Country Pet Peeves
batmon
27,574 Posts
I'm not from the country, but why do peeps wave at you when u pass their house? Whatever.................................... real country heads HAYT pleez.
Comments
i hate when you're the youngest dude at the farm, so they make you ride the primer seat, and the farmer thinks it's funny to drive real fast so the leaves that the primer misses slap you in the face... it also sucks that you're only 12 or 13, and have never touched tobacco so you have to throw up at the end of every row, and the farmer calls you a pussy and won't stop, so you just have to throw up on your shirt, and still make sure you catch the leaves so they don't hit you... you do usually get a pepsi or mountain dew out of the deal though, so it's not all bad... and you get PAID (for a kid) for that shit
i also hate when you are putting a tin roof on a barn, and the nails keep slipping out of the little dent you made so they wouldn't slip, and you break your thumb with the hammer
-Sundays. Everything is closed (for religious purposes).
-Country folk that hatt on city folk. We're not that bad.
OBESITY.
i remember when i moved into town or the city and honestly city people are some fucking dipshits. i mean, seriously, city folk think theyre smart cuz they can talk in circles real fast and not really say or do anything. its like when all these "blue states" "lost" the last election and they go around saying how stupid all these "red states" are and that theyre inbred or whatever. and the bottom line is theyre basically buying into some form of classism and just calling these folks dumb and ignorant or whatever and looking down their noses at them. i mean, country folk may not be all book smart and they cant use big words to make you think theyre smart, but believe me, we're smarts.
and you know what's awesome? country girls. yup. i mean the rugged farm girls. i mean, yes i like city girls too cuz they dress like whores and i can almost see tittie and shit walking around LA, but you cant ever DO anything with them. well most of them. cuz theyre too prissy and play sports like, well, girls. country girls on the other hand you can wrestle with and you might get your ass beat but it aint no big deal for a farm girl cuz they arent treated any different. so now take a look at the chicks you city folk know and tell me they arent trapped in their own social crap.
and dudes, well the farm dudes, dont do stupid shit like wear euro-tight jeans and eye makeup with fucken neckerchief's and $300 nikes that they rub down with a wet nap every night and store in a humidor. fucken pansies.
you know what my favorite toy was when i was a kid? dirt. yup, a mound of dirt. best shit ever dudes, digging holes in dirt and making dirtramps for my diamonback and throwing dirt rocks at each other and burying shit and blowing shit up with doctored shotgun shells in the dirt. you fuckers missed out. but no, now you city folk got ataris and gameboy and internet and jerk off all day eating m&ms and drinking starbucks. you dipshits.
ok, im done.
-Walking in the woods at night and having a hunter flash a spot on you from up in the tree cause he thinks you're a deer.
-2 words: gravel roads.
-Getting behind a tractor on a two lane windy-ass road, or a truck full of deer corn, wood, etc....
-Bugs...there are bugs on my front porch the size of my head.
-The local fucking news.
-That old bastard that comes by and knows just what's wrong with you're car, except he hasn't owned anything newer than a Pontiac Catalina...and it doesn't run.
-Store owners that get mad when you let the goat in...you built the shitty fence. I'm not arguing with a goat, he gets to do what he wants. I was chased in a lake by one once.
-2005-2006 edition: rusty 92 Caprices with 24s.
-Barn cats...they'll take you're fucking leg off.
-oxycontin...one dead friend and two in jail.
-Nothing is ever open on Sunday...nothing
15 year old girls built like brick shithouses,
Thats just how they do out there.
none of that in richmond..........
co-sign
for years i thought i'd hit one doing 55mph+ on the highway
now
the darn things are eating my mater plants & pears
but the dawg does enjoy chasing em
she can't believe something that large is such a big pussy
Habanero Pepper in liquid form......just spray it around the perimeter of your garden.
But I dig the
i don't hat on the not in my face non apostilitizing ones
no runz in yet, considering where i am, that's very encouraging
(no offense to the religious folks out there)
You'd be surprised how much of it is here in the city. Dudes on the train yellin about Jesus early in the morning. Jehovahs on the corner like a doowop group, waitin for u to walk by so they can sell their Source magazines.
But lets keep it country.
Country = People Going to church
City = People telling you to go to church
not like i imagined
(& that's a good thing)
and the lack of turntable culture creates like an informational asymmetry so we have to take advantage of things like SoulStrut, here.
However, I am from the country and certainly look to it for inspiration, creativity ect.
And I like havin allll the really rare heads whom create the occassion OUT OF THIS WORLD goldmine of records, ya know the live shit like bootlegged GD LP's or unopened interviews with Jimi Hendrix, that they are willing to seperate with for almost nothing at the right time.
monstu
Freezer Burn[/b] - people in the country save everything in the
damn freezer, and it makes sense for them to. But they offer
you a glass of sweet tea and bring it to you with about 9 gigantic
ice cubes...and the tea is tasty, but with a faint afterburn of
porkchops and deer sausage.
Ticks[/b] - insidious little bastards, they love me. For some
reason you can't feel them crawling around on you or sucking your blood.
After my last venture into the woods I picked off 3 or 4 right away.
Then, a week later, I discovered a tick that had been lodged on my
scrotum for a whole week, had gorged hisself, had become fat and lazy
off my scrotum blood, fat and lazy enough to die.
Out Of Business Hair Salons[/b] - in really rural, or really depressed
areas you can drive for miles without seeing a business, and then you'll happen
upon one, a little shack or a cinderblock hut with a sign out front hawking
'Kathy's Kuts' or 'Sally's Style Salon', windows soaped or papered-over,
nary a single tire on the gravel. I guess they just couldn't keep up
with the recession of the perm tide. It's depressing, every time I pass
one of these 'Hair Today Gone Tomorrow' corpses, I always hear in my head
a woman with a deep southern accent, projecting for the first time, possibly
as rising off a sofa, "And that's what I'm gonna do! I'm gonna open my
own hair salon up on 56 hear Holcomb Mill and I'm gonna do it!" and a
man grunts approvingly in response, having never turned away from his
widescreen satellite TV menu.
do u like hairy ass?
u like to get plugged
?
what is it fag
can i fuck you someday?
I dont have time for autographs son, beat it.
I think another big one is lack of anonymity and autonomy.
That is really the only other thing I can think of, and it's a pretty
short stack compared to the city list, so I think I may be
Ready For The Country Because It's Time To Go.
One thing first though - your neighbors and your store clerks,
your postal carrier and your pump repairman - they will all know
more about your doings than you would wish them to. If you're used
to living in a city, you're used to a certain amount of anonymity.
There are just too many people in a city to keep track of the
comings and goings of each one. In the country it's more
"I saw his truck pull out of there about 2 in the morning...
oh me? I just happened to be up watering the tomatoes".
To an extent though, even this pet peeve could be avoided if you
could afford any amount of acreage, at least then you could shield your
domicile from prying eyes and ears, and only have to answer to whatever
behavior you display while driving state roads or going into town
for errands.
How is that a pet peeve? How does that affect you? Really, you might as well answer w/ a race and it would be no less silly.