City Strutters - Dealing w/ Neighbors Related
jlee
1,539 Posts
Probably could put this post in the "things that piss you off" thread but anyway...
So me and the chick live in a loft space in Brooklyn. Nothing crazy, but a 6 unit spot (its a Co-Op, and we are the only ones who rent). It was basically made in a manner where the building could have just as easily been used for offices/mix, but instead it was used for residential living (i.e. its not a brownstone or anything like that). Oh yeah, and it has wood floors.
So after 1.5 years of living here, the downstairs neighbors are starting to throw a big hissy fit with all the "noise" me and the chick make. Mind you, i am getting old and we got full time jobs, so at best we are there and awake 6-7hrs a day, and we are not having parties or staying up till 4am.
From our point of view, we are living life like proper adults. No crazy noise or loud music. We have some carpets in the spot. And we are mindful to take our shoes off usually. We even have given them heads up when we have had people over before for a surprise party. Point being, we have recognized that the building has crap insulation, so we are trying to be good neighbors.
So after several passive-aggressive comments & conversations from our downstairs neighbor (on some, "i know you aren't doing anything wrong, but its just kinda loud") they have gone and sent a letter to our landlord. I suspect they are probably sending one to the co-op board as well. Right now our landlord has our back, but as she is the only one who rents, i have a feeling that the board will probably lean to those that own rather than those that rent.
What's the Strut consensus on this type of situation? Right now , mine is on some "FU" go move to fucking Connecticut if you can't deal. I am a pretty chill dude, but this couple have me pissed. Do you think City folk need to be a lot more understanding to this type of ordeal with noise, or do you fall in the "Owners win -out" camp? Do you think I owe it to shag carpet my whole place to appease the cats? FYI, we hear our upstairs neighbors too, but don't make an issue out of it.
Personally, I suspect my neighbors are just pissed that they invested heavily in a spot with shit insulation. To make matters worse, they have a lofted bed within their space, so their bed is even closer to the ceiling than would be. I told my landlord that if the board wants to re-insulate the space fine, but i am not about to put my money down just for my space when the whole construction of the building is at fault.
/rant
So me and the chick live in a loft space in Brooklyn. Nothing crazy, but a 6 unit spot (its a Co-Op, and we are the only ones who rent). It was basically made in a manner where the building could have just as easily been used for offices/mix, but instead it was used for residential living (i.e. its not a brownstone or anything like that). Oh yeah, and it has wood floors.
So after 1.5 years of living here, the downstairs neighbors are starting to throw a big hissy fit with all the "noise" me and the chick make. Mind you, i am getting old and we got full time jobs, so at best we are there and awake 6-7hrs a day, and we are not having parties or staying up till 4am.
From our point of view, we are living life like proper adults. No crazy noise or loud music. We have some carpets in the spot. And we are mindful to take our shoes off usually. We even have given them heads up when we have had people over before for a surprise party. Point being, we have recognized that the building has crap insulation, so we are trying to be good neighbors.
So after several passive-aggressive comments & conversations from our downstairs neighbor (on some, "i know you aren't doing anything wrong, but its just kinda loud") they have gone and sent a letter to our landlord. I suspect they are probably sending one to the co-op board as well. Right now our landlord has our back, but as she is the only one who rents, i have a feeling that the board will probably lean to those that own rather than those that rent.
What's the Strut consensus on this type of situation? Right now , mine is on some "FU" go move to fucking Connecticut if you can't deal. I am a pretty chill dude, but this couple have me pissed. Do you think City folk need to be a lot more understanding to this type of ordeal with noise, or do you fall in the "Owners win -out" camp? Do you think I owe it to shag carpet my whole place to appease the cats? FYI, we hear our upstairs neighbors too, but don't make an issue out of it.
Personally, I suspect my neighbors are just pissed that they invested heavily in a spot with shit insulation. To make matters worse, they have a lofted bed within their space, so their bed is even closer to the ceiling than would be. I told my landlord that if the board wants to re-insulate the space fine, but i am not about to put my money down just for my space when the whole construction of the building is at fault.
/rant
Comments
anyone living there would be loud
you have to endure the pussyfooting and excessive complaints of people with thin walls and no patience
we have similar neighbors and they tried to pull some shit
they work in a restaurant so they come home late and have to sleep until 11am
they sent a letter to our landlord since i played music (not loud and like mellow harp jazz) in the morning...they could have told us in person
then they wrote a passive aggressive letter
i myself do not party much (inhouse) and am respectful so we agreed to not play anything (i even kept the morning news at below audible levels) before 11
after something like 14 months we forgot what time it was and played classic guitar record at 10:15
two tracks in the women rings our doorbell...i tell her i forgot and we have been respectful for over a year...and she says her sleep is disturbed and her husband said ''not again''
they are an elderly couple so i apologized and swallowed my pride and inner steam
but basically you have to cool the fire and expect no compromise or the nagging continues
No, for real, it sounds like you've done everything you can short of throwing acoustic insulation foam on your floors and walls. Does the condo board have an open-style meeting where you can plead your side?
i had a friend who had similar issues (lived in a converted loft in BK) and his downstairs neighbors bought him a plush rug... it solved things, b/c every time he walked on the rug (which was a damn nice rug, actually), it served 2 purposes:
1) muffled footsteps really well
2) reminded him to be mindful of the guy downstairs
honestly, if you aren't actually being noisy, i don't know what they can do to you, although i have zero experience w/ co-op boards...
i am not about to lose sleep over this, but I'd also prefer not to live in a place where i have to mean mug my neighbors each time i see them. i get the feeling, its just the nature of how they are.
its just annoying, because aside from them, pretty much everything else about our spot (and other neighbors) is very cool. to me this just reeks of people that don't want to grasp that there is always a downside to living in a city and a building with neighbors. by a fucking house in the country if you don't want to hear anyone.
Seriously. It's New York City. Might as well be pissed that the sky is blue.
it doesn't hurt to ask questions and show that you're making attempts to do something about it as opposed to having what could be perceived as passive-aggressive exchange. it sucks to make enemies with the people that you live with / around.
ha...meant as a term of endearment for my GF.
As for dealings with the neighbors themselves, we have had some discussion over the months. truth be told, this has come up about 3-5 times in the total time we have been living there (so once every 3 mos or so, they will make a comment).
i have no problem being mindful of them, and also getting checked IF i am in the wrong (which i admit, have been when i first moved in). but this really seems like an issue where they are mad at the building acoustics and taking it out on us as a result. the fact that they have a lofted bed is doing them no favors either.
we've toyed with the idea of having them come over and walk around just to hear, but i really would like to avoid the, "well just put a carpet here, or here, or here. I suppose we are going to have to go down that road though, just to try and avoid things going forward.
haha...sayin. bout to have a fucking break dancing contest in this bitch.
b/w
OKC in 6. fusk dallas.
I'm with you all the way on that, hoss.
anyway, all that being said. its your neighbor and you dont want to put your mad face on the second you walk out the door. kill them with kindness. by all means dont start buying shit or hampering your life excessively. yo ushouldnt have to tiptoe around an apt you probably pay lots of money for. invite them over for tea...show them how you and your girl live and walk...talk about possible solutions. they need to understand that you cant afford to go carpeting your floors or insulating them. they are fools, but they arent your enemy. the shoddy corner cutting work of the condo rehabbers/investors are the enemy. they knew damn well how much money they would save by not insulating between floors
Put your speakers facedown on the floor and leave some Eurotrance CD on autorepeat before going to work.
^^^^^^^
This
I suspect that they have a bigger issue with our landlord (who renovated the place just before we moved in too). i suspect its probably been an ongoing issue with them, and unfortunately we are the ones that are having to deal with them now.
not trying to get walked on by them either, but i'll probably try to err on the side of understanding (at least for now).
Your walking? Doors banging? Music?
I mean, has it been specified so you can all come to an understanding/compromise/solution?
Them sleeping closer to the ceiling, and your floor, is definitely not helping and that decision is really on them.
edit - Tom's post about hating folks having to make it all self-referential has me on my toes, but here goes..I had never wanted to own a house and after living in two back-to-back horrible rental situations in downtown Toronto, I realized the only way to get away from other people's schedules and habits is to buy a fully detached house.
So there is stock in that; you can't change people, you have to just get away from them.
The last place before the house, I lived on the middle floor of a three-storey. The dude upstairs walked so hard that all the glass in my place shook. I am not even exaggerating. His deck was above the bedroom so every time he dragged the patio furniture around and banged in and out of the place - it meant hours of no sleep. How do you even have that conversation? It's basically telling someone how to live! I finally had to say something about the stomping when something fell off the mantle. I started with "This is going to sound ridiculous, but..." He was totally embarrassed, and so was I, but his gallop got a lot lighter after that.
just walking around seems to be the big issue. again, we are mindful enough to take our shoes off and stuff, but it the end i think anything we do won't be good enough because of the acoustics of the place.
now that this issue is escalating, i am really going to focus on keeping this issue between owners. based on past conversations, i am pretty sure dude realizes its hardly a party up at our place, so i am hoping his issue is with the structure of the building more than an issue with its occupants.
i'm down to work with them, but not trying to take on additional costs or go out of my way to change what should be considered "normal living for the city". i'm gonna move some rugs around tonight and see if that helps.
in my opinion, i'd say smile and wave...... but dont make any changes to your life just to meet their fragile needs.
also...... send them a cc: of this thread here. not even for the suggestions that people have been giving you, but i'm sure you've said things in here that you would never tell them, but they desperately need to hear.
Agree. What they need is some context. They're probably spoiled due to you being overly well behaved most of the time. Show them what a real reason to complain is, then go back back to your normal incredibly polite selves and see if they get it. This is a lesson they'll have to learn eventually, and not everyone is going to be so nice about it as you have been.
In my case, not fully knowing your situation, sayin', it is painful to listen to other's noise when u live below it no matter how quiet U think it is...all I hear when the people above me are home is 'running down the stairs when ur 13 at ur mom's house' (unintentional right?)
Grown steez all day/why I hate it.
my building is pretty old, with wood floors and shitty insulation. sound travels vertically but not side to side through the walls, so I always have to remind myself that it could be even worse. Luckily, my loud upstairs neighbors are jesus freaks and while they're loud (they sing...they actually sing. horrible white churchy singing.), they follow the rules and always shut up by 9pm. They only fuck about once every three months, so that's good for me too.
I'm an adult that lives in an apartment in the city (and occasionally drinks a few beers and blasts records), so I can't really tell them to shut up too often. We're all in this together.* That "move to Connecticut" angle really is all you have to say.
I had a friend that was a loud asshole and would tell neighbors, "oh, you can't sleep?--well you're just not tired enough!" LOL
*except for when that rapture shit happens and I'm left behind or whatever
Yeah, this one.
Over the course of 2 years he gradually started moaning more and more about noise, even though my partner and I were extremely considerate in that regard. Especially considering our collective interests here, it was a real pain in the arse constantly keeping music down.
I eventually decided that a dwelling lacking in the correct insulation was more detrimental to my own lifestyle than it was to the moaning neighbours. Hence I took the decision to move out.
My final week in that property was, well, loud to say the least. You really shouldn't moan about noise to a man with a Marshall stack..
Dosn't sound like your property suits your needs.. Fuck the neighbours, make some noise and move on...