i had no idea that it would take toilet water to bring out the ss ladies like this. carry on.
ha! an addendum to my "if i were a dude" rant would be that i would wear a slim fit tux WHENEVER necessary. i would do sit ups, (not in a creepy American psycho way though) but NOT be a member of the gym. i would be a non aids catching Casanova. occasionally i would drink alcohol, maybe a beer once a week. i wouldn???t smoke, and i would be great at fixing stuff- objects and meals! i would go to the doctor and take care of myself. i wouldn???t be scared of the doctor or acupuncturist or massage therapist! i would have health insurance. i would never wear flip flops. but more importantly, i would make you laugh like a motherfucker AND be easy on the eyes! i would dress to impress all the time but make sure there was no way i could ever, even for a second, be mistaken as gay. unless i WAS a gay dude, in which case- i would be openly out and proud! i would be epically gay and would make straight dudes bummed they weren???t gay! i would be dangerous! i would never be caught dead in flap pockets or jeans with embroidery. i would bike ride in outfits that look like I???m a cast member of Annie hall, Rockers or both. and drive through dining would not be my lifestyle choice. i would know where the best taco truck was wherever whenever though, in a pinch, i might go get a really good, fresh mexican food. in a pinch i said!
all that sounds great. but a beer once a week? GFTFOHWTCB.
i had no idea that it would take toilet water to bring out the ss ladies like this. carry on.
ha! an addendum to my "if i were a dude" rant would be that i would wear a slim fit tux WHENEVER necessary. i would do sit ups, (not in a creepy American psycho way though) but NOT be a member of the gym. i would be a non aids catching Casanova. occasionally i would drink alcohol, maybe a beer once a week. i wouldn???t smoke, and i would be great at fixing stuff- objects and meals! i would go to the doctor and take care of myself. i wouldn???t be scared of the doctor or acupuncturist or massage therapist! i would have health insurance. i would never wear flip flops. but more importantly, i would make you laugh like a motherfucker AND be easy on the eyes! i would dress to impress all the time but make sure there was no way i could ever, even for a second, be mistaken as gay. unless i WAS a gay dude, in which case- i would be openly out and proud! i would be epically gay and would make straight dudes bummed they weren???t gay! i would be dangerous! i would never be caught dead in flap pockets or jeans with embroidery. i would bike ride in outfits that look like I???m a cast member of Annie hall, Rockers or both. and drive through dining would not be my lifestyle choice. i would know where the best taco truck was wherever whenever though, in a pinch, i might go get a really good, fresh mexican food. in a pinch i said!
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
i had no idea that it would take toilet water to bring out the ss ladies like this. carry on.
ha! an addendum to my "if i were a dude" rant would be that i would wear a slim fit tux WHENEVER necessary. i would do sit ups, (not in a creepy American psycho way though) but NOT be a member of the gym. i would be a non aids catching Casanova. occasionally i would drink alcohol, maybe a beer once a week. i wouldn???t smoke, and i would be great at fixing stuff- objects and meals! i would go to the doctor and take care of myself. i wouldn???t be scared of the doctor or acupuncturist or massage therapist! i would have health insurance. i would never wear flip flops. but more importantly, i would make you laugh like a motherfucker AND be easy on the eyes! i would dress to impress all the time but make sure there was no way i could ever, even for a second, be mistaken as gay. unless i WAS a gay dude, in which case- i would be openly out and proud! i would be epically gay and would make straight dudes bummed they weren???t gay! i would be dangerous! i would never be caught dead in flap pockets or jeans with embroidery. i would bike ride in outfits that look like I???m a cast member of Annie hall, Rockers or both. and drive through dining would not be my lifestyle choice. i would know where the best taco truck was wherever whenever though, in a pinch, i might go get a really good, fresh mexican food. in a pinch i said!
all that sounds great. but a beer once a week? GFTFOHWTCB.
just testing that part
but yeah if i were a dude, finally, i would definitely not be a drunk foll. i would handle my biz and so would my broad. sipping wine or not. i would never lose my cool and i'd be a wicked kisser and a master at my profession. i would give every girl i ever came near an epic orgasm. did i mention that? as a man, this is a power i'd have. i would be a really f*cking good driver and i'd probably drive a hybrid or a range rover or a gto. maybe all 3, just to be confusing. i wouldn???t have roommates, because i would want the place to myself so i could F*ck whatever girl i wanted, whenever i wanted to, however i wanted! i would try not to be one of those guys who picks his nose when he drives. i would also not litter or be greedy and i would delight in sharing my aforementioned taco truck info with those seeking advice on where to get yummy food.
Hey AK,
The only problem with this description is that it possesses too much detail! This is a prime tip off that you haven't achieved a masculine frame of mind. Dudes are much more simplistic than your descriptions depict us, and that's the secret of our charm. We're happily-go-lucky cads of sorts without much pretense. Much of what we do occurs through happenstance, not well-orchestrated execution. You sound female!!!
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
Hey AK,
I'm married, so I endure female neuroticism daily. So, I'll give it a try:
-If I were a female, I'd wake up, brush my teeth, shower, and do my fingernails. I'd put a coat of nail polish on, making sure to apply if perfectly. If it's not, I'll put a 2nd or 3rd coat of polish on them. Now, I'm done with my fingernails, and I must pick out something to wear. I'd ponder for 10 minutes how I have nothing to where in a closet full of clothes. Then, I'd finally pick out a blouse and skirt and put them on. Does this outfit make me look fat? I'd then ask my husband (assuming I'm married) what he thinks. He says "yes, you look a little 'sausagey' in that blouse," but then I'd refute his opinion, which we debate for a few minutes. I finally realize that maybe he's right, then I put on something else. Do I have a purse and shoes that matches this outfit? I don't think these black pumps match my black skirt. What do you think, dear? He says, "what are you talking about, black matches black doesn't it? Good grief." Now, I'll go do my hair. After curling and styling it for a while, I'd get annoyed how I can't get my hair to behave as I want it to. Maybe I should ask my husband's opinion again. Obviously annoyed by my neuroticism, he'd say, "dear, your hair looks fine. What is wrong with you?"...Later on that day, after I get off work, I'll ask my husband how his day went. He'd say, "fine", and then tell me that his mother called. After hearing this, I'd ask him every friggin' detail about the call as if he made a transcript of it. I'd get annoyed after he only gives me the highlights, since men never pay attention to details (yes, because they're not obsessive-compulsive). My husband would make a wise-crack back saying, "sorry dear, I didn't make a transcript of the call." Now it's time for dinner, and I'll ask him what he wants. He says, "I don't care, hon," but I'll press him for an answer because he's not being specific enough. He probably doesn't mean "I don't care" and if I ask him 10 more times, he'll finally give me a solid answer. Being a woman, I'd never imagine that he actually means "he doesn't care" when he says it, and that I can make the decision of what to cook on my own. After asking him the 3rd time, he gets annoyed and says, "I said I don't care what you make. I didn't get this size being a picky eater."
I'll stop here, but I think you get the point... Men were not programmed to deal with all of this complexity, which is why wives usually outlive their husbands!
but i can only imagine what an "if i were a chick" post would read like in this place. oh jeez.
#1. I'd let my dude do what he wants on the side 'cause hey, he's a good man who treats me proper and respectfully and someday he'll grow tired of running around (or he'll get so old and unattractive that none of these young ladies will want him anymore anyways, at which point he'll be all mine). And even though he says I can do what I want on the side he'll know that after the first couple times I'll be done with doing it because us women just don't work that way. Emotionally, I mean. No matter how much we insist we can be. And I'll understand that those women he's with are nowhere near as special as I am to him and that when he's with them it's like he might as well be meeting them for lunch because it really is like he's just hanging out and enjoying their company except that they're naked and they can't understand what he's saying 'cause his face is buried in they're crotch most of the time then his mouth is numb from the crotch burial so his words are garbled and when he leaves it's like "later" and they're like "later" too except their "later" (meaning his special friends' "later") is a faux nonchalant "later" because they're really, truly hoping that one day...someday....he will leave me for them. So really they're "later" is more like a "really?" and a whispered "come cuddle with me" said just softly enough so they can play it off if he hears them say it and gives him that look or so they can say "oh nothing" if he says "huh?" and then sigh when the door closes.
If I was a girl, I would never get anything done because I would not be able to stop looking at my butt in the mirror. I would never ask a DJ 'to play something I can dance to'. I would also be a lesbian.
I would never take a broad to an exotic tropical paradise.
...and yes, you would call broads broads. Trussit.
Flip flops are fine on a dude if you're at the beach or a beach type spot such as Hawaii or St. Tropez or Barbados or Jamaica or Jersey. But in the every day it just depends how you do it, it's usually bad unless you are Bob Marley.
i had no idea that it would take toilet water to bring out the ss ladies like this. carry on.
ha! an addendum to my "if i were a dude" rant would be that i would wear a slim fit tux WHENEVER necessary. i would do sit ups, (not in a creepy American psycho way though) but NOT be a member of the gym. i would be a non aids catching Casanova. occasionally i would drink alcohol, maybe a beer once a week. i wouldn???t smoke, and i would be great at fixing stuff- objects and meals! i would go to the doctor and take care of myself. i wouldn???t be scared of the doctor or acupuncturist or massage therapist! i would have health insurance. i would never wear flip flops. but more importantly, i would make you laugh like a motherfucker AND be easy on the eyes! i would dress to impress all the time but make sure there was no way i could ever, even for a second, be mistaken as gay. unless i WAS a gay dude, in which case- i would be openly out and proud! i would be epically gay and would make straight dudes bummed they weren???t gay! i would be dangerous! i would never be caught dead in flap pockets or jeans with embroidery. i would bike ride in outfits that look like I???m a cast member of Annie hall, Rockers or both. and drive through dining would not be my lifestyle choice. i would know where the best taco truck was wherever whenever though, in a pinch, i might go get a really good, fresh mexican food. in a pinch i said!
He once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels.
Yo, I don't really wear cologne, just shower, bp & general freshness. I do have some Cool Water lying around for special occasions though. I hate the smell of a lotta colognes; I have a strong sense of smell for a dude. Dudes who bathe in cologne need to get a grip on reality or stay on the Jersey shore their entire lives.
Comments
all that sounds great. but a beer once a week? GFTFOHWTCB.
Everybody has a bad day once in a while. (That goes for women, too. "You know what? Just come up here and lay next to me.")
Cosign everything this man just said.
Except for 19...'cause ha ha Batmon was wearing cologne at 19.
Anybody wear this one?
Hey AK,
The only problem with this description is that it possesses too much detail! This is a prime tip off that you haven't achieved a masculine frame of mind. Dudes are much more simplistic than your descriptions depict us, and that's the secret of our charm. We're happily-go-lucky cads of sorts without much pretense. Much of what we do occurs through happenstance, not well-orchestrated execution. You sound female!!!
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
This stuff used to make my worm wiggle instantly. Now it kinda makes me sick.
Back in my middle school days I was on that Santa Fe. High school, plain and simply Right Guard. Post High School, this...
...while all the hoLmeses were on that Cool Water, which I stayed far away from.
I'm married, so I endure female neuroticism daily. So, I'll give it a try:
-If I were a female, I'd wake up, brush my teeth, shower, and do my fingernails. I'd put a coat of nail polish on, making sure to apply if perfectly. If it's not, I'll put a 2nd or 3rd coat of polish on them. Now, I'm done with my fingernails, and I must pick out something to wear. I'd ponder for 10 minutes how I have nothing to where in a closet full of clothes. Then, I'd finally pick out a blouse and skirt and put them on. Does this outfit make me look fat? I'd then ask my husband (assuming I'm married) what he thinks. He says "yes, you look a little 'sausagey' in that blouse," but then I'd refute his opinion, which we debate for a few minutes. I finally realize that maybe he's right, then I put on something else. Do I have a purse and shoes that matches this outfit? I don't think these black pumps match my black skirt. What do you think, dear? He says, "what are you talking about, black matches black doesn't it? Good grief." Now, I'll go do my hair. After curling and styling it for a while, I'd get annoyed how I can't get my hair to behave as I want it to. Maybe I should ask my husband's opinion again. Obviously annoyed by my neuroticism, he'd say, "dear, your hair looks fine. What is wrong with you?"...Later on that day, after I get off work, I'll ask my husband how his day went. He'd say, "fine", and then tell me that his mother called. After hearing this, I'd ask him every friggin' detail about the call as if he made a transcript of it. I'd get annoyed after he only gives me the highlights, since men never pay attention to details (yes, because they're not obsessive-compulsive). My husband would make a wise-crack back saying, "sorry dear, I didn't make a transcript of the call." Now it's time for dinner, and I'll ask him what he wants. He says, "I don't care, hon," but I'll press him for an answer because he's not being specific enough. He probably doesn't mean "I don't care" and if I ask him 10 more times, he'll finally give me a solid answer. Being a woman, I'd never imagine that he actually means "he doesn't care" when he says it, and that I can make the decision of what to cook on my own. After asking him the 3rd time, he gets annoyed and says, "I said I don't care what you make. I didn't get this size being a picky eater."
I'll stop here, but I think you get the point...
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
#1. I'd let my dude do what he wants on the side 'cause hey, he's a good man who treats me proper and respectfully and someday he'll grow tired of running around (or he'll get so old and unattractive that none of these young ladies will want him anymore anyways, at which point he'll be all mine). And even though he says I can do what I want on the side he'll know that after the first couple times I'll be done with doing it because us women just don't work that way. Emotionally, I mean. No matter how much we insist we can be. And I'll understand that those women he's with are nowhere near as special as I am to him and that when he's with them it's like he might as well be meeting them for lunch because it really is like he's just hanging out and enjoying their company except that they're naked and they can't understand what he's saying 'cause his face is buried in they're crotch most of the time then his mouth is numb from the crotch burial so his words are garbled and when he leaves it's like "later" and they're like "later" too except their "later" (meaning his special friends' "later") is a faux nonchalant "later" because they're really, truly hoping that one day...someday....he will leave me for them. So really they're "later" is more like a "really?" and a whispered "come cuddle with me" said just softly enough so they can play it off if he hears them say it and gives him that look or so they can say "oh nothing" if he says "huh?" and then sigh when the door closes.
Unfortunately they no longer make this one but this is the one I use now and whenever I can get it.
b/w
I would never take a broad to an exotic tropical paradise.
...and yes, you would call broads broads. Trussit.
It's one of a couple cheapish bay rhumish shits that I keep around.
The Misses digs that kind of smell and aqua di gio so I oblige on occasions.
Personally I like marc jacobs, that demeter "dirt", and comme des garcons odeur 71
Flip flops are fine on a dude if you're at the beach or a beach type spot such as Hawaii or St. Tropez or Barbados or Jamaica or Jersey. But in the every day it just depends how you do it, it's usually bad unless you are Bob Marley.
He once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels.
Yo, I don't really wear cologne, just shower, bp & general freshness. I do have some Cool Water lying around for special occasions though. I hate the smell of a lotta colognes; I have a strong sense of smell for a dude. Dudes who bathe in cologne need to get a grip on reality or stay on the Jersey shore their entire lives.
Post it here:
http://imboycrazy.com/2009/06/if-i-were-a-dude.html