People who would be great to talk with again, they want nothing to do with you.
People you want nothing to do with, somehow find your MySpace page and asks to be your friend. This happened right after Christmas. I was going to update something on the page, went to see who wanted to "be my friend", saw her ugly ass face and I said "oh hell no". I honestly don't know what I saw in her. I consider that a major low point in my life.
woah...marc...best of luck, as you wish. that is some hea-vy shiiit.
one ex i talk to once or twice a year just to see what we're up to; i'll always want to konw what she's doing. she's interesting, and has a good attitude about the ex thing; we both know we we're better as friends than as a couple.
one i invited to my wedding, but probably shouldn't have; too much stress with my wife. (NOTE: not drama- stress. she was worried, which i'll never blame her for.)
the last big one i don't talk to, but its not malicious; i just have nothing to say. i mean NOTHING. she'll email once a year, and i'll think about writing back. then, i'll think that i want some raisins, and i don't write to her, and it is gone.
Now how should one feel if for instance, the person you are dating talks to their ex all the time.
This really irked me about my current relationship for the longest time,
they have a kid together, so it's understandable I guess[/b]. I found it really tricky though because I'm definitely a "burn all bridges" kinda guy & have a tough time seeing it any other way.
Yeah man, I mean...it's one thing if they went out in high school and still talk every night. But if there's a child involved...different rules apply!
one i invited to my wedding, but probably shouldn't have; too much stress with my wife. (NOTE: not drama- stress. she was worried, which i'll never blame her for.)
Yeah, you gotta handle the friendship in a way that it doesn't impact your current relationship and if your ex is a real friend, he/she will understand that certain things, like wedding invitations, might be out. Conversely, your current romantic partner has to understand that your life didn't begin when you met him/her and that there are good reasons why you're no longer with your ex. It all depends on the specifics of the situation and the personalities involved.
one i invited to my wedding, but probably shouldn't have; too much stress with my wife. (NOTE: not drama- stress. she was worried, which i'll never blame her for.)
Yeah, you gotta handle the friendship in a way that it doesn't impact your current relationship and if your ex is a real friend, he/she will understand that certain things, like wedding invitations, might be out. Conversely, your current romantic partner has to understand that your life didn't begin when you met him/her and that there are good reasons why you're no longer with your ex. It all depends on the specifics of the situation and the personalities involved.
Fo sure...My wife was not out of line in her concerns. I am still close to this girl, but there were some things that happened on her end early in my relationship that kind of put my wife on the Defensive, and it was a tough first impression for her to get past. And, like i said i cannot blame her.
I still talk to my most recent ex, and she's the only one I still keep in touch with. A major part of why I still talk to her is that we didn't break up over anything negative--we only broke up because she moved away. So she's not my girlfriend anymore, but she's still one of my best friends. Plus, she used to be a studio engineer, so I constantly bug her with my questions about production/engineering.
I'm in the same boat, minus the studio engineer part, about which I am jealous. Life gets in the way of relationships sometimes, and you just have to let it be, painful as that is.
I find it strange when people don't talk to their exes, especially if it lasted over a year. I just can't imagine being that bitter towards someone that close to me, especially for such a long amount of time. Whatever works though.
i kick it with an ex... (as friends). my girl is cool with it. actually-my girl could care less. trust is key people!
i understand trust is key (and this is a general response...not specifically to you) but, to act like nothing else is in play here is naive and irresponsible. obviously, you and someone else AT ONE TIME shared something more than friendship. to act like that won't have a factor in you and the exes future friendship is just wrong; likewise, to fail to acknowledge the issues at stake with a current love is foolish.
I recently ran into an ex that I hadn't seen for a couple of years, and was surprised at how hard it hit me - I hadn't been thinking of her that much at all, would consider myself completely "over" her if asked, but after a 5 minute conversation on the street and a couple of hugs, I found myself thinking of her every day for weeks afterwards ... I had to face the fact that I never fell totally out of love with her.
The fact that she is married now made it not worth getting too worked up over, though. Sometimes it's better just to stay apart, I guess.
one i invited to my wedding, but probably shouldn't have; too much stress with my wife. (NOTE: not drama- stress. she was worried, which i'll never blame her for.)
Yeah, you gotta handle the friendship in a way that it doesn't impact your current relationship and if your ex is a real friend, he/she will understand that certain things, like wedding invitations, might be out. Conversely, your current romantic partner has to understand that your life didn't begin when you met him/her and that there are good reasons why you're no longer with your ex. It all depends on the specifics of the situation and the personalities involved.
Fo sure...My wife was not out of line in her concerns. I am still close to this girl, but there were some things that happened on her end early in my relationship that kind of put my wife on the Defensive, and it was a tough first impression for her to get past. And, like i said i cannot blame her.
A certain ex once warned me that if a certain friend were invited to our prospective wedding, "It will cost you a lot more money--we'll have to have it on a f**king boat!"
man, faux...its shit like that that make me looooooove women even more. breakfacing a layer ain't easy; women can end a conversation like no man possibly can.
I find it strange when people don't talk to their exes, especially if it lasted over a year. I just can't imagine being that bitter towards someone that close to me, especially for such a long amount of time. Whatever works though.
Nothing strange about not talking to an ex. I was with my ex-wife for 8 years, we split, haven't spoke once in the nearly 2 years since the split. It ended poorly, I can't imagine what we'd talk about to tell the truth, the weather? It's all about moving on & forgetting about it.
Bury those feelings people, just become a hard heartless shell of a person, with a seething ball of inner rage to keep you warm at night.
I just got separated after a 16-year relationship, 11 years of which were spent married. We haven't seen each other at all since I moved out in the beginning of December, though we've kept in touch. The split has been amicable but understandably she's taken things really hard. Still, we know that we'll run into each other eventually (my boss is one of her long-time friends) and it won't be good if we haven't gotten over the hump of being in the same place beforehand. So I'm going over to her place for dinner this Thursday so we can test the waters.
As Batmon, faux & Odub said, even though we're not in a relationship we both still want to remain friends, and I really hope we can make that happen. She's a great person and I'm still down for her no matter what.
Wish me the best, everyone.
I thought 4 years was a long time, because it lasted for the majority of my college years. But when you're talking 10+ years, that's taking it for sure.
I guess it all depends on how one defines "friends". I am 'friendly' with probably 98% of the people I have ever dated, if only because I hold no animosity toward any of them, and hopefully vice versa, and really only dread running into one or 2 (and given that I live near no real ex-GFs, I really don't actively dread anything). I guess it helps that I haven't been with anyone but my wife in almost 9 years. Even the ones that ended badly are water under the bridge by now.
My wife has met several of my ex-GFs at social functions back home in Minneapolis, but my first girlfriend from college is the only one I actually wanted her to meet, because she was such a major influence on my life and I think of her as family. We have been apart for over 15 years now and only keep in touch sporadically, but I thank God that my wife is not the jealous/irrational type about situations like that.
Mostly she just loves to give me shit about one ex she met a few years back at one of my old band's endless reunion shows
My wife: "Lord, that girl looked CRAZY. What is up with her fucked-up hair? That's YOUR girlfriend!"
until i wanna bring up the fact i know she fucked around with another guy right before we broke up (she fucked 1 dude but told me about it, so shes not all bad) aint a word gonna be said. shes happy to tell me that i did this and that and i am not honest or a nice person, when i know her shit stinks too!
I am 'friendly' with probably 98% of the people I have ever dated
Please provide the calculations used to arrive at this figure.
I can think of exactly 1 gal I dated who I wouldn't cross the street to spit on if she were on fire (and come to think of it, I think she and I buried the hatchet a while ago-she just really did me dirty, no joke). Other than that, it is sincerely a happy occasion to see most any of the people I have dated seriously or casually since high school.
I broke up with my gf of 4 years, and it's been 7 months. I occassionally send her an email saying watup cuz i get lonely sometimes.
Who talks to their ex? and for what reasons?
A month ago I broke up my girlfriend of about 3 years. We have been chatting over email a bit. Shit is hard though, because I'm having all kinds of doubts about whether or not I did the right thing.
eh i think if you can be good friends with someone you broke up with the relationship wasnt that deep.. mine was intense, plans to get married (well for the visa first as she could move here (she's american) etc.. you cant rush that shit! and i realise that now. oh well
I am 'friendly' with probably 98% of the people I have ever dated
Please provide the calculations used to arrive at this figure.
I can think of exactly 1 gal I dated who I wouldn't cross the street to spit on if she were on fire (and come to think of it, I think she and I buried the hatchet a while ago-she just really did me dirty, no joke). Other than that, it is sincerely a happy occasion to see most any of the people I have dated seriously or casually since high school.
Is that precise enough for you, Professor Love?
...so you've dated 49 or more other people since high school?
I am 'friendly' with probably 98% of the people I have ever dated
Please provide the calculations used to arrive at this figure.
I can think of exactly 1 gal I dated who I wouldn't cross the street to spit on if she were on fire (and come to think of it, I think she and I buried the hatchet a while ago-she just really did me dirty, no joke). Other than that, it is sincerely a happy occasion to see most any of the people I have dated seriously or casually since high school.
Is that precise enough for you, Professor Love?
...so you've dated 49 or more other people since high school?
I'm chill with everyone I've dated (as far as I know), except the for the woman I was with for almost ten years who ended up temporarily destroying me (as I have related in another post here not long ago). That relationship ended 8 years ago, and I haven't spoken a word to her since. When her mom passed last year I did leave a condolence message on the memorial website her family set up, but other than that she really is dead to my world.
For me, I used to think it was important to try to remain friends with your ex....like it was an obligation or a duty. But forcing that to work may not make sense in every situation (obviously) and sometimes, it's best to just let things be and if the post-friendship is organic, cool, If not, don't force it.
What I also learned, the hard way, is that just because you leave the relationship feeling that everything is more or less cool, the other person may have an entirely different read on it, hence why my last ex won't talk to me even though, as far as I'm concerned, I have no hard feelings whatsoever. (As you may guess, I was the one to ultimately end things).
It's just weird running into someone you have that much history with and pretend like ya'll aren't in the same room together.
I'm still in touch with one of my exes. She is a great friend and I'm really glad we can be cool. I tend to think that because she and I were just strictly friends for 2 years before we ever dated is the reason we can be just friends now, but I also credit her maturity. We were together, it was cool, shit happened that brought us apart, we moved on, didn't talk for about 8 months, got in touch, enjoyed talking, put the past behind us, and stayed friends. Basically my entire college experience is associated with her, and I got to know her whole family and friends, so I'm glad we're still in each other's lives. My current fiance was not that cool with it to begin with, but after keeping contact with the ex to a minimum for a while, she agreed to hang out with my ex and her husband. My ex actually managed to win her over with sheer kindness and now they are invited to the wedding, which is also great because we have a lot of common friends who'll be there.
I've tried to be friends with my other exes, but it's just not possible with them. I think those relationships were based more on physical attraction than conversational chemistry, so we would have much less to talk about now.
Which one of yall has reunited with an ex after a substantial hiatus?
My story doesn't quite count but fugg it:
My wife and I initially met back around '98. She had contacted me, via email, regarding some stuff I had written b/c she was researching similar stuff. We struck up a really great intellectual correspondence for about two years, during which time we were both seriously involved in other people and nothing ever "happened" b/t her and I (not the least of which was that I lived in the Bay and she was in NYC). Inevitably, the conversation petered off and for two years, we had no correspondence whatsoever. Zip. Zilch.
Then in late 2001, she moved back to the Bay, ironically to move in with her boyfriend who just got a job out in S.F. She sent an email blast to folks out here who she knew, myself included (despite the long hiatus b/t messages) and as it turned out, we both ended up getting out of our long-term relationships around the same time and then, over the course of the next few months, renewed our friendships and then tried to make a go at a "casual, F.W.B." arrangement which didn't work and for a few months, she basically didn't want to speak with me (so in a sense, she was an "ex" though, at the time, we hadn't really IDed one another as "boyfriend/girlfriend"). Gradually, she got over being mad at me, and we started hanging out again and to make a long story short...now we got a kid and are happily married (well, most of the time, 'cept when I leave my socks on the floor).
Serendipity though. No way I would have thought, eight years back, that a single, random email from a stranger would lead to my daughter and married life.
Comments
People you want nothing to do with, somehow find your MySpace page and asks to be your friend. This happened right after Christmas. I was going to update something on the page, went to see who wanted to "be my friend", saw her ugly ass face and I said "oh hell no". I honestly don't know what I saw in her. I consider that a major low point in my life.
one ex i talk to once or twice a year just to see what we're up to; i'll always want to konw what she's doing. she's interesting, and has a good attitude about the ex thing; we both know we we're better as friends than as a couple.
one i invited to my wedding, but probably shouldn't have; too much stress with my wife. (NOTE: not drama- stress. she was worried, which i'll never blame her for.)
the last big one i don't talk to, but its not malicious; i just have nothing to say. i mean NOTHING. she'll email once a year, and i'll think about writing back. then, i'll think that i want some raisins, and i don't write to her, and it is gone.
Yeah man, I mean...it's one thing if they went out in high school and still talk every night. But if there's a child involved...different rules apply!
Yeah, you gotta handle the friendship in a way that it doesn't impact your current relationship and if your ex is a real friend, he/she will understand that certain things, like wedding invitations, might be out. Conversely, your current romantic partner has to understand that your life didn't begin when you met him/her and that there are good reasons why you're no longer with your ex. It all depends on the specifics of the situation and the personalities involved.
DWG project 002. 100 copies, signed by Chr!s' stalker. The first 25 copies will have the cover illustrated by Phill Most.
Fo sure...My wife was not out of line in her concerns. I am still close to this girl, but there were some things that happened on her end early in my relationship that kind of put my wife on the Defensive, and it was a tough first impression for her to get past. And, like i said i cannot blame her.
I'm in the same boat, minus the studio engineer part, about which I am jealous. Life gets in the way of relationships sometimes, and you just have to let it be, painful as that is.
I find it strange when people don't talk to their exes, especially if it lasted over a year. I just can't imagine being that bitter towards someone that close to me, especially for such a long amount of time. Whatever works though.
i understand trust is key (and this is a general response...not specifically to you) but, to act like nothing else is in play here is naive and irresponsible. obviously, you and someone else AT ONE TIME shared something more than friendship. to act like that won't have a factor in you and the exes future friendship is just wrong; likewise, to fail to acknowledge the issues at stake with a current love is foolish.
couple of years, and was surprised at how hard it hit me -
I hadn't been thinking of her that much at all, would
consider myself completely "over" her if asked, but after
a 5 minute conversation on the street and a couple of hugs,
I found myself thinking of her every day for weeks afterwards ...
I had to face the fact that I never fell totally out of love with her.
The fact that she is married now made it not worth getting
too worked up over, though. Sometimes it's better just to
stay apart, I guess.
A certain ex once warned me that if a certain friend were invited to our prospective wedding, "It will cost you a lot more money--we'll have to have it on a f**king boat!"
breakfacing a layer ain't easy; women can end a conversation like no man possibly can.
Haha... my feelings exactly.
Nothing strange about not talking to an ex. I was with my ex-wife for 8 years, we split, haven't spoke once in the nearly 2 years since the split. It ended poorly, I can't imagine what we'd talk about to tell the truth, the weather? It's all about moving on & forgetting about it.
Bury those feelings people, just become a hard heartless shell of a person, with a seething ball of inner rage to keep you warm at night.
NB.(just kidding about the last bit)
I thought 4 years was a long time, because it lasted for the majority of my college years. But when you're talking 10+ years, that's taking it
Good luck. Hope things turn out nice.
My wife has met several of my ex-GFs at social functions back home in Minneapolis, but my first girlfriend from college is the only one I actually wanted her to meet, because she was such a major influence on my life and I think of her as family. We have been apart for over 15 years now and only keep in touch sporadically, but I thank God that my wife is not the jealous/irrational type about situations like that.
Mostly she just loves to give me shit about one ex she met a few years back at one of my old band's endless reunion shows
My wife: "Lord, that girl looked CRAZY. What is up with her fucked-up hair? That's YOUR girlfriend!"
Me:" I swear she used to be cute!"
My wife:"Yeah, sure!"
Please provide the calculations used to arrive at this figure.
f that
I can think of exactly 1 gal I dated who I wouldn't cross the street to spit on if she were on fire (and come to think of it, I think she and I buried the hatchet a while ago-she just really did me dirty, no joke). Other than that, it is sincerely a happy occasion to see most any of the people I have dated seriously or casually since high school.
Is that precise enough for you, Professor Love?
eh i think if you can be good friends with someone you broke up with the relationship wasnt that deep.. mine was intense, plans to get married (well for the visa first as she could move here (she's american) etc.. you cant rush that shit! and i realise that now. oh well
...so you've dated 49 or more other people since high school?
In more ways than one, apparently
For me, I used to think it was important to try to remain friends with your ex....like it was an obligation or a duty. But forcing that to work may not make sense in every situation (obviously) and sometimes, it's best to just let things be and if the post-friendship is organic, cool, If not, don't force it.
What I also learned, the hard way, is that just because you leave the relationship feeling that everything is more or less cool, the other person may have an entirely different read on it, hence why my last ex won't talk to me even though, as far as I'm concerned, I have no hard feelings whatsoever. (As you may guess, I was the one to ultimately end things).
It's just weird running into someone you have that much history with and pretend like ya'll aren't in the same room together.
My current fiance was not that cool with it to begin with, but after keeping contact with the ex to a minimum for a while, she agreed to hang out with my ex and her husband. My ex actually managed to win her over with sheer kindness and now they are invited to the wedding, which is also great because we have a lot of common friends who'll be there.
I've tried to be friends with my other exes, but it's just not possible with them. I think those relationships were based more on physical attraction than conversational chemistry, so we would have much less to talk about now.
How about this one.
Which one of yall has reunited with an ex after a substantial hiatus?
My story doesn't quite count but fugg it:
My wife and I initially met back around '98. She had contacted me, via email, regarding some stuff I had written b/c she was researching similar stuff. We struck up a really great intellectual correspondence for about two years, during which time we were both seriously involved in other people and nothing ever "happened" b/t her and I (not the least of which was that I lived in the Bay and she was in NYC). Inevitably, the conversation petered off and for two years, we had no correspondence whatsoever. Zip. Zilch.
Then in late 2001, she moved back to the Bay, ironically to move in with her boyfriend who just got a job out in S.F. She sent an email blast to folks out here who she knew, myself included (despite the long hiatus b/t messages) and as it turned out, we both ended up getting out of our long-term relationships around the same time and then, over the course of the next few months, renewed our friendships and then tried to make a go at a "casual, F.W.B." arrangement which didn't work and for a few months, she basically didn't want to speak with me (so in a sense, she was an "ex" though, at the time, we hadn't really IDed one another as "boyfriend/girlfriend"). Gradually, she got over being mad at me, and we started hanging out again and to make a long story short...now we got a kid and are happily married (well, most of the time, 'cept when I leave my socks on the floor).
Serendipity though. No way I would have thought, eight years back, that a single, random email from a stranger would lead to my daughter and married life.