I think one of the biggest factors leading to couples having kids later is that people work a hell of a lot longer hours now. If you're going to have a babysitter raise your kids, why even bother.
Im sure all the parents on SS can relate to this -- there's no bigger joy than seeing your child smile or laugh -- not even Boscoe.
Yeah - I think children are more rewarding than anything one could possibly imagine but this is impossible to really explain to someone who doesn't already have kids.
It's not like I don't miss all the stuff that you lose getting to do when you become a parent - believe me, I do - but what I get out of parenthood is so profoundly more incredible than whatever I lose in the exchange.
Then again, I don't have a teenager yet. Check back with me in about 10 years.
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
Hey Raj,
Hell no!!!! I'm too cotdamn busy with work and selfish with my time. Kids require time that I am unwilling to give. I spent nearly a decade in college (earning my BS, MA, and PhD), meaning I had to defer a lot of free time for my studies. When I got some free time (after graduating and getting a gig), I didn't want to give it up. My wife feels the same way, so we have a dog to nurture instead. The dog requires much less attention than raising a child.
I'm jaded on having kids, I have a 4yr old daughter who is split between myself and the baby momma, no more kids for me, I see how they can change a relationship in a snap. I advise on not having kids, enjoy your nieces, nephews, and friends' kids instead. Live your life before having them.
I'm jaded on having kids, I have a 4yr old daughter who is split between myself and the baby momma, no more kids for me, I see how they can change a relationship in a snap. I advise on not having kids, enjoy your nieces, nephews, and friends' kids instead. Live your life before having them.
Dude...if everyone takes your advice there won't be any nieces, nephews or friends' kids.
I think I would adopt. There is nothing about being pregnant that appeals to me. Passing something bigger than a football less so. Of course I am curious as hell as to what our genetic lab would turn out - his eyes and my...emmm, elbows and s/he would be cute! His brain, drumming and skating skills and my emmmm, cooking skills and s/he would be great! lol But that is pure vanity.
Never say never, but I don't see it in my future.
To answer an earlier question - if I was to get knocked up now, no I wouldn't put the baby up for adoption or terminate. As an adult whose faced with an unexpected adult-made situation, I'd see it through.
I have a son and he is great, i wouldn't change one thing about my life with him. You know why he is great because when i play the Stark Reality LP he just chills and smiles the whole time. One down fall and I have come to live with it, daycare is about $600 a month and that totally killed my record funds. Thank god i have shit to trade.
I'm 25 and while I'm not apart of the "forget kids, let's get drunk" crowd as stated above, I would never have kids. Depression and short height runs in my family. I never had a severe problem with either, but I'm scared that if I ever do procreate, s/he would be suicidal and/or be picked on constantly in school. I would leave continuing the family blood through my brother.
I'm jaded on having kids, I have a 4yr old daughter who is split between myself and the baby momma, no more kids for me, I see how they can change a relationship in a snap. I advise on not having kids, enjoy your nieces, nephews, and friends' kids instead. Live your life before having them.
Dude...if everyone takes your advice there won't be any nieces, nephews or friends' kids.
In all fairness, I doubt everyone would take his advice. And I think he raises the important point that not everyone's experience with parenthood is wholly positive. In my case, with an unplanned pregnancy, it certainly helped that both of us were older, financially stable and committed to one another as a couple. Those go a long way to welcoming a child as a blessing vs. as a burden that one or two people are unprepared to take on.
I've had children since I was in my late teens and I can definitely say there are multiple choice quotes from the prior posts representing both sides of the equation. My kids are great - I'm fortunate to be able to spend lots of time with them. It is neat to see the impact (hopefully positive!) that you can have on young lives. And I look forward to being able to have a family as I age (good luck to those with only dog getting them to visit you in the nursing home). But there are definitely trade offs, particularly for those that have kids young as I did. Kids do put a major dent in your finances (when you're just getting started), make it more difficult to pursue higher education and/or entrepreneurial endeavors, and of course, for those that work and have kids you have zero free time. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world, but it does seem to be bizarre to think that my 40s will be when I can go party!
But I do console myself with my age... I can really play with my kids. I think of that when I see these 50 year old assnuts with 3 year olds. It's like, really? You'll be collecting social security before your kids graduate from high school!
So definitely kids are something not to take lightly. I think the worst thing in the world (well, regarding kids) are these people that have kids and pay them no attention. And those people seem to come from both sides of the tracks.
But I do console myself with my age... I can really play with my kids. I think of that when I see these 50 year old assnuts with 3 year olds. It's like, really? You'll be collecting social security before your kids graduate from high school!
As the "assnut" who mentioned being fiddy, you are assuming that I believe social security will exist when I'm a senior citizen. I do not believe that will be the case.
But I do console myself with my age... I can really play with my kids. I think of that when I see these 50 year old assnuts with 3 year olds. It's like, really? You'll be collecting social security before your kids graduate from high school!
As the "assnut" who mentioned being fiddy, you are assuming that I believe social security will exist when I'm a senior citizen. I do not believe that will be the case.
Unless we all start having more kids to help pay into Social Security!
But I do console myself with my age... I can really play with my kids. I think of that when I see these 50 year old assnuts with 3 year olds. It's like, really? You'll be collecting social security before your kids graduate from high school!
As the "assnut" who mentioned being fiddy, you are assuming that I believe social security will exist when I'm a senior citizen. I do not believe that will be the case.
Unless we all start having more kids to help pay into Social Security!
Vicious cycle! Hahaha. I'm staying sheathed til I see more green in the meantime.
When you don't have kids and have a good income and all the trappings, you think you are on top of the game. But really, no-one other than you will care about how perfectly-ordered your shit is.
Once you have kids, you realise the previous game was just a mere warm up for the realness. Gains and losses in the realness game are an order of magnitude bigger. If you do it right, and put the kids first, it's mostly gains.
I'd be curious to know if any of the folks with kids were ever planning to not have children at all with their significant other.
i'm not talking about the "i'm 25, F*ck kidz, lets get drunk", but the "we are a married/established couple and have no intentions to have kids".
the reason i ask, is because it seems like most folks with children either: 1. always planned on having them, so of course it's worth it 2. had a 'surprise' and have considered themselves blessed since then.
i personally don't know too many adults who at > 30-35 ever changed course if they were already on the track to not have kids. i'm certain they exist, I just would be curious to hear how they feel.
I never thought I'd have kids, never felt the slightest urge. Once into her 30s, my gf decided she did want kids (as you do), we discussed, let the idea simmer, I still couldn't see it. I also feel that society acts dumb towards people who don't want kids, this pisses me off mightily.
Anyway, what do you do when you really love someone and they really want something? I thought that if we didn't have kids this would turn out sadder for her than if I jumped on board.
Eight week old baby and I see things in a completely new way. In a word, I'm smitten.
So it's all good for me, not so good for some of my buddies...it seems they were trying to buy time with their partners, but if I can do it (apparently nobody expected me to go down this route) they're out of excuses?? Oops.
I'd be curious to know if any of the folks with kids were ever planning to not have children at all with their significant other.
i'm not talking about the "i'm 25, F*ck kidz, lets get drunk", but the "we are a married/established couple and have no intentions to have kids".
the reason i ask, is because it seems like most folks with children either: 1. always planned on having them, so of course it's worth it 2. had a 'surprise' and have considered themselves blessed since then.
i personally don't know too many adults who at > 30-35 ever changed course if they were already on the track to not have kids. i'm certain they exist, I just would be curious to hear how they feel.
I never thought I'd have kids, never felt the slightest urge. Once into her 30s, my gf decided she did want kids (as you do), we discussed, let the idea simmer, I still couldn't see it. I also feel that society acts dumb towards people who don't want kids, this pisses me off mightily.
Anyway, what do you do when you really love someone and they really want something? I thought that if we didn't have kids this would turn out sadder for her than if I jumped on board.
Eight week old baby and I see things in a completely new way. In a word, I'm smitten.
So it's all good for me, not so good for some of my buddies...it seems they were trying to buy time with their partners, but if I can do it (apparently nobody expected me to go down this route) they're out of excuses?? Oops.
I think this is the rare story with the happy ending (so far). So much of what you hear these days - especially with a new study that just came out - says that couples who become parents reluctantly tend to suffer much greater stress in the relationship vs. those who both want to become parents.
But it's good to hear that it sounds like you've been converted (babies can, but not always will, do that)!
you kidding? us born again dads are the worst! the way we go on you'd think that nobody in the whole history of the world ever gave birth before.
Seriously though, too many people do it for all the wrong reasons, probably because not enough emphasis is placed on the fact that you don't need to have kids to feel fulfilled in life.
On the other hand, I had no idea how amazing the whole thing would turn out to be. Don't get me wrong, of course there's plenty of stress involved, but I totally get it.
Lookin back, the best thing about having kids is it forced me to grow up. When it happened to me I was playin hard, and burnin the candle at both ends. When my girl told me the news, it was like... you can cut and run or you can stick around, either way this shits going down. I stuck around, and it was the bravest, most rewarding thing I ever did. I know kids ain't for everyone, I'm hardcore pro-choice all the way, but for me, it's worked out
Last night, after heckling a client for the upteenth time to 'please send the last 10% of the payment you've owed me for the LAST f*cking 6 MONTHS blah blah blah' I was seething like a MF. I went upstairs and sat at the end of my son's bed and watched him sleep. After a couple of minutes my blood pressure was down again and I felt OK. Kids are crazy grounding like that.
Comments
This is exactly why I don't want kids.
Rock dropping crazy knowledge nuggets.
Yeah - I think children are more rewarding than anything one could possibly imagine but this is impossible to really explain to someone who doesn't already have kids.
It's not like I don't miss all the stuff that you lose getting to do when you become a parent - believe me, I do - but what I get out of parenthood is so profoundly more incredible than whatever I lose in the exchange.
Then again, I don't have a teenager yet. Check back with me in about 10 years.
Hell no!!!! I'm too cotdamn busy with work and selfish with my time. Kids require time that I am unwilling to give. I spent nearly a decade in college (earning my BS, MA, and PhD), meaning I had to defer a lot of free time for my studies. When I got some free time (after graduating and getting a gig), I didn't want to give it up. My wife feels the same way, so we have a dog to nurture instead. The dog requires much less attention than raising a child.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
I'm jaded on having kids, I have a 4yr old daughter who is split between myself and the baby momma, no more kids for me, I see how they can change a relationship in a snap. I advise on not having kids, enjoy your nieces, nephews, and friends' kids instead. Live your life before having them.
Dude...if everyone takes your advice there won't be any nieces, nephews or friends' kids.
Never say never, but I don't see it in my future.
To answer an earlier question - if I was to get knocked up now, no I wouldn't put the baby up for adoption or terminate. As an adult whose faced with an unexpected adult-made situation, I'd see it through.
Respect
If men did this we'd have a lot fewer problems in the world.
I heard while it is a difficult job,it is the most rewarding
edit: but I can wait a few more years, too! haha
I'm four weeks into fatherhood and I'm glad I read this now. thanks. my life has changed but I couldn't be any happier...
oh, and that advice about keeping her off the pole is also golden.
In all fairness, I doubt everyone would take his advice. And I think he raises the important point that not everyone's experience with parenthood is wholly positive. In my case, with an unplanned pregnancy, it certainly helped that both of us were older, financially stable and committed to one another as a couple. Those go a long way to welcoming a child as a blessing vs. as a burden that one or two people are unprepared to take on.
Most of the benefits of having your own children with 1/10 the amount of responsibility and ownership.
But I do console myself with my age... I can really play with my kids. I think of that when I see these 50 year old assnuts with 3 year olds. It's like, really? You'll be collecting social security before your kids graduate from high school!
So definitely kids are something not to take lightly. I think the worst thing in the world (well, regarding kids) are these people that have kids and pay them no attention. And those people seem to come from both sides of the tracks.
As the "assnut" who mentioned being fiddy, you are assuming that I believe social security will exist when I'm a senior citizen. I do not believe that will be the case.
Unless we all start having more kids to help pay into Social Security!
I can only add:
When you don't have kids and have a good income and all the trappings, you think you are on top of the game. But really, no-one other than you will care about how perfectly-ordered your shit is.
Once you have kids, you realise the previous game was just a mere warm up for the realness. Gains and losses in the realness game are an order of magnitude bigger. If you do it right, and put the kids first, it's mostly gains.
Many mothers of professional football players will disagree.
I never thought I'd have kids, never felt the slightest urge. Once into her 30s, my gf decided she did want kids (as you do), we discussed, let the idea simmer, I still couldn't see it. I also feel that society acts dumb towards people who don't want kids, this pisses me off mightily.
Anyway, what do you do when you really love someone and they really want something? I thought that if we didn't have kids this would turn out sadder for her than if I jumped on board.
Eight week old baby and I see things in a completely new way. In a word, I'm smitten.
So it's all good for me, not so good for some of my buddies...it seems they were trying to buy time with their partners, but if I can do it (apparently nobody expected me to go down this route) they're out of excuses?? Oops.
I think this is the rare story with the happy ending (so far). So much of what you hear these days - especially with a new study that just came out - says that couples who become parents reluctantly tend to suffer much greater stress in the relationship vs. those who both want to become parents.
But it's good to hear that it sounds like you've been converted (babies can, but not always will, do that)!
Seriously though, too many people do it for all the wrong reasons, probably because not enough emphasis is placed on the fact that you don't need to have kids to feel fulfilled in life.
On the other hand, I had no idea how amazing the whole thing would turn out to be. Don't get me wrong, of course there's plenty of stress involved, but I totally get it.
I stuck around, and it was the bravest, most rewarding thing I ever did. I know kids ain't for everyone, I'm hardcore pro-choice all the way, but for me, it's worked out
Last night, after heckling a client for the upteenth time to 'please send the last 10% of the payment you've owed me for the LAST f*cking 6 MONTHS blah blah blah' I was seething like a MF. I went upstairs and sat at the end of my son's bed and watched him sleep. After a couple of minutes my blood pressure was down again and I felt OK. Kids are crazy grounding like that.