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return of erotic digger fiction (advice-related)

xxxDiggerFictionxxxDiggerFiction 2 Posts
edited September 2008 in Strut Central
hey xxxDigger, b,121b,121I need some help with an embarrassing problem that I???ve had since about 2000. Whenever I see a record in real life that sold on ebay that sold for $500 or over, I start compulsively masturbating. It gets awkward, because I can???t go out in public to any record stores with friends. Or I have to only go to stores in remote areas. Help! b,121b,121- lustin??? fo lifeb,121b,121b,121Lustin???, b,121b,121Maybe this tale will help your embarrassment. One time I was out with my mates and I spotted the Turner Bros. LP on the wall, and had an inexplicable urge to touch myself with my left hand. The shrink was still on it, with a price sticker of $.99 from 1983. I took it off the wall (with my right). After a deep inhale, it smelled just how funk should. The aroma was intoxicating. Before you knew it, I was furiously masturbating with one hand, while doing lines of dust from the opened end, in the middle of Other Music. Now not only can I not go in there, but no indie rock chicks in NYC will date me. b,121b,121It???s a good idea to keep nasty thoughts out of your head by spank it before you go out for the day. Keep some digging pornography on you at all times, like the Manship book or some of those Japanese guides. b,121b,121- xxxDiggerFictionb,121b,121b,121When I sell a record I immediately feel a desire to buy that record again. It???s like, I know it sucks, but when I see it again, I forget bout that, and buy it. So my whole collection is just cycling the same common crappy records over and over again. I???ve bought James Brown ???Hell??? fifteen times! I???m beginning to think I???m not normal. Also my girlfriend makes fun of me. What can I do? b,121b,121- Re-gripperb,121b,121b,121Dear Re-gripper, b,121b,121You???re not normal, but you may still find fulfilling record-related grips in your near future. One tip is to keep a diary of all the records you???ve sold, and why you got rid of them. When you feel yourself wanting to buy a record you???ve already sold because it sucks, check your book and read why. You???re the only one who can pull yourself out of this sad and depressing cycle of re-grippage. b,121b,121- xxxDiggerFictionb,121b,121b,121b,121Yo DIGGAFUXXXSHUN!b,121When diggin wit my partna, he got this HOT ass record. I let my hand slipped and touched his stack, just so I could touch it. He wuz all giving me shifty eyes. Is that lyke a no-no? I was all suspected out. b,121b,121- Coming Out Quicklyb,121b,121b,121Dear COQ, b,121b,121Feelings of lust for your friends??? stack are perfectly natural for adolescent diggers. You don???t have anything to feel bad about. You can just laugh it off. Or if you find yourself really wanting that record, you can ask him about it later when you???re at a quiet, secluded location. Nobody likes being harassed in public about a record. b,121b,121Just don???t, no matter how much you feel like it, forcefully take a record from his pile. That???s attempted record molestation in Deleware, Minnesota, and Texas. b,121b,121- xxxDiggerFiction

  Comments

  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    Am I missing something? Is this supposed to be funny?b,121Dude, you are the Jim Carrey of Soulstrut. Now make a post doing stupid faces and weird noises.
  • RockadelicRockadelic Out Digging 13,993 Posts
    Quote:h,121b,121Am I missing something? Is this supposed to be funny?b,121Dude, you are the Jim Carrey of Soulstrut. Now make a post doing stupid faces and weird noises. b,121b,121h,121
    b,121b,121Based on the use of "mates" I'm guessing this is more like Benny Hill than Jim Carey.......British humor must go over my head as I rarely find it funny.
  • faux_rillzfaux_rillz 14,343 Posts
    tepid
  • ReynaldoReynaldo 6,054 Posts
    Quote:h,121b,121tepid b,121b,121h,121
  • PABLOPABLO 1,921 Posts
    You are an offense to the lineage of fine Erotique Diggeur Fiction on SS.
  • jaymackjaymack 5,199 Posts
    awkward.
  • DeegreezDeegreez 804 Posts
    Quote:h,121b,121
    Quote:h,121b,121tepid and awkward b,121b,121h,121
    b,121b,121h,121
    b,121b,121b,121Agreed.b,121However, I think you may have something here if it was better, more developed. I propose you dust yourself off and try again, this time using actual strutters and, based on knowing their angles, fabricate their imagined struggles and compose letters from them to you and then answer them. Much like your current format but HARDER BETTER FASTER STRONGER. Right now you are at grocery store PA system level, you need to turn it up to raer.b,121Oh and it's not erotic neither... gotta blast that knob up a lot too if you are in fact going for erotic without irony.
  • SoulOnIceSoulOnIce 13,027 Posts
    Quote:h,121b,121b,121However, I think you may have something here if it was better, more developed. I propose you dust yourself off and try again, this time using actual strutters and, based on knowing their angles, fabricate their imagined struggles and compose letters from them to you and then answer them. Much like your current format but HARDER BETTER FASTER STRONGER. Right now you are at grocery store PA system level, you need to turn it up to raer.b,121Oh and it's not erotic neither... gotta blast that knob up a lot too if you are in fact going for erotic without irony. b,121b,121h,121
    b,121b,121b,121tepid
  • markus71markus71 937 Posts
    This has got to be one of those thebreaks.com clowns trying to be funny on another forum....
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