sometimes a group of us will be engaged in casual conversation when joel, will say something like, "my girlfriend's pretty hot, huh matt?" where i'm put on the spot, and have to say things like "she seems really NICE!".
dawg, i knew a guy who did this all the time to me. I would say the same thing, "yeah she seems really nice"
One day I got really sick of it, so I blurted out something about fucking her,"Yeah i would fuck her." He copped a little attitude on some "dont say that shit" type steez.
2 days later he came up to me and said
"did you really mean what you said?"
"what"
"about fuckin my girl"
"heh, oh sure why not?"
"I can hook that up, we swing,we can double team her"
"umm..."
"dude, one day i had her fuckin a lava lamp, i video taped that shit. Im gonna but it on the internet"
so say that to him and see what happens.
That's not a good idea...he already got roped into seeing RENT...he might end up on the Lava Lamp...
That's not a good idea...he already got roped into seeing RENT...he might end up on the Lava Lamp... whoa you are right. I forgot about the theatre/showtunes factor.
Being a student, I don't have any coworkers per se, but I do have a guy who sits beside me in most classes. He's a very bright and occasionally witty. He comes from a very small Island off of Nova Scotia, a medium-sized island. He's a 25 year old virgin. Is this endearing? I'm not convinced it is.
The co-worker with whom I share an office is a 50 year old woman with 5 cats who lives alone on the Upper West Side. Her main interests in life are Weight Watchers points, Turner Classic Movies, and talking to herself constantly in a weird high-pitched baby voice.
B****** - Younger guy who's WAY over quailified for his job. Knows more about computers than anyone I've met.
C**** - Nice lady that wears too much perfume.
The night shift system operators are a different story:
G***** - Super cranky older dude with a collection of Matchbox cars and a Nascar fixation. BAD temper, always slamming down the phone. Months from retirement
R** - Unbelievably lazy/shirker, smells like hand lotion and the cheap cigars he smokes all the time. King of the slackjaws
H**** - Nice enough guy but probably the most serious bowler in the world that doesn't compete as a pro. He's got this titanium-looking suitcase that he carries around his bowling balls in
J** - Has apparently claimed to be have mafia connections
The programmers are cool:
J** - Older black guy who's a slick dresser and has good taste in music. Got reprimanded once for having a "boudoir" photo of his girlfriend on his desk.
R** - Nice Indian guy who's always sending out inspirational Powerpoint spam to the entire department
F**** - Lead programmer who's got a BAD case of nerves. My vote for most likely to eventually go batshit. Very nice guy but they beat him like a rented mule.
My born-again christian office neighbor wears tight t-shirts that say things like "Already Taken... By Him", listens to horrible modern xian rock, dresses generally like a whore outside of work, smokes, drinks, and has a husband who used to work at a strip club but quit because "it was like having 20 wives all asking to do stuff for them." He's also born again, and also smokes & drinks.
The girl is cute and nice, but is also incompetent to the point of her causing a client to tell me, "I want to knock her teeth out."
Then all of the sudden she came to work last week with her head almost shaved and bleached blonde, with heavy eye shadow to match. It's like working with Lou Reed circa '74.
Then all of the sudden she came to work last week with her head almost shaved and bleached blonde, with heavy eye shadow to match. It's like working with Lou Reed circa '74.
That's just the new look this fall, no worries Marco, you rock. Is this at your old work or a new firm?
So, my job and work has been in decline but I've survived cutbacks and downsizing. Now it's only a matter of time.
The co-workers that are still around include:
S****, who is the mother of my good friend. She is also a friend of mine, and I think of her as a second mother in a lot of ways. Very nice and friendly, bumps Bob Marley in her ride and is generally all around cool.
S****, is my boss and I don't want to talk about him because it gets my blood boiling.
I really have nothing to complain about, other than needing to leave this job, stat.
i dont have a job right now but i'll post my old manager
filipino dude has been working at auntie annes pretzel shop for almost 10 years. he got promoted to manager a few years back and has been getting paid barely over 10 dollars ever since. he's cross eyed. he can roll a million pretzels a minute (naw seriously this guy rolled pretzels so fast we didnt allow him to roll them. he could run the store on his own. everyone else would be out of a job). he loved his job and he was a real nice guy. on christmas, he gave every one of his co-workers $30 as a bonus out of his own pocket (about 10 people, even gave me $30 and i just started like 2 weeks before). 3 months later, im still working there and exactly $100 is missing from the register at the end of the night. keep in mind, he's worked there for over 10 years, has never stole money, and never gotten a write up for anything. the next day he's fired. gotta love corporations.
Same office; they've let me use my old space for free ever since they fired me. Yeah, doesn't make sense to me either but I'm not complaining about free internet, free computer, free software and free springwater.
Were you angle to wrangle your funds back from them?
Yeh, I got it all back plus interest (which was better than the market had performed those two years, so I probably got some extra $$$ in the process). Plus, their accountant fucked up his numbers, giving me more than they were supposed to. My financial advisor had a chuckle when he saw that, saying "I don't see any reason to correct his math."
My co-worker would be Jack Black without the sense of humor (although he does laugh from time to time). I'm like John Cusack only poorer and uglier. I do however have more records than him.
My co-worker is a guy who was born in Kenya and then moved to Canada for a while. He now lives in the area with his Jamaican wife and his one year old child. The kid's first brithday is actually this weekend, and he's invited 90 people, spent hundreds of dollars, and has had mucho aggravation with his wife. Dude is soft-spoken & has a great sense of humor, otherwise.
Outside of him, there's a bunch of chatty women in the customerservice department. I get to overhear then giving each other a play-by-play of their lives every morning.......
C**l*s, the guy in the cubicle next to me. Is 26 years old, 4 years older than I am. He's crazy about the Kansas City Chiefs, is from East L.A. and refuses to speak Spanish.
My supervisor, A*, who is a 40-something, family man and born again Christian. Always makes corny jokes like, "If ladies with big boobs work at Hooters, where do one-legged ladies work?"...."IHOP!". Nice guy.
My boss, J**, who's a 60-year-old dude who's infamous for his temper and constantly mumbling obscenities under his breath. He's cool with me, though.
D**n, a Bush-supporting, conservative Vietnam vet who listens to and engineers country music in his spare time. He's still going through a messy divorce. Some dudes crack on him because of his weight, even though he publicly announces his efforts to slim down and eat healthy and is a really humble and hard working dude regardless. Oh yeah, he has a tendency to yodel out loud in his office.
M**k, the cigarette smoking, sunflower seed-munching guy who orders parts. He's usually quiet, but once in a while he'll crack one line joke or whatever ("Hey, Mark, I need some duct tape!"..."QUACK! QUACK!")
T**y, the guy in accounts payable department. He's the young, straight out of college, clean cut type: wire frame glasses, gelled hair and freshly ironed clothes with the occational Cosby sweater. He used to be into graf, too.
C***lie, the manager for our 'satellite' office 30 miles away. I never seen the guy but he always calls us at the office for information. He's most well known for his emphysema-induced, deep, raspy voice.
St**e, the field technician. he looks like William Defoe and has a 'surfer dude' voice. He's always complaining about how incompetent we all are and states how much we need him more than he needs us. He's partially right since he gets the 'major accounts', works the hardest and thus is among the highest payed.
St*** sits right behind me. Used to be President of a bank, but now is a financial advisor. Is in his 50's. About 8 months ago, I noticed he had been gone for about 2 weeks in a row. I thought he was on vacation, but another associate told me that he had been in a coma from a stroke! Dude almost died! Now he rolls with a stroller type walker with killer hand breaks, also a leg brace. Yes, this is a commercial for disability insurance. You can get with me at (206)***-****. Nice guy, but does say some crazy stuff to clients and absolutely cannot get his computer, phone, etc. to work, evar.
Mark, the cigarette smoking, sunflower seed-munching guy who orders parts. He's usually quiet, but once in a while he'll crack one line joke or whatever ("Hey, Mark, I need some duct tape!"..."QUACK! QUACK!")
(**d, 29, single white male, very bad kidneys and generally poor health... always going for dialysis. only seruious vice is he smokes a pack of marlboros a day.... he saw CREAM last night at MSG. One time he let me borrow a medeski martin wood cd.. i hated it. He asked me the other day what the name of the guy w/ the big clock and the gold teeth was... i told him it was flavor flav. he's just an average guy w/ a good heart and failing kidneys... he's also definetely slightly racist.. but he doesn't realize it... i always have to point it out to him.
St**e is quiet, single and just got braces, he's 34.
D*ane drinks like a fish, rarely talks, and might be fucking Bald T*ny, we're not sure of that either.
Bald T*ny goes on weekend vacations where he shoots gophers with high-powered rifles, he's got a ridiculously hairy back and when he gets annoyed about things we start imitating George the Animal Steele.
R*b has a 70's mulletfro, is diesel as all hell, smokes like a chimney and I found out recently smokes weed all day long. I can't figure him out at all, he was my partner for 5 months and I had no idea he was stoned most of the time.
Happy H**bs is 30, has 4 kids and is going through a divorce. He's the most out-of-touch with society individual I've ever met. I sit next to him every morning for 20 minutes or so before we all get dispatched to the streets, and blow toxic farts at him and he never smells them. Might be the air-conditioning currents though. Either way, dude is a real strange bird.
Thumbs has huge thumbs...his is on the right...
poor guy has to listen to me make jokes about his thumbs all day.
There are other folks too, but I'm home now and really don't want to write anymore about dudes I work with.
I work for two guys, one a kiwi, one a freedom-lover; both of whom have lived here in Japan for over ten years. The American is naturally quite out of touch with American culture, and continues to make Beavis & Butthead jokes (complete with impression) and hum material from Pearl Jam's TEN.
The New Zealander is always trying to push trance mp3s on my and frequents mountain raves despite being 42. He's also heavy into speed-seduction and Neuro Linguistic Programming, detox-fasting and "energy."
They're both really nice guys though and always pay for my drinks.
The three Japanese guys behind me are either, slightly insane, chain-smoking health wrecks, or a combination of both. Oh, and one was raised in America, so he does the Beavis & Butthead jokes too.
I work in a design office. You would presume this to be a forward thinking & creative environment to work in.. When one of our designers left the boss (who's a cunt) employed this new kid who is a really nice guy but young & very square, married childhood girlfriend, no vices, no social life etc etc. When another designer left the boss (who's still a cunt) was too lazy to look for a decent replacement so the new square guy recommended a girl he went to school with. She got the job. Also nice but also v young & square. Another position arose & same deal happened again so now I work with 3 people who all grew up together, all very young & all frustratingly conventional. We have to listen to shit commercial radio all day which drives me mad & if I dare make a comment like "robbie williams is shit" they jump down my throat like I'm just some bitter old fascist. They don't even know who Kofi Annan is!! I can't talk to them about, literature, the arts, music, politics, if I do they just look at me like a freak. So I just sit in my corner muttering to myself. Worst of all none of them can make a decent cup of tea, the ultimate crime in my book,
Comments
That's not a good idea...he already got roped into seeing RENT...he might end up on the Lava Lamp...
That's not a good idea...he already got roped into seeing RENT...he might end up on the Lava Lamp...
whoa you are right. I forgot about the theatre/showtunes factor.
ABORT! ABORT!
whoa you are right. I forgot about the theatre/showtunes factor.
ABORT! ABORT!
Day shift system operators:
B****** - Younger guy who's WAY over quailified for his job. Knows more about computers than anyone I've met.
C**** - Nice lady that wears too much perfume.
The night shift system operators are a different story:
G***** - Super cranky older dude with a collection of Matchbox cars and a Nascar fixation. BAD temper, always slamming down the phone. Months from retirement
R** - Unbelievably lazy/shirker, smells like hand lotion and the cheap cigars he smokes all the time. King of the slackjaws
H**** - Nice enough guy but probably the most serious bowler in the world that doesn't compete as a pro. He's got this titanium-looking suitcase that he carries around his bowling balls in
J** - Has apparently claimed to be have mafia connections
The programmers are cool:
J** - Older black guy who's a slick dresser and has good taste in music. Got reprimanded once for having a "boudoir" photo of his girlfriend on his desk.
R** - Nice Indian guy who's always sending out inspirational Powerpoint spam to the entire department
F**** - Lead programmer who's got a BAD case of nerves. My vote for most likely to eventually go batshit. Very nice guy but they beat him like a rented mule.
Techs: All cool.
ending up on the lamp might not be as bad as having to watch rent
The girl is cute and nice, but is also incompetent to the point of her causing a client to tell me, "I want to knock her teeth out."
Then all of the sudden she came to work last week with her head almost shaved and bleached blonde, with heavy eye shadow to match. It's like working with Lou Reed circa '74.
http://komotv.com/news/story.asp?ID=34174
That's just the new look this fall, no worries Marco, you rock. Is this at your old work or a new firm?
The co-workers that are still around include:
S****, who is the mother of my good friend. She is also a friend of mine, and I think of her as a second mother in a lot of ways. Very nice and friendly, bumps Bob Marley in her ride and is generally all around cool.
S****, is my boss and I don't want to talk about him because it gets my blood boiling.
I really have nothing to complain about, other than needing to leave this job, stat.
filipino dude has been working at auntie annes pretzel shop for almost 10 years. he got promoted to manager a few years back and has been getting paid barely over 10 dollars ever since. he's cross eyed. he can roll a million pretzels a minute (naw seriously this guy rolled pretzels so fast we didnt allow him to roll them. he could run the store on his own. everyone else would be out of a job). he loved his job and he was a real nice guy. on christmas, he gave every one of his co-workers $30 as a bonus out of his own pocket (about 10 people, even gave me $30 and i just started like 2 weeks before). 3 months later, im still working there and exactly $100 is missing from the register at the end of the night. keep in mind, he's worked there for over 10 years, has never stole money, and never gotten a write up for anything. the next day he's fired. gotta love corporations.
Same office; they've let me use my old space for free ever since they fired me. Yeah, doesn't make sense to me either but I'm not complaining about free internet, free computer, free software and free springwater.
holla,
M
Yeh, I got it all back plus interest (which was better than the market had performed those two years, so I probably got some extra $$$ in the process). Plus, their accountant fucked up his numbers, giving me more than they were supposed to. My financial advisor had a chuckle when he saw that, saying "I don't see any reason to correct his math."
Gotta love it. Nice!!!!!!
My co-worker is a guy who was born in Kenya and then moved to Canada for a while. He now lives in the area with his Jamaican wife and his one year old child. The kid's first brithday is actually this weekend, and he's invited 90 people, spent hundreds of dollars, and has had mucho aggravation with his wife. Dude is soft-spoken & has a great sense of humor, otherwise.
Outside of him, there's a bunch of chatty women in the customerservice department. I get to overhear then giving each other a play-by-play of their lives every morning.......
My supervisor, A*, who is a 40-something, family man and born again Christian. Always makes corny jokes like, "If ladies with big boobs work at Hooters, where do one-legged ladies work?"...."IHOP!". Nice guy.
My boss, J**, who's a 60-year-old dude who's infamous for his temper and constantly mumbling obscenities under his breath. He's cool with me, though.
D**n, a Bush-supporting, conservative Vietnam vet who listens to and engineers country music in his spare time. He's still going through a messy divorce. Some dudes crack on him because of his weight, even though he publicly announces his efforts to slim down and eat healthy and is a really humble and hard working dude regardless. Oh yeah, he has a tendency to yodel out loud in his office.
M**k, the cigarette smoking, sunflower seed-munching guy who orders parts. He's usually quiet, but once in a while he'll crack one line joke or whatever ("Hey, Mark, I need some duct tape!"..."QUACK! QUACK!")
T**y, the guy in accounts payable department. He's the young, straight out of college, clean cut type: wire frame glasses, gelled hair and freshly ironed clothes with the occational Cosby sweater. He used to be into graf, too.
C***lie, the manager for our 'satellite' office 30 miles away. I never seen the guy but he always calls us at the office for information. He's most well known for his emphysema-induced, deep, raspy voice.
St**e, the field technician. he looks like William Defoe and has a 'surfer dude' voice. He's always complaining about how incompetent we all are and states how much we need him more than he needs us. He's partially right since he gets the 'major accounts', works the hardest and thus is among the highest payed.
Peace,
Cortez
SG
St**e is quiet, single and just got braces, he's 34.
D*ane drinks like a fish, rarely talks, and might be fucking Bald T*ny, we're not sure of that either.
Bald T*ny goes on weekend vacations where he shoots gophers with high-powered rifles, he's got a ridiculously hairy back and when he gets annoyed about things we start imitating George the Animal Steele.
R*b has a 70's mulletfro, is diesel as all hell, smokes like a chimney and I found out recently smokes weed all day long. I can't figure him out at all, he was my partner for 5 months and I had no idea he was stoned most of the time.
Happy H**bs is 30, has 4 kids and is going through a divorce. He's the most out-of-touch with society individual I've ever met. I sit next to him every morning for 20 minutes or so before we all get dispatched to the streets, and blow toxic farts at him and he never smells them. Might be the air-conditioning currents though. Either way, dude is a real strange bird.
Thumbs has huge thumbs...his is on the right...
poor guy has to listen to me make jokes about his thumbs all day.
There are other folks too, but I'm home now and really don't want to write anymore about dudes I work with.
The New Zealander is always trying to push trance mp3s on my and frequents mountain raves despite being 42. He's also heavy into speed-seduction and Neuro Linguistic Programming, detox-fasting and "energy."
They're both really nice guys though and always pay for my drinks.
The three Japanese guys behind me are either, slightly insane, chain-smoking health wrecks, or a combination of both. Oh, and one was raised in America, so he does the Beavis & Butthead jokes too.
Speaking of the IT guy:
My wife works for a decent sized movie studio. A coworker told her that their IT guy has every single employee's mp3 on his iTunes program.
When one of our designers left the boss (who's a cunt) employed this new kid who is a really nice guy but young & very square, married childhood girlfriend, no vices, no social life etc etc. When another designer left the boss (who's still a cunt) was too lazy to look for a decent replacement so the new square guy recommended a girl he went to school with. She got the job. Also nice but also v young & square.
Another position arose & same deal happened again so now I work with 3 people who all grew up together,
all very young & all frustratingly conventional. We have to listen to shit commercial radio all day which drives me mad & if I dare make a comment like "robbie williams is shit" they jump down my throat like I'm just some bitter old fascist. They don't even know who Kofi Annan is!! I can't talk to them about, literature, the arts, music, politics, if I do they just look at me like a freak. So I just sit in my corner muttering to myself.
Worst of all none of them can make a decent cup of tea, the ultimate crime in my book,
They hardly even deserve jobs if they haven't learned the most important thing a junior can learn.