SCHITT YOU SAW/EXPERIENCED IN THE CLUB
Young_Phonics
8,039 Posts
Yup, working deejay dudes chime in! For me:-Some drunk chick kept nagging at like 9:30 to play timberland and other becky heat. After her boyfriend offered me an amazing $10 bucks and some lip-service about "our friend at the bar is from L.A." I busted out with "i'm really trying to be nice and patient but sit the fuck down and finish your well drink". Their other friend came up and basically sat there ice-grilling me for 30 minutes while trying to make a request. I pretended I didn't see her.-some lady left a note by my bag that read "you need to get and play a PIMPTASTIC mix-cd by girl talk", what was even weirder was that she placed something that looked like coffee beans to weigh the note down. I kept the note ( i have a collection of said requests) and tossed the bean (PAUSE)- some dude(s) walked around the club with a pizza offering slices to strangers. The lid to the box was flopping around and people had no clue what to do.- i got a request for the Clash.- I rocked doubles of Magnificent Seven for a couple of minutes-I was slurred the phrase "maaaaayyyyyyy thiiiirster lourvbes fiiiirfty centthhhhhhhhh" (my sister loves 50 cent)-There's a chain of hot dog stands called "what's up dog" in s.f.. There's one kiddie corner from the club and I went and got a kielbasa (GROW UP DUDES!). During the cooking I ended up getting into a convo about mash-ups and being vegetarian which felt like an enternity-one of the finest girls i've ever seen came in right behind me spilling out her "shirt/blouse". Her homeboy(???) kept asking for the "leanest sausage meat you guys have". Girl was ridiculous.
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Later that night a blonde who did booking for another club asked us to spin there. Her online contact info included the phrase "bigboobiesmcgee."
Is this supposed to be a "weird" DJ experience? I've got that Mag 7/Radio Clash 12" in the play crate on the regular. Blends well with a lot of genres.
Coffee table book?
HE WASN'T RAISED LIKE THAT, SON!
at a tim dog show that r.s.o. opened up for....i saw the promoter walk across the stage before they came out, so he could get to the other side. as soon as he took one step off the stage...ray dog aka benzino and his henchmen like supafly snooka , jumped off the stage on top of the promoter , stomping the shit out of him. then proceeded to do the show.
real schitt.
You should take a ride on the Babylon branch of the Long Island Railroad on a late weekend night leaving Penn Station, specifically the 2:30am train. It used to be worthy of comment if a ride on that train didn't have a fight, people damn near fucking, or somebody throwing up somewhere and it was only a 40 minute ride to my stop.
One time some early-40's guy offered me 20 bucks to play More Than A Feeling by Boston (while we were setting up before the party), which I politely told him I didn't have. He told me to keep the 20 anyway, then hung by the bar and got wasted all night. Later on he kept screaming "BOSTOOOOON" at the top of his lungs (this is near 2am at this point) and when one of my friends told him to relax the guy screamed "BOSTOOOOON" right in his face. My boy cracked him in the jaw as soon as he finished yelling, then went to grab his head to slam it into the bar when he pulls the guy's toupee right off his head. The world's biggest Boston fan ran right out the bar without the toupee, then we all took turns wearing it for the rest of the night.
I can't count how many times I've seen girls giving dudes head or trying to jerk off some limp-dicked crackhead in Roxy, Twilo, and Tunnel. Same shit with guys on guys too.
I ain't even gonna bring up the shit I've seen at the gay parties in NYC, this board is definitely not ready.
Saw a girl get straight robbed in Roxy because she was high as a kite trying to sell E pills, back in '95. She has a little crowd together around her, with a guy I know in the group and her bag of shit is ON THE GROUND and he's haggling at her throwing numbers and confusing the shit out of her. Another guy from Brooklyn comes right up behind her, reaches between her legs and snatches the goods in one fell swoop, 100-200 pills gone like that.
I don't doubt it - but that was a very sarcastic facemelt, as it's par for the course to have drunk broads spewing every which way after a certain hour in this neighborhood.
One time a dude killed it with the mad voluminous and stinky barf game while I was riding on the 4 train uptown, 3am or so. Cleared the whole car out.
My reply was misdirected.
- I had a dudes throwing one dollar bills at me when I played Club Cheetah or one of those other big cheesy midtown clubs saying "play some Jay-z" but I had a downtempo set because I thought I was playing the "chill room". This dope Japanese chick got on after me and played all the hits, she got the dollars- good for her!
I dated a girl who lived on Stanton for two of the 6 years we were going out, four doors down from 205. There was always shit going down at that place, and I recall broken glass on the sidewalk on more than one occasion (they had riot gates over the windows so you never saw the actual brokenness). I think it's an upscale spot now. King Crown did reggae nights there for awhile, is that who you saw?
Some jerk-off in a stolen car drives by the place at about 60mph, side swipes two or three rides in front of the bar, and then swerves hard across the street and through the wall of a business. His passenger was unconscious, and dude gets out of the drivers seat and flees the scene.
Cops and firetrucks start showing up everywhere and the owner went berserk, kickin everyone out of the bar b/c of capacity issues.
That place had stories for days. Pimps backhanding their tricks out front and coke being dealt all over the place.
I think it's out of business now.
Right around that same time, we had a huge Def Jam tour come through and perform at this old warehouse that folks used to throw raves at. The promoter had our graf crew paint the inside so we got in for free. As usual, the show was taking forever to start but finally the MC came out and said ???Onyx is right back stage! Y???all ready to bacdafucup?!??? The MC disappeared and after a couple minutes I hear POP! POP! POP! and people start screaming and ducking down. My stupid ass thinks this is all part of Onyx??? entrance so I???m standing there trying to get a better view of the stage. Next thing I know I???m being pulled to the floor by my boy Cuate One aka Token FBI/CWA.
Turns out a couple Western Hills and/or South Park Bloods came through on a mission. After the gunsmoke cleared, 2 Crips lay bleeding on the dirty ass floor. When I say Crip, I mean it literally and figuratively: one of the dudes that got got was a true-blue wheelchair-bound Crip. Damn.
As expected, the aftermath was a zoo. Women screaming, fools pushing, pulling and running for the nearest exit. We ended up outside where me, Lex One, Sick and one of the cuates (twins) jumped in my car. I don???t remember why, but for some reason we decided to get the eff out of Dodge. We all jump in my car and as we???re pulling out onto the main street, we pass a cop car arriving at the scene. We both look at each other as we pass and the next thing I know the cop is slamming on his brakes and flipping a bitch. Seconds later we???re lit up by a police ???copter and surrounded by about ten police cars. These fools thought WE were the shooters! They do the whole ???arms out the car and drop the keys??? routine and then one-by-one have us walk backwards and get on our knees. I, of course, am scared and nervous ???cause a) they got a shitload of guns pointed at us, b) Lex is a big-time marijuano (that fool???s ALWAYS high) and c) Sick is reckless motherfucker. I mean, I kept my cool but I was worried that dude was gonna fuck around and get us all locked up, or worse, shot. (He???s currently doing time for being an accessory to murder. I was literally 10-15 seconds away from being considered an accessory with him, but that???s a whole ???nother story!) Lex was so high that the fool couldn???t walk straight backwards. The police had to wrangle him in early ???cause they thought he was inching his way towards the desert to make a run for it! Ha ha! Fucking pothead.
Anyways, after the cops realized we were the wrong people they let us bounce. No apologies, but at least they weren???t excessive and abusive. I learned to stay put during the aftermath of a shooting (unless, of course, there???s a chance that more bullets may fly).
I still never got to see Onyx.
You were not ready to bacdafucup.
Coffee table book?
It really should be. Seriously. I've had this conversation several times with several DJs. We've all been given all sorts of strange/stupid/funny request notes. Compiling them into a book would be freakin' funny.
Hell yeah. Especially for the majority of gigs that I play at. Needless to say, it's a great record.
and all of this was last night.
Awhile back i used to play this dive spot on Friday nights,any ways there was a fight outside and this dude ended up gettin' shot in the leg,he then came back in and sat at the bar while i watched the blood pool up below him on the floor..everyone kept dancing and no one noticed 'til the cops showed up..they ended up cutting the night an hour short..
Then she tried to move in for a kiss and I made this face that said "whaaaaat the fuuuuuucck?!?!" and she got all offended and fled.
I've done a few gigs there back when Sumo was in effect and one of the bartenders there ended up becoming a good friend of my wife's and she used to tell us about all kinds of scandalous shit going on there, including a lot of illcit drug dealing out the bathrooms (voted the worst in SF). Personally, I never witnessed anything that noteworthy in my time there but I'd believe some wicked shit went down.
Sween: regale us gay club stories. If we've witnessed the might of the jizz mop, I think we're ready for anything.
Didn't you have the story about the girl flashing you and asking if you wanted to fuck her???
Damn Dori, you've got some kind of mojo!
Haha, oh yeah! Same club, by the way - Local 16. Probably one of the biggest meat markets in DC. Out of control horny people running around all over the place.
So what you're saying is, next time I'm in DC, we should go there!
i wonder what perfect jam she was envisioning in her head / pelvis... and what non-pelvis-shaking jam you were playing at the time.
i've posted this one on here before, but it's the best request i've ever been handed, soooo:
One more:
One night as I was packing up my records (same place) this dude comes up to me with these two girls (pretty cute, too). He asks me, "where's the party at?" Joking, I look at one of the girls and say "your place!" The dude then says, "actually, we're looking for a one more swinging partner to join us.." It didn't register at first, so I was kind of like "hahaha, yeah." Then one of the girls says, "so???" and I'm going umm, hmm, uhhh.. and then she yells: "WHAT?! ARE YOU SAYING NO TO THE PUNANY!?!" Then they left, also totally offended.