thank you/fuck you [really long & wedding-related]
dmac
472 Posts
Last Saturday I had the unfortunate experience of working my worst wedding gig ever.The couple had no clue, no idea how to communicate their needs/wants, and impossibly rich parents who threw them a lavish reception at one of the best hotels in DC who had their own agenda for the evening. None of which was communicated to me until 11:10 pm, after the reception was over.A week before the wedding, I met with the couple to go over their schedule and playlist. They even debated important aspects of the evening like whether or not to have dancing throughout dinner or keep it mellow so folks could talk. The bride wanted a non-stop party and the groom wanted an atmosphere conducive to talk and a relaxing meal. I was given the impression that the latter was more important.They had no schedule whatsoever, so I had to take on the role of wedding planner and help them write it. Their playlist included lots of schmaltzy latin pop and shit like Cher and club mixes of Rick Astley (!) among the usual wedding fare. They also said no "hardcore rap" but thought classic hip-hop was appropriate. The bride said her mother loved disco so they wanted a lot of that.I reviewed the list and told them what songs I was missing and that they'd need to provide them. Which they did, on five CDs (!), only 30 hours before the wedding! How I was going to preview 60+ songs and figure out how to incorporate them into the evening was a challenge to say the least. But I had a good amount of their playlist covered so I thought I was in good enough shape.The night of the wedding had its fair share of difficulties, to say the fucking least. The groom enters the reception room prior to guests entering to say hello and make sure I stick to playing the CDs he gave me (even though it was less than half of the music they had covered on their playlist), which threw me for a fucking loop. The best man insisted on giving his toast from the table, rather than from the dancefloor (I use a corded Shure SH55 Elvis mic which looks classy and necessitates all eyes are focused on the *standing* speaker) even though I had expressed concern that one speaker was only 10 feet from him and feedback was going to be hard to avoid. Dude was huge, like 6'2" and 230 and yet was too shy & nervous to stand up in front of everyone and make his toast properly. His fake tan'n'tits girlfriend was supportive and caring and that kind of made him look even more like a pussy which didn't really help matters.So he makes his toast and feedback happens, of course. Then, according to the schedule, I introduce the maid of honor for her toast and I am told immediately by the bride that she wasn't going to do one. She was a good sport though and said something impromptu and teary-eyed.Dinner, of course, went 45 minutes over time, throwing the schedule way off. The groom insisted I play no dance music until the cake was cut. Meanwhile the natives, having finished dinner, are restless and walking around the room.Eventually I get into the dance set, covering as much of their playlist as possible. And the results were mixed. The usual wedding stuff I selected worked its usual charm. The mother of the bride insisted on some Donna Summer, which I dropped almost immediately, because I could tell she thought this was more her party than the bride's. The dance pop they gave me cleared the floor just about every time without fail, leaving me scrambling to get people back on the floor.After one really horrendous bomb (said Rick Astley, one of their 'must plays'), I played "Don't Stop Believin'," on their playlist and lately a sure-fire hit. The bride and her friends rush to the floor and the groom rushes to me to ask me what the hell I'm doing. "It's on your playlist, man." and I show him the list, which I'd been trying so hard to follow throughout the evening. "My wife is the only person in the room who wants to hear that song," he says, then takes the list over to a friend of his and they talk.Then two friends of the bride and groom come over and ask me for Nelly to get the party going again (thank god, somebody's being reasonable here, I think) which it does. But the classic hip-hop/Madonna/Pussycat Dolls/Gwen Stefani thing wasn't working for the groom and he insisted I play more of the latin stuff. So I cue up some pounding Enrique Iglesias tune and start mixing into some of the latin disco I'd brought along.The end of the night is approaching fast and I drop Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On" as the last song. Then the mother of the bride walks over to me and launches into the kind of belittling tirade that only a truly wealthy over-entitled bitch could come up with for the hired help. She insisted there was a chosen last song (there wasn't), that I simply did my own thing and ignored the requests of guests (I never adhered so closely to a playlist and tried to fulfill every request as best I could while *maintaining* the dancefloor). She told me that dinner was "a disaster" because I didn't play dance music throughout (see above for the lowdown on that).The bride's brother threw in his two worthless cents too, saying he had a $200 tip for me but was going to give me only $50 for my efforts. I told him to not tip me at all, which he snidely complied with.Then the groom steps up to me and tells me not to worry about his mother-in-law, dismissing her as "crazy," and tells me "it was ok" when I ask him how he thought the night went.So I'm left to packing up my gear feeling like a sweat-soaked shit heel while guests say their goodbyes without nary a glance in my direction. The event manager, who was a top-shelf pro the entire evening, was my saving grace, bringing me a silver bucket with ice cold beers after I told her about said tirade(s). She told me the family treated her staff rudely, like nothing they did was good enough. It felt like a bad TV show.I busted my ass for this wedding and I got nothing but bad attitude.Fuck each and every one of both families. And every single guest.I've DJed 30+ weddings and 100% of the time the bride and groom and families and guests are totally cool, have a great time and are nothing but grateful at the evening's end.It is my practice to send a thank you note to the bride and groom. I am tempted to send this particular couple a note expressing the bitter sentiments I feel towards them at this point. I thought I was a professional and could roll with the punches. But seriously, I've lost sleep over this.Dori thinks I should tell them exactly what I think about the experience. I did already write something just to get it off my chest, but I am not sure I should send it as-is:[Bride & Groom],Thank you for the opportunity to dj your wedding reception.I made the extra effort to work through the evening's every detail withyou both. It is regrettable that differing expectations led to somedisappointment. I always want my wedding clients happy and I believe i didthe best job I could given the circumstances.Every wedding I am involved with is a unique experience. The lessonslearned last Saturday are invaluable and will serve me well as a weddingprofessional in the immediate and foreseeable future.[Bride's mother's] scathing review of the evening was irrational,misinformed, unfair and delivered without remorse or tact. She is ashining example of "privileged class" as an oxymoron; she may beprivileged, but she has no class. [Bride's brother's] snide delight inwithholding a gratuity was pathetic at best since it was obvious none ofthe money was his.Best of luck to you both as you begin your new life together. You alldeserve each other.Fuck you,D. 
Comments
People who try to micromanage a playlist b/w awful taste tend to be retarded in a whole lot of other ways. I have made my best effort to learn how to predict this during the interview (or even the first email). I have actually told people that I was not the droid they were looking for (waves hand) and probably barely missed having this same type experience.
That's a terrible fucking story though.
True that, some people are impossible to please. So I don't know how effective the note will be. I do not want it to just come off as sour grapes. But man, those people fucking suck and need to be told as much.
I am going to sting from this for a while (at least until the next wedding gig) but I think I'll recover. I kinda have to since I have a full fall schedule!
I normally do the same thing, but they booked me after a short phone call. Also attesting to their cluelessness was that they came to see me at a St-Ex gig, so they saw me doing my thing. How they heard that set of funk and hip-hop and extrapolated that I'd be cool with playing Cher, Rick Astley, and Enrique Iglesias is beyond all comprehension.
Lesson learned. Never again will I book an event before meeting in person.
My wife was working at a wedding this weekend and said the best man's wife got up and told the groom that she was still pissed about how he would take her husband out all the time drinking and make him think he was single, then she said loudly to the whole party, "Pay Back is a Bitch".
thats the one you send.
Wait a few days and see if you still feel like pursuing it. Or write it and send it to yourself and that might get it off your chest.
If you do decide to send it, leave out the privileged class/no class sentence and take out the brother altogether. I would finish off with the first paragraph as it's positive and shows you are moving on. Leave out the f*ck you sign-off. Don't lose your cool, just tell them what's what.
Classic.
The only memorable thing in the best man's speech was when he recalled the groom saying he "found the female version of himself." Which is wrong on so many levels.
Ha! NZShadow you're a naughty boy. Personally, I'd drop that line and maintain the sheath of professionalism over your glistening fangs. For the moment, anyway.
You could drag these fucktards to Gitmo, and even after a whole lotta ECT and water-boarding, would still "function" entirely around their delusional sense of entitlement.
This is the keep-it-together-bro group therapy session I was hoping for when I first posted. I am definitely going to mull it over for a few days, while the bride and groom are off on their honeymoon.
That line was mine, actually. Not sure if NZShadow left that in intentionally...
I completely disagree, D, do not send them a thing[/b]. You have wasted way too much of your energy on people who DO NOT AND WILL NEVER DERSERVE IT.
Like Frank said, move on, forget these bitches as simply gird your loins for more of them someday in the wedding game(it's inevitable). You send something in writing now and there is no telling the kind of damage to a person's rep idiotic people like this could do with time on their hands and spite in their hearts.
I think this is an object lesson in this line of work (and many others probably), which is TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY. You will have people who don't like your looks, think your music sucks no matter how much of it they have personally selected, think you are unprofessional for no reason, or any one of a million things people can pick apart when you are out there in the public like this. It is one thing to lose sleep over actual criticism over mistakes you may have made, but you can't let these bastards keep you agitated. Cash their check and onto the next one.
Word of mouth is the best advertising. The last thing I need is more fuel for the fire. There is no doubt in my mind I will get badmouthed for this by both families, so keeping it professional is the best approach. I just want them all to know I'm moving on/rising above.
And I'd rather have no business than do any business with anyone even remotely or accidentally associated with this wedding.
Simple, effective and rewarding!
The Journey song? How does one dance to that?
Dori & I discussed shit sandwiches. Easier to make, I think.
You sound like you've never DJ'd a wedding.
You don't. You kinda do the white jump around with your hands in the air. But only if you know all the words. Otherwise you visit the bar and wait for it to end.
heh..but what about the slow bits of the song (intro)? I can picture a bunch of people just moping around waiting for the choruses.
I am
That one was thankfully not on the playlist.
I thought that was a wedding standard for marriage aged folks these days...been on every 'Must Play' list I have gotten! That and 'Moni Moni'!
Are you sure you'd have a problem finding a dead rat in DC?
Shit sandwiches are kiddie stuff. They'd be disgusted but will shrug it off.
A dead rat as a wedding gift will stick with them for the rest of their life.
Shit sandwiches are easier only in that you don't have to leave home to make them.
Dead rats are definitely plentiful in DC. I hadn't considered the long-term psychological damage caused by them.
I DJ'd a wedding last week where I somehow neglected to bring any Billy Idol (I've done enough of these to know that old Billy is a must at 'white weddings'). After the third request, I put technology to use ... got online using the blue tooth connection to my cell phone and used Acquisition to download 'Mony Mony'. My efforts paid off.
My stink with the wedding planner was that she was totally unorganized in helping navigate through the reception, only to shot call towards the end of the night, calling for "something more uptempo, and dancey, like some rock - you know like 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' and "Aerosmith," which was no where in the requests submitted by the couple. When I diverged into some rock, it killed the floor (in a bad way), while corny wedding planner and her tool-sidekick-friend (who incessantly shot me screw-face looks, and thumbs down for most the night) rocked out by themselves. They were older than the bride & groom, and totally disconnected, projecting their shitty and inappropriate tastes on the evening. But hey, what the fuck is new?
At any rate, an abbreviated version of your letter will suffice. No need to fuel to any lingering disappointment from the situation. As you expressed, you don't want any further business from their likes.
21st century dj ingenuity in action. I am sure this will happen more and more in the future.
I'm finding wireless networks at wedding locations all the time. Nice to know requests can be met no matter what.
speaking of "white" weddings, i played yet another last week. after the dinner i was doing everything i could to get those asses shaking, to no avail. i forget what i played to start it off but the groom came over and asked me to play more of the upbeat r&b stuff. i just happened to have a stack of funk 45s with me so i started dropping them and the dancefloor took off! i was a bit suprised to say the least. i'm sure they didn't know 95% of the cuts i was playing. after 1/2 hour i segued into 80s stuff and it just kept going.
i've only had good reactions at weddings, sorry to hear about this shitty one for you.
My aunt and uncle spent literally half a million dollar on my cousin's wedding last month and it was just one huge stressful weekend for everyone involved. We weren't allowed to have fun. I was an usher and spent the whole weekend getting yelled at by one of the thousand wedding planners. My buddy had his wedding last weekend in Capitola and spent no money at all. It was the best wedding I've been to all summer... out of 7 so far!
From now on I want all my friends to get married in Vegas without telling anyone and then have a party when they get back. That would be a good look