/early 30's is lying if they say that they've always hated van halen. back when 1984 came out, it was some war of the worlds shit.

    See this is where my notions of goodness and things being right with the world go down the toilet.... people who talk raer and then admit to liking utter garbage like it's some suburban white dude badge of honor. Nearly as bad as the folks on here who floss raer and then play utter garbage at their DJ nights. No integrity.

    Van Halen = not here, come on for real.





    ...Watch this thread go 9 pages. Fucking hipsters.


    fucking hipsters? what the fuck, we arent talking about finding classic two sizes two small van halen t-shirts, we are talking about music...I bought my first Van Halen LP at age 11 at Target in 1982. I dont think I was/am a hipster. I'll talk about raers as much as common, meat and potatoes rock records..why do I talk about both? becuase they are both good music...I could listen "Fair Warning" back to back with "melody nelson" and still feel good about myself...Van Halen isnt utter garbage, it is rock music, powerful goddamn, makes ya feel good rock music..oh yeah it even has breaks... you fuckin snob.

  • hcrinkhcrink 8,729 Posts
    I saw Van Halen on my 16th birthday. I dunno why. I've never even liked them.... Oh yeah, my drug dealer had tickets & he gave them to me. Each member played a 30 minute solo. The bass solo especialy was kinda grueling. Some drunken middle age skank dumped beer down my back so my friend (who I took cause he loved hair metal) bought me the most hideous tie-died Van Halen 1993 tour shirt as a joke/to wear. Good times.

  • 1. Best snare sound in rock + flaming gong/ 4 bass drums = RAWK

    2. Best harmonic vocals

    3. Best frontman ever with DLR

    4. Guitar riffs blowing the the powder up out your wig

    5. Guitar and Bass panned hard l/r on first few records

    6. Fair Warning

    7. Greatest band in rock 78-84

  • soulmarcosasoulmarcosa 4,296 Posts
    people who talk raer and then admit to liking utter garbage like it's some suburban white dude badge of honor. Nearly as bad as the folks on here who floss raer and then play utter garbage at their DJ nights. No integrity.

    They were one of the best bands of the past thirty years, period

    Deal with it dude

    In light of DigDug's argument in favor of Van Halen, I'd like to defend his integrity with the following points for Big Spliff's benefit:

    a) Like myself, he is an authentic suburban white dude, badge of honor and all.
    b) Despite his liking of Van Halen, he owns an original copy of the Sweet Charles album.
    c) Even more unbelievably, he has played an original Communicators Black Experience Band 45 at the club.

    He also wears a Killah Kuts t-shirt on the regular, though in our post-TurntableLab, post-Fader age, it's debatable as to whether that classifies him as "a real down dude" or alternatively "a fucking hipster." Though I will say I've never seen him wear a mesh cap, which strongly argues for the former.

  • I saw Van Halen on my 16th birthday. I dunno why. I've never even liked them.... Oh yeah, my drug dealer had tickets & he gave them to me. Each member played a 30 minute solo. The bass solo especialy was kinda grueling. Some drunken middle age skank dumped beer down my back so my friend (who I took cause he loved hair metal) bought me the most hideous tie-died Van Halen 1993 tour shirt as a joke/to wear. Good times.


    Van Halen = GOOD[/b]



    Van Hagar = BAD[/b]


  • soulmarcosasoulmarcosa 4,296 Posts
    I love how this thread, ostensibly about our two most colorful opinionated SoulStrutters, was really a trojan horse for a Van Halen Appreciation Thread b/w Van Hagar Unappreciation Thread.



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