Arguments with your Dad/father/step-father....

yuichi

...man in the house.so my question is, how many of yall can actually sit down and carefully break down whatever the fuck is the problem, instead of standing up, and escalating into an "arguing for arguing's sake" type deal. where it's 2 steps away from turning into physical violence.bonus question: how many of yall can actually respect and admire your father/father-figure?shit are some questions i am pondering right now, after a verbal fight with mine just not long ago, which started with our dog eating a grip of chocolates (due to my sister's absent-mindedness).just had a stoge, and walk at the park, but wondering what the "community" may think. peace.yuichi

twoply

When I was younger everything was a knock-down, drag-out fight. Now we get along and communicate well. My dad is a real stand-up guy. Now that I'm an adult I can appreciate the way he conducts business and socializes with people with respect and honesty.

However, my relationship with my mother still needs years of work.

Sun_Fortune

Man fathers are tough. Im pretty sure almost no one has a "standard/normal" relationship with theirs. There's just much so baggage. You want to be respectful but find yourself hating. You want to be appreciative but find yourself just taking. You want to talk but you never do. (Man, cat Stevens eat you're heart out.)

theory9

I was raised by my stepfather, and he broke me off (in a good way) when I was young; I could never thank him enough.

twoply

As a side note,

About 5-6 years ago my stepmother tried to pick a major fight with me (screaming, yelling, berating, etc.), but I stood up and gave her a hug instead, telling her that I loved her and I wasn't a child anymore and I wasn't interested in fighting with her like that anymore. She was so surprised that she burst into tears, apologizing profusely.

That might not work so well with your dad, but my advice would be to find a way to break that cycle in your relationship.

Gamble

I genuinly think that my Dad is the best person/man I have ever known. He's

yuichi

That might not work so well with your dad, but my advice would be to find a way to break that cycle in your relationship.

good point.

I think the thing is, I NEED TO MOVE THE FUCK OUT. There can't be two big egos in one household. Apparently, my definition of being a man is different from my father's.

djdaze

my dad was an alcoholic when I was younger, and he LOVED to argue, and as soon as I got as big as him, he liked to pop me in the side of the head. Problem was, even drunk he was a black belt in judo and held belts in aikido and karate as well so I learned to take a punch. now he's broke living in a shit town with no job in his moms house...fuck him.

Guzzo

Man fathers are tough. Im pretty sure almost no one has a "standard/normal" relationship with theirs. There's just much so baggage.

truest words I've read in a while.

My father and I have an odd relationship. Currently I serve as his caretaker he is 50 years my senior and was born with a case of palsy that left him unable to walk and without hearing. On top of that he never had a father. I was abused by him physically growing up and I held a lot of anger about that up until recent years. It's funny but when you try to look at something from the other side you gain some major perspective. I know he was wrong in what he did and have come to terms with his treatment and outlook towards his kids. Although I grew up pretty hard dealing with him and the community he put raised us in I appreciate that he put in the effort to raise his kids.
Our relationship will never be perfect but it is better than it was when I was younger and I respect him for making the effort to be a father to his kids.
This post hard scratches the pre-surface of our relationship but let me just say that I rock my title proudly and will always be glad to say that I am William's son.

Guzzo

That might not work so well with your dad, but my advice would be to find a way to break that cycle in your relationship.

good point.

I think the thing is, I NEED TO MOVE THE FUCK OUT. There can't be two big egos in one household. Apparently, my definition of being a man is different from my father's.

It's hard for a father to see his child as a man while they are still living under the same roof. My father didn't see me in a respectful light until I moved to another state. Yuichi maybe the best thing for your relationship and your psyche would be a finding a new place to live.

just my 2 cents

yuichi

but let me just say that I rock my title proudly and will always be glad to say that I am William's son.

it's hard to respect people who get delineated easily and try to win every argument by only focusing on whatever goes in their favor. Thus moving further and further away from the real issue at hand. but then again, logic and reason never seem to fair well in arguments.

damnit. i'm tired. and don't wanna fight my dad who is big for an asian man.
sure i've been practing on my left jabs, and right counterpunches, but the last thing i wanna do is go wildin' and traumatize my sister and mother in our otherwise comfortable and "perfect" lil middle-class home.

okay, back to peaceful solutions.

mylatency

peaceful solutions.

Excellent, you are a much wiser man for it. Peace be with you and your family, Y.

yuichi

peaceful solutions.

Excellent, you are a much wiser man for it. Peace be with you and your family, Y.

thansk dude.

canonical

but let me just say that I rock my title proudly and will always be glad to say that I am William's son.

it's hard to respect people who get delineated easily and try to win every argument by only focusing on whatever goes in their favor. Thus moving further and further away from the real issue at hand. but then again, logic and reason never seem to fair well in arguments.

damnit. i'm tired. and don't wanna fight my dad who is big for an asian man.
sure i've been practing on my left jabs, and right counterpunches, but the last thing i wanna do is go wildin' and traumatize my sister and mother in our otherwise comfortable and "perfect" lil middle-class home.

okay, back to peaceful solutions.

Move out dude. I wish you the best of luck, but in situations like that, contradictions are exasberated by living with someone. When you leave, you will have the space to actually appreciate the time with your parents without compromising your lifestyle.

yuichi

but let me just say that I rock my title proudly and will always be glad to say that I am William's son.

it's hard to respect people who get delineated easily and try to win every argument by only focusing on whatever goes in their favor. Thus moving further and further away from the real issue at hand. but then again, logic and reason never seem to fair well in arguments.

damnit. i'm tired. and don't wanna fight my dad who is big for an asian man.
sure i've been practing on my left jabs, and right counterpunches, but the last thing i wanna do is go wildin' and traumatize my sister and mother in our otherwise comfortable and "perfect" lil middle-class home.

okay, back to peaceful solutions.

Move out dude. I wish you the best of luck, but in situations like that, contradictions are exasberated by living with someone. When you leave, you will have the space to actually appreciate the time with your parents without compromising your lifestyle.

true dat.

knewjak

I NEED TO MOVE THE FUCK OUT.

while this may not be the end to all of your problems, it will certainly help. When you are still living with pops, he feels that it is his duity to be on your case (regardless of how well you are doing). Once you get out on your own and support yourself 100%, you will see things change. However, this will not be the end-all to the arguments, it is normal for fathers and sons to butt heads from time to time. Keep your head up.

ariel_calmer

I genuinly think that my Dad is the best person/man I have ever known. He's

CousinLarry

I have never once had a fight with my father. He can be a little nuts but I don't think he has ever yelled at me or even really been mad at me. I was raised by my mom for the most part though and only visited my dad on weekends. My step dad was tough and yelled at me a few times, but he never once hit me. I was a real smart ass to so I am suprised he didn't kick my ass at least once. My mom was the one I was scared of though. I could fool everyone else into thinking I wasn't getting into trouble but she always knew what I was up to.

drewnice

One of the most rewarding things I've ever done in my life is have a seat across from my pops in his office and have a man to man conversation with him. After many years of back and forth, conflicting philosophies about life, I was ready to let him know that I have a lot of respect for the things he does for our family and the things that he stands for. I also let him know that I want him and I to have a direct line of communication (one that usually involved my mom in some way) because I was already experiencing and getting ready to experience things that only he would understand. Since that day, we've been thick as thieves having REAL conversations that aren't one-sided like they used to be. My advice would be to let all the little issues between the two of you go and have a general talk between two men. I think it'll change the dynamic of your relationship greatly, starting with the respect you have for one another.

nzshadow

Damn.

I just read this thread through, Guzzo, your story is fucking honest man.

My relationship with my father is nonexistant. i havent spoken to the man in over 10 years. I live on the other side of the planet from him. and that isnt a coincidence. I wish i could have handled mine in the way you have handled yours, but like you say this post barely scratches the surface.

Yuichi, Maybe it is time to move out, in order to become a man you must live your own life. But bro, Dont burn your bridges, once they are gone, they are gone.

SLurg

it's hard to respect people who get delineated easily and try to win every argument by only focusing on whatever goes in their favor. Thus moving further and further away from the real issue at hand.

you don't respect a lot of people on this board then !

white_tea

I've come to the realization that some of the things I hate on my pops for is simply self loathing. Scary...

Guzzo

Damn.

I just read this thread through, Guzzo, your story is fucking honest man.

My relationship with my father is nonexistant. i havent spoken to the man in over 10 years. I live on the other side of the planet from him. and that isnt a coincidence. I wish i could have handled mine in the way you have handled yours, but like you say this post barely scratches the surface.

Thanks for your words man. I'm sure most of us could right volumes upon volumes about our relationships with our parents. It's amazing how one persons love for the man who raised them can be another mans hatred for the same character.

I'll ell you one thing though, Psychology is a hell of a profession

bobbydee

When I was younger everything was a knock-down, drag-out fight. Now we get along and communicate well. My dad is a real stand-up guy. Now that I'm an adult I can appreciate the way he conducts business and socializes with people with respect and honesty.

However, my relationship with my mother still needs years of work.

Same here exactly. Dad and i are cool but Mum? she needs some serious therapy. She's been the finantial controller of a maor telecommunications company for nearly 20 years, and as a result talks to everyone like they are dumb employee's who need to be "managed". That includes her loving husband (who does all the cooking/cleaning/househouse stuff) and her kids.

The only thing Dad and i fight about now is when he decides to stand up for her... even though he cops it the worst.

yuichi

I NEED TO MOVE THE FUCK OUT.

while this may not be the end to all of your problems, it will certainly help. When you are still living with pops, he feels that it is his duity to be on your case (regardless of how well you are doing). Once you get out on your own and support yourself 100%, you will see things change. However, this will not be the end-all to the arguments, it is normal for fathers and sons to butt heads from time to time. Keep your head up.

wise words. thank you.

Kinetic

so my question is, how many of yall can actually sit down and carefully break down whatever the fuck is the problem, instead of standing up, and escalating into an "arguing for arguing's sake" type deal. where it's 2 steps away from turning into physical violence.

Not very often at all

bonus question: how many of yall can actually respect and admire your father/father-figure?

Never

badder_than_evil

i think your dad will definitely respect or at least show you more respect if you are living apart. his opinions are probably more related to 'if you want to do that then don`t do it under my roof' or 'don`t set a bad example for your sister' etc..

I get along better with my dad than my brother or sister who both have the same thoughts - 'i`m not going to end up like mum and dad'.this irritates the hell out of me,cos although my dad is far from perfect he`s always been there and always worked his arse off for us.my dad NEVER knew his real dad so he also had no role model himself.he and my mum have been married for 38 years so we`ve always had both parents together which most people don`t...i`m pretty much my dads favourite - we live 4000 miles apart and he gets tearful everytime i talk to him or he sees photos of me.

Big_Stacks

My dad is a real stand-up guy. Now that I'm an adult I can appreciate the way he conducts business and socializes with people with respect and honesty.

However, my relationship with my mother still needs years of work.[/b]

Peace,

Big Stacks from Kakalak

P.S. She is dogmatic and judgmental, two qualities that I loathe in people.