Are you traveling for Christmas this year, Oliver?
Naw, we're spending the holiday down here with my wife's family. My own parents are staying in Asia and my sister is going to hit up Vegas with some friends for Xmas.
i am still friends with one of my ex boyfriends and my current eye-apple is cool with that and trusts me. there is the occasional awkward vibe like i don't think i could ever have a conversation about really personal things like sex like i can with 'regular' friends
but for the most part we are cool and it's strictly platonic
oh man, what a bump. i do not talk to this ex anymore. it became apparent months down the road that he harbored resentment towards me for not being attracted to him anymore to the point where he couldn't mask it- lots of immature high school games, passive-aggressive behavior and general transparent nonsense to try to get a reaction from me or my attention. i just stopped responding to that stuff altogether cause it seemed he was always trying to pick a fight with me over nothing and frankly, that behavior made me lose a lot of respect for him
i still think in theory both parties can be platonic friends eventually when both are completely ready to be bullshit-free. not the case here apparently
i am still friends with one of my ex boyfriends and my current eye-apple is cool with that and trusts me. there is the occasional awkward vibe like i don't think i could ever have a conversation about really personal things like sex like i can with 'regular' friends
but for the most part we are cool and it's strictly platonic
oh man, what a bump. i do not talk to this ex anymore. it became apparent months down the road that he harbored resentment towards me for not being attracted to him anymore to the point where he couldn't mask it- lots of immature high school games, passive-aggressive behavior and general transparent nonsense to try to get a reaction from me or my attention. i just stopped responding to that stuff altogether cause it seemed he was always trying to pick a fight with me over nothing.
i still think in theory both parties can be platonic friends eventually when both are completely ready to be bullshit-free. not the case here apparently
Word. In my experience, the "cool with exes" route only works when it runs both ways.
When I was younger, I thought it was "important" to try to maintain friendships post-relationship and in hindsight, I realize that was a pretty dumb philosophy to maintain (one of many, I might add). It I>can[/i] happen but that doesn't mean it always needs to happen.
That said, I'm now on pretty cool terms with my first girlfriend even though we had some bad patches in the past, and it's nice having that connection with someone who knew me way-back-when.
On another note, I had my first real conversation in about 4-5 years with my most recent ex (i.e. the one prior to my wife) at a mutual friend's party the other month and that was kind of surreal since we were asking about one another's parents while our kids (mine 3.5, hers 1.5) were running around. Trippy shit.
There was one ex that I stayed on good terms with for years. We'd see each other out with our respective dates and it wouldn't be awkward at all. Even gave each other advice every now and then.
But the one time she crossed the line was when some guy dumped her for somebody else, and she tried to cry on my shoulders. AH-HA-HA-HA, HELL NAW! I reminded her that she broke off with ME; I did not break off with HER. And chances go around, babe! Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
She laughed and admitted her mistake. While I wasn't mad at her, I didn't want her forgetting who she was talking to...and we remained good friends.
It's strange this thread got bumped. A few people I know have been running into old flames lately. Most through stuff like Facebook etc. Some just straight up by chance tho.
I'm cool with ALL my exes, even though THEY were the ones who either lied, cheated or broke my heart.
I was angry or mad for awhile after the fact, but if they meant enough to me to be with exclusively then how am I gonna act like they don't exist?? Any new ladies have to accept that. I am NOT gonna pretend past flames don't exist just because someone feels awkward. I have broken bread, laughed and kicked it with a few of my exes' men AND some of my current's exes. This is grown-up shit, folks. Act accordingly and there won't be much drama. (And trust me, I've had minimal drama from a few of the exes.) I'm fortunate though, in the sense that the one's who fucked up were grown up enough to acknowledge and apologize for their actions.
Granted, I've only had 4, ahem, "official" girlfriends in my life. #1 I don't talk to only because her new husband won't allow her too. She did sneak a phone call a couple years back just to catch up, but since then...nothing. She got married...MARRIED...while we were "on a break." Water under the bridge though. (Dude she married is dude who won't let her talk to me so I *kinda* understand.) #2 remains my best friend to this day. We tell each other everything. Plus she gets me into Disneyworld for free. And she's also close to my other best friend, they kick it whenever he has a show in Orlando. Her new dude gets my approval 100%. They'll probably marry within a couple years. #3 and I email me from time to time. She's back in Montreal with her new dude now (after a brief teaching stint in China). I still have her paintings/drawings hanging in my room.
Basically, if I've ever loved 'em, I probably still do.
Just as long as they don't go into detail about their current boyfriend, it's cool.
Unless it's all about how he is not the man that you are.
word.
I like getting those text messages/phone calls from my ex who has now said this on 3 different occaisons about 3 different dudes she dated after we broke up.
#1 I don't talk to only because her new husband won't allow[/b] her too.
Ick.
I'm cool with ALL my exes
Basically, if I've ever loved 'em, I probably still do.
Yes. The only one I'm not cool with is because it was an ugly break-up and it's a stress-free not cool because he left the country. It could have been a totally different kind of split but he loved drama and I got caught up in it. I was much younger then. He ended up with a girl he worked with right after (I am convinced they overlapped with he and I) and they were seen embarassingly trashed all over the city. Folks acted like that was supposed to make me feel better, him being so messed up, but it was depressing as hell.
no official ex's but still talk to those "old flames" i run into and still pretty good mates with 1 or 2......but then again the only prob's we really had was that i never wanted to take it further- so no resentment on my part. phhhhhhew.
I don't, bridges are burned, there is no need to keep contact. Although I did run into one of my ex's Dad at a hotel breakfast bar earlier this year after a good 3-4 years of estrangement. It was actually kind of nice to catch up since I have no problem with him. But yeah, his daughter, who cares? I think I could only be friends with them if the relationship ends mutually, which regardless of which side breaks it off, hasn't happened yet.
The only one I'm not cool with is because it was an ugly break-up and it's a stress-free not cool because he left the country. It could have been a totally different kind of split but he loved drama and I got caught up in it. I was much younger then.
That sounds really similar to my ex. It didn't become an ugly break up until we we're platonic "friends" though. It was impossible to be real friends because of the resentment he harbored from having feelings even though he denied it and acted above it all. The truth all came to light when I didn't show interest once I became a free agent again. It was a really hairy situation. Here I thought we were cool for nearly a year and it turned out to be a sham. I always suspected it was because of the passive-aggressive BS and personal zings here and there about not only my bf but me too. There are many friends I'd rather spend time with than someone who kept creating drama out of frustration with himself due to investing much in something that was not likely to happen again. It's not a real friendship if you have to constantly walk on eggshells to not bring up history that reminds someone of their hurt feelings. He left the country after we discontinued the phony friendship.
I agree with Oliver, friendships can happen but it doesn't mean it always needs[/b] to happen.
I'm cool with ALL my exes, even though THEY were the ones who either lied, cheated or broke my heart.
I was angry or mad for awhile after the fact, but if they meant enough to me to be with exclusively then how am I gonna act like they don't exist?? Any new ladies have to accept that. I am NOT gonna pretend past flames don't exist just because someone feels awkward. I have broken bread, laughed and kicked it with a few of my exes' men AND some of my current's exes. This is grown-up shit, folks. Act accordingly and there won't be much drama. (And trust me, I've had minimal drama from a few of the exes.) I'm fortunate though, in the sense that the one's who fucked up were grown up enough to acknowledge and apologize for their actions.
Granted, I've only had 4, ahem, "official" girlfriends in my life. #1 I don't talk to only because her new husband won't allow her too. She did sneak a phone call a couple years back just to catch up, but since then...nothing. She got married...MARRIED...while we were "on a break." Water under the bridge though. (Dude she married is dude who won't let her talk to me so I *kinda* understand.) #2 remains my best friend to this day. We tell each other everything. Plus she gets me into Disneyworld for free. And she's also close to my other best friend, they kick it whenever he has a show in Orlando. Her new dude gets my approval 100%. They'll probably marry within a couple years. #3 and I email me from time to time. She's back in Montreal with her new dude now (after a brief teaching stint in China). I still have her paintings/drawings hanging in my room.
Basically, if I've ever loved 'em, I probably still do.
Granted, I've only had 4, ahem, "official" girlfriends in my life. #1 I don't talk to only because her new husband won't allow her too.[/b] She did sneak a phone call a couple years back just to catch up, but since then...nothing. She got married...MARRIED...while we were "on a break." Water under the bridge though. (Dude she married is dude who won't let her talk to me so I *kinda* understand.)[/b]
We get the point, no need to repeat the same fact twice!
Granted, I've only had 4, ahem, "official" girlfriends in my life. #1 I don't talk to only because her new husband won't allow her too.[/b] She did sneak a phone call a couple years back just to catch up, but since then...nothing. She got married...MARRIED...while we were "on a break." Water under the bridge though. (Dude she married is dude who won't let her talk to me so I *kinda* understand.)[/b]
We get the point, no need to repeat the same fact twice!
Huh? I was just trying to explain that she's still married to the same guy. It's been about 13-14 years so I guess time has vindicated her decision.
Comments
That's nice.
I think he was hoping to meet you in the Lounge Area.
Just as long as they don't go into detail about their current boyfriend, it's cool.
Unless it's all about how he is not the man that you are.
Red Carpet Club??? steez.
oh man, what a bump. i do not talk to this ex anymore. it became apparent months down the road that he harbored resentment towards me for not being attracted to him anymore to the point where he couldn't mask it- lots of immature high school games, passive-aggressive behavior and general transparent nonsense to try to get a reaction from me or my attention. i just stopped responding to that stuff altogether cause it seemed he was always trying to pick a fight with me over nothing and frankly, that behavior made me lose a lot of respect for him
i still think in theory both parties can be platonic friends eventually when both are completely ready to be bullshit-free. not the case here apparently
Word. In my experience, the "cool with exes" route only works when it runs both ways.
When I was younger, I thought it was "important" to try to maintain friendships post-relationship and in hindsight, I realize that was a pretty dumb philosophy to maintain (one of many, I might add). It I>can[/i] happen but that doesn't mean it always needs to happen.
That said, I'm now on pretty cool terms with my first girlfriend even though we had some bad patches in the past, and it's nice having that connection with someone who knew me way-back-when.
On another note, I had my first real conversation in about 4-5 years with my most recent ex (i.e. the one prior to my wife) at a mutual friend's party the other month and that was kind of surreal since we were asking about one another's parents while our kids (mine 3.5, hers 1.5) were running around. Trippy shit.
But the one time she crossed the line was when some guy dumped her for somebody else, and she tried to cry on my shoulders. AH-HA-HA-HA, HELL NAW! I reminded her that she broke off with ME; I did not break off with HER. And chances go around, babe! Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
She laughed and admitted her mistake. While I wasn't mad at her, I didn't want her forgetting who she was talking to...and we remained good friends.
I was angry or mad for awhile after the fact, but if they meant enough to me to be with exclusively then how am I gonna act like they don't exist?? Any new ladies have to accept that. I am NOT gonna pretend past flames don't exist just because someone feels awkward. I have broken bread, laughed and kicked it with a few of my exes' men AND some of my current's exes. This is grown-up shit, folks. Act accordingly and there won't be much drama. (And trust me, I've had minimal drama from a few of the exes.) I'm fortunate though, in the sense that the one's who fucked up were grown up enough to acknowledge and apologize for their actions.
Granted, I've only had 4, ahem, "official" girlfriends in my life. #1 I don't talk to only because her new husband won't allow her too. She did sneak a phone call a couple years back just to catch up, but since then...nothing. She got married...MARRIED...while we were "on a break." Water under the bridge though. (Dude she married is dude who won't let her talk to me so I *kinda* understand.) #2 remains my best friend to this day. We tell each other everything. Plus she gets me into Disneyworld for free. And she's also close to my other best friend, they kick it whenever he has a show in Orlando. Her new dude gets my approval 100%. They'll probably marry within a couple years. #3 and I email me from time to time. She's back in Montreal with her new dude now (after a brief teaching stint in China). I still have her paintings/drawings hanging in my room.
Basically, if I've ever loved 'em, I probably still do.
word.
I like getting those text messages/phone calls from my ex who has now said this on 3 different occaisons about 3 different dudes she dated after we broke up.
Strut's last true romantic?
No question! Herm is a raerity.
Ick.
Yes. The only one I'm not cool with is because it was an ugly break-up and it's a stress-free not cool because he left the country. It could have been a totally different kind of split but he loved drama and I got caught up in it. I was much younger then.
He ended up with a girl he worked with right after (I am convinced they overlapped with he and I) and they were seen embarassingly trashed all over the city. Folks acted like that was supposed to make me feel better, him being so messed up, but it was depressing as hell.
That sounds really similar to my ex. It didn't become an ugly break up until we we're platonic "friends" though. It was impossible to be real friends because of the resentment he harbored from having feelings even though he denied it and acted above it all. The truth all came to light when I didn't show interest once I became a free agent again. It was a really hairy situation. Here I thought we were cool for nearly a year and it turned out to be a sham. I always suspected it was because of the passive-aggressive BS and personal zings here and there about not only my bf but me too. There are many friends I'd rather spend time with than someone who kept creating drama out of frustration with himself due to investing much in something that was not likely to happen again. It's not a real friendship if you have to constantly walk on eggshells to not bring up history that reminds someone of their hurt feelings. He left the country after we discontinued the phony friendship.
I agree with Oliver, friendships can happen but it doesn't mean it always needs[/b] to happen.
Great post. What about #4?
Do I talk to my ex's, "Uh, no, no I don't."
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
feelin the sturdy nature of this young lady
We get the point, no need to repeat the same fact twice!
Huh? I was just trying to explain that she's still married to the same guy. It's been about 13-14 years so I guess time has vindicated her decision.