Convincing Housemates to Clean (NRR, obvi)

AlmondAlmond 1,427 Posts
edited February 2009 in Strut Central
I am one of 5 girls living in a townhouse in a college town. We have the nastiest college kitchen I've seen. It's not that bad, it's just that everyone else's is cleaner. I made up a cleaning schedule, and 2 of the messy ones don't seem to want to follow it. I mean, I can't make them, and one of them responds with, "Well, I just clean up my own messes," as if she deserves some reward for putting her eggs back in the fridge. Maybe this means that she only sweeps 1/5 of the floor.The other individual leaves pots on the stove for a week at a time. Instead of transferring the food to one of our 1,984,981 Tupperwares, she just sticks the whole pot in the fridge, taking up all the space. I went up to her room and told her that she can use my Tupperware so she doesn't have to leave her stuff in pots anymore. Hasn't worked yet.I want to be nice about it, as a house of girls + tension = NAGL. PS Zappa is some of my favorite vinyl to clean to.How do I get the girls to clean without coming across as a bitch?[/b] I'm sure there are other threads out there, but the search function didn't help me.
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  Comments


  • F*ck being nice, after one day unclean dishes go in the bed of the guilty roommate. That worked for me in college. Just be prepared to have it out after the first time, after that they will think twice about leaving shit in the sink.

  • DB_CooperDB_Cooper Manhatin' 7,823 Posts
    How do I get the girls to clean without coming across as a bitch?[/b] I'm sure there are other threads out there, but the search function didn't help me.

    Impossible. Say "F*ck it", be messy too, and move into your own place as soon as possible.

  • Man that shit is straight up foul.

    Answer: move out.

    If you really want to go there, make rules, have everyone sign, create monetary penalties (say... $5 for pots of spent food on the stove) and collect. They'll learn, or they'll leave. At worst put the dirty pots on their pillow(s) if they don't follow it.

    But seriously it's a lot easier to find people who actually care.

    If I kept my crib like that there would be roaches everywhere.

  • Birdman9Birdman9 5,417 Posts


    How do I get the girls to clean without coming across as a bitch?[/b]

    There is no way to do this if the person hasn't figured it out yet. I speak as someone who was a complete prick to some of my own roommates over the years when I say, DON'T WORRY ABOUT COMING ACROSS AS A BITCH, THEY KNOW THEY ARE WRONG[/b].
    As such, you are NOT being a bitch, they are being inconsiderate and if you say nothing that only gives them an excuse ("You never said anything, how was I supposed to know?").

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    Well you should start by posting pictures of said girls and said mess on an internet message board.

  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    Answer: move out.

    If those ladies didnt learn this shit at home growing up, I doubt theyre gonna learn how to be clean/neat in college.

    Its a lifestyle choice.

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    It's real hard to motivate people who are lazy or just don't care, it really depends on their personalities. Some people respond to threats, some to bribes, others to guilt.

    Maybe plan a reward/goal type thing that the whole house would enjoy, say if you can keep the kitchen clean for 1 week.

    Or like JP said move out.

  • white_teawhite_tea 3,262 Posts
    Yup, the only answer is moving out. Too many variables with five people. Hoping one roommate who occassionally cleans will live up to your standards of cleanliness is a challenge in itself to say nothing of trying to keep up a home with five sloppy ladies -- it will never be clean enough.

    Another thing that we can never measure is how their laziness slowly beats down on your own will to clean. I.e., Why mop when no one else even sweeps?

  • AlmondAlmond 1,427 Posts
    Most of us girls were babied by our families. Once my dad came over and he started emptying out the trash for us. Instead of saying, "oh, you don't have to do that!" one of my roommates said "you should come over more often."

    PS I will be moving out come graduation. But I'll still be paying rent on the lease, unless we sublease. Roommate situation before this was mad drama, but the house was spotless. My parents try to drop by unexpectedly so they can try to clean bc they think it's unhygienic. I don't let them, though.

  • AlmondAlmond 1,427 Posts
    ...




  • They will probably report your email as spam.

  • BurnsBurns 2,227 Posts
    Well you should start by posting pictures of said girls and said mess on an internet message board.

    On top of their messes I bet their girlfriends and boyfriends who come over to party/visit also add onto this landfill. Mine would. Burned me up that we would have to clean up after roommates' douchebag friends.

  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    Most of us girls were babied by our families. Once my dad came over and he started emptying out the trash for us. Instead of saying, "oh, you don't have to do that!" one of my roommates said "you should come over more often."

    Pathetic. The root of the issues has been uncovered. We protect little girls (and boys too) from responsibility so they grow up to be worthless. I deal with the fallout of this bullshit every day as a college prof. I challenge a student a little bit and he/she will whine like a littly sissy. We're raising a generation of f*ckin' pussies with no backbone or "gumption."

    Peace,

    Big Stacks from Kakalak

    P.S. Almond, you need to move out. You're persnickety like me so you'll never be successful living with roommates. When I got my own spot (after living with roommates for my first two years of grad school), my quality of life improved 10-fold. Get your own spot!!!

  • parsecparsec 5,087 Posts
    Keep playing Zappa, it might make em move out.

  • AlmondAlmond 1,427 Posts
    Moving out is money related and my money supply is limited. I'll be moving out after I grad, though. Plus, I like the girls a lot, and their friendship ultimately means a lot more than a clean house. I'm just tired of this after 1.5 years.

  • mannybolonemannybolone Los Angeles, CA 15,025 Posts
    move out.

  • DB_CooperDB_Cooper Manhatin' 7,823 Posts
    Keep playing Zappa, it might make em move out.

    Haha! Time to break out the Boredoms and some Sunn O))) and turn that shit to 11.

  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    Moving out is money related and my money supply is limited. I'll be moving out after I grad, though. Plus, I like the girls a lot, and their friendship ultimately means a lot more than a clean house. I'm just tired of this after 1.5 years.

    Hey Almond,

    I have two words for you: Stafford Loans. You could get just enough to supplement your increase in rent for your new 1-bedroom apartment. They have low-interest rate terms, generous payback schedules, and I paid mine off early. The peace of mind is worth the money!!!

    Peace,

    Big Stacks from Kakalak

  • AlmondAlmond 1,427 Posts
    Keep playing Zappa, it might make em move out.

    Haha! Time to break out the Boredoms and some Sunn O))) and turn that shit to 11.

    I'll play my worst records every time I clean and I'll clean all the time. They'll be miserable, but their assess will be sitting on a clean toilet seat for it.

  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    I just sent an email. It started out more angry, but I felt the need to check myself.


    S and Z,

    We need to discuss cleaning. I know I cannot force either of you to follow the cleaning schedule that I posted, but I emailed it to everyone over winter break, and no one offered me any suggestions or alternatives. Me, H and N follow it accordingly and according to the chart, only me, N and H in have emptied out the trash and recycling this quarter, which is unfair. The idea behind the cleaning schedule is that we all contribute equally to messes as a household, and that one person should not have to do more work than another. I know you guys are busy, but we are ALL busy. We all are taking 16 units and me and N even have jobs. I am frankly very frustrated.

    I asked S about this and she said "I clean up my own messes." This is true, but we all clean up our own messes. However, we all put garbage in the trash can, we all put cans in the recycling bin, we all get crumbs on the floor and counter and we all walk on the carpet.

    The reason I am emailing both of you is because 1) I don't know if I'll run into both of you today, 2) I have a meeting that might run late and 3) I feel like my attempts to offer verbal "hints" is not very effective. If you do not want to follow the cleaning schedule and divide tasks evenly, then I will remove it from the fridge. Just let me know if it is worth even trying, and I will learn to live with it. I do not care if you call me obsessive compulsive, and I do not care if you call me controlling. But as housemates, I believe that honesty is better than passive aggression, and I feel the need to speak up for N and H, who are super polite and don't know you guys as well.

    Sincerely,

    Say this to their faces. This is passive-aggressive.

    Cleanliness > Friendship.

  • mannybolonemannybolone Los Angeles, CA 15,025 Posts


    Cleanliness > Friendship.

    Almond, Batmon is completely, 100% on point here.

    Ask ANY married couple - no matter how blissfully coupled - if keeping the apt/house clean is a source of tension and I'd be f*cking flabbergasted if the majority of people didn't say, "hell yeah, it's an issue."

    So this whole "I value our friendship more than cleaniness" thing only works if none of you give a F*ck about the cleaniness, in which case, there's no conflict. If you want to save the friendship:

    1) move out
    2) make them move out
    3) lower your standards
    4) hope they raise theirs

  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    I just sent an email. It started out more angry, but I felt the need to check myself.


    S and Z,

    We need to discuss cleaning. I know I cannot force either of you to follow the cleaning schedule that I posted, but I emailed it to everyone over winter break, and no one offered me any suggestions or alternatives. Me, H and N follow it accordingly and according to the chart, only me, N and H in have emptied out the trash and recycling this quarter, which is unfair. The idea behind the cleaning schedule is that we all contribute equally to messes as a household, and that one person should not have to do more work than another. I know you guys are busy, but we are ALL busy. We all are taking 16 units and me and N even have jobs. I am frankly very frustrated.

    I asked S about this and she said "I clean up my own messes." This is true, but we all clean up our own messes. However, we all put garbage in the trash can, we all put cans in the recycling bin, we all get crumbs on the floor and counter and we all walk on the carpet.

    The reason I am emailing both of you is because 1) I don't know if I'll run into both of you today, 2) I have a meeting that might run late and 3) I feel like my attempts to offer verbal "hints" is not very effective. If you do not want to follow the cleaning schedule and divide tasks evenly, then I will remove it from the fridge. Just let me know if it is worth even trying, and I will learn to live with it. I do not care if you call me obsessive compulsive, and I do not care if you call me controlling. But as housemates, I believe that honesty is better than passive aggression, and I feel the need to speak up for N and H, who are super polite and don't know you guys as well.

    Sincerely,

    Say this to their faces. This is passive-aggressive.

    Cleanliness > Friendship.[/b]

    It's funny how women, typically, are so concerned with how others feel about them. F*ck those slobs, your peace of mind and health are worth being a "bitch" about what's right. Who wants to step their foot down in a dirt ring-lined, grubby, nasty-ass tub to take a shower? Who wants roaches crawling around the townhouse? Yuck!!! Approach this issue like a man and say what needs to be said directly.

    Peace,

    Big Stacks from Kakalak

  • UnherdUnherd 1,880 Posts
    F*ck being nice, after one day unclean dishes go in the bed of the guilty roommate. That worked for me in college. Just be prepared to have it out after the first time, after that they will think twice about leaving shit in the sink.




  • white_teawhite_tea 3,262 Posts
    Seems like this struck a chord -- never seen Big_Stacks so angry!


  • verb606verb606 2,518 Posts
    Moving out is money related and my money supply is limited. I'll be moving out after I grad, though. Plus, I like the girls a lot, and their friendship ultimately means a lot more than a clean house. I'm just tired of this after 1.5 years.

    I can dig all this. It's easy for people to say "Move out," but it's hard to do it, due to circumstances like yours.

    I think you just have to be the bad guy. Any friend who's going to going to cause a whole lot of drama let the friendship get messed up over some dishes might not be a friend worth working to keep.

    I lived off-campus with three other guys in college and one of them had to get up in our asses (no ayo) from time to time about cleaning habits. We sort of hated at the time but he's still my friend.

  • Yeah I was with you until the last paragraph where you basically folded and told them "if you are not able to live according to the agreed-upon rules and my basic standard of hygene and cleanliness which is already really bare minimum, it's ok - I'll learn to live with it."

    Fusk that.


  • Pathetic. The root of the issues has been uncovered. We protect little girls (and boys too) from responsibility so they grow up to be worthless. I deal with the fallout of this bullshit every day as a college prof. I challenge a student a little bit and he/she will whine like a littly sissy. We're raising a generation of f*ckin' pussies with no backbone or "gumption."

    LOL. this is why i love you, stacks. im glad youre teaching the youth.

    almond, youre letter was good, but it is passive to send letter rather than email. you could have talked on, "i really want to get up with all of you asap, about this and set shit straight". this needs to be face to face.

    i might be the only one who DOESNT recommend moving out. youre in school...the social shit is a learning process too and you gotta learn how to deal with coworkers, partners, roommates who dont hold up their end in the common space. economists call this "tragedy of the commons". same issues are manifested in communities too...moving out is one option, but its beneficial for the world to try to train people better.

    you gotta have a house meeting. the shy girls too. together, establish baseline acceptable cleanliness for common areas: kitchen, bathroom, tv area ( i remember that getting pretty foul). basics, like "do not prep food if youre going to leave the counter where someone else cant use it" "dont leave a sink full of dishes so someone else cant wash their things" "put leftovers in tupperware so someone else can use a pot when they want". shit dont haev to be spic and span, but there should be a baseline that everyone can agree on. job wheels are kinda gay and only work when everyone is motivated. i always liked a sign off list...when you do something, write date, name and chore you did on a central list. another list can be chores that need to get done (you might not have time, but you can write it up on the list. should be pretty obvious who created it) yall can get together over a beer and review it once a week.

    be patient and keep up the good fight. you will do them a great service sa well as yourself if you see this through. have a sense of humour about it, but take no mess. dishes are ALWAYS the source of household friction.

  • behemothbehemoth 2,189 Posts
    to put it in perspective...

    my ex girl would work 3 days a week. the other 4 days (while i was at work) she sat around on AIM trying to talk to me at work..

    she never:

    took the garbage out
    washed the dishes
    fed the cat
    checked the mail

    this is why she is my ex girlfriend

    moral of the story: move out! or kick them out!

    or something

    shit is gross son!

  • PrimeCutsLtdPrimeCutsLtd jersey fresh 2,632 Posts
    Throw away 95% of the pots, dishes and silverware.

  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    Post deleted by Big_Stacks
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