porn story update
nzshadow 5,517 Posts
edited November 2007 in Strut Central
So its been a while and i thought id give an update.There has been some action on the porn story front, i sent them to a friend who sent them to a friend who... and it looks like this might actually turn into something.Im pretty stoked and it has inspired me to write some more.I just finished (started) this one and i thought i'd share.I call this one Wallet guy.Friday night, 3am. I???m sitting behind the counter pricing a large stack of newly returned videos. In the store a group of three guys are browsing the video racks, each trying to out-do the others by discovering the most ludicrous title, a lone suit is checking out the pleasure sleeves (or as the staff call them, wank-gloves) and a drunk is gazing at the blowup dolls.Guy one, ???bodacious tatas!???Guy two, ???fuck fight!??? Guy three,??? granny tranny gangbang!???Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. They huddle together and fall silent, gazing at the cover like it was an ancient artifact, cradling it gently and studying its cover like archeologists deciphering hieroglyphics. Finally they burst into laughter, put the precious video back on the shelf (in the wrong place) and leave the store laughing all the way.I lazily rise from the stool and head to the video wall to re-file granny when suddenly the business man shoves a wank sleeve back onto the shelf and makes a break for her, darting across the store, weaving between magazine racks and lunging for the cover with his arm outstretched.Alan, ???alright mate????Suit, ???how much????Alan, ???one hundred dollars. Cash???Hell, if this fuckwit is so keen to see granny get it I might as well get paid. Mentally I have already spent the money on weed and rent before his answer brings me back to reality.Suit, ???no, to watch it, in there???He stretches the word ???there??? out so it sounds like theeeeeeere, and slowly, dramatically raises his arm and points towards the booths. This succeeds in making the guy even sadder and creepier than I had originally assumed.Alan, ???oh, two bucks a minute, no refunds???He digs into his pockets and pulls a handful of change, studies it carefully, then without a word turns and walks into a booth, locking the door behind him.Alan, ???gimme a minute to load her up???And then under my breath, ???asshole???.I find granny tranny gangbang, shove her into the VCR, fast forward the credits and let her roll.Ten minutes later, after I have kicked out the drunk and wiped his jizz of the front of a blowup doll box (featuring a photo of a famous English pop star/page three girl who I???m sure has no idea her likeness is being used to market fuck muppets) the suit walks out the door and is gone.The night drags on, so after flipping the sign to ???back soon??? and smoking a joint I venture into the wank booths to check the damage. That???s when I see it sitting on the floor between the dirt, paper towels and jizz flecks. Suit-boy dropped his wallet.I absolutely live for moments like this; I reach down and with a choir of angels singing in my ear, lift my precious new parcel and head to the counter.It feels thick, I imagine fat wads of hundreds, crisp and still in sequence fresh from the machine, bags of uncut coke and platinum credit cards with the PIN number written on the back. Settling into the stool, I slowly open it up and gaze down at the contents within.Assorted credit and charge cards, a video store card, a ???if found please return this wallet??? card, drivers license, a stack of receipts from shitty clothing stores and $330 in cash.Fuck it could be worse. I pocket the cash (idiot tax buddy, you???ll get your cards back, but you???ll also pay my rent and buy my weed).I take out the ???if found please return this wallet??? card and read the name, Daniel Easter. Dan me old mate, no one wants a call at 4:30 am ill do you a favor and call you tomorrow, I place the card under the phone and throw the wallet into the desk drawer and head out to my stoop for a smoke.The next day im back at work sitting at the counter rolling a joint and I see the card, I call the number and a woman picks up, Woman, ???hello????Alan, ???Um, hi, um, is Daniel Easter there????Woman, ???no he???s not, who is this???? Alan, ???I???m calling from a??? um??? bookstore in the city and he left his wallet here???.Woman, ???which bookstore? What???s the name of your store????Alan, CLICK.Well, at least he knows where his wallet is, and as much of a sad fuck as he was I aint in the business of breaking marriages, so I did my part.Later that night I am re-filing the freshly bagged mags and in walks Daniel Easter.Daniel, ???How dare you call my home you Frickin' asshole, where is my wallet????Alan ???easy dickhead, I???ve got your wallet, just relax???Daniel ???relax? You called my wife you filthy pervert, what did you tell her? Give me my wallet???I can???t believe this shit, I do the wanker a favor and he repays me by screaming at me and calling me a filthy pervert. I take his wallet from the drawer and throw it in his face.Alan, ???There you go family man, still want to buy granny tranny gangbang? Or would you just like another test drive you dirty prick????Daniel, ???you don???t know who you are messing with asshole, Fuck you???.He turns and walks out the door.What a cunt, I can???t believe it; at least I got his money. I???m still shaking after my third cigarette (that he paid for) and then I remember, I have all Daniels details on his wallet card under the phone.A smile spreads across my face and turns into a grin, turns into a laugh, turns into an evil sound like a Bond villain would make. Daniel Easter, you just fucked with the wrong guy.The first thing I do is call Mike at Disco Heaven and get him to add Daniels name to his gay movie new release mailing list. Then I ring the weekly swingers magazine that we stock and place an ad (on the stores account) asking for men interested in Frickin' Daniels wife while he watches.I have never met Daniels wife, I only spoke to her on the phone, but I describe her as a petite 21 year old blonde with big tits and a firm body.I spent the rest of the day signing him up to every gay video mailing list we had, this was pre-email so this poor fucker had to deal with real junk mail delivered to his home.But the best part was calling Phil at P. St; he added Daniels phone number to the darkroom contacts corkboard (we waived the usual $10 fee this time). Every guy that used the city???s most popular darkroom would see Daniels number and his request for hard dicks to suck anytime anywhere.Be nice to your friendly neighborhood porn store clerk, because paybacks a bitch, just ask Daniel Easter.I'll keep you all up to date.
Trying to find something wrong with this, but given the unusual circumstances Im having a difficult time.
This is a hell of a story--and yes, what kind of idiot tries to start shit with the porn store clerk? Like, why piss off the guy with perhaps the greatest capability to thoroughly humiliate you?
why you gotta bring the juice into this?
is he into granny tranny gangbang porn? or did he act/produce it? that would be
love thee man keep it up
that is some wild shit! why didn't i read these before....?
HARDCORE STORIES DESERVE HARD BOUND EDITIONS
YOU MUST DEAL
sorry, not on your side on this one....
It's not stealing. It's free cash downloading.
Honestly, though - I agree. Theft is never justified. However, a protagonist with broad streaks of immorality would sell the book better and is completely befitting of the subject matter.
I really should've gone into advertising.
free cash downloading. Brilliant.
did i take the cash?
was i a stoner little scumbag at the time?
do i feel bad about taking the cash?
yeah change that part so you dont keep the money, and while youre at it, get rid of the part where you call up the other stores in town and put him on gay porn mailing lists too. and the fact that you work in a shop that sells pornography. all of these immoral choices offended me.
let us all know if and when this book gets an official release! i'm excited to read it!!
shit picture really.
my friend Matt had his thumb sliced off in a car door that his sister slammed when he was two years old, they chopped of his big toe and grafted it onto his thumbstump, We used to always give him the thumbs up and call him toe thumb.
dude was cool as shit.
use it like a shoehorn.
Is this exclusive to porn shops and adult bookstores?
So should I be able to pocket some dude's/broad's cash he/she leaves at the hotel I work at? They gotta be idiots too, right?
Must one be a perv and/or asshole for this to be justified?
Plaese to explain.
PS: raj the ":5pager:" code doesnt work anymore. PLEASE FIX THIS IMPORTANT PROBLEM
When's the last time someone you know lost their wallet and got it back with the cash still in it?
Besides, dude did the right thing and returned it -- he could have dropped it in the bucket with the JizzMop(tm) first if he really wanted to ruin his day.
He is having some trouble getting in the door as we had a step, I pretended not to notice him.
He manages to get in and bumps his chair into the magazine display case, what a dick. Im doing my best to avoid all eye contact with him but the old fucker starts winging about ???I cant reach this??? I cant reach that???.
Me, ???hey asshole, what am I, your social worker? Choose something from the bottom shelf???.
The old bastard winges and moans, ???im blind, im old, im poor???
Fuck that. I hate old blind poor people in wheelchairs.
So I head around to wheel him back out into the rain, I grabbed his chair and the old fucker started yelling and trying to hit me, it was really funny.
I pushed him into a booth, threw the bin at him and stole his money.
Is that better?
I hope this is true, mr. million little peices.