Jimster
Jimster
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Cruffiton.etsy.com
Joined
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TAKE THAT SHIT TO THE-BRITS.COM
I'll share this with the Strut because it's one of the few places on the internets where my family won't see it:
Getting old fucking BLOWS. (Not me, natch. Mandems will attest to my ageless beauty. And also attest to the power of my moisturising routine. No, I'm talking about losing your parents. )
I dunno how old you kids are, but I'll bet my bollocks to a barn dance, younger than me. And at your age I used to think old age was like, an easy and sun-blessed bicycle freewheel down from your peak years of getting your kids through school and money in the bank (well, one out of two ain't bad) to a golden sunset over life's finish line in some bucolic vista. Your folks would always be there to share their sunset years watching your own kids grow up.
IT IS FUCKING NOT. After the peak, it's a series of ever-worsening debilitating pile-ups, or straight-up, through-the-bastard-railings headlong plummets down the side of the mountain. If you are lucky, you might wobble over the line with what is left of your shattered body sputtering its last breath. I sat there last week watching my 82 year-old mum unable to identify herself in a photo despite wearing her best seeing glasses and a magnifying glass in front of them. Knowing it's not going to get any better. Macular degeneration. She's also got osteoporosis. And going deaf. And hearing aid batteries last a week, and you need the eyesight and digital dexterity of an underage sweatshop worker to replace them. She's never had a mobile phone. She can't swipe up. She couldn't read the screen if she could. And they expect her to do Zoom calls with doctors? Does nobody think of these things?
And nobody wants to tell you this. Not even your folks. Every fucker is grinning on the funeral plan brochures. Doesn't seem to matter if your are loaded AF or don't have a pot to piss in, the descent is littered with shit certain to fuck you up. And now her manor is on lockdown so I'm not really supposed to visit. My dad was the one doing the care there, and he was all there - until he had a heart attack out of the blue last month. Life suddenly got an order of magnitude worse for mum. And the other thing is ... Despite your best efforts, she knows she's near the end and has got a knowing, weary "WHY FUCKING BOTHER?" attitude sometimes which is alien to me at my age. Maybe it comes when you are 82. Maybe you've earned it. It's not going to turn around, is it?
What knowledge am I trying to impart here?
Expect this and plan better for it than we did. Stay in shape for yourself and your kids.
(Goes to get a Friday beer).
Bless dem Strutmen dem.
(Salutes)
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TAKE THAT SHIT TO THE-BRITS.COM
Was researching the old family tree after pops joined the choir invisibule and I knew my mum's side were all Scottish. Here's a name for ye:
"John Trane Train was born in 1702 in Muirkirk, Ayrshire."
- 5th great-grandfather
Next week : J i m s t e r finds out he's related to Archbishop Desmond Choo-Choo.
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If a Tree Falls on Soul Strut
I'd be asking to hear the whole list before I picked one.
I bet "Dying while someone reads out six million ways to die" isn't on there
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TAKE THAT SHIT TO THE-BRITS.COM
I took Vardy out of my side and swapped Son in. Basically like Midas, but with faeces instead of gold. Bow down now to the one true God Sir Oscarinho.
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PREPARE THE DIP
