Tricks to get out of work (NSFW)

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The other day I had a bit of a migraine and I totally didn't want to be at work. Sadly I don't have the type of job where I can just duck out early, and on top of that, its obnoxiously hard to get anyone to fill in for you on short notice. So I was contemplating faking that I passed out figuring nobody would say shit if a minute ago I was collapsed on the floor. They'd try to call the paramedics but I'd just refuse any treatment or whatever, say I'm ok and that I just need to rest. Sounds pretty fool-proof to me. I decided to save this one for a day when I reeeeeally don't want to be there. Anyways, whats some crazzy ass stuff you've pulled to get the day off?

jinx74

take a call that your grandmother just collapsed dead in front of your parents and your immediate help is needed with the family.

good for two uses. four if you use grandfathers.

...or you could always just start slapping yourself and crying. im sure theyd let you take a day off just to get you out of the office.

DrBorisQ

just call up in the morning and say you have diarrhea, a touch embarrassing, but guaranteed to get you the day off.

shooterali

Car accident.
But really fake your injury.
Complain about the pain you're in/ wrap up your arm up in bandages. Story should be really accurate. Your friend was the driver & they were speeding. Some shit like that.
Iv'e done it twice...It worked

nzshadow

just call up in the morning and say you have diarrhea, a touch embarrassing, but guaranteed to get you the day off.

works every time.

and bro: there is no such thing as 'a bit' of a migraine.

if you suffer from actual migraines, you know this.

migraines are no joke.

Birdman9

just call up in the morning and say you have diarrhea, a touch embarrassing, but guaranteed to get you the day off.

works every time.

"There's blood in my stool."

works every time.

The_Hook_Up

The last time I "got out of work" I was sent home from work. The previous evening my buddy Robert made Pot Ice Cream and Pot Brownies. I ate a TGI McFunsters sized piece. About 2 hours later I felt like I was tripping. 2 hours after that I oculdnt walk. 10 hours later, when I arrived at work I had just regained my walking ability. The bossman took one look at me and said "go home". I was completely stoned for about 18-20 hours. I was too high to work in a record store[/b]! So ,if ya wanna get out of work, get ridiculously high!(however this might not fly with all types of jobs)

GenePontecorvo

The last time I "got out of work" I was sent home from work. The previous evening my buddy Robert made Pot Ice Cream and Pot Brownies. I ate a TGI McFunsters sized piece. About 2 hours later I felt like I was tripping. 2 hours after that I oculdnt walk. 10 hours later, when I arrived at work I had just regained my walking ability. The bossman took one look at me and said "go home". I was completely stoned for about 18-20 hours. I was too high to work in a record store[/b]! So ,if ya wanna get out of work, get ridiculously high!(however this might not fly with all types of jobs)

Maaaaan...you don't know how down I am to try this!!!

iron_monkey

The last time I "got out of work" I was sent home from work. The previous evening my buddy Robert made Pot Ice Cream and Pot Brownies. I ate a TGI McFunsters sized piece. About 2 hours later I felt like I was tripping. 2 hours after that I oculdnt walk. 10 hours later, when I arrived at work I had just regained my walking ability. The bossman took one look at me and said "go home". I was completely stoned for about 18-20 hours. I was too high to work in a record store[/b]! So ,if ya wanna get out of work, get ridiculously high!(however this might not fly with all types of jobs)

You my friend.... are my new hero!

Mad Drama Teacher

I've never used the grandma excuse -- I feel terrible about sinking to that level.

One of my friends told his workplace that he had been diagnosed with cancer, went back the next day and said it was a false alarm.

Zeke

For about 6 months in 2001, I worked as the furniture "manager" for an OfficeMax. I hated that job. Asshole managers, asshole customers, incompetent employees, long hours, shitty benefits, and low, low pay. Some friends of mine threw a party on a night I had to close and help the night crew. I wouldn't have gotten out of there until 1 or 2 in the morning and at that time I lived to drink. I devised a plan to "fall" off a ladder "attempting to get a monitor" above the loading dock. I figured that a nice back injury would be easy to fake and wouldn't take me out of the game for too long. The first time I attempted to commit the deed, I just sort of laid on the ground next to the askew ladder and hollered for help. No one came. Being the desperate, devious asshole that I was, I decided that it would be much more believable if this monitor I was trying to get got broken. So I went to the top of the ladder and started to slide the monitor box off the shelf, which was about 15 feet off the ground. At some point during this manuever I lost my balance and slipped. The box came tumbling down and landed with the loud *POP* that tube monitors make when they break, followed very shortly afterwards by my massive frame.

It hurt... a lot. The monitor noise attracted a few employees and I didn't have to fake too much. I did get to go home, but my back and tailbone hurt for the next few weeks. Karma.

SouthCrackalack

OH SHIT! I am at home typing right now because i just left work early about 2 hrs ago. How weird that this thread would be on here right now.
What i did was wear a hat into work saying that when I went to take a shower before work..just to notice I had only freezing cold water. Sooo..I told them when I got in that the repair man was going to be calling me at anytime to let me know he was on his way(which I had already told my mom to call at 11am to fake like the repairman)...and there wasnt ANYWAY I was about to let some stranger in my house w/o me there. So my mom called..and I was OUT of there! Only thing that sucks is I have to go back in any minute now. (and dont forget that the repair man needed to go get some parts he didnt have on him so thatll buy a little more time).

Hope it works for you(because it sure as hell did for me, today!)

kitchenknight

Good excuse, South Crackalack, as that one can be reused...those problems tend to need 2 or 3 tries to get right, if you hear what I'm sayin'.

SouthCrackalack

exactly! the time now is 3:37 and I am STILL wanting on that asshole repair man to get my shit fixed right! looks like it might be an all day job!

theory9

I've never used the grandma excuse -- I feel terrible about sinking to that level.

One of my friends told his workplace that he had been diagnosed with cancer, went back the next day and said it was a false alarm.

I worked with a girl whose boyfriend did this, saying his mom had been in a car accident. Two hours after he called in to work, she was in a car accident in Albuquerque and was pronounced dead at the scene.

ako

take a call that your grandmother just collapsed dead in front of your parents and your immediate help is needed with the family.

good for two uses. four if you use grandfathers.

reminds me of the Onion article "pizza delivery driver's sixth grandma dies"

asstro

Do you wear contacts? I've "lost a contact" a couple of times over the years. My job requires good eyesight and I'm blind without my lenses, so that's worked pretty well when I've needed it.

If you have kids, they provide an excellent way out of the office too. Although, if you have kids, you probably can't spend the afternoon pulling bong hits and listening to records while playing Gears Of War, which I assume is pretty close to the Local Strut Experience in many cases.