Politically Correct NFL 2007 (NRR)

I have come to realize that in this day and age of political correctness almost every NFL Team name is offensive and insults someone. In an attempt to bring our society one more step closer to peace, love and understanding while staying historically accurate I have decided to re-name all the teams so that they accurately represent their city and their team......enjoy.NFC EastNew York Giants - Just as "midget" insults your typical little person, Giant is a derogatory term that big people are tired of dealing with. While the intent was to project the image of a large and powerful team there has to be a better way to convey that aura. After turning down suggestions like the Oafs, Fatsos and Extremely Large Sideshow Freaks I have settled with the fear inspiring New York Plus Size Gentlemen.Philadelphia Eagles - Turning our National bird into a cartoon character has the Audobon society pretty pissed off. After watching the Eagles for the past 10 years the Audobon members themselves have suggested some names like the Pigeons and Parakeets but they just don't represent the hard edged image that Philly would like to portray. So in the interest of naming the team after their hard edged and sometimes bullying play they shall be known as the Philadelphia Frank Rizzos.Dallas Cowboys - As you can imagine the only reason the franchise picked this name was to give them the psychological advantage when they played teams like the Redskins and Chiefs. What we now realize is that most Cowboys were both white and evil. We'll let them keep their stupid star and Cowboy mascot but they shall now be known as the Dallas Genocidal Maniacs.Washington Redskins - The most notorious of all politically incorrect team names, the intent was to strike fear into the hearts of their opponents with visions of tomahawks and scalpings. In 2006 Washington is now home to the most fear inspiring humans on the face of the earth. Their new name is the Washington Special Interest Group Lobbyists.NFC SouthNew Orleans Saints - This one offends both the Catholics and Non-Christians alike. The Pope is pissed that their religious icons are used to promote a sport and the secularists are screaming for separation of Church & Sport. Initially I was leaning towards the New Orleans Non-Denominational Ficticious Heroes but after speaking to some of my Cajun brethren I have settled on the locally popular New Orleans George Bush Doesn't Care About Black Peoples.Atlanta Falcons - There can't be anything offensive about this prideful bird of prey, right?.....WRONG!!! It is a well known fact that the average Georgia Cracker Redneck often refers to the team as the Atlanta Falcoons. So in honor of the local Negro League Team from back in the 40's we will now call this NFL franchise the Atlanta Black Crackers. This way when Ricky Redneck insults the team he won't know WHO the hell he is offending!!Carolina Panthers - Some of the rich white folks in the Carolinas are not very comfortable having their team named after the same animal used by the most well known black militant organization in U.S. history. It's pretty well known that this part of the country has a long history of racism but they are working hard towards changing that reputation. Since the team will NEVER be as popular as their beloved Tarheels, some of the locals suggested using a lesser Tarheel-like name like the Tar Babies. But I've decided that would probably upset some folks and have decided to go with the Carolina Corn Muffins.Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Not many folks know that the word Buccaneer is French for a cattle and pig poacher. Vegans and PETA members worldwide are highly offended by this Tampa Bay mascot. I personally love the fact that this mascot looks exactly like Keith Richards but it's apparent that it has to be changed. I was thinking of simply calling them the Tampa Bay St. Petes but I didn't want to piss off the Pope again.....so I'm going with the much more accurate Tampa Bay Drug Runners.NEXT WEEK - NFC North & NFC West Disclaimer: This was an attempt at humor....if even one of you chuckled it was worth the time....if you are offended take that shit to thosearethebreaks.com.